A/N: I think I'm in Candy Land right now. You guys made my day with all those lovely reviews, alerts and favorites! I couldn't imagine I would receive this much positive support and comments from readers when I started this story.

Very thank you penguinlover250, Kylelara, XxTheMoonRiddlexX, Fiona12690, greekfreak101, .saxon, karebear1017, Ginallen, ahbut, dragon91260, Browniesarethebest, The YoungRebel, seacat03, Miahbug, Brenna13, Blackfairy101, Colonelengle, rayrae118, SkyeFurieX, Merhaba, asdf42, Mephistopheles' apprentice, DianaLynn0724, roseg7412, ShinobiTwin05, princessfrankie, shenmi meiren, DrAgOnLOvEr34 and Camo-girl-book-worm for your LOVE (I mean favoring and following this piece of work)!

vnienhuis: I'll try to make chapters longer but of course, I can't guarantee anything. I'm not sure if I can even reach the end of this, hopefully with the readers' support, I will finish this one. I really appreciate your reviews.

Princess101855: I think it will go somewhere, hopefully nice! Thanks for your time.

penguinlover250: Well, here comes the next chapter! Thank you.

em (Guest): Thanks for reading and your blessing! My test went really well (I wonder if you're some kind of god!), better than I first expected it to be. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you.

Method in Madness: Thanks for pointing out my mistake, I'm very grateful! I was so sleepy when I typed down last chapter so I guess my fingers were running on their free will. Here's the next chapter and if you see anything wrong, I'll be happy to note down.

camitake: I think like that, too! It's kind of unfair when he suffered so much but no-one appreciated that. Thanks for reading.

Guest (whoever you are, I send my deepest thank): Just like Method in Madness up there, I'm glad you told me. Your impatience might do you some harm (probably not, but usually it does) but it did a good job on pushing me. Thanks for your time.

greekfreak101: Thanks for your review.

TheWordThief: Thanks, I hope it'll go to where it's supposed to go – complete status.

Browniesarethebest: I agree with your pen name . Quite many people have asked for Tarsus IV and I'm happy to inform you that it will be written in this story. I'll try to make it as enjoyable as possible. Thanks for your time.

babyblue3752: Don't die yet! Here's the next chapter. Hopefully it's worth your expectation.

seacat03: I was hesitated to put the Arcanian there at first even he just appeared once. He's a funny guy. I wish there was a story like mine out there but since there wasn't, I'll write one myself. Thanks for reading.

dragon91260: My heart nearly dropped when your review hit my eyes. Very thank you for your precious time. Everything about Jim's childhood will be in here, don't worry. I just hope it's as intriguing as all of you have been expecting, since I'm the first one who started this type of story in this category. I love writing and reading hurt/comfort, it's very addictive. With all my effort, I hopefully will come to the end of this work, until then, I just have to try. Thanks for reading and your wonderful review.

Miahbug: You too, have my thanks for recognizing the mistake I made at the end of last chapter. I'm glad you're interested in my work. This is not a crossover, by the way. The Arcanian just appeared once and he won't turn up again. I appreciate your time and review.

Brenna13: If you have time, I'll be very happy to read your fantastic idea for my story. Thanks for reading and here's the next chapter.

Life is like a potato: Thanks for your PM, it must have taken you quite some time to send it. Your name's cool, don't change it if you don't have to. I'd love to know the story behind your pen name (if you're okay with that). About the type of storyline I'm working on here, I know there are plenty of stories like this in other categories, but not in this one. They seem to against the characters reading the books work when it comes to the books with actual authors so I decide to try this on the category where there's no actual book. Everything in the book that the characters are reading belongs to me and the help of Google. And also, there's no slash in my story, just friendship. The friendship between Bones and Jim really impresses me. It's just so… pure and beautiful. I enjoy the "Kirk's heroism" scene, too; it brought tears to my eyes. Sorry I don't have a Tumblr, just Facebook only. Again, I highly appreciate your support, love and time for my work!

SkyeFurieX: The Tarsus IV story will be here, too. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

princessfrankie: Thank you for reading my story! I appreciate your compliment, it's like gold to me! Hopefully you'll enjoy the next chapter.

The readers who read but didn't review have my appreciation, too!

