Chapter Nine: The Return of Kimarhi…and other things
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It's been a while, but the story must go on. When last we met, Seymour was questioning just how much pain and torture it would take to kill off Tidus once and for all. Being electrocuted, nearly drowning, a torpedo to his airheaded self, and getting bombarded by blitzballs thrown by the Goers, he's lived through them all. What pray tell is next?
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Seymour looks on as the two star-crossed lovers continue to make out in the pool of water. He finds himself becoming sick at the disgusting sight and thinks about gouging his eyes out with dull, rusty needles.
Meanwhile the Luca Goers are all lying on the floor unconscious after ingesting numerous cans of liquid caffeine known as Mountain Dew and running into the walls in a massive sugar high. Lulu is dozing off in a chair, looking a few pounds heavier from all the doughnuts she had eaten. Luzzu, Isaaru, and Barthello are entertaining themselves with a game of Go-Fish.
The set is utterly quiet for many minutes as everyone continues to go about his or her business. Just then the door to the sound stage creaks open. All heads turn to face the person that now enters. Gasps of surprise echo through the set, followed almost immediately by laughter.
Kimarhi has returned from taking a shower and his appearance is what drives the crew into the fit of amusement. He no longer looks to be the masculine Ronso that they all knew, but more like a french poodle just taken from the groomers. His arms and legs are shaved to the skin with only tiny puffs of hair at the feet and hands. The long hair atop his head is pulled upward in a topknot and held in place by a pink ribbon. Kimarhi blushes as he enters and hurriedly heads for a dark corner deep within the confines of the studio.
Seymour: Hey there poodle boy, I sent you to get cleaned up not to get clipped.
Kimarhi: Kimarhi tried to get to Kimarhi's home, but Kimarhi was stopped by little old lady and taken to groomer. Little old lady thought Kimarhi was little old lady's lost dog. Little old lady pay for Kimarhi's new look and took Kimarhi home. Kimarhi ran away after little old lady tried to breed Kimarhi to little old lady's other poodle.
Seymour: Why didn't you run away earlier before that happened?
Kimarhi: Kimarhi felt loved for a change and did not want feeling to end so quickly.
Seymour: Uh, okay. We really need to get you a life, don't we?
Kimarhi: Kimarhi would greatly appreciate that.
Seymour: Okay, now that we've had a good laugh, let's get back to work. Tidus, Yuna, if you could become two people for a short time, I'd like to try to get at least one more take today.
Yuna: Sure. We'll start from where we left off when we're finished.
Tidus: Got you.
Seymour: And…Action!
Slowly Tidus swims beneath the surface of the water to where Yuna is sobbing. He breaks the plane of the pool and takes her into his arms. He lowers his lips to hers as a single tear rolls down her soaked cheek. They sink into the lagoon while maintaining their embrace as music begins to play.
A poppy beat fills the stage and the lyrics to the song are first heard by those on the set.
I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you
I was beat incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new
Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine
Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'Cause only love can last
You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold
Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
With your heartbeat
Next to mine
Oooh, oooh, oooh
You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide
Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
With your heartbeat
Next to mine
Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Can't you hear my heart beat
For the very first time?
Yuna hears every word of the song and rushes to get out of the water as soon as it ends. When she makes it to the shore, she runs towards Seymour with her hands ready to choke him.
Seymour: I take it that you didn't appreciate the choice I made for you, my dear Yuna.
Yuna: (with her fingers inching ever closer to his delicate neck) Not in the least.
Seymour: Then I must apologize for my faux pas. And I should be embarrassed for it as well.
Tidus: Not half as embarrassed as she should be, since that song doesn't fit her situation either.
Yuna: (turning towards Tidus) Shut up you dream…
Tidus: …Boat.
Seymour: (visibly intrigued by the subject) What do you mean that it doesn't fit?
Tidus: What's there to explain? Isn't it obvious?
Tidus then goes into how earlier in the week things between the two of them heated up. (I'm not going to go into details since we all know where this is going. Go read some NC-17 stories that you might have hidden on your computer if you want to relive old memories of the glory days.)
Tidus: And that's why it really doesn't pertain to her anymore.
Seymour: (mouth agape) And I was going to marry that freaky girl?
As Tidus was discussing the subject with the evil Maester, Yuna tried to drown herself in the lagoon pool. But even Yu Yevon didn't want a freaky girl near him.
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AN: Ack, a two month hiatus between posts. Oy, where did all the time go? But I have many reasons for the delay, more like excuses. Judge them any way that you wish.
First off was the endless assault on my senses by the holiday season. Why are Thanksgiving and Christmas so close together again? Then there was my little accident involving my truck and a nice sturdy guardrail. Whee, let's see how many times I can spin around. Then there's the endless nights at work and the whole sleeping during the day thing. And no I'm not a vampire, though at times I wish I was.
And last and certainly not least, there's my most favorite one of all. Nothing sad or evil about this one, it's just a wonderful thing that keeps me going each and every day. I got engaged. Yep yep, even an insane person who thinks himself a king of applemonkies can find the love of his life.
And with all that said, I shall try my darndest to update as often as possible. And if I don't, a certain someone will take my characters and place them in bizarre situations to prod me back into writing. (January 7, 2003)