It was dark by the time they returned to Camelot, the clouds were scudding across the bright moon causing shadows to play over the walls of the city like giant chess pieces being manipulated by the gods. There were a few late workers and the night watch on the streets but otherwise the city was quiet. They rode through the lower town in silence, passing the tavern where merriment sprawled out onto the street. The windows were alive with candlelight and the sound of raucous laughter emanated from the door where Gwaine was probably cavorting with his latest red haired maiden while the rest of the knights egged him on. Merlin noted that Arthur still had not uttered a word since they left the forest and was starting to wonder if the King really had accepted his explanation of the incident earlier in the day. But, he reasoned, if Arthur had not accepted his totally obvious explanation, surely he would no longer have his head attached to his shoulders? After all, the laws stated the King could (and indeed should) have executed any known sorcerer on sight. Merlin had considered this all the way home, almost expecting Arthur to suddenly turn on him at any moment, but the King had remained stubbornly silent and withdrawn.
They entered the courtyard of the castle and the shoes of the horses clattered over the cobbles as they drew to a halt. Arthur jumped from his horse and Merlin dismounted far less gracefully, his legs almost collapsing under him as his muscles screamed in protest after a day in the saddle. He turned wearily to take the horses to the stables thinking longingly about a warm meal and the comfort of his bed.
"Leave them to the stable hands". The King straightened his shoulders as he made the decision he had been thinking about for the last 2 hours and turned around to look directly at his errant servant "Come here Merlin."
The command in his tone was impossible to ignore and the warlock felt his stomach fall as he handed the horses over to Greg and slowly turned around. He looked at Arthur but the King's face was hidden in the shadows of the night and his expression unreadable. As Merlin reluctantly dragged his feet across the cobbles, a rising feeling of uncertainty started gnawing at him. What would he do if this turned out to be the moment he had lived in dread of for years? Calculating the distance and deliberately stopping just out of reach of his master, Merlin fixed his gaze on his feet and tried to imitate the perfect servant while inwardly cringing and wishing the ground would swallow him whole. Arthur resisted the urge to roll his eyes and sighed inwardly. In any normal situation where he wanted to discipline his servant, he would simply have clipped Merlin around the head and loaded him with extra chores for the next few days. However, this was far from a normal situation and had this been anyone other than Merlin, the guards would already have been escorting him to the cells under sentence of execution.
He took a step forward, grabbing Merlin's arm and twisting it hard behind his back, causing the warlock to draw in a sharp pained breath. Merlin's shoulders slumped in resignation and he hung his head to hide the flicker of fear in his eyes but said nothing.
Arthur's grasp on his manservant tightened making Merlin wince as his skin bruised under the grip. He lent forward and in a low voice hissed "Move" in Merlin's ear and proceeded to haul the younger man towards the entrance to the castle.
As they mounted the steps into the main castle, Merlin expected to be taken directly to the dark passage way leading down to the dungeons and was surprised that Arthur instead turned left towards the main council rooms and private royal wing. The King was staring stonily ahead, his face betraying none of his inner turmoil and Merlin was too busy concentrating on not falling over his own feet to pay much attention to where exactly they were heading. It was late and they did not encounter anyone else in the dark corridors until they stopped outside the throne room. Pausing at the entrance to the room Arthur addressed the guard "Close the door, no one is to enter". He dragged Merlin into the room and the thick wooden door clanged shut behind them with an ominous thud.
The room was dark with a few flaming torches placed in brackets causing shadows to leap and fall on the stone walls as if in memory of the dances and parties that had been held so many times in this hall. Arthur thought back to the countless times they had been together in this room, his servant always a constant shadow, ready with an inappropriate comment or wry insult. Clumsy, goofy, loveable Merlin who would not hurt a fly and who turned out to be a tratior of the worst sort. Arthur vowed then that he would never again fully trust anyone in his life.
He had always been told that magic was evil, corrupted and needed to be routed out and destroyed. But now that he had seen Merlin using magic, his viewpoint had been turned upside down. He knew deep down that Merlin was not evil; maybe too trusting, too loyal and too devoted for his own good but certainly not evil. His mind whirled, the one person that he thought he knew better than anyone else had totally deceived him and he felt completely isolated and corrupted by the betrayal.
He pushed Merlin further towards the centre of the room and suddenly released his grip, causing the warlock to stumble forward before regaining his footing. He rubbed his shoulder to try and regain some feeling in his arm before turning around to glare at Arthur. "what the hell is..." he began.
