Kirk glanced at Spock, standing beside him on the bridge with hands clasped loosely behind his back. He looked at those hands now, those long pale fingers that had been his farewell in the heart of the Enterprise. He wondered absently what they would feel like against his own, without the cold glass between them this time. Would they be as icy and hard as the Vulcan would have everyone believe, or maybe soft and warm and-He shook his head slightly, and stretched his legs out, reclining into the captain's chair. Stupid.

He might have had an inkling of these stupid thoughts before, but now they consumed his entire mind. That damn curiosity of his tugged at his attention, whispering all sorts of unwholesome ideas. He often found himself suddenly wondering whether Spock had ever had a hard-on, or if he'd ever had a dirty dream. And who appeared in those dreams, if he had.

"Captain."

Jim blinked and looked up. His first officer was watching him, with a quizzical tilt to an eyebrow. Spock claimed to have no emotions, strongly insisted sometimes, but Kirk had been with him long enough to read the subtle shifts in his expressions. A slight tilt of the head, a deepening in the furrows between his brows. He wondered if the Vulcan blushed green when he was turned on…

He suddenly realized that Spock had spoken again. "Yes, Mr. Spock."

"Your motor reflexes seem to be disoriented, Captain. Shall I summon-"

"Hell no, keep Bones out of this." The maniacal doctor would have him hypoed for a hangnail if Kirk let him have his way. "I'm fine."

"I have learned from past experiences, Captain, that the human phrase 'I'm fine' often insinuates that the condition of the subject in question is, in fact, quite the opposite. If you please, I must insist that you visit the medbay at once."

"Spock," Kirk complained. The crew members on the bridge appeared to be trying very hard to pretend that they weren't listening. Kirk stood abruptly. "Come with me, Mr. Spock."

As soon as the doors shut behind them, Kirk seized Spock's elbow, driven by some mad, illogical, feeling that even he couldn't identify. He rarely touched the Vulcan, and his first officer seemed taken aback for a brief moment. Then the moment passed and he was smooth and blank again. "Is there a problem, Captain?"

"No. Yes." Kirk released Spock and turned away, running a hand through his brown hair absently. "Spock," he said suddenly, wheeling back to face his first officer.

"Yes, Captain." He was frowning slightly. Kirk found himself mesmerized by the wrinkle in the pale skin between his eyes. He opened his mouth automatically, realized he had no idea what to say, and closed it again. Then, "Could we. Could we maybe go to your quarters, Spock?"

Spock's frown deepened, and he took a step forward. Kirk's breath hitched at the unexpected move, and he stumbled back a step. Spock froze instantly. "Captain?"

"I-I'm fine. It's nothing. Don't worry about it." He rubbed the back of his neck, immensely regretting the whole thing. What was he thinking, anyway? That he could just call out Spock and be all, Hey, I can't stop thinking about you since I died. Let me touch your hand? Moron.

Spock's head inclined a degree to the side as he considered Kirk. "Vulcans do not worry, Captain."

"Well, good, because-"

"However, I consider my Captain's well-being to be of high priority, as he is of the highest authority aboard this ship, and therefore am inclined to be somewhat more focused on his mental state." His head tilted a little more. Kirk found himself unable to meet those suddenly piercing eyes. "I believe you are worried about something, Captain, judging by your increase in heart rate and pupil dilation upon exiting the bridge."

"Me? Don't be ridiculous, Spock. When do I worry about anything?" Kirk tried to laugh it off, but the smile died on his face when Spock merely stared him down. "Fine. I'm…worried." Not his exact word of choice, but let the Vulcan believe that if he wanted. "Just don't call Bones. The man would tear me apart."

"I do not understand, Captain. I doubt Dr. McCoy would be so extreme as to-"

"It's a joke, Spock. Don't worr-Don't think too hard about it."

A moment of swelling silence. "I believe we should progress to my quarters after all, Captain," Spock said at last. "The corridor is hardly a location to discuss your concerns."

"Huh, yeah. Yeah, sure."

They went on their way, Kirk feeling a certain level of panic in his chest. He hadn't imagined things going this far, wasn't sure what he had expected in the first place. His palms were sweaty, and he wiped them subtly against his thighs. But…if he got to touch Spock…it would all be worth it. He couldn't explain this urge, this longing. It had definitely not been like this before the Khan affair. It was as if the event had been a catalyst, smashing down rational barriers and swelling mild curiosity into full-blown desire.

They reached Spock's rooms before Kirk could sort out his mind, and before he knew it, Spock had seated himself on his bunk and was politely indicating the one chair in the chamber.

Kirk sat awkwardly, rubbing his hands again on his legs. Even the way Spock sat….hands on knees, back stiff and straight…he wanted to touch him so bad. He swallowed hard. "Um."

"Are you not feeling well, Captain? Headache, nausea?"

He had to laugh a little at that. "Have you been hanging with the doc, Commander? What's with the interrogation?"

A pause. "I have not been…hanging….with the doctor, Captain. I was merely attempting to gain a general knowledge of your…worries."

"My physical condition isn't the problem." In a manner of speaking, it was, but Kirk wasn't about to let the conversation stray in that direction. Fortunately, Spock moved on.

"And your mental state, Captain? You did receive a full blood transfusion recently, Captain. Unforeseen side effects would not be un-"

"It's not that." He really was starting to get a headache now, and nausea was probably not far behind. "Look, I don't really want to ask this of you. I know…I know how much you won't like it."

Spock leaned forward, puzzled, and Kirk twitched. His face felt hot. He hoped he wasn't lighting up like a Christmas tree. Hell, he hadn't blushed since his Academy days. He rubbed his jaw nervously, trying to slow his suddenly racing heart. "What do you want from me, Captain?" Spock inquired.

