Hello! Again, I'm so sorry for my lack of updating! And about Dear Fanfiction Writers...well, that's coming next. I'll tell you all about where that's going there ;). Don't worry, it's staying! And about this...do you guys actually like this? I feel like it's kind of a waste of time because it isn't real writing or whatever, and I have like six stories going at the same time. Just...tell me? Thanks!

-Marseillaise

The handkerchief said, "U.F.". Marius, being the bright mind he was, immediately thought, "her name MUST be Urlsule!"

It wasn't. But that's really beyond the point. I mean, Marius, come on. It could have been Ulanda, or Uglyhead, or Ulyssa, or Ursa, or Umar, or any number of the large number of names that begin with "U" that I found on the Internet. But noooooo, for Marius it just had to be Ursule.

Anyways, Marius daydreamed about Ursule so much that he almost forgot to kiss Napoleon goodnight before going to bed, but he thought, "I can legally drink alcohol in twenty-first century America now, I should really grow out of that habit."

He failed, but we all have our flaws.

After this, Marius decided that stalking just wouldn't be good enough. He needed to know where the pretty young girl lived. So, he called upon his maniacal and slightly insane friend, Éponine!

"Éponine," said Marius calmly, "can you tell me where Ursule lives?"

Éponine smiled and launched into song. "UNDA DA SEA! UNDA DA SEA! DARLIN IT'S BETTER DOWN WHERE IT'S WETTER, TAKE IT FROM ME!" This caused several earthworms to die because Éponine did not in fact have the voice of an angel, unless the angel had laryngitis.

Marius writhed in pain. Hands over his ears, he shouted, "NO, ÉPONINE! NO! I MEAN IN PARIS!"

Éponine smiled. "What will ya give me?"

Marius knew just the thing. After all, what poor depraved girl with a terrible voice, hardly any teeth, and no love life at all wouldn't want money from a handsome young man above her on the social ladder?!

He reached into his pocket. "Éponine," he said slowly, "you do not eat this. You do not chuck this at people. You give it to people and they will give you something back." Then, he handed her a 5-franc piece.

She looked at it. "Monsieur," she croaked, "I used to have these, 'cept they was shinier. Your money sucks."

Marius looked at her and burst into tears. Very dramatically. Éponine threw the money to the ground. "I know yer girl, I'll find 'er, don' worry M'sieur!"

Marius decided not to question the little mad girl from District 4 gamine.

Whistling to the tune of "Merrily We Roll Along", Marius skipped down the path, almost decapitating a frog.

XXX

Suddenly, oh so suddenly, he ran out of money and couldn't stay anywhere.

"Courfeyrac," he declared, "I have come to sleep with you."

Courfeyrac looked at the young man wearing a shabby black suit that had shown up. He knew of Marius' infatuation with Napoleon, and he was on good terms with him, but this…was something else entirely.

"…What?"

"I HAVE COME TO SLEEP WITH YOU." And, putting on his best Eddie Redmayne creeper face, Marius shined a lantern under his face.

Courfeyrac blinked. "But…you have a girlfriend."

Marius looked appalled. "You…mean…you mean that's what you thought I was suggesting?"

Courfeyrac nodded.

Marius looked horrified. "I'm straight! Honestly, Courfeyrac. And I have a girlfriend, so it should have been obvious."

Courfeyrac rolled his eyes. "It was, dumbhead. You're the one confusing everyone by bursting into my flat at one in the morning saying you've come to sleep with me."

Marius bumbled and muttered a few indistinct words before hurrying out the door. Courfeyrac shrugged, calling after him, "if you want, I have got a couch!"

Marius turned back slowly. "Really?"

Courfeyrac nodded.

Marius' eyes shone with unadulterated happiness and he tackle-hugged Courfeyrac. "COURFEYRAC! YOU'RE AMAZING! FOUR FOR YOU, COURFEYRAC, YOU GO COURFEYRAC!"

Courfeyrac nodded as if Marius was perhaps a bit insane. "Right. Now, let's just get you in bed, shall we? And my friend Joly can take a look at you tomorrow."

Marius nodded.

Courfeyrac guided the confused man into his flat, and onto the couch. As soon as he left for his own room, Marius got out the giant Napoleon poster he had brought and pinned it up above his bed.

"NAPOLEON? REALLY, PONTMERCY?" Marius was woken to a shrill scream. He opened his eyes to see an angry Enjolras, who was about half a foot high, glaring at him.

Marius fainted.

XXX

Éponine knew, of course, where Ursule, or Cosette's house was. She hummed to the tune of "Frère Jacques" and wandered around. After some more wandering, she went and robbed some people. This concludes the chapter thank you bye.

Please review! It makes me so happy, and I need the inspiration to continue these! Thanks so much! :)