"SILENCE" roared Arthur, his face white with anger "I did not give you permission to speak". Merlin gaped at him and opened his mouth to deliver a sharp retort before he registered the look in the king's eyes and immediately shut it again. In those few seconds, as he considered his surroundings, Merlin understood that they were no longer alone in the forest, just 2 friends, Arthur and Merlin out hunting together. Merlin had seen Arthur change persona often enough to be able to detect the subtle differences between his many public and private faces: Arthur the Prince, Arthur the friend, Arthur the Leader of the Knights, Arthur the courtier and so many more that he knew them all like his own shadow. He also knew that he was now in the presence of Arthur the King and thus the rules of the game had been changed considerably; he was now in a serious situation where his usual cheeky approach and attitude would not help. He watched, silently, and waited for the King to make the next move.
Suddenly, the sound of cold steel rang through the air as the King drew his sword and slowly advanced towards the warlock who hastily took a few steps backwards trying very hard to keep his balance and not fall over his own feet.
"On your knees" the king ordered. Merlin blinked in surprise and shock, he never acted submissively towards Arthur and the king had never demanded it before. There had been an unwritten rule between them since the very first day they met that Merlin did not conform to the expected level of respect for the king in private and even in public would go out of his way to avoid any display of subservience to Arthur. And in turn, while Arthur may complain about his servant's lack of manners and regard for his royal status, he never truly expected Merlin to act as the other servants did. However, the tone of voice that Arthur used allowed no room for argument and Merlin knew from past experience that Arthur now expected nothing but his complete and immediate obedience. Silently vowing to make life as difficult as possible for Arthur over the next week and trying to ignore the growing sense of dread in his stomach and the fact that his legs were shaking, Merlin fixed his gaze on Arthur's face, swallowed his pride and dropped to his knees, still stubbornly refusing to bow his head.
The king moved closer and the moonlight illuminating the room reflected from the sword as he swung it up. Merlin knew that Arthur's sword was razor sharp, after all, he thought sadly, he'd spent enough hours polishing it. However this was the first time he had felt the blade placed against his own skin in anger and he swallowed down the shiver that ran through him as Arthur steadied the point against his throat. Merlin recognised the irony of his position; he was a sorcerer, in the throne room of Camelot, on his knees before his master, awaiting the judgement of his King. The fact that it was Arthur, not Uther holding the sword against his skin made no difference. For the first time in his life, Merlin was truly afraid of Arthur.
"How long have you served me Merlin?" the question was soft and unexpected but the King's eyes were hard as flint when he looked down at the man he had thought was his friend.
"Six years Sire" Merlin whispered. Arthur noted that Merlin's use of his title contained none of the normal irony or sarcasm with which Merlin usually addressed him, proving beyond any doubt that his manservant was scared of the situation he found himself in. And so he should be thought Arthur grimly, as he turned and walked a few paces towards the window still struggling to comprehend how everything in his life that he knew about his servant could have changed in such a short time.
"And how long have you been lying to me Merlin?" Arthur placed his sword on the table and turned around to look at the man who had betrayed him so badly.
"I don't understand" Merlin stammered as he tried to think of anything to say that would make this situation any better. Seeing the shadow of deceit flitting across Merlin's face and hearing the blatant lie that seemed to come so easily to his lips, Arthur's tenuous hold on his temper finally broke. He swiftly retraced his few steps back across the room to the still kneeling warlock and struck him hard across the face, sending Merlin sprawling sideways on the floor with a cry of pain.
"Don't lie to me" he spat "I know magic when I see it used directly in front of me. That was a powerful spell that takes years of study to perform correctly. So how long have you been practicing magic? How long have you been laughing behind my back? How long have you been pretending to be loyal to me? HOW LONG MERLIN?"
Merlin struggled to sit up, his head was ringing as he tentatively raised a hand to his face and winced as he touched his cheek. There was a small trace of blood on his fingers where Arthur's signet ring had cut his cheek. Of all the possible scenarios that Merlin had imagined when his secret was revealed to Arthur, he had never thought that the King would actually resort to physical violence. Much as he could be a fearsome opponent in battle, Arthur was quickly learning the need for diplomacy and their relationship had long ago passed the stage when Arthur used his fists on his manservant. Merlin was shaking with fear as he looked up at the King.
"It wasn't like that I swear. Please, Arthur...". The king grabbed the front of Merlin's shirt and hauled him back to his knees, ice blue eyes boring into the young warlock.