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, even in my wildest and most insane dream!

Chapter 3:

"You're kidding right? Do you need glasses or something? Kirk's innocence was damaged at the age of 4?!" – Sulu angrily asked the doctor; his tone coated in disbelief.

"If you meet his so called family, you'll be surprised that Jim is still able to turn into the man he is today." – Bones growled bitterly under his breath, but everyone heard every grumpy word that came from his scolding lips.

"I couldn't believe in my own eyes when I saw Jim in that bar when you two were recruited. He was a changed kid in the body of a broken man." – Pike eyed Jim's face; awed at how young the kid looked when he was unconscious though the pain was still visible in his youthful features.

"Another reason ter read this book." – Scotty commented. – "Whatever happened to laddie in all those years must have been unspeakable."

"Which is why no-one should speak about it, let alone read about it." – Jim's hoarse voice stunned the room, trying to get up only to find out his head was resting on Bones' lap and being held firmly down by his best friend's arms. The fact that he had somehow broken away from the effect of the sedative was utterly surprising and impossible. But it was Jim Kirk, everything seemed irrelevant. – "Let go of me, Bones. And give me the damn book!"

"Only when you promise you wouldn't eliminate it whenever you see a chance!" – The doctor's voice rose, his Southern accent made his statement somewhat unclear, but Jim found it crystal clear.

"You have no right to…"

"Why don't you let us help you, son? You enjoy being punished by something that you have no control over? Or you just love the isolation because you get hurt every time someone gets close?" – Pike pushed, throwing attacks at the confused young captain with no hesitation. They were going to get to the bottom of it, today.

"It's none of you damn business, Pike! And I am not…" – Jim kicked the sofa back violently and desperately. – "your…" – Jim slapped the book away from his stomach making Bones reach out to catch it. He immediately took the chance and shot up, grasping for the cursed thing that was about to ruin everything he'd been building from the very beginning. – "SON!"

Everyone stood up; things were spinning around in a blink of eye. Chaos ended right when Pike somehow managed to pin Jim down onto the sofa and looked at him in the eye. It was obvious that Jim didn't intend to fight back due to Pike's health and age. His panting was ignored while the commanding crew, Bones and Scotty fixed themselves up

"Give us a chance. Give yourself a chance. Make a change."

"Things have changed enough! It's my head; I get to decide old man!" – Blind by his own fury, Jim shoved the Admiral away. His blue eyes were sparkling with lightning. He stood in the middle of the office, stamping his feet on the carpet like a child throwing a tantrum while sympathy was glued on everyone's face.

"Kid, deep breaths and look at me." – Bones suddenly stood in front of him, putting his hands on Jim's shoulders firmly. – "You chose me to be your CMO, correct? Have you changed your mind?"

"If not you, who else? But Bones, I don't like this. I have my reasons, why don't you respect that? Why can't you? It's not that hard to understand."

The old doctor rubbed his face in frustration and looked at his best friend.

"Jim, I've spent the past three years watching you silently suffer some… some invisible demons, some non-existed… skeletons in your closet."

"Then don't watch, walk away, close your eyes!" – Jim shook the other man, growling. This was exactly what he tried to prevent from happening from the very day he had a clear view of the Kelvin tragedy.

Bones' eyes right away darkened at the demand, the request that he could never grant after sharing a room with this kid-in-the-devil's-cover for 3 years.

"Let's make this simple. Imagine I'm you and you're me. How will you feel and what will you do?"

"You're absurd, Bones…"

"Says the one who's being unfair." – Dr. McCoy cut Jim off, not wanting to listen to whatever Jim said.

"Jim, why do you have to be so miserable?" – Uhura joined the party, her eyes analyzing the scene. Some kind of respect was formed after the preface of the book and she couldn't stand the fact she had missed something as big and serious as this. – "You expect us to leave this alone? You think you're able to run a ship with whatever it is you're hiding?"

"SHUT UP! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN and I have no problems with it AT ALL!" – Jim cracked, feeling trapped and cornered. – "I've succeeded in saving the fucking planet WITH PEOPLE'S INTENSE OBJECTIONS!"

"But you don't have to." – Pike said softly, tears threatened to fall.

