I had inspiration, okay?! And plenty of time on my hands for once! And Someone PLEASE tell Skye to stop threatening my readers!

Chapter: Useful Annoyances

Kitto was bored; and bad things happen when he is. It would be especially bad this time around, considering Chigatto usually kept him in line and she was not there right then. It would mean that he would be very much in trouble when she got back, but he thought it would be worth it. Maybe. Especially if no one found out. In fact, this was perfect for him now. While Naruto was busy, he would go and amuse himself for a bit. He knew several interesting places. Like the Secret Sealed Scroll Room- that was an interesting place.

The Secret Sealed Scroll Room was located in the ANBU Headquarters- which, frankly, had little security and the ANBU obviously needed to step it up a bit. "The Secret Sealed Room" was not the official name, but the official name was long and boring and so un-cool. So, Kitto decided he should help with that some. He could guess he had about an hour before Naruto got into trouble, and that was plenty of time to lend a hand.

ANBU Trout tipped his head to one side, taking in the scene that was in front of him. Pig and Squirrel where next to him, and he could tell they where trying to figure out what had happened while they were gone. Squirrel even tried to dispel a genjutsu, but there was no effect. After a long moment of thinking, he flickered his hands through the ANBU code. 'Know what this is?' But neither of his team-mates seemed to know.

"Well," Trout said in a monotone, eyeing the thing that was in the middle of the lounge. "I guess we should report this to the captain, if he didn't know."

It turned out the captain did, in fact, know, and was having every ANBU that was off-duty go look for the culprit, or see if anything was missing. After a few hours of frantic sorting, they still found nothing missing or moved, and there was still no one to pin the guilt. Someone tentatively suggested that maybe it was the Hokage sending them a message. The ANBU captain told them to get the it out of the building and to re-buff the security measures while he went and checked with the Hokage.

Needless to say, the Hokage was alarmed and confused when the Captain of the ANBU asked for an audience with him immediately. Hiruzen put aside his paperwork to allow the man his full attention. And for a second, he was still sure he had not, in fact, given his full attention, and had miss-heard ANBU-Captain Dragon.

"You're asking me if I put a cow in your headquarters?" The Sarutobi said in amazement. Dragon twitched slightly, but it was still visible. The Captain was obviously very stressed. "Why would you think I would do that? Is there a cow in headquarters?" His mind suddenly supplied that if they asked him that, than someone had managed to put a cow in the Elite Ninja's building and the said élite ninja's didn't know who it was. "Report!"

Dragon straightened, and clasped his hands behind him as he fell back into an ingrained routine. "Sir! The animal was first noticed by ANBU Hummingbird at 15:37 and was then immediately. It was confirmed that the room was empty for less than seven minutes, none of the security measure were tripped. Nothing yet in the building is reported missing or moved! We are unable to figure out how the culprit was able to get the animal inside the lounge, as the doorway was too small. The ANBU-Access Scroll room also has a sign on the door that says-" he faltered a second, "- the "Super Secret Sealed Room of Secrets. We also have no visual on the culprit, nor evidence of identity."

The Hokage stared at Dragon with an odd expression for a very long time. As if the masked man was not embarrassed enough. "We can safely assume it was not Naruto Uzumaki, as we had visuals on him though-out the day, and it was reported he was on a D-rank mission with his team at the time. Also, it's not flashy enough for him."

Hiruzen resisted asking why they would cross him off the list due to the "prank" not being flashy enough. He also didn't ask how they knew how "flashy" Naruto's ranks usually were. He probably didn't want to know, anyway. So he listened to Dragon promise to increase training and how the ANBU would be sure to check the cow for explosives and seals. And then something else came to his mind. "You do mean the Decoy headquarters, correct?"

For you see, officially, the Special Assassination and Tactical Squad, otherwise known as the ANBU, occupied three different buildings. These were of course simply decoys. The real ANBU office was a single completely different building in the opposite part of town, hidden within a trading company's offices. At least a dozen different shinobig guarded day and night.