"Don't you dare! You lost the right to use my name when you betrayed me. It's Sire or My Lord to you, only my friends get to use my name ". Merlin flinched anticipating another blow but Arthur simply threw him to the floor and glared at him.
"But I am your friend. Please, sire, you must believe me"
At this, Arthur let out a humourless bark of a laugh
"And just what makes you think I should believe a single word that you say when you've been lying to me from the moment we first met?"
"I didn't want to"
"Didn't want to what? Lie to me? Pretend to be an idiot? Use magic? Make me out to be a fool?" The anger and sarcasm in his voice made Arthur sound so similar to his father that Merlin cringed. "You know the laws of Camelot as well as anyone. Magic is a deliberate act of pure evil which must be eradicated for the good of all."
Merlin had always hoped that once Arthur understood what he had done for him and how much he owed his continued existence to the natural magic that flowed through Merlin's veins that he might eventually come to accept magic. But hearing the same ignorant foolhardy beliefs of Uther being repeated by his son made Merlin realise that his dreams of seeing magic returned to the land were now even further away than ever. His emotions flared as he thought of every time he had been responsible for saving the prat and something inside him snapped.
"Magic isn't evil, the only evil is in the people who wield it."
Merlin understood what the laws required the King to do. He understood that Arthur could never allow his personal feelings and thoughts to impede his judgement and that Arthur would ensure the law was upheld. He knew that he would be sentenced to death and burnt at the stake tomorrow but he was not going to take that without at least stating his case, he was not going to be a doormat for the royal prat a moment longer.
"I know that you have had bad experiences of magic and have been injured by its' use but you have also been injured by steel and by arrows and you don't consider those to be evil in themselves. It's only the human wielder of such objects that gives it an evil purpose. Magic is the same. It can be used for evil purposes if the sorcerer has evil intentions, or for good, to protect and help people. I've used it for good ever since I was old enough to control my power. I helped my mother grow food with magic, I fixed the roof on her house with magic, I used magic to heat water for washing. Since I came to Camelot, I have only ever used my magic to protect you and the city. I wanted to tell you so many times. I very nearly did on several occasions but I was afraid of your reaction and the situation it would place you in. I never wanted to make your position any more difficult."
He looked up at Arthur hoping to see some sort of glimmer of understanding, but the King's face was hard and his eyes still burned with anger and hurt. Merlin's sub conscious screamed at him, 'I told you this wouldn't work!' and the small dark side of his magic started prodding at his mind, 'Give him a demonstration, show him just how powerful you really are. He'd be quaking in his boots in minutes.' Merlin shook his head to clear those thoughts. Much as he would like to show Arthur that he was so much more than just the incompetent, clumsy fool, he would never give in to that dark voice in his head that begged to be let out and allowed to play with the mortal world. That was a dangerous and destructive path he was determined never to venture down as it would prove that Uther was right all along.
"I'm a creature of magic, I break the law simply by existing. Is that a crime?". Arthur looked momentarily confused, a flicker of doubt crossing his face as his knowledge of Merlin and his unwavering loyalty was totally at odds with everything he had ever been told and taught by his father and all his advisors.
A spark of defiance started to burn in Merlin as he thought about all those numerous times he had been ignored, ridiculed and dismissed as useless when every time it had been his magic that had preserved the lives of so many that he loved and cared for. He was fed up with being the laughing stock, the one that everyone poked fun at and for once in his life was not going to take it anymore. He was finally going to tell Arthur exactly who he was. As the King had seen his use of magic, he no longer had anything left to lose by, for once, being totally honest. He stood up, suddenly the image of the clumsy servant vanished and he seemed to gain an unearthly grace as he looked directly at Arthur with a slightly challenging glint in his eyes.
"I was born with magic Sire, but I was not born evil. I have been told that I am the most powerful warlock ever to exist and I promise you that if I wished to cause you or your kingdom any harm, you would no longer be alive and standing in this room."
The words were said quietly and respectfully but Arthur was momentarily rendered speechless as he considered the implications of what Merlin had just said.
"So even if I follow the laws of the land and sentence you to die as a traitorous sorcerer, you are saying that you have the ability to escape and do exactly as you wish?"
Merlin considered the number of times he had evaded Camelot's best guards without the use of his magic and a slightly smug grin passed over his face as he looked at Arthur. "I could" he challenged defiantly.
Arthur looked at the man who was almost taunting him with his blatant disregard for the laws and his expression darkened further as his fury boiled over.