"You're being illogical, Kir... Captain." – Spock jumped in, supporting Bones and Pike.

"Logic my ass. I don't give it a damn!" – Jim spat.

"Then WHAT AM I?" – Bones forced the younger man to meet his eyes.

"You're a FUCKING demon! I've been building walls, shields, barriers, obstacles every since I have full knowledge of my identity and my family background. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG DOES IT FUCKING TAKE?"

Bones opened his mouth pathetically but no words escaped his throat. A giant lump formed in his throat and his eyes were salty with unshed tears. He couldn't believe that Jim saw him as a demon, but it surprisingly wasn't what Jim meant. Pike already had tears on his cheeks while Uhura curled herself into a ball in Spock's embrace. Chekov looked at Sulu, his face was torn by the attempt of preventing tears from shedding.

"IT TAKES TWO FUCKING DECADES! AND HOW LONG DID IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BREAK THEM DOWN?" – Jim roared like a caged animal, his face was red but there were no tears. He hadn't been able to cry since a very long time, since he experienced homicide, famine and tons of other crap.

Bones' eyes widened right after the question. Breaking them down. Had he stood a chance? Had he ever succeeded in climbing through what Jim had always locked himself in?

"Jim, if you expect me to be sorry for caring…"

"A FUCKING WEEK, you CRUEL MAN!"

Pike, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov and Bones' jaws dropped in pure shock. Then they realized, the day Leonard "Bones" McCoy decided to be the kid's friend was the day he managed to break through the surface. The doctor was quite convinced when he saw the "jerk" side, but he didn't stop looking. He dug deeper, and he got a kid with unbreakable spirit, a golden heart and immortal obstinacy. The doctor wasn't going to stop anytime soon. After the outburst, Jim was shaking violently; he felt like his legs were made of jelly. But no tears were visible in the impossible blue orbs.

"I'll continue to do so. Like I said three years ago, you god damn moron, I'm not going to give up on you. Not back then. Not now. Not ever. So YOU listen to ME, James Tiberius Kirk, as your CMO, and your FRIEND, I'm not going to do what you want me to do, but what you need me to do."

"Are you FUCKING DEAF? I. DON'T. FUCKING. NEED. YOU. IN. MY. HEAD!"

"Son, I'm not sure if you have ever known what you really need." – Pike let out the final blow.

Jim's mouth opened and then closed. He wanted to deny the statement, he wanted to say that he had always been damn sure he knew what he needed, but he. just. fucking. couldn't. Glaring at every single individual in the room, he whispered:

"Fine."

"Fine what?" – Bones was still pissed, but he sensed a defeat.

"We can read." – Jim spitted out the words like they were acid. Bones got back to the sofa and patted the seat next to him patiently and sincerely.

"But." – Everyone tilted their heads, except Spock, ready to listen to whatever conditions.

"What happens in this room…"

"Stays in this room, you have our words." – Pike finished, his voice was soft but strong.

"I'll continue." – Bones started, looking at Jim carefully. He received a curt nod from his friend along with a murderous glare to the leather black book.

Year 2237, age 4: I have the first and most important lesson of my life. Never rely on anyone.

"That will be damn sure changed." – Sulu stated firmly, looking at Kirk but the captain could detect the hint of fear behind the words. He just shrugged and threw Bones a look.

"I broke that rule three years ago."

"I'm glad you did. If there are more rules like this that you're still following, I can't wait to crush them." – Bones said with his monotone tone, but the friendly and grumpy worry was announced. – "I've been staying with this smart but rebellious kid who teaches me how to break rules."

Jim huffed, but his face relaxed. Uhura looked at the duo with a raised eyebrow. She wondered if there was any closer friendship than this one.

My name was James Tiberius Kirk. Four years ago, in 2233, I killed my dad.

"Son…"

"It's not my fault. I'm not deaf." – Jim said dryly.

"It is clear that you haven't understood and accepted that fact yet, captain. I strongly agree with Admiral Pike of his reassurance in order to remind you…"

"Can I/he continue?" – Bones and Jim cut Spock off with annoyance.

If you don't believe me, read the history book, ask the internet, or just ask everyone on Earth. I guess you've already known otherwise it's neither you've been hiding under a rock or you're deaf, blind and paralyzed.

