Massage

By: Half-elf

AN: My husband starting watching "The IT Crowd" on Netflix and got my addicted. So you can thank him for this baby.

Disclaimer: I do not own "The IT Crowd" and I am not making a profit from this story.

O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O

"Roy, quit being a baby and just go get a massage. You'll feel much better. I always feel very relaxed after I have one."

Roy glared at his boss as he stiffly tried to sit in his chair. "That's the difference between us, Jen. I don't like to get naked in front of strangers." He smirked at the scowl on her face but quickly lost the smile as a twinge of pain ran up his back. "Ow."

Jen snorted. "Serves ya right." Her mouth tightened as she watched him lay his head down on the desk. "Seriously, Roy, you really should-"

"Who wants to hear another Space Star Ordering success story?" Douglas barged in and proceeded to blab on. Roy couldn't even begin to feign interest and tuned him out. Soon after his magic wishing star buying whatever story was over, and after he had hit on Jen of course, Douglas left.

"Ugh," Roy groaned. "T'ank god he's gone." He managed to sit back up but pain shot down his back. "Shit, this sucks."

"Oh for goodness sakes…" Jen rolled her eyes then moved towards Moss's desk. "Can't you talk some sense into him?"

"Well, I've tried talking sense into Roy many times, it's just never stuck."

Jen shook her head at the thoughtful, serious look on Moss's face. "Honestly, you two are something else."

Moss smiled. "Why thank you, Jen. That was a nice thing to say."

The phone began to ring and slowly, hoping one of the others would beat her, Jen reached for it. 'No such luck.' She sighed and lifted the receiver. "IT." She listened as a rather frantic woman responded. "Yes. Uh-huh. Sure, I'll send someone up. Bye." She shook her head and hung up the phone and looked to the two men. "Computer problem on seventh, who wants it?"

She smirked as Roy tried to sit up straight and failed. She turned to Moss. "Why don't you go up? I don't think Roy is up to it."

"I am too. I'm so up to it. I'll-" He winced as he stood up. "I'll be fine," he said at a higher pitch than normal.

"Go, Moss." Moss glanced at Roy before getting up from his own desk. Roy, refusing to be left behind when it came to the girls on seventh, started to shuffle after him. "Stop." Jen's voice caused both men to pause. "Moss, you deal with the problem." Her eyes never left Roy's. When Moss ran from the room Jen glared at Roy and pointed to the couch. "Sit."

"Jen, I'm fine. Really. And I don't need you treating me like a-"

"Shut up and sit down, Roy," Jen said in her best 'I'm the boss' tone. And though he grumbled all the while, he did take a seat on the brown couch. "Face my office." More grumbling, she was sure she heard a 'crazy bitch' in there, but he did turn.

"Jen, I don't know what you're plannin' but I'm not in the mood for… it… Oh good lord, that feels good." He let his head fall forward as her thumbs pressed into the area between his shoulder blades. He groaned in pleasure as she worked down his back but Jen wasn't nearly as happy. Her own back was at a weird angle when she tried to massage his lower back.

"Okay," she said with a huff as she stood up. "This isn't going to work."

"Jeeeeeen." Roy whined when she stopped.

"Damn baby. I just mean that you have to lie down. I can't reach your lower back properly."

Roy shifted his lanky form to lie across the couch. He heard her heels click as she walked around the couch, felt the cushion dip as she sat, felt her hip press against his. He swallowed nervously as she placed her hands on him again but soon relaxed as she continued.

Jen smiled at having his lanky body laid out before her. 'His shoulders are wider than I thought,' she realized as she ran her hands across them. A smirk touched her lips as he let out another moan when she hit another sensitive area. "I can't believe you were just going to carry on like this. What if you'd hurt yourself worse?"

"Jen," came the muffled reply. "I'm not stupid enough to do this to myself a second time."

She smirked. "No more mosh pits, then?"

"Never." He groaned again. "You know, you're not half bad at this, Jen."

"Not half bad?" She said, feeling insulted. She reached up and flicked his ear.

"Ow! Jen?!" Roy turned to meet her angry gaze. "You know what I meant." She arched a brow in his direction. "Fine. You're good, the greatest. Now can you get back to it?"

She huffed at him but began to massage once more. She trailed her fingers down his sides before gliding her palms up the center. With another moan from the relaxed man beside her, she got a devilish idea. "You know, if you'd take your shirt off it might be a little better."

Roy blinked then rose to comply with her request. It made sense, is all. Not like he really wanted any skin to skin contact. Nope. Not at all. He threw his shirt to the side then watched as she slipped off her shoes. "What ya doin' that for?"

Jen bit back defensively. "Well if you can be comfortable, what can't I be?"

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by it. Was just curious is all." He laid down and closed his eyes, waiting to see if she would continue. He sighed in pleasure when her hands slid up his bare back.

