I

In which we meet our protagonist, Severus Snape, witness a dark scheme, and have some gal-pal gossip time

If you asked Severus Snape to name the person that he could happily live and die without having to associate with, James Potter would take the cake, time and time again.

James Potter was an arrogant, beastly, prideful, and ignorant prat who could use a strong dose of his own medicine, in Severus' opinion. Unfortunately, James had been blessed with good looks, popularity and amazing Quidditch skills, which had earned him a healthy throng of admirers who enjoyed nothing more than to see this nasty brute and his trusty trio of sidekicks to torture and humiliate Hogwarts' weaker students.

But as usual, nobody asked Severus Snape's opinion. They much preferred to hex or jinx him first and ask questions later.

There was only one thing that James Potter could not get his mitts on; and that was a sassy girl named Lily Evans; the girl with dazzlingly green eyes and a firecracker personality to match, who also happened to be Severus Snape's best (and probably only true) friend.

On the lowest of the low days of his life, Severus Snape believed that the only reason he was still alive and breathing was because of Lily. She was his saving grace; and the only thing that prevented him from brewing a potion that would seep into his veins and steal his breath away.

He'd fantasized a hundred times about his death. He would create something complex, a draught that would kill him ever so slowly. He'd take his time drinking it; relishing every delicious second of the pain, perhaps giving a noble speech before his eyelids would close for good. Even better: Lily would be at his side, begging him not to leave her; telling him how much she loved him, how much she needed him...

"Oi, Snivelley! You haven't changed a bit, bloke! You'd think, now that you're in your fourth year, you'd learn to clean yourself up a bit!"

Severus' reverie was shattered. He looked up slowly at the doors of his train compartment to see the grinning, malicious face of Sirius Black, James Potter's right-hand man.

"Of course he hasn't changed, Padfoot," drawled the black-haired boy lounging at his side. Potter, of course. "Why would he want to mar that strikingly luscious head of hair?"

The two of them cracked up.

"No wonder you're riding solo," added Sirius. "No girl, not even the most kind and patient one on Earth, would want to come within five feet of you." He slammed the door shut and sauntered off towards his compartment, snickering with his comrade.

I'll teach them how to mar a body - I'll slit their pretty little throats with a freshly-sharpened dagger, encrusted with rust, salt and lemon juice, Severus thought to himself. Perhaps carve the word 'Arrogance' into their foreheads with the same blade. That would be quite satisfying.

He wasn't surprised that Lily was not sitting with him. She had changed a lot over the summer - didn't come round to his house as often, and her letters were short and distant-sounding. She wasn't the dependant, worried girl she had been in first year; she had created for herself a perfect life over the years at Hogwarts, with plenty of friends and admirers who were in Gryffindor and who were more "socially acceptable."

There just wasn't enough room for him anymore. But Severus Snape had always been determined; he'd had a strong thirst for redemption, and even more ambition. He was going to win Lily's heart and knock James Potter et al down a few pegs.

Fourth year was going to be his best year yet, he decided, as he watched the gentle rural landscape fly by in the small train window. He just knew it.

"Hi, Lily. How have you been?" Severus had meandered down to the Gryffindor table during the first feast of the year. He wasn't exceptionally hungry; being the stringy boy that he was, it didn't take much for him to be content.

Lily's green eyes had a genuine look of pity in them as she took in his uncombed, greasy long black hair, patched robes, and sallow complexion. He knew that she was too amiable to be anything short of polite and cordial.

"I'm fine, thank you," she replied, her voice quiet. The girls sitting around her tittered, their eyes boring into him like knives.

He shifted uncomfortably. "I've missed you," he admitted, but instantly regretted it the moment the words had left his lips. The Gryffindor girls' eyes widened, and they began to whisper and giggle excitedly behind their hands. Lily herself blushed, and ducked her head, but did not laugh at him or say anything. She began to study her silverware.

Did you miss me? he wanted to ask her. Do you ever think of me, like I do constantly of you?

"Hitting on Evans again, are you, Snivelley? Don't you know when to take a hint?"

The harsh, sharp voice of James Potter carried through the Hall, echoing off the walls. Dozens upon dozens of eyes began to drink in the scene, staring at a dishevelled, humiliated Severus Snape, who was on the verge of shedding a tear in shock and anger.

This was one of those times where Severus Snape wished the ground would open up underneath his feet and swallow him within its depths. But, as always, the floor remained sturdy and still.

So Severus did what he did best.

He lowered his gaze to the floor and scurried back to the Slytherin table, trying to melt in with the crowd and try to forget the pure look of sympathy that had been upon the beautiful face of the girl he loved

"He's going to pay for this," muttered Severus quietly, as he stretched himself out onto his four-poster that night. "He's going to be very, very sorry he ever did tantalize me."

"What are you doing, Snape, talking to yourself again?" Lucius Malfoy, who was passing by, stopped suddenly and leaned against the doorway, examining him warily.

