To Spill or Not To
Standard Disclaimer Applies.
Note: Clandestineness is an original concept.
A/N: I have re-written after editing it for the nth time now because of all the reviews I'm getting that I should get a Beta. I still don't have one but I'll see if I can make this a bit more "readable" for those who enjoyed and those who will enjoy this story. Thank you very much for your support. Please don't forget to review.
Chapter 1:
Long Haired Old Man
Hermione's POV
Read. That's what I do when a lot of things bother me so much.
Write. That's what I do when I don't like what I'm feeling at the moment.
And as of now, I am not doing so well. I already read about five encyclopedia thick books. I've already written two short stories and eleven poems all about confusion. I usually write what I'm feeling and by the looks of things, I must be really troubled. Even Harry and Ron don't know these eccentricities of mine. They always thought that I do these things because I'm rather fond of it and because I want to be the top of the class. I have to thank my photographic memory for that. These eccentricities of mine help me a lot because it calms me down and makes me think things through. When I read, my thoughts are cleared and I get to think. When I write I get to release my emotions and thus preventing me from erupting like a volcano. But it doesn't mean I like what I feel.
It's his entire fault! Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to be so close to perfect? I know a lot of people think differently but if they could just see him through my eyes! They don't know how thoughtful and sweet he is. They don't know how many risks he already took for the sake of Harry and those pathetic wizards and witches who don't even have the slightest idea that he was innocent all along. Oh, Sirius! Why do you have to haunt my thoughts, creep into my walls and sneak into my dreams? Before, it only bothered me a little. I just read an article or two from the Daily Prophets after dreaming about him and I'll have a normal happy day. But then…
Flashback
"Mail's here!" Ron said excitedly.
"I hope I get a letter from Snuffles this time. It has been so long since he wrote me anything," said Harry in a very hopeful voice.
The owls flew and hovered above our heads and started dropping letters and packages to their respective recipients. Everybody in the Great Hall was looking up and checking if any of them had any mail when a very distinct scarlet parchment hovered above us carried by a large barn owl. Nobody knew to whom it was for and certainly this alarmed everyone, of course, a howler doesn't come too often. Then the owl dropped it. Slowly, it dropped down to the Slytherin's table and to everyone's surprise, it dropped exactly where Malfoy was sitting.
Malfoy's face went so pink with fear and complete embarrassment. He quickly grabbed the howler and tried to open it outside the Great Hall when suddenly it exploded moments before he reached the door.
"How could you? Were you out of your mind? You're lucky you weren't expelled you inconsiderate spoiled brat! Your father was so furious he almost went there and hexed you. If the Cruciatus Curse weren't one of the Unforgivable Curses, I would've done it myself!" went a deafening sound that was heard no doubt by everybody. Malfoy didn't wait to find out what everybody's' expression were. He rushed off outside the Great Hall.
The Great Hall exploded with laughter. Ginny, fell out of her chair. Harry and Ron were laughing so hard that they were grasping for air. It was rather hilarious. Apparently, it was one of those stunts he tried to pull on the three of us. He learned a few hexes and tried to use it against us. Malfoy pointed his wand towards us when we weren't looking when suddenly Ron's quill dropped and the three of us tried to pick it up. Malfoy's hex went straight to Professor McGonagall's bottom that happened to be in front of us and a horse's tail grew from her behind. She turned suddenly with a furious look in her face. She saw Malfoy standing behind us with his wand pointing directly to where her butt was before she turned around. We looked up and bewildered by the expression on her face.
"Draco Malfoy! How dare you? What were you thinking?" said an obviously pissed off Professor.
Professor McGonagall took her wand from her robe and pointed it at her bottom. A dark yellow light burst from its end and the horsetail that was dangling from it disappeared instantly. Malfoy couldn't move because of fear. Even we didn't dare move. With the expression on her face like that, who would've? We heard seventy-five points were taken from Slytherin because of it and a letter was sent to his parents after his detention.
The laugh died almost instantly. A small brown owl was carrying the most unusual mail. A royal blue envelope was clutched in its claws. I can hear everyone gasp and started to whisper among each other.