Jen looked down at him critically as she continued her massage. He was pale. But then she supposed that was to be expected as he spent most of his time indoors. But his skin was good, soft. Without thinking, she brushed her fingertips down his back. He shivered and she smiled. She continued to work on his back, basking in every sigh and groan of pleasure. Her hands moved to his lower back, her fingers tracing the band of his trousers, her thumbs slipping underneath. She licked her lips and reversed direction. 'All-in-all,' she thought, 'very nice.'

They lost track of time enjoying each others' company and the calm, quiet of the basement until Jen let out a soft cry of pain. Roy jerked his head around to see her rubbing at her hand. "What's wrong?"

She waived him off while flexing her right hand. "Nothing. Just a hand cramp."

He turned over on his back and reached for her hand. When she blinked at him in surprise he shot her a look. "I'm not tha big a prat," he said softly. He scooted up a little further until he was sitting and began to rub the heel of her hand with his thumbs.

"Mmm. That feels nice." Jen leaned forward.

Roy looked up, startled to find her face so close to his. He glanced down at her lips then licked his own nervously. Lifting his eyes to meet hers, he was surprised by the heat he saw in them. "Jen?" His voice was slightly husky.

"Yeah?" Her voice was a whisper as she leaned toward him, lashes drifting shut as his lips neared her own.

"Well, that was a big to do." Jen and Roy jerked back from one another as Moss entered the room. He looked at them curiously, taking in Roy's shirtless status and Jen's seat on the floor. "What's going on?"

Jen scrambled up and made a beeline for her office, shutting the door forcefully as soon as she entered. Roy glared at Moss then reached for his discarded shirt. He paused when he saw it lying by the shoes she cast off earlier. Quickly, he scooped them up and set them down by his desk then put his shirt back on. Acting as nonchalant as possible and ending up looking guiltier than the situation called for, he turned to Moss. "So… what happened upstairs?"

"Oh no. You can't distract me. I can tell when something's going on. Tell me." He started to bounce up and down. "Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell m-"

"Alright! For Christ's sake, Moss." Roy flopped into his chair, arms crossed over his chest. "She was just giving me a back rub. That's all."

"Oh." Moss sat down sounding slightly disappointed. He started idly fiddling with some of the stuff on his desk before he abruptly turned back to Roy. "Really? Nothing?"

"Nothing, Moss," Roy said through gritted teeth.

"Then why were you facing each other?"

Roy scrubbed a hand over his face. "Her hand cramped and I was helping her with it."

"Oh." Again, Moss sounded disappointed by the banality of the situation. "You're sure?"

"Yes, Moss. I'm sure." Turning to his computer and, taking a leaf from Jen's book, Roy pretended to work.

"But the tension…" Roy groaned and put his head in his hands as Moss continued. "It was like those shows my mother makes me watch with her. All sorts of romantic tension." Roy ignored him. Moss turned back to what he was doing. "Well, at least your back's better."

"Yeah," Roy muttered. "Yeah, it is."

"So, about what happened on seventh…"

O.o.o.o.o.O

Jen hid in her office for the rest of the day. When quitting time came, she was out the door like a shot with only a perfunctory good bye to Moss and a fleeting glance at Roy. She had almost forgotten that she had a date with a guy in a band.

Only… he wasn't like she remembered him.

Yes he was in a band. But other than that he was rather… blah. He had no opinions, really, on anything. He just went with whatever she thought. There was no challenge, no excitement. She wanted someone who paid attention to her, yes, but to agree with everything she said (and she tried, she really did, to say something so outrageous that he wouldn't be able to agree with her) was annoying. And boring. Yes, boring and annoying. She called it off early and went home alone.

It was all Roy's fault.

O.o.o.o.o.O

Roy was actually early the next morning, sitting at his desk waiting for the others (read: Jen) to come in. When she finally waltzed in the door he subtly, in his mind, looked to see how the date went last night. There was no "I hooked up with a band member" glow but there was also none of that "it was a terrible date and I went home and ate three bags of crisps" moodiness. He was still trying to read her when Moss walked in. Jen slipped into her office and closed the door.

Moss looked at the door in confusion. "That's not right. She always says something about her dates." He looked at Roy who was also still watching her door. "You'd figure she'd be chewing our ears off with tales of her fantastic date with the band member."

Roy cleared his throat. "Well, that's fine with me. Less we hear of her dates, the better."

Moss squirmed in his chair. "But I want to know. We always hear of it, I'm used to it."

The door open and both men snapped their heads around to see Jen standing in the doorway, hands on hips, glaring at them. "You want to know? Fine. I dumped him."

"But he was in a band!" Moss said in shock.

"Why?" Roy locked eyes with her.

"He was boring, alright." She crossed her arms over her chest to stop from fidgeting under his gaze.

