Man in the Middle Chapter 1

A/N
I first covered this theme in an older story called "How Is It Done?" (The title is a line by Lt. Uhura from a Star Trek episode called "The Apple.") I wrote that one before I learned about public consummations for Viking chiefs' families. That concept has held a morbid fascination to me ever since. So I've revisited the subject. Of all the stories I've written, some of which run for over a hundred chapters and some of which have gotten over 100,000 hits, this little four-chapter story is still my favorite.

o

The new Mr. and Mrs. Haddock sat at the head table of their wedding reception, glumly sipping honeyed mead and wishing it was tomorrow. They were not unhappy with the wedding; it had gone smoothly and was mercifully brief. Nor were they unhappy with the reception; there were plenty of people there to interact with each other, so that the bride and groom were left by themselves now and then, which was what they heartily wanted. And they weren't unhappy at all with the fact that they were married. For Hiccup, it was his lifelong dream come true. For Astrid, the dream was less than a year old, but no less heartfelt for that.

They were unhappy about their upcoming wedding night. Specifically, the fact that the whole thing was going to be as public as the wedding and the reception. When a chief's son got married, the consummation had to be witnessed by multiple members of both families and notable citizens of the town. It was Viking law, backed up by longstanding tradition, and there was no getting out of it.

Hiccup had tried everything to get out of it. He'd plied his father with questions about any possible exemption or exception to the rule; there were none. He'd asked Gobber, who was older and had been around; he'd never heard of any tribe doing things differently. He'd even gone to Gothi, with Gobber to interpret, and asked if she knew any way out of this situation. She'd drawn one of her little pictures in response. Unlike most of her pictures, Hiccup understood this one without needing an interpreter. Its meaning was painfully clear, to the extent that he'd blushed and looked away. There was no escape.

Every few minutes, he would glance at his bride and marvel at her beauty, and his good luck in marrying her. She would glance back, and they would start to smile at each other. But then, some half-drunk Viking on the other side of the room would launch into a ribald song that would have been more appropriate at an all-male drinking party than a wedding reception, and they would be forcibly reminded that, in an hour or less, the beginning of their married life would be a spectator sport. They would cringe and look away from each other in embarrassment.

Off to the side of the hall, Toothless lay against the wall, watching the goings-on with very mixed feelings. Loud noises were upsetting to dragons, and this reception had plenty of loud noises. The crowds kept him from getting close to Hiccup, which always bothered him. He understood that this kind of gathering was supposed to be a good thing among humans. Yet he felt such a mix of emotions from his best friend that he honestly didn't know if this particular party was a good thing or a bad thing. He kept sensing a happy-scared, happy-scared pattern from Hiccup, and it had something to do with the girl beside him. That girl was always the source of Hiccup's strongest emotions, both good and bad. Now those strong emotions were getting mixed together like Zippleback gas and sparks, and the mix felt just as explosive. Toothless didn't really know what was going on, but he was determined to keep his friend safe, no matter what might happen.

Astrid leaned over to Hiccup. "Do they have to sing those awful songs?"

"I think they do it because they're nervous," Hiccup answered her. "They're going to be almost as embarrassed to watch us as we'll be when we... you know... and they're putting up a front to hide it. Kind of like acting brave when you're really terrified." Which is what I'm doing right now, he added mentally.

"Well, if they're that nervous, and they're just watching, then what kinds of songs should we be singing?" she asked.

"How about 'It's Time for Me to Fly'?" he suggested, with a wry grin. "If we could jump on our dragons and get out of here, I'd move so fast, they'd think I was part Night Fury!"

"You and me both," she nodded heartily. "Could we?"

"No," he said, and his grin vanished. "This is how it is when you marry a chief's son. Maybe you'd have been happier with Snotlout."

She belted him in the arm. "That's for even thinking such a thing!" she snarled. Then she kissed him lightly on the lips. "That's for everything else."

"Yeah, but it's that 'everything else' that's got me worried," he said. He was fine, as long as he could keep his eyes and his thoughts exclusively on her.

Stoick suddenly stood up on a table. "All right, everyone!" he bellowed. "The party is going to keep going, but the bride and groom have something important to take care of! All the chosen witnesses, follow us! It's time." Astrid glanced at Hiccup; he looked like he might get sick. At least he had the good grace to be bothered by all this, rather than looking forward to it, like most of the men in the room seemed to be doing. She'd been warned by her married female relatives about what to expect, and she, the mighty warrior maiden who had fought dragons, was scared to death.

The chief grabbed each of them by an arm, stood them up, and half-guided, half-pushed them toward the exit. Astrid looked back and was dismayed by the number of people who were following them. There were only a dozen or so, but she would have much preferred a smaller number, like zero. The worst part was that some of them were her own family members! She felt a sudden overpowering urge to run for her dragon anyway, but Stoick's firm grip on her arm made that impossible. It was as if he expected an attempt at escape. Hiccup was desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with anybody.

The procession led from the Mead Hall to the new house that Hiccup (and friends and family) had just finished building. The chief opened the door and allowed the bride and groom to enter first. Then he went in, followed by the witnesses, who spread out around the fur-covered bed. Hiccup and Astrid were desperately trying to keep as much distance as possible between them and that bed, without making it look like they were avoiding it. Hiccup thought of all the times he'd felt awkward and tongue-tied around Astrid before, and realized he hadn't even scratched the surface yet.

Then one more witness came in and found a place along the wall. If anyone noticed Toothless, they said nothing. Maybe they were totally accustomed to seeing Hiccup and his black, scaly friend together wherever they went. Maybe they just didn't want to deal with a dragon in the room. The newlyweds were the focus of all their attention.

The room suddenly grew quiet. Hiccup sensed that it was time to do something. So he said a quick, silent prayer that Thor would smite the house with a lightning bolt and scare everyone away. Nothing happened. It's so hard to get help from pagan deities these days, he thought.

He tried to think of anything that might delay the inevitable. Her flower crown! That had to come off. She bowed her head slightly to make it easier for him; his shaking hands were obvious to everyone. It took him twice as long as it should have taken to unfasten it and remove it. Men in the back were starting to make crude suggestions by the time he finished. As soon as it was off, he wished it wasn't; it really made her look pretty. Of course, she still looked pretty without it.

Now he was out of excuses. He looked around the room nervously. "Come on, get on with it!" someone called. They sat down on the bed. Again he scanned the room.