" We're not deaf, blind nor paralyzed." – Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, Pike, Bones and Scotty said.

"With due respect captain, I must reassure you that I am completely healthy and…"

"You are all insane, because you're talking to a book."

I lived in the town of Riverside, Iowa, United States. My brother, who was named after the victim of my first homicide…

"How about we ignore this thought of mine every time it popped up? Because if we don't, it will take forever to finish this damn thing."

"We're not over it." – Bones said, but decided not to comment about this matter during the book.

"If I may, what did you mean when you said your first homicide, captain?" – Spoke questioned but everyone let it slide.

George Samuel Kirk the Junior, who went by Sam; Winona Kirk, who I couldn't bring myself to address as my mom, or mommy, or even mother after a few attempts of trying and another person who I would spent a whole chapter to talk about later on; they played big parts of my childhood-but-not-so-very-childhood-like.

The group couldn't decide to laugh or to be upset at this one. The description deserved a laugh but it was also another proof about Jim's disastrous childhood. But then, they were again stunned by a sound coming from Jim. A laugh. It wasn't really cheerful, but it sounded real. There was sadness in it.

"Oh… gosh… I actually want to read the chapter about that person."

"May we know who are you talking about?" – Uhura asked hesitantly, not feeling like receiving another outburst.

"You'll see, Lieutenant. You'll get to see how colorful my language could be when it comes to that particular character."

Spock was confused about Jim's words about his mother. His mother was very caring and loving towards him. He hated himself for not saving her in time and not having a proper chance to repay what she had done to him even he knew that he could never accomplish such deed.

I was a normal kid at the time. I stopped when Winona made it clear that I was no-one's child. It was her birthday. Sam had spent whole week wrecking his brain out in order to find a perfect present. I tried to help but he got nervous every time I let out a suggestion.

"Jimmy, I think mom will be okay if you don't have a gift for her."

At that time, I was confused why Sam seemed anxious when I wanted to be close to my mother. Although it was stupid and futile, I didn't regret trying.

"If I have a son like you, I'll value every second I get to spend with you." – Bones smiled gently at Jim, who avoided looking at anyone specifically. The kid replied by a snort, earning some raised eyebrows.

"After all those hours suffering me, you actually expect me to believe that?" – The newly captain closed his eyes, not daring to see the emotions in his friends and Pike's eyes.

"It's simply because you give us no other choice, Jim! You just give us the crap of I'm fucking invincible so stay away from me every time someone tries to get close." – Dr. McCoy hissed impatiently, how thick that skull was!

"Then stop trying, it'll do both sides some good." – Jim smirked weakly, but the arrogance was nowhere to be seen.

"Dr. McCoy, if you please continue with the story. We are to finish this conversation after the chapter." – Spoke and his neutral voice ended the discussion, but everyone knew that it wasn't the last time the doctor would be interrupted during the chapter.

"Sammy, I want mom happy! I wish her a happy birthday, she needs to know that!"

Pike shook his head sadly while his lips formed a warm beam at the childish sweet intention.

The answer I had always got and would always get was: "It's not a big deal, Jimmy." Soon, I found out that I wasn't a big deal either but unfortunately; I still didn't realize that soon enough.

Bones opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. They needed to get the reading done; therefore, they could get down to the problem, as the hobgoblin had pointed out.

"She will like a picture. I'll make her one!"

"Jimmy, it's draw a picture, not make a picture. But I don't think it's a good idea."

Jim had an ugly smile on his face while his two front teeth bit his lips bitterly.

"Wat heppened?" – wondered Chekov out loud and the Russian wunderkind received a gesture towards the book from Jim.

It was fun, drawing and coloring that little picture – I had to admit. In my little mind, I imagined Winona's face would fill with happiness and love when I showed her my piece of "art". But had fate been written from the very beginning, everything always went against what I'd wished for.

The moment I waited for arrived at a sudden. Sam was extremely focused on his task: caressing the flowers he had carefully picked for weeks that he didn't acknowledge the sounds of Winona's footsteps. Like a loyal little puppy, I bounced excitedly behind her to welcome her home. She just nodded, but didn't spare me a glance while walking straight into the kitchen to give herself a glass of water.