"What is it Hermione?" asked Harry.
"I don't know." I said trying to figure out what it was. Someone could've used a royal blue parchment, couldn't they? But why would they?
"I know that!" Ron said after examining it carefully.
"Dad got one of those years ago. It's what you called a…what was that again…" as he snapped his fingers trying hard to remember its name.
"A Clandestineness!" said Ginny excitedly.
"That's it! A Clandestineness! It's like the opposite of a howler." Said Ron immediately.
"What do you mean? It whispers?" asked Harry with a confused look in his face.
"Well, open it Hermione and I'll explain it to you" said Ron with a confident look in his face.
The scent of roses filled my nose as I opened it. Light blue smoke escaped from it and swirled to surround me. A small figure of a human started to form in front of me. It was no more than two feet tall and to my surprise it took the form of Sirius Black. I gasped! He's feet were barely touching the table and instead of his old shabby robes, he was wearing a dark blue robe. His beard was shaven, although his hair was still long, it was combed neatly parting at the middle and rested on his shoulders. He started to speak and to my astonishment, his voice filled my ears seizing the noise that everybody was making.
"Hermione, I don't know how you're going to take this news that I am to tell you" said his figure.
I started to think about this news and worried that something might have happened to him or that Harry might be in grave danger, again. It was as if it could read my mind when the figure spoke again, I startled when it said,
"No, its not about Harry and don't worry I'm fine. And I'm not reading your mind. I just know that those thoughts would come into your mind after that statement. Anyway, I sent this Clandestineness because this is at the utmost secrecy. I wouldn't want it to fall in the wrong hands and I wouldn't want it to be read by anybody," said the figure as if he was the real Sirius Black.
"My news is that," it went on. "I am in love with the smartest witch I have ever laid eyes on, not to mention the most beautiful. I have no intention of forcing her to love me or expect her to give even the slightest care of what I feel. I just want her to know that I do. And if she deems it fit that she should accept my love, I would be the happiest wizard there is. Every night I dream about her. Everyday I think about her," it went on. My mind was swirling with thoughts. Why would he tell me these things? Was it because he needed help or something? Why me? Of all the people that he could have picked, me. The very same person in love with him and yet he tells me about a witch he's in love with.
"I'm telling you this because…Hermione Granger, I love you!" It stopped. A bouquet of white roses appeared from its small hands. "I don't know how you're going to react but as I've told you I don't expect anything from you. If ever you want to say anything you can tell me by return owl." It bid me farewell with these words… "I am looking forward for your response and will wait patiently for it," it said.
My heart pounded so hard as if I just ran in a marathon. Gradually, I could hear the voices of students in the Great Hall, whispering about the Clandestineness. He loves me. I tried to grasp the very idea of it but I just couldn't. And then it hit me. What if the students heard what he said? What if Harry heard everything? I must explain to him that I didn't plan on it. That it wasn't my intention and I would've never use any magic for his godfather to love me like he said he did.
"Hermione!" I heard Harry shouting and I saw his fingers snapping in front of me. I must've been staring for so long. "Hermione, snap out of it!" Harry asked.
"Oh, Harry. I didn't know. I mean how was I supposed to know that? I mean, I didn't plan it. I had no intention of—" Harry cut me off.
"What? What didn't you plan on? What did the letter said?" Harry said nonchalantly.
"Nobody heard the letter Hermione. Nor did anyone read anything from it. There wasn't anything on it. Just a plain royal blue parchment," said Ron reassuringly.
"That's what it does Harry. It delivers a message without anybody knowing what it says, well, except for the person who the letter is supposed to be sent," said Ron as he grabbed a chicken leg from his plate.
"You mean you didn't hear a thing? None of you heard what it said or saw what it did?" I asked hoping that they didn't. "No. When you opened it, we just saw you gasp and looked really serious then you went all pink and looked as though you couldn't believe what it says." Said Harry innocently.
I would've laughed with relief if my eyes weren't drowned in tears from the news I heard. I didn't know what was better, Sirius Black, the exact same person I'm in love with is also in love with me or that nobody heard this news but me?