"How was he boring? All ya did yesterday was go on and on about how great he was." Roy's tone was mocking.

Moss's eyes darted back and forth between his coworkers. He could feel the sudden tension in the room. This was even better than his mother's shows! He wondered if he had any popcorn leftover from the last Space Star Ordering success story.

"Yeah, well," Jen blushed slightly. "He wasn't when I spent an evening talking to him."

"Oh, yeah? Well that's too bad then. You've got to make sure Jen stays entertained. He should have known that." He was being a bastard, he knew, but he was hurt that she ran off without even a word yesterday.

Jen's temper flared. "Stop being such a bloody arse, Roy!" She turned on her heel and slammed the office door behind her.

Teeth grinding together, Roy glared at the closed door. "That woman is damned crazy." He kicked his feet up onto the desk and angrily flipped through a comic book. He didn't know why he was so angry. No, he wasn't angry. 'I'm annoyed is all. Yeah. She ran outta here yesterday without so much as a word ta me. I've a right to be ticked.'

The phone rang and he grabbed the receiver. "What!? Look, if you're so damn stupid ya can't figure out how to work a computer ya shouldn't be working here." He slammed the receiver down and saw Moss staring at him. "Well she shouldn't be. How hard is it to use a computer?"

The phone rang again and this time, Moss jumped for it. "IT. Yes. Yes. I'm sorry, he was um… he was um… Right, that. Don't worry, I'll be up in a jiff." Moss shook his head at Roy. "I never thought you'd turn down a call from seventh."

"Yeah, well, she didn't have to be… so… damn… computer illiterate." Roy winced. That had been a horrible comeback.

Moss scuttled out of the room into the, at the moment, more peaceful parts of the building.

Roy watched him go then turned to the closed door. 'Time to end this, once and fer all.' He stormed across the room and threw open her door. "Jen…" He trailed off when he got a look at her face.

She turned towards her monitor, refusing to look at him. "What do you want, Roy? I'm busy in case you haven't noticed." She continued to tap the keys half-heartedly.

"Jen?" He angled his head to see past the hair shielding her face; her eyes were red. "Have you been crying?"

She cleared her throat. "None of your business, Roy." She sniffed.

Roy gritted his teeth and walked around her desk and used two fingers under her chin to raise her eyes to his. "You have. Why?" His eyes went hard. "Did that bastard you were wit' last night do something ta you, is that why you dumped him?"

She shook free of his hand. "No you idiot. He didn't do anything other than be a boring blob."

"Ya sure?"

"Yes."

Roy leaned against her desk and crossed his arms across his chest. "Then why were you crying?"

She stood up, eyes flashing. "Because you're an arse and you annoy the piss out of me and you drive me crazy!" She poked him in the chest with each point she made. "But for some strange arse reason…" Jen took a deep breath and shook her head. "Never mind. Just forget it."

"What?" He was tense as he stared at her.

"I said forget it. Why don't you say why you were being such a schmuck this morning?" She crossed her arms, her stance mirroring his. She was surprised to see a flush touch his cheeks.

"Look, ya just… I mean, I… we…" He cleared his throat. He gestured over his shoulder, "Ah, Moss went up to seventh." He winced. 'God, that was horrible.'

Jen tried not to smile at his flustered antics. He could annoy her to no end but then he turned around and acted so damn adorable and she just stopped being angry. It wasn't fair. He was a geek, he shouldn't have even been on her radar. "Thanks, Roy." He looked confused. "For telling me about Moss."

"Oh. Yeah. Right." He shuffled nervously towards her door. "I'll just be…" He thrust a thumb in the direction of his desk. "Yeah." He plopped down in his chair and thumped his head against the desk. She drove him crazy. He had wanted to punch that guy when he thought he might've done something to her. And he wasn't usually the guy who did the punching.

He liked yesterday. At least he did until she closed herself in her office. Jen could be fun when she wanted to be and, while she didn't know anything about computers and too much about shoes, they did have some things in common. She argued with him, pushed him. Made him want to do more…well, except for 'customer service.' Sometimes he wished…

He jerked his head up. "Tha might work." He quickly walked back to her office and walked in. She jumped as if she had been lost in thought. He tried to smile suavely and only managed to look slightly less than manic. "Jen, I had a thought."

"Well congratulations. I'll make a note of it." She smirked, relieved that this at least was somewhat normal behavior for them. If she could act normal then she might actually begin to feel normal instead of remembering the feel of his muscles playing under her hands, or… 'Stop it.'

He made a face. "I'm trying to be nice here." She only smiled at him. "Fine. I just thought that, as a thank you for the, you know, back rub yesterday," color kissed his cheeks but he was encouraged when her own turned slightly pink. "I could take you out for dinner."

"Oh." Jen blinked. She hadn't expected this, though she was far from adverse to the idea. "Yeah, that sounds nice."