"I find myself very confused of your mother's interactions towards you, Captain…" – Spock frowned a little and looked even more confused when Uhura shook her head.

"First Mr. Spock, it's Jim or Kirk. Second, all of your questions will be answered."

"Mom, this is for you!" – Sam said loudly but affectionately, handing the bunch of flowers to Winona with both hands.

"Oh George, that's very considerate of you! Why don't you put them all in a vase and I'll put it on the table in my room?" – Winona replied, some amount of gratitude was detected in her empty words.

Before Winona made her way back to her personal cage, I blocked her way and waved the picture in front of her face and chirped:

"Mommy, I have something for you, too!"

She eyed the picture and froze like I just stunned her with a phraser. At that time, I thought she just simply disliked my drawings after her reaction. My smile slowly slipped away as she bit her lips in disgust and tore the paper into pieces like it had insulted her greatly.

The room was consumed by haunting silence.

"What kind of wee mother is that?" – Scotty finally broke the tension with wide eyes and a disapproving scowl.

"I can see why you stopped addressing her as mother." – Uhura said sympathetically and sourly. – "She had literally disowned you."

"Mom?" – I whispered confusedly at the torn picture.

"Go to your room."

"Come on, Jimmy, I'll play with you." – Sam was suddenly behind me and guiding me to my room awkwardly.

The question "why" was like firework blooming inside my brain. Part of me somewhat was terrified of the answers I would get but being the stubborn little shit that people called me…

Bones grinned apologetically at the line. It was one of many names the doctor had called Jim but surprisingly, Jim grinned, too. Indeed it was, Jim Kirk was full of surprises.

"It's the truth. I'm proud of being a stubborn little shit to be honest." – Pike chuckled lightly at the confession and the others were visible relaxed. Jim really knew how to lighten the mood if he wanted to.

…I refused to back down. Winona didn't just tear my picture, she tore apart of me, too. It hurt, terribly and deeply.

"Chekov, if this sounds terrible to you, I'm afraid that the next parts are going to be much much more horrible, especially my teenage. Don't hesitate to stop if you feel like it, even just a little bit okay? You're going to have nightmares, for sure. The same warning applies to the rest of you." – Jim didn't need to be observant to recognize that Chekov was shaking at the incident happened in the book.

"I em zust angree keptain." – Chekov blushed a little at Jim's concern.

But I must thank the things and people that had unintentionally and intentionally alike caused me pain, agony, despair, stuff like that because it had helped build my remarkable pain tolerance, which became extremely handy in the future.

Pike knew exactly what Jim was referring to and he rubbed his face in depression.

Back to me being a stubborn little shit.

This time everyone chuckled.

It leaded me to my epic hacking career.

Jim grinned at the mention of one of his many talents. Pike and Bones smiled in amuse while Spock found the fact fascinating and disturbing at the same time. At the age of 4, Jim had already learned to break rules. No wonder he didn't have any troubles doing reprogramming the Kobayashi Maru.

"You know how to hack when you were 4?" – Sulu was completely awe, grinning at Jim.

"What can I say, I'm a genius." – Once again, Jim successfully put on his famous arrogant smirk, but this time no-one was fooled by it.

And of course, it came with a price but luckily affordable.

Bones wasn't so pleased at the sound of it. It came with a price.

The story of it was disturbing to the others, but quite an experience for me. It went like this.

Suddenly, they were interrupted by the knocking sound from the door. Pike politely said:

"Please come in."

The door opened, revealed the older version of Spock.

"Oh, I'm truly sorry if I had come to interrupt…"

"No, you're actually not. Guys, excuse me, I forgot that I have a meeting with Mr. Spock over there." – Jim's face lit up like a birthday child, a normal one. – "Why don't all of you take a rest, sort things out and I'll be right back?"

No-one protested because they really needed time to digest the information they just took in. Jesus knew what else was going to hit them.

A/N: I'm absolutely, completely, totally, utterly… worn out! I hope it somewhat fits your expectations. As usual, reviews will earn you better chapters, so please spend a little time after reading! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Half of next chapter will be the conversation between Jim and Spock Prime. If you want someone to eavesdrop the conversation, let me know!