Severus's black eyes met Lucius' equally cold blue ones. "I'm plotting," he replied shortly, "against James Potter."

Lucius smiled thirstily. "Yes, I do like that idea." he said, pushing his long white-blond hair out of his eyes, and swaggered into the room, taking a seat upon the bed next to Severus'. "What do you have in mind?"

Severus nearly gulped. Most of his 'plans' involved Potter's blood running down a flight of stairs like a sanguine waterfall. And while these were delicious to dream about, they weren't exactly ones he could act on. Nor were they going to impress someone as darkly intelligent as Lucius Malfoy.

"We-ll," Snape said slowly, the gears in his head whirring at top speed, "I want to absolutely annihilate Potter's golden-boy image. I want to divulge his darkest, deepest secrets to the world - so that they can watch him plummet from his pedestal, where everyone will see that he is not the quintessential wizard he pretends to be."

"So you're saying that you want to uncover something that will force everyone to admit that Potter is not a perfect as he aims to be?"

"Exactly."

Lucius stroked his chin idly. "I am surprised, Snape, that you are not leaning towards inflicting physical pain upon him."

Snape reflected upon this for a moment. Physical pain, or emotional pain? What would scar the deepest, what would cause the utmost agony and anguish?

"I prefer to take the humiliation route," he answered. "For I have found, in my own personal experience, that emotional injuries hurt the most, take longer to heal, and last the longest."

Lucius nodded his approval. "And how do you suppose we go about this?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could worm something out of his sidekick Black."

Lucius Malfoy's eyes glittered with malice and excitement. "My girlfriend, Cissy, is cousins with Black," he said. "She is closer to him than her sister, Bella. Perhaps she can pry something about Potter out of him."

Severus struggled to keep his cool. "She'd do a good job," he commented. Narcissa Black was extremely persuasive, with warm brown eyes that you could stare into for hours and spill all of your fears and secrets to.

Lucius stood. "I'll see what I can do. Good night, Severus." He began to head for the door.

Severus watched his retreat in interest. "Lucius?" he called after him

The other boy turned, a slightly annoyed expression upon his face.

"I was just wondering," Severus blurted out, "why you are so keen to help me with this plot against James Potter. You are not antagonized by him as I am."

Lucius' expression hardened. "I'd rather not say," he said, "but I can tell you that I find Potter to be a disgrace to pure-bloods everywhere. He gives the rest of us a bad name. He supports Muggles, and as we are all quite aware, he chases after that Mudblood, Lily, as if she had the lineage of a queen. He is also extremely critical of the Dark Lord, and of my family, the Malfoys; therefore, I would not be sorry to see his self-love wounded. Without all of his bravado, Potter has very little to offer the wizarding community. Will that be all, Snape?" he finished, a contemptuous note in his voice.

Severus gritted his teeth. "Yes, of course, Malfoy. Do not forget what we have discussed tonight."

Lucius did not reply and swept out of the room.

Severus stared at the ceiling of his room, contemplating. He knew that Malfoy did not have a high esteem of Lily, or any Muggleborn, despite what kind of person they were on the inside. Best not to include him in my plans to get together with her, he thought to himself. Can't get on the wrong side of Lucius Malfoy.

As for Lucius' help with Severus' scheme of paying Potter back for his years of terrorization, well, he wasn't sure he'd actually receive it. Lucius was known for his empty promises and double-crossing. Severus would just have to pester him to go through with the plan, or go to his girlfriend, Narcissa, and arrange something with her.

As he burrowed under the soft comforter of his bed, he began to feel drowsy from the warmth. Everything was going well; all the cards were laid out on the table, ready to be played.

And Potter would not see it coming. Not at all.

But he'd deserve it, Severus thought to himself as he drifted off into his sleep. That git deserved every bit of trauma and revenge he had coming his way.

Because if you can dish it out, you should be able to take it, right?

Saturday was Severus Snape's favourite day of the week, by far. Not only was it a day off from lessons; it was the day where he would meet Lily under "their" tree, a gnarled, ancient maple by the west end of the school, where they sat and spilled their secrets, as they had done every single Saturday since first year.

He looked forward to these quaint sessions more than he looked forward to any holiday, including his own birthday. And if Lily didn't show up...

If she didn't show up, he would be devastated, to say the least.

As he approached the tree, to his relief, there she was, reading a book. He couldn't help but notice how the early-morning sunlight glinted off her auburn curls. Her cheeks were ruddy, and as she looked up at him, he was once again struck by the mysterious green eyes, even though he had seen them and dreamed of them at least a thousand times. He wondered vaguely what he looked like, in her eyes. What did she see when he walked towards her in the sunlight?

"Hi, Lily," he said softly, sitting next to her. His heart lurched when he saw her recoil a little as he leaned in a little too close for her liking, perhaps.

