Thursday September 30th 10:32am

Kittykat came clattering down the stairs in her old sexy nightie. I didn't even realise it still fitted her. She's 12 weeks pregenant and she's big for how far she is. Our kitten. Gee's ridiculously excited. Then I remembered she's excited about something. It's the Hornmeister's birthday. She gave me a kiss on each cheek and produced a wedge of envelopes.

"Happy birthday Mr Laugh!" She gave me a hug that squeezed the air out my lungs. "And kitten says so too." She said smiling, protecting her bump.

"Good morning, Kittykat and kitten." Gee smiled widely without sucking in her conk. I love that smile, she saves it just for me. You can tell when she's trying to impress because she does that weird smile that makes her look demented. I can't believe my luck. Me and Kittykat are going to be married for ever and ever and ever and we'll never be lonely again…

Gee's fingers clicked in front of my face.

"Hornmeister, are you okay?" Gee asked worriedly.

"I'm fine Kittykat. I was just thinking about how we're never going to be lonely again. And how much I love you."

"Aww!" She cooed. "If you don't mind Hornmeister, Kittykat may go back to bed. This little monster kept me up all night!" She said, looking down at her stomach. It rumbled. "On second thoughts, the little kitten is hungry, so I'll be making breakfast!"

"Good god Kittykat! I'll make the bacon and jam sandwich!"