However, it appeared the decoy had failed. And now the Hokage and the ANBU had a serious problem on their hands. They had to find out who put the cow there, how, and why.

Naruto was staring at the scroll in confusion. No, wait- a clone of Naruto was staring at a scroll in confusion. The real one was on a D-rank shopping trip mission, and had completely forgot about this clone until it put back the scroll and dispelled itself. The real Naruto almost tripped as the memories came back to him.

The scroll was about the basics of Elemental Affinities. It told that most people had some, and could expand them by practice. It pretty much said that "You work with what you get and don't complain." But that's not what the Naruto-clone saw, and that's not the memories that came back to the Real Naruto. They figured that some affinities were more prominent at the beginning, but you could work on all of them. That Elemental Affinities could be created with enough practice. And if he put to use his newly learned Kage Bunshin, he could have more than enough practice.

That was why he began to cackle evilly in the middle of the food market. Everyone who heard that sound before could easily recognize the sound as "That laugh Naruto does when things goes his way." The ANBU in the area heard that sound and questioned if, in fact, Naruto was the one who placed the cow. But they didn't act on it.

The sad thing, Naruto was correct in his misguided guess. Almost. And that was why there was dozens of Naruto-clones running around the less used training grounds towards the end of the day. He had managed to snatch one of the higher-advanced controls, which usually needed a lot of practice because it used a lot of chakra. Fortunately chakra was not a problem for him, and it actually was lucky he found one of the "advanced" scrolls for elemental practice. Working back-wards would be more effective for him. So, all around Konoha, clones were pouring their chakra into the wind and flowing water, feeling the way it twisted and turned, folded and faded with the flow; others still stuck with the base control exercise, and ran up and down a tree until they popped from lacking enough chakra to keep stable. Some clones were trying to figure out how to stick their hand into a flame and still put in chakra fast enough that the heat doesn't burn the hand and make them pop. Others where holding council and trying to figure out where to get lightning, or meditating as they pushed chakra into the earth and felt the difference in minerals. They all tried to stay out of sight, and scattered when they felt someone coming.

All of this had no relation to the story at this time.

The real Naruto was tirelessly doing D-rank missions with his team, wondering where Kitto was. So was the ANBU, but they really wanted the person who put in the cow in HQ, and had no name to put to the crime.

"Are you serious?!" Trout cried in an unusual moment of emotion. He slammed his door closed, and then opened it again. Nothing changed. Everything in his room was glued to the ceiling. "Just who did all of this?" He opened the next door over, and looked in. Everything was on the ceiling as well, but... the person was on the bed. The bed that was upside-down. He was still asleep some how, trapped between the sheets that were glued in place. Every room in this particular hall had everything glued upside-down, and no one bothered to notice since it was only a "residence" hall and had no important secrets - or some such nonsense - in it.

Dragon let out a sigh when he came back into the headquarters and heard the exclamations of surprise up and down the hall. He did not want to deal with this just now. He pushed past some of the ANBU who stood around in daze, and went to his office. Shutting the door behind him, he almost allowed himself to break-down into sobs once he was inside his impenetrable safe-haven. Until he saw a folder on his desk that had not been their before.

Going ram-rod straight, he quickly double-checked for someone in the room. Even if he didn't see anyone, he was still wary. These people - it had to be more than one - were obviously the best of the best, and they might be able to slip past even him, the captain of the ANBU. Trying not to show his nervous tensing, he glided over to his desk. Scrawled on the folder in large messy characters was "A PRESENT FOR YOU."

He stared at it blankly, before summoning a lesser ANBU to open it, incase it blew up or some-such nonsense. The ANBU refused to open it, and tried to back away. Dragon yelled at him for a bit, and several other ANBU drifted by to see what the problem is so they could add it to the list. He threw it at one of them, and it was amazing it didn't lose it's paper-clip and fall open. "Open it!" He barked. The ANBU froze, staring down at the folder.