"Erm, hello, Sev," she replied dreamily, her mind obviously somewhere else.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you," he tried, fiddling with the buttons on his robes awkwardly, trying to find something to say to her. "in the Great Hall. I didn't mean it; I won't talk to you again when you're with your other friends if you don't want me to."

She took a while to respond. "It's not that," she said eventually. "It's just... you've changed, Sev. A lot. I can just tell by the look in your eyes."

"What look?"

"You used to be... I dunno, gentler. Less miserable. But now you spend your time with Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Black and Crabbe... those future Death Eaters, those people who are almost guaranteed to go Dark when they get out of school. And they've changed you. I could tell that was happening even last year."

"I haven't changed," he said indignantly.

"You have, Sev. You have. You spend all your time trying to make up bad spells that will hurt things, hurt people, even. You read all those Dark books, and you don't even flinch when you hear stories about things that You-Know-Who has done to people. You don't care. It's almost as if you like hearing about what He's done to people."

She stopped to catch her breath. "Do you remember what you said to me that day when Sirius Black hexed you right here, under this exact tree, maybe last June?"

He shook his head no. Potter and his gang had terrorized him so many times that all the individual situations seemed to blend and mix all together in one foggy haze of pain and humiliation.

"I haven't forgotten it. You looked at me and you said, 'Sirius Black is one of those people who deserves to have bad things happen to him. And when he's bleeding out right here in front of this tree, when I use my new spell on him, I'm going to laugh. I'm going to laugh and watch him die.'"

Lily shuddered. "Do you understand, Severus, how much that scares me? How much that makes me want to cover my ears and forget? But I can't forget. What you, who are supposed to be friend, said, is unforgettable. And I'm going to keep right on hearing that in my nightmares, again and again."

Severus Snape was shaking his head no. "No. No, I didn't mean it," he said, his voice rising with each word. "You know I wasn't going to hurt anybody, Lily. You know me better than that."

"That's the thing, Sev. I don't know about you any more. And that's what frightens me to death." She got to her feet, clutching her books tightly in her arms.

"And unless you change, Severus Snape, I don't think you're the type of person I want to associate myself with."

And with that, she marched away from him, taking a clear path out of his life.

For now, it was temporary. But unless something changed, unless something was different, it would be like that forever and for always.

"LiLi, I'm sooo glad you dumped his sorry ass," Alice Sayers took a swig of pumpkin juice and grinned at her friend. "I mean, it's not like you were dating or anything, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah," agreed Rachel Higgens. "Look at the guy, sweetie! He's a total creeper! He's the type of guy you'd see in a first-rate horror film, standing above the main character while they're sleeping, with a bloody machete in his hand, ready to chop their head off!"

"Okay, okay, enough with horror-movie references," Lily grumbled, scooping a slice of cherry pie onto her plate. "I'm trying to eat here."

Lily had rehashed the subject of Severus Snape with her two best friends, and while they totally supported her decision to leave him in the dust, they weren't very understanding when she tried to explain how difficult it was for her to leave a close friend like that.

"I don't know how you put up with him, Li," added Alice. "He's just... gross."

"Hey," admonished Lily, swatting Alice in the arm with her bag. "He's not the most handsome guy around, I know that, but he was a great friend."

"Really?" asked Rachel, appalled. "Like I said, he was a total freak. And the way he looked at you..."

"What?" Lily demanded, her eyes wide.

Rachel blushed, and fiddled with her spoon. "It was just... like, when he looked at you, Li, he wasn't looking at you like a friend. He was staring at you like you were... I dunno, a big beautiful birthday present wrapped in gold paper and ribbon, that he couldn't wait to open."

The three girls were silent for a moment, contemplating this.

"Merlin," whispered Alice finally. "That's actually really scary, 'Chelly."

Rachel shrugged. "Just callin' it as I see it."

Lily sighed. "Okay, you two are no help whatsoever. But it doesn't matter. I'm over it."

"Allright, then."

They continued on with their meal, chatting about classes and homework assignments. Halfway through, Alice jabbed Lily in the ribs with her elbow.

"Don't look now," Alice hissed, "but James Potter is staring at you."

Lily looked over at him, blushing furiously.

"I told you not to look!" Alice exclaimed. "What's the matter with you?"

Lily groaned loudly. "I hate James Potter, Alice," she snapped. "He's arrogant and a bully and I can't stand him. I want him to leave me alone."

"Send him my way, will ya, LiLi?" drawled Rachel. "I'll happily take him off your hands."

Lily giggled in spite of herself. "He's all yours, sweetie."

Rachel sighed wistfully. "I wish," she said. "But he's hopelessly in love with you. It's unbelievable. He has eyes for no one else."

Lily rolled her own green eyes. "Shit," she mumbled. "Just my luck."

Author's Notes:

This is the first few chapters of Never Have I Ever, condensed into one clean one. Hope you enjoy!

Please feel free to point out any errors or make suggestions!

ChiaraMikami