A/N, or: A longish ramble.
I know I've said that I would stop posting here due to some issues, but as you can see I've changed my mind. I hope you know that I didn't do it for the attention or anything, but it's just the way it is. What changed my mind about posting here in the end were the many, many PMs and reviews I've received over the last two months and which are still coming in even now.
Thanks, guys, so much for your awesome and encouraging words. They really helped a lot and showed me that the good people are by far outweighing the bad ones. Thanks!
So, yeah, here I am... new start, new nickname, new everything xD

On another note, I hope you like this little story... it's not going to be too long, probably about five or six chapters. I hope I'll be able to post weekly, I'm trying to keep my Sunday deadline...

Disclaimer: NCIS and its characters really don't belong to me, etc.

Escaping Demons

Chapter One: Silent Modality

"Okay, thanks," Tony mumbled before he hung up his phone.

Sinking back into the cushions of the couch, he ran a tired hand over his face, desperately trying to get a grip on himself. This hadn't just happened. This couldn't be happening. That phone call had just been a dream for sure and he was still enjoying that movie he had been looking forward to watching for such a long time – only now he couldn't even remember the title.

Shit.

He picked his phone back up from where he had thrown it onto the coffee table earlier and scrolled through his contacts, trying to decide who he wanted to talk to about it. He briefly entertained the idea of McGee, but he would be beyond awkward and probably would try to hug him. Tony sure as hell couldn't handle that. Ziva would have been nice, but she was out of town for the weekend, meeting her boyfriend's parents for the very first time. She would be able to understand him and would probably even want to cancel her plans, but she deserved better and Tony wouldn't spoil her weekend off like that. Sure, he could always call Abby, but their relationship had been rather rocky and strained over the last couple of weeks, even though Tony had no idea why that was. It was like she somehow knew and it frightened him more than he cared to admit.
He finally paused his scrolling as he reached the particular name he always seemed to be drawn to whenever times got rough. He stared at it for a couple of long minutes, trying to decide if he could really do it. It certainly wasn't particularly wise or prudent, but he also knew that he needed to talk to someone – and they were still friends after all. At least, that was what he had told himself time and time again.

.

An hour later, Tony couldn't help but feel slightly stupid. He was currently sitting on one of the chairs around Gibbs' kitchen table, staring blankly into space and wondering where in the world the older man was on a Sunday afternoon. Sunday was the day of excessive woodworking, Tony knew that better than no one else, but Gibbs had apparently changed his routine since Tony had last been there.
It was an oddly unsettling feeling. Gibbs didn't like change. Gibbs simply didn't do change, period. But there he was, not working on the new boat downstairs. Tony subtly shook his head at himself and was just about to get up, drive home and get ridiculously drunk when Gibbs' laugh reached his ears.
He stiffened in his seat as he realized that he had hardly ever heard the man laugh like that before and just when he noticed just how much he had missed it over the last couple of weeks, Gibbs' laughter was joined by another one – and it was definitely male. Tony felt his heart sink. There was the reason why Gibbs had changed his routine – and Tony sure as hell didn't like it.

At all.

"Just going to put the beer in the fridge," Gibbs was saying now, a hint of laughter still audible in his voice.

"'kay," the other man answered.

Tony finally stood up from where he was sitting as Gibbs entered his kitchen, still grinning at first, but the smile disappeared from his face as soon as his glance fell on his Senior Field Agent. They stared at each other for a couple of long and awkward seconds before their eye contact was effectively interrupted by the other guy as he followed Gibbs into the kitchen. He stopped short, though, when he saw the two men staring at each other. He looked from Tony to Gibbs and back again, before he stepped closer towards Tony, reaching out a hand.

"Hi," he said, a friendly smile on his lips. "You must be Tony."

Tony shook his hand automatically, not bothering to answer. What in the world had Gibbs told that… that… man about him? Why did he know who Tony was and why was he still smiling that knowingly at him? This wasn't right… And why was he able to make Gibbs laugh like that?
Tony knew that he had no right to be angry, none at all. Gibbs could tell people whatever the hell he wanted, but this was Gibbs for heaven's sake and Gibbs rarely ever talked at all. So why start now?
Balling his hands into fists, Tony took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on himself as he nodded curtly at the other man, who seemed to be a little older than himself. He was just about to walk past both of them, when he felt a warm and somehow still rather clammy hand on his forearm. He looked down at the hand holding him in place before he turned his head ever so slightly so that he could just see Gibbs' face out of the corner of his eye.

"Tony?" Gibbs finally spoke up for the first time since he had noticed Tony in his home, but his voice somehow lacked its usual edge.

"No," Tony simply said after a moment of prolonged silence. "I'm going to go."

And with that he got going again, slamming the front door shut behind him with much more force than strictly necessary.

.

Taking yet another sip from his beer, Tony stared at the blank screen of his TV. He knew that he shouldn't get drunk on a Sunday evening – school night – but he didn't see any other option to numb himself with. Clearly talking was out of the question as there was nobody who'd understand him just now – and it was his own fault, too. Just like always.
He felt hollow all of a sudden and indescribably lonely. It briefly struck him that he should probably cry - he had managed to lose two people forever in the last couple of weeks after all - but the tears just wouldn't come. He wasn't feeling choked up or even particularly sad. He knew that it would come eventually and would hit him with full force then, but at the moment he was just feeling empty and drained.

He was just about to flick on his TV after all when a silent knock was to be heard. Exhaling slowly, Tony heaved himself off from his couch and slowly went to open the door to his apartment. He sucked in a breath when he realized that it was Gibbs who was standing just outside his door, Tony's cell phone in one hand. His expression was rather stony, but he was staring intently at the younger man once again.

"Forgot your phone," he finally said, his eyes never leaving Tony's.

"Thanks," Tony pressed out, wishing that Gibbs would just look away. "Wouldn't want to break Rule Three, would we?"

Gibbs just nodded curtly, looking somewhat torn for a moment before he took a step towards Tony.

"Noah and me are…" he started hesitantly, but Tony just shook his head, cutting him off.

"Don't have to explain… it's… it's none of my business."

Gibbs stared at him, his eyes narrowing, but remained silent for a few moments and Tony wished that he would have just shut up for once. He hadn't meant to say that because he really wanted it to be his business, really wanted to talk to the older man again, but he had yet again said things he didn't really mean – or had thought he didn't really mean. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before he steadily looked back at Gibbs, hoping that he could tell him how he really felt like that. It had worked for years, but now Gibbs just shook his head almost imperceptibly and his expression had suddenly changed from stony to angry.

"Yeah," he finally said. "You made damn well sure of that, didn't you?"

With that, he handed the cell phone over to Tony and without another look at him, left his apartment.

Tony stared at the closed door for more than a few minutes, wondering what in the world just happened. How had he managed to screw up like that? Why did he always do that whenever he was just a tiny bit happy? He numbly walked back towards the couch and sank down onto it, finally feeling the tears start to roll down his cheeks. How had he ended up like that with one father and one lover short?

Just… how?