Dragon twitched. "Well?" He demanded when no one made a move to open it.

And then his ANBU was panicking and freaking out, shoveling the folder at each other and never touching it for long.

"You open it!"

"No, you open it!"

"I don't want to take it!"

"Somebody hurry and take it!"

"I'm not touching it!"

"Get it away, get it away!"

"Grab it already!"

"It's EVIL! Why else would he not open it himself?!"

"Shut up!" Dragon snapped. "Just open it away already!"

The Anbu looked at each other.

"Captain, do we really want to open this?" one of them asked in a hushed voice.

"It's could explode," Another hissed. "Or summon some kind of demon."

By now there was about nine ANBU in the room, not including Dragon, all murmuring their agreement that the thing must be evil. Fed up, he snatched it and opened it without thinking.

A seal stared back at him, already flaring with chakra as it activated. "Oh, Fu-!" He didn't finish his curse.

A folder hit the floor in an empty room, the cover falling back into place. And ten ninja were staring into slitted sapphire eyes.

A Kistune can cause so much trouble. But when he looks back at it, even Kitto admits (silently, to himself and never out loud) that maybe going so entirely overboard was not the best idea.

When the spirit-kitsune had promised a chance for a summon-master, this was not what was expected. They were strong, yes, and had much chakra and obvious experience, but there were... many. Ten, all together, though it was obvious from the start that several would not be a summon-master. Perhaps this was for the best, for they would be able to choose the one most compatible if they were given a larger number.

Several of them fell back, and one was not awake when it hit the floor, due to the sheer panic. Others took out their weapons, and one of them cursed. This was not what was expected... but it had been so long since a Wani Serpent had felt the pull of a summoning. And it would do, for the time being.

Then the one with the most chakra blew a fire-ball from his mouth, and they knew exactly which one they wanted. And, ironically, the human had a mask that carried their name-sake. Now, for the test of worth.

(What followed was a scene so horrible that to maintain our rating we have been forced to edit it out completely. Let's just say that the ANBU would be feeling it in the morning.)

That was the story that the ANBU Captain Dragon, clutching a small silver-capped scroll with his name blazed across it in bloody characters, told the Hokage. Though the Wani neglected to mention who - or what - infiltrated the ANBU headquarters, they were told that it was "for the 'Village of the Leaves' best interest." The Hokage mourned at the surplus of paperwork, but tentatively allowed the summoning contract to hold, and told the ten ANBU to go get some rest.

The leaf gained a new potential Class-4 or -5 Summoning. The Sprit Wani-Dragons had a summoner since the last one died over a century ago. Kitto was never found out; over-all, everyone benefitted - except for the ANBU who had everything in their rooms glued to the ceiling. They had a hard time fixing that. Trout was not amused.

Kitto would deny for many days to come that the summoning bit for the prank was overkill. He would tell you how helpful it was in the long run, and then somehow change the subject to the many exploits of ANBU Captain Dragon and his unusual summon. In fact, he would rant about Captain Dragon; so much so you would think he had been stricken with love for the harried mortal.

Naruto was totally oblivious to the entire prank, passing off all the wild rumors and gossip that circled around the village as completely exaggerated and false. However, he was the prime suspect for a long time.

Please note that in this story I will be treating '' Wani '' not as Sea Sharks or Crocodiles, but as the more fantastical (having to do with fantasy) Sea-Serpent/Dragon . Also, expect more miss-adventures with ANBU . Now, on with the tale.

That song was annoying. Cheerful and bouncy, yet at the same time sad and tired. The words and the tune clashed in harmony. The voice that sung it was familiar, though, and she recognized it quickly. It took a while to find out where it was coming from, for it was soft and seemed to come from everywhere.

That was how Tsunade met Chigatto for the second time in her adventure. The Sannin sat down across from the silver-blonde Kitsune, startling the smaller girl from her song. Shizune sat down next to her mentor, holding Ton-Ton. Chigatto gaped at them, and they grinned back.