I kissed Ron and Harry on their cheeks and ran as fast as I could to my room. I closed the door behind me and leaned against the door.
He loves me. He really does. But, I stopped and thought about Harry. How am I supposed to tell him this, and how am I going to answer Sirius' letter? Should I accept? What would happen then? Oh, now I'm all confused! After all this time of hoping that in some absurdity of this magical world, the man I am in love with will love me back, and now that I have it, I'm stuck between my best friend and his godfather!
I looked at the Clandestineness and sighed. I put it under my pillow and I went to my desk and picked up a book. I started with one, then two and after I'm done, I realized I've been reading for about seven hours straight.
End of Flashback
I heard a soft knock on my door.
"Hermione, open up. It's us," said Ron.
I sighed. What will I tell them? Being their best friend does have its drawbacks. They'll know if I'm lying or not. I always hated that. I don't know why I can't lie to their faces. I got up to my feet and pushed the painting that served as my door. It was a painting of myself wearing my Hogwarts uniform with my hair flowing to my waist but unlike before it was now straight and silky. I straightened it with a vanity spell I got from one of the books in the restricted section of the library. Harry and Ron took a picture of me and had it painted as a present when I was made a prefect. Now that I'm Head Girl I had it transferred to my new room. They know perfectly well what the password to get in but they, being the perfect gentlemen, prefer to knock on the frame of the painting before entering.
"I'm coming," I said as I pushed the back of the painting and letting them come in.
"We didn't see you during practice. What's up?" asked Ron as he put his Firebolt down and sat on his favorite chair in front of the fireplace. Ron had improved since our younger days. He was now a Keeper and Captain for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. When he became captain in our sixth year, I wanted to give him a gift but he insisted that I shouldn't. It was Sirius who had given him the Firebolt as a gift. I wanted to do something nice for him but he just asked me to promise that I will never miss their game or practice. I only missed two of them. The first one was when I got sick then the other was this morning.
"Is there something bothering you, Hermione?" said Harry also putting his Firebolt down and sat on the chair next to Ron. Harry is now Head Boy and still the best Seeker. His room was just across the hall.
"Well, I just got a Clandestineness and…"
"We know. We figured it's from Krum. He's been after you for years," said Harry in a very tired voice, taking off his uniform, shoes and socks.
"Why would you think it was him?" I asked.
"Hermione, I never did figure out why you don't like him. He's like the best seeker, next to Harry of course, and I heard his grades aren't bad at all," said Ron as he too took off his shoes and socks. I took their shoes and put them at the side of the fireplace, where the shoe rack was. I took their socks and put them on the laundry basket next to the closet. I kept quiet. I didn't know if I should tell them. I don't even know how to start.
"Why don't we talk this over a nice hot bath. I'm dying to wash my hair," said Harry. Since my Prefect days we started bathing together, naked even, but it never had any sexual effect on us. Maybe because our love for each other was deeper for us to even think of those things. Since we bathed with each other, our friendship grew stronger. We have proven that our hormones cannot destroy the bond that we have. Not to mention, almost all of our biggest problems were talked about and solved while bathing.
"Hermione, it would be alright if you could just tell us that you're fine. We're just concerned. You know we won't force you to tell us until you're ready," said Harry as the three of us sat on the stairs of the pool sized bathtub, while he was washing my hair and I was washing Ron's.
"I'm fine. I will tell you when I'm ready and thank you for your concern," was all I could say.
"You know we love you Hermione. And we'll do anything for you but haven't you ever heard of foot scrubbing?" asked Ron with a contemptuous tone in his voice. "Yeah, your feet are like trolls'!" said Harry as they both swam a little bit farther away from me. It was obvious they were trying to cheer me up.
"When I get my hands on both of you, I swear I'll make your feet as large as those of trolls'!" I shouted as I swam and tried to catch them. The rest of our bath went well, like most of our baths.
After our long bath, I slipped on a white tee and pajama.
