Flashbacks and Cartman's Mom Smokes Crack!

By Shadowgate

…

Kenny Stan and Kyle were hanging out at Starks Pond. Stan suggested they move back into town because it was getting late.

All three walk into town and they're met by Cartman.

Cartman said "hey bitches what are you up to?"

Kyle explained that they'd been avoiding Cartman all day because that's what they felt like doing.

Cartman called Kyle a backstabbing Jew and Kyle pointed out just how much he'd betrayed them and that they locked him in a jail cell with Professor Chaos not long ago.

They all have a flashback to the time the Coon and Professor Chaos were locked up in a cage in Cartman's basement.

The coon demanded to be let out of the cell.

Human Kite said "no way" and then pulled out a tube of Vaseline.

Human Kite tossed the tube of Vaseline to Butters and Cartman.

(Back to present)

All three boys are laughing and Cartman is furious.

Cartman said "that's not how it happened you sons of bitches."

Stan said "okay we put Cartman in a cell because he like Butters did all sorts of evil things. Some kids take on super identities to do evil."

Kenny added "well sometimes good kids do things that are against the law or against public policy. Remember the time we learned about cheesing and when we first did it I was the one who got sprayed with the cat? After that I kept doing it."

The boys have a flashback to the time when Kyle and Stan were at Kenny's door banging on it. When they opened the door they found Kenny had been cheesing.

Kyle said to Kenny "Kenny we need to talk."

Flashback to present

Kenny tells Stan and Kyle they were right to come down on him.

"I guess it's really cool that I've got friends who will hold me accountable" Kenny remarked.

Kenny put his hand on Stan's shoulder.

Stan turns around and says to Kenny "sometimes we need friends like the time when my dad got a DUI and had to come to school to talk about it."

Cartman laughed "Stan you're a loser just like your dad."

They have a flashback to Randy Marsh giving a speech in front of the classroom.

"My name is Randy Marsh and I'm Stan's dad. I was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. As part of my punishment I have to talk to you kids about the dangers of drinking and driving."

All of a sudden Randy shits his pants.

After he shits his pants he runs out of the room crying.

Mister Garrison said "Stan's dad is a loser who shits himself in the classroom."

All the kids start laughing but then Stan cuts off Cartman.

Back to the present!

Stan yelled "CARTMAN YOU FUCKING JACKASS MY DAD DIDN'T SHIT HIMSELF IN THE CLASSROOM!"

Stan jumps on Cartman and they do a dozen flips with Stan on top of Cartman.

When they get up Cartman has a black eye.

Stan said to Cartman "don't you talk shit about my fucking dad you asshole."

Kyle said "speaking of assholes remember when the Goo-Backs came?"

Stan answered "oh yes oh but we couldn't call them goo-backs because that was considered racist."

Cartman then went on to say "well Kyle sure didn't hate the goo-backs. This Jew got on his back for any goo back."

They have a flashback to when the goo-backs came.

Kyle is on his back naked in the middle of the street with goo-backs on top of him.

Back to present

Cartman said "this queer Jew would gladly make out with all the goos. Ha ha ha ha"

Cartman then added "if you were in Israel the rabbis would hate you for being queer but in the mean time they advocate molesting little girls because the Talmud calls for it. I'll tell you Kyle it sucks to be you, a queer Jew."

Kyle yelled "FUCK OFF CARTMAN!"

Stan had to hold Kyle back from killing Cartman.

Stan said "well speaking of fucking off and getting fucked up sometimes we're in fucking situations where friends have to step in. Or let's say your girlfriend has to step in."

They have a flashback to Stan at his locker and the doctors observing him.

Cartman was laughing at him. Cartman went on to call Stan coo-coo and when Stan opened his locker Wendy cried.

Stan said "I can beat this shit" and he started emptying his locker.

Wendy walked up to Stan and said "well now that you've organized your locker and you promised to stop hording let's go have sex in the janitor's closet."

They have a flashback to the present.

Kyle says "first of all you didn't have sex with Wendy and second of all Cartman you didn't call him coo-coo until he finally had a big melt down. Stan is doing well now and if anything you should be called coo-coo."

All of the sudden Liane Cartman came up to the boys screaming "ERIC CARTMAN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT HOME DOING YOUR HOMEWORK!"

Eric Cartman's mom grabbed him, pulled his pants down, and spanked him. Then she dragged him all the way home. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were laughing.

Kenny laughed so hard he clutched his chest and fell over.

Stan said "oh my God Kenny laughed so hard his heart exploded."

Kyle replied "you bastard Kenny!"

THE NEXT DAY IN CLASS

It's 2PM and Cartman whispers to Stan "I'll kick your ass after school."

Stan replied back "no you won't motherfucker."

Mister Garrison said "Stan Marsh you have after school detention with me for interrupting my class."

3PM

Stan Marsh is writing on the chalkboard "I will not disrupt the class."

Stan turned to Mister Garrison and said "I can't believe you didn't put me in the time out chair and had you done that it would have been justified."

Mister Garrison replied "usually I would send you to the school counselor but as far as I'm concerned he's Principal Victoria's bitch and she wears a fucking strap on dildo. Oh and as for the time out chair it's being used. Mister Slave is sitting in the time out corner chair and jacking off."

Stan looks back and sees Mister Slave with his pants down going "ohhhh" and Stan is in shock.

THE END