"Maybe if you won't cooperate I'll have to look further afield. I'm sure that Gaius knew of your illegal activities. Perhaps sentencing our court physician for treason and illegal knowledge of magic will help you reconsider."
It was a low blow and Arthur knew it, but he was hurting badly and he wanted Merlin to feel that pain. As he started to walk towards the door to summon the guard there was a muffled cross between a gasp and a sob behind him. He turned to see Merlin go white as a sheet.
"No! please Sire, don't punish Gaius for my mistakes. He knew nothing about it, I swear. Please, I'll accept whatever you decide."
All trace of defiance had vanished and the supposedly powerful warlock looked fragile as he dropped to his knees again, begging Arthur to spare the life of the man who was the only father figure he had ever known.
"please Arth...Sire, punish me how you will, I won't resist, I promise. But I'm begging you, leave Gaius out of this"
Merlin's gaze was pleading as his eyes filled with tears. The silence in the great room was deafening.
"Very well. Gaius has served my family faithfully for many years. I know that he is a good and loyal man and for that I will overlook this indiscretion." Relief flooded Merlin's face at this, swiftly to be replaced by apprehension as Arthur now turned his cold gaze fully on his manservant. Merlin shrank back at the hurt and anger still evident in Arthur's face. He understood that the revelation of his magic was betrayal enough and sufficient for him to face the executioner immediately, but the main pain and anger that Arthur was feeling was caused by the lack of trust. Over the years Arthur had trusted Merlin with his innermost thoughts and often sought his advice, even if he did ridicule the suggestion of such a thing. To now discover the lies that Merlin had been forced to build simply to keep his head attached to his shoulders was a crushing revelation to the young King who had previously seen so many people he trusted betray him.
"Sire, I have always been loyal to you. Everything I've done has been to help and protect you. Please, give me a chance to prove that now". Arthur noticed a tear drop down Merlin's face which his servant made no attempt to wipe away as his eyes pleaded with Arthur to believe him.
Arthur's mind was filled with conflicting emotions. Thinking back over the years he remembered so many occasions where suddenly the tide of battle had unexpectedly turned in his favour, where he and the knights had faced impossible odds and yet emerged unscathed, and every time Merlin had been there by his side. Was it really possible that the incompetent fool he had ridiculed as a coward so often had actually been his saviour? In that case, Arthur asked himself, how many victories, if any, were his own and how many did he owe to his servant? The worst part was that the more he thought about it, the more sense it made to him. He could think of dozens of situations where it was possible that Merlin had saved him - who defeated the Griffin? And the dragon? And the Questing Beast?
All his life Arthur had been told that magic was evil, corrupted and dangerous. And now, his servant, his (Arthur forced himself to admit it) best friend was associated with magic and he could not find it in himself to believe that Merlin was evil.
And yet, as King of Camelot, he could never allow himself to be ruled by his own personal feelings. His Father had taught him well and he knew that he had to uphold the rules of Camelot and put all his own thoughts and considerations aside for the good of his kingdom.
Magic was evil and must be removed for the good of all.
"No," he said flatly. "For years you broke the law and deceived your king. I cannot let that pass unpunished"
Merlin bowed his head in acknowledgement of this condemnation and tears trickled down his face. He had always hoped that when the time came for Arthur to know the truth, he would be understanding and merciful but this revelation had crushed the King's faith in him and Merlin was afraid things had gone too far now. Despite his earlier boastful words and knowledge that any escape from Camelot would be easy for him, he knew that he would accept without resistance whatever fate his king decided.
"I trusted you, I told you everything, I thought you were my friend". Arthurs voice broke on the last word and he turned his gaze away for a moment before continuing "In view of what we once shared, I will be merciful and allow you one chance".
At these words, Merlin entertained a small ray of hope that Arthur might be reconsidering his position but this was dashed by the King's next words as Arthur hardened his resolve and stated emotionlessly "I give you until sunrise tomorrow to collect your belongings and get out of Camelot." Merlin gave a small hiccupy gasp at this and Arthur moved closer, grasping the front of the warlock's shirt and fixing him with a penetrating gaze
"If you ever return, your life is forfeit and I will execute you myself."
Arthur turned on his heel and stalked out of the room hardening his heart and ignoring the sobs from the dark haired young man that he left in the throne room. It was only when Arthur reached his chambers and locked the door that he allowed the mask of the king to drop from his face and his own tears began to fall.