"Well Hello there, Nikushimi! Fancy meeting you here. Not too often I run into someone twice in a week." Tsunade swung her hand out in offering.

"Ah, well... I didn't expect..." Unsure, Chigatto took her hand and hesitantly shook it. "You didn't follow me, did you?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Tsunade told her honestly. It wasn't impolite to assume such a thing; with their line of work, it was customary. The two separated their hands, following with Chigatto shaking Shizune's hand with an odd look at the medic-nin's hair.

"Wasn't your hair brown last time?" Chigatto mused, looking at the black locks. Shizune flushed, and nodded sheepishly. Tsunade loudly ordered drinks before the conversation got anywhere, and then promptly changed the topic to men's stupidity. Between the three of them, they drank half of the tavern's sake stores before they became drunk enough to start loosing balance. The bar-tender kicked them out before they had much more, and they walked to the nearest Bed & Breakfast. They cracked a lot of very stupid jokes, and laughed loudly until they got there.

Chigatto, always a silver-tongue no matter how drunk, managed to talk Tsunade into sharing a room. They found themselves sharing one bed, Shizune hugged between them and all cuddled together. Tsunade and Shizune felt sure that they could deal with anything that Chigatto tried, and decided to drop their guards a bit since Chigatto shared most of her winnings between them. Chigatto was grateful for the company; if she closed her eyes she could almost trick herself into thinking she was back home.

It was a bit awkward for Shizune to wake up like that, especially when she had a hangover. Tsunade had a hang-over as well, but used a medical jutsu to lessen the effect. Chigatto was the envy of both, for she bounced back without even a headache or wince from the bright light of the day. They hit the casino almost as soon as they woke up. This amused Chigatto, especially when they let her be the one to gamble, bet, or play. They were asked to "please leave before we report you for cheating, thank-you-very-much" and Chigatto thought the business manager was really polite about it, but passed it off as Tsunade being a "super ninja" or something.

Still in high spirits, they made their way around the town. Tsunade and Shizune pointed out some interesting places and object in the town, and Chigatto regaled them with jokes and stories. They bought a few snacks from the vendors, and generally enjoy themselves. Chigatto was delighted in the places in the town they showed her, and her delight and wonder entertained them.

Against their knowledge, the two found themselves ensnared in her charm and quick wit. They found themselves alarmed when she showed her ability to talk herself in or out of every situation, and got them access to a limited access bar. They laughed at her jokes, leaned forwards when she got to a certain point in the story. She offered them drinks from the very bottle she had poured herself a cup from; she cuddled TonTon just as warmly as they would. They made each other forget their problems, if only for a little while.

"Does this section of the chapter feel rushed?" Chigatto asked suddenly, shattering the fourth wall with subtle brutality. "It feels rushed, doesn't it."

"Whatever," Tsunade dismissed. "I heard there's this festival going on in Suna. Want to come with us to see it?"

"Sure!" Chigatto chirped, totally forgetting the previous conversation. It wasn't as if it was unusual for a Sannin to invite a person they only knew for a few days to travel with them, right?

"What are you doing?" A voice questioned from the left. Kakashi lazily raised his head and looked over to the sound. A black-haired man wearing a mask was next to him on the roof, crouched low.

"I'm reading." Kakashi answered smoothly.

"Of course," the man allowed to him. Then, one under the guise of reading, the under as an ANBU guard, they both turned their attention to the three genin that sat under the curtain of a Ramen Stand. Kakashi didn't ask the mans name, and the man didn't ask why Kakashi was not down there with his team. They both watched quietly, hiding their presence to the civilians on the street below.

When the three got up and left, the boys escorted Hinata home. The masked man and Kakashi didn't say anything to each other, ghosting after them. When the two boys split ways for their respective homes, Kakashi didn't find it odd at all that the masked man followed Naruto while he, Kakashi, followed the Uchiha. No words were spoken, no signal exchanged. It was just two professionals going about their self-appointed jobs.