"Great. Yeah. So I'll pick ya up from your place. Seven sound good?"

She smiled. "Seven sounds great."

"Good. Tonight then." He sent her a goofy smile, clearly pleased with her answer. He was halfway out the door when she called him back. "Yeah?"

"Just don't ask Moss where to go." She smiled when he laughed, both remembering the disaster that evening had been. Though, for her, it was a treasured memory. It had been the first time she had seen him step up as her hero.

O.o.o.o.o.O

Dinner was wonderful. He picked her up dressed in something other than his traditional tee shirt and jeans. She came to the door dressed to the nines, some sleek little black and red number that- his eyes widened. 'That slit goes all the way up her leg!' He looked away before she caught him but he needn't have worried, she was too busy looking over his own clothing choices.

He took her to one of his favorite restaurants, not too fancy but not a dive either. She looked around uncertainly but he quickly reassured her. "The food's awesome. Guarantee better than anything you've had anywhere else."

"Alright." She smiled softly. "I'll hold ya to that."

They chatted and laughed, enjoying each other's presence. When the food came, Jen had to admit that, yes, it was very good. They lingered over tea and dessert, laughing at some antic that Moss had gotten up to that day. After the laughter died away, Roy looked at her, smiling slightly. "I'm glad you said yes."

Jen blushed. "I am too." She smiled brightly. "I've had fun."

They left the restaurant soon after, walking back to the car in silence. He walked her to her door, not wanting the night to end but unsure of her response.

Jen stopped at the door and turned to look at him. "Thanks for dinner, Roy. I had a brilliant time."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm glad." He opened his mouth to say something else when she rested a hand on his shoulder and leaned up. He was going to be able to finish what Moss interrupted and, before she could change her mind, he leaned in and kissed her.

Jen's other hand crept over his shoulder to rest at the back of his neck as she came up on tiptoes to reach him. In response, he bent down and lifted her up, pressing her to him tightly. She made a little noise of approval and pulled him closer. Roy groaned and pushed her back against her door, his hands sliding down to cup her bottom.

With a gasp, Jen pulled back, panting heavily. "Roy." Her voice was husky and her mind a little unfocused, but she needed to know. "Roy?"

"Mhm." His lips pressed to her throat and her eyes rolled back.

"Roy?"

He heard the slight panic in her voice and pulled back enough to see her face. He looked at her closely as she licked her lips and tried to gather her thoughts. "What's wrong?"

Her eyes, an intense green that shook him, locked on his. "This was a date, wasn't it?"

He swallowed nervously. "It was if you want it to be."

She shoved at his shoulders until he set her back on her feet. "Just answer the damn question."

"Ow! Yes, then. It was a date. I wanted it to be a date, ya damn crazy bitch." Suddenly, Roy thought that it was probably not a good idea to call the woman you liked (had feelings for? loved?) a 'damn crazy bitch.' "I… I mean… Umph!" He couldn't finish the sentence with Jen attached to his lips. Not that he was complaining.

Jen opened the door to her flat and led him, shedding clothing as they went, into her bedroom. He had her pressed into the mattress when he paused. "Roy," she whined, her arms reaching to bring his lips once again to hers.

"Ya sure?"

She stopped and looked up into his serious face, more serious than she had ever seen him. Her fingers stroked him from temple to cheek and he turned and placed a kiss on her palm. "Yeah, Roy, I'm sure."

He groaned. "T'ank god," and kissed her hard on the mouth. Those were the last words either of them spoke for a while.

O.o.o.o.o.O

Moss glanced back and forth between his two coworkers the next morning. Something was different. Jen still poked fun at Roy and Roy still teased Jen but something was different. "What's wrong with you two?"

Roy and Jen both looked at him in surprise then turned to each other and shared a look. Jen nodded then came to stand next to Roy. She put a hand on his shoulder and took a deep breath. "Moss, Roy and I are dating now."

"No, that's not it." Moss waived them off.

"No, we are. I swear." Roy slid an arm around her waist as he watched his friend.

"You're pulling one over on me, aren't you?"

"We swear, Moss. Honest." Roy held up his hand in the Vulcan Salute.

"Oh. Alright then." He turned back to his computer. "Did you know Douglas got a robotic hand? He's using it for evil. Such a shame."

Roy let out a relieved breath that Moss didn't mind the relationship between him and Jen. "It's a damn shame is what. Don't worry, you'll get yours one day."

Jen leaned down and kissed his cheek and, with a whisper in his ear about what they could do later, went to (actually) do paper work in her office. Roy watched her go with pleasure, he always did like watching her walk away, those tight little skirts… He coughed and sat up straight.

Jen smiled as she listened to the phone ring and Roy's greeting. "IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?" She laughed.

O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O

AN: Hope you enjoyed this. Let me know what you think.