Your hands. Your lips. Your skin and breath and heart and thought. "Not much, really. Well, not much for humans. Vulcans, probably a lot more. I mean-it's something little for me, but probably a big deal for you. That's why I…I didn't want to-"

"Captain." Spock cut off his rambling, which Kirk was pathetically thankful for. "What. Do you want."

"…canitouchyourhand."

"Captain? I'm not sure I heard-"

"Can I…" Swallow. His throat was dry. "Can I touch your…your hand, Spock."

"My…hand."

"Your hand." Oh God, he had to say it. Kirk wanted to climb back into the warp core at that moment.

Spock was silent. Speechless, probably. Kirk didn't blame him. He was no expert on Vulcan relations, but he suspected that he had just asked Spock to do the human equivalent of giving him a strip tease on the table. Whipped cream and cherries and all. The thought sent a jolt of heat to his groin and he flinched in horror. No. Spock would kill him. He shifted his legs uncomfortably, then chanced a glance at his first officer's face.

He seemed to be taking it…well. No expression, but no surprise there. Kirk cleared his throat. "Look…I'm just being stupid, you know. It's me. I…I do stupid things. It's just…I can't stop thinking about it. You know, what happened down there. And you don't talk about it. And I don't talk about it. But I think about it. All the time. How we…" His throat was so dry. He swallowed again, licked his lips.

He imagined Spock watching the action and almost groaned in self-disgust. He was truly a disgusting individual. Spock was his friend. He had said so himself. That and nothing else. "How we were on opposite sides. Of the door." He wasn't sure what he was saying anymore, but the words kept coming, as if he had finally unlocked the door and let out everything he didn't even know he had inside. "We couldn't touch, you know? The door…it was the last thing I remember. I remember wishing the door wasn't there. Not so I could get out. I wasn't that far gone to think I could be saved. But…just to be able to touch someone before I…before I died. I guess." He finished lamely.

Spock stood. The movement was so sudden, so unexpected, that Kirk jerked in the chair and nearly fell out. The Vulcan took two long strides and was kneeling in front of Kirk, head inclined upwards so he was staring up at his captain's face. "Your hand then, Captain," he said. Kirk almost hated the smoothness of his voice, the unfazed expression. He had just spilled his damn heart out and Spock was going to ignore-that was practically Shakespeare, that was! But the offer, the offer was too damn good to refuse.

He lifted his hand. His fingers were trembling. Spock reached up, gently brushed his fingertips against Kirk's palm. The contact was almost electrifying. A small burst of golden light exploded behind Kirk's eyes, and he blinked hard to clear them. He suddenly wondered what it would feel like to have his entire body touched, and pure Kirk-like impulsiveness moved his hand and pressed it against Spock's, palm to palm.

Curiosity. Pleasure. Blinding desire. It was everything Kirk had never expected from Spock, and it was everything he felt through their hands. He wasn't sure where his own longing ended and where Spock's began. Their hands seemed glued together; he couldn't let go even if he wanted to. His breath caught in his chest as Spock let out a strange growl that was half a groan. "Captain…"

"What…what was it you did that time?" Kirk murmured. He felt almost feverish, and saw that Spock was in a similar state. His ordinarily pale skin was tinged green with blood, glimmering with a faint sheen of sweat. Kirk shifted his hand into a clumsy Vulcan salute, fingers trembling. Spock mirrored him almost unconsciously, until their fingers matched. An overwhelming wave of eye-watering longing slammed into Kirk, echoed in the low moan that rumbled from Spock's chest. The Vulcan's head drooped onto Kirk's knees, the contact jerking Kirk briefly from his fiery daze. He involuntarily tried to pull away, but Spock's fingers clenched down and intertwined with his, locking their hands together.

"Spock," Kirk breathed, unable to say much else. "What…I didn't think…"

"Don't think," Spock growled, his voice vibrating against Kirk's legs. He looked up, reached with his free hand and grasped the back of Kirk's neck. "Feel."

Well, shit.

Kirk couldn't help but lick his lips again, and this time he was almost positive that Spock's eyes followed the movement. The Vulcan's next words confirmed it. "Do not do that."

"What? This?" He licked his lips again, slower this time. Spock squeezed down on his hand again, and golden fireworks-young Spock Academy red Cadet Kirk Captain his Captain love love love-exploded. "That," he growled, when Kirk had caught his breath again. "It discomforts me."

"I thought Vulcans didn't feel, Mr. Spock."

"I am half-human, Captain, and am therefore entitled to a few faults."

Kirk snorted. "It's Jim, you dolt. And there's nothing wrong with a few faults," he teased. "You can feel me, can't you?" They were standing now, somehow, must have happened while Kirk was whirling in the fireworks. Kirk stepped forward, until their chests touched, their hands pressed between them.

"I can…I can feel you," Spock responded, his voice strangely raspy. "I always have." Kirk leaned forward, until his forehead bumped the Vulcan's shoulder. That uncomfortable, niggling urge deep in his bones had all but vanished, sated by the contact he had unconsciously longed for. Spock always did that, always completed the fragments and filled in the holes in his being. And at that, Kirk snorted. He wondered how long it would be before he got Spock to fill in the hole.

"What is it?"

Kirk squeezed their hands. "A human fault, Mr. Spock. Nothing to worry about."

A/N: Thanks for the favorites and reviews, guys! This is my first "official" fanfic, though I am by no means inexperienced in the arts of shipping and composing all kinds of dubious fantasies in my head. Hopefully I'll only get better at putting what's in my head down in writing. Thanks again!