Once he was back home with Naruto, Kitto dropped his illusion. He was not, in any situation, ever going to change forms like Chigatto. He was perfectly happy with illusions and tricks.

Two dozen kunai, seventeen shuriken, two rolls of ninja wire, and a few smoke bombs were purchased by Nondescript Shinobi #247 . Nameless Construction Worker #37 in a hobby store bought some paint and nails. An old woman lost her cucumbers on the way home from the market. These seemed to be in no way related to each other.

'I'm wearing a blind-fold.' Was Trout's first thought when he woke up. 'Why am hanging I upside down?' Was the next, quickly followed by 'Someone got through the security again, didn't they?' He tried to pull up a memory of how he got here. He thought he remembered... something...

His eyes were closed, though he woke up in a hyper-aware state that came with training. Something had woken him, a breath to his left and an animalistic smell of leaves and musky fur.

Trout was up in an instant, a knife already thrown. Something tapped against the back of his neck before he could register anything with his eyes, and he fell limp with a grunt on his bed again. There was a chuckle, and he caught a glimpse of black at the corner of his eye.

"You're good." A strangers voice said cheerfully. "Most didn't wake up."

This didn't change the fact that Trout was taken down so quickly, however, and the ANBU felt a flush of embarrassment and anger before he stomped on it brutally. He could feel his eyes closing, though he couldn't really move, and a pressing exhaustion that made his very bones ache.

That was all he could remember, so he had to assume he had been captured by the enemy. He pondered this silently, considering. He has hanging upside down by his left foot, the right one bent and the ankle tied to the left leg's knee. He was wearing only a pair of pants, which was probably put on him after he was captured, for some odd reason, because he could swear he went to bed wearing boxers. His hands- tied behind his back and again to his torso, his fingers individually tied to some type of metal spike so that he could not bend them and create hand seals. A blindfold covered his face. He had no mask; his captor most likely already knew his identity.

His breathing sounded harsh to his ears, and he could feel himself panicking. He tried pressing down his emotions as best he could. He held is breath and started to count to ten.

One confirmed enemy. Two times now the ANBU base had been infiltrated, even if the security was increased. Three possible ways to loosen his hands. Four ways to remove the blindfold without hands. Five finger and toes on each leg and arm; they hadn't been cut off yet. Six ways he could destroy his body in the next twelve seconds. Seventy percent chance that another ANBU had been captured and is being 'interrogated.' Eight reasons he didn't want to die, oh kami please not him. Nine possible jutsu that could help him now. Ten minutes of him cussing as loud as he could as he insulted the infiltrator with every name he could before he was interrupted.

"Trout, what happened?" Someone said, and Trout almost cried out in despair. That was his team-mate Squirrel's voice. They must have captured him, as well.

Then the blindfold was removed and Trout found himself in the ANBU headquarters with is team-mate standing in front of him. Except, Trout had to be hallucinating, because Squirrel couldn't actually have little acorns drawn on his cheek with permanent marker.

It took twice as long as usual to get Trout down, instead of the usual seven seconds. There was a small bruise on his neck where he remembered getting 'tapped' before he went limp. Squirrel told him that Trout as actually pretty lucky, because it seemed that everyone else ended up in rather undignified ways. So far, he was the only one to end "lucky."

Trout didn't think he was lucky, since he was knocked out instantly and then strung up like a chicken. But then he heard what happened to the others... and no one in the building could look at a cucumber for weeks afterwards.

This was only the second day. Trout hoped this wouldn't be a daily occurrence.

Yay for me... ... ... This chapter was ridiculous to write. Really over-blown and silly. But Kitsune never do anything in halves... or in normal proportions , I guess. They must give 238% to their pranks. But I can imagine Dragon's face when he realized his mistake about opening the folder... Huh... "Imagine Dragon" ... I see what my brain did, there!