"Hey, we'll just put our brooms in my room and we'll come back, ok?" said Harry as he wiped his feet on the rug. Bathing wasn't the only thing we did together. We also preferred to sleep together. It also started when I was made a Prefect. Voldemort's rise to power made it possible. We made a letter to Professor Dumbledore asking permission if we could share my room. Our grounds were for safety purposes. We said that it would be safer if the three of us slept in the same room. This way, it would be harder for Voldemort to try and attack Harry again. Professor Dumbledore knew that our love for each other would keep us safe from our raging hormones. We got a letter of approval after a week. When Harry and I were made Head Boy and Girl, we decided to make Harry's room like our own mini library and my room as our bedroom.
"I'll go to the kitchen and ask for cold milk for the three of us," said Ron as he took their shoes and broom and gave it to Harry.
"Hey, just come right in ok. I don't want to get up and push the painting for you okay?"
I sat and rested my back on the pillows in the middle of our huge bed and pulled the blankets up to my waist. I pulled my knees up and put my arms around them. I slipped my hands under my pillow and pulled out his letter. My mind swirled again. How can I tell my best friends about this? I know Ron would probably understand but I'm not sure if Harry would. I opened the royal blue envelope and the same fresh scent of rose filled my nostrils again. The same light blue smoke started to surround me. When the figure finished talking, I realized that Harry and Ron were back.
"Hermione, here's your milk," said Ron as he took the envelope from my hands and replaced it with a glass of cold milk. Ron was already drinking his and was carefully examining the Clandestineness that was now in his hand. He gave it to Harry to probe it like he did.
"You must admit Hermione, Krum is really into you," said Harry.
"Yeah, imagine, he took a lot of effort in mailing you this kind of letter," said Ron as he finished his milk with one last gulp. They both climbed up to bed and pulled the blanket.
"Come on, Hermione. Let's go to sleep. Tomorrow's a week night remember?" said Ron as he tugged my arm.
"We all need some rest. Come on now, in you go," said Harry as he held the blanket up to let me inside. I lay down and gave both of them goodnight kisses on each of their lips.
The week went by. My confusion was still there. All home works that were assigned to us weren't enough to take my mind off Sirius and Harry. I was still trying to figure out what to tell both of them.
Finally, the week was up.
We were all in Harry's room finishing our home works.
"Hey, Hermione. What happened to that letter Krum sent you?" asked Harry.
"Did you answer it already?" asked Ron eagerly.
"Well," I said. I should tell them. I can't keep this up any more. If Harry won't understand this then he wasn't the friend I thought him to be. "It wasn't from Krum, actually…" I stammered.
"It wasn't? From who was it?" asked Harry curiously
"Don't tell me its another suitor? Boy, Hermione, that hair is doing you good," said Ron as he pointed to my hair.
"Well, it's kind of like that. Actually, I've got to tell you first about this, um, bloke that I'm kind of interested in," I said and bit my lips waiting for their reaction.
"What?! You're interested in some bloke and you didn't tell us?" said Ron as slammed his hand on the table.
"Calm down, Ron. Although, he is right Hermione, it was kind of unfair that you were hiding something like this from us," said Harry and looked so sincere.
"I'm really sorry but I didn't think you'd understand why I would like him of all people," I said trying not to sound as nervous as I am.
"Why wouldn't we understand?" said Ron. "Unless its Draco Malfoy you're in love with, then I think we won't. It's not him is he, Hermione?" asked Ron very concerned.
"No, it's not him." I said trying hard not to laugh at his question.
"Well, since it's that hard for you, we'll just guess who it is," said Harry who was practically beaming at me.
"Alright, give us a clue and if we guessed right, will you promise to tell the truth?" said Ron.
"Only if you promise not to laugh or hate me for it," I said and tried to give my best pleading look to them.
"He's quite handsome actually," I continued. "But, well…er—he's a lot older…" I said feeling my cheeks grow hot.
Harry and Ron thought hard. They both stopped and took about ten minutes before coming up with an answer.
"He's not a professor is he Hermione?" asked Harry thoughtfully.
"OH—MY—GOD! You're in love with SNAPE?!?" Ron sputtered with a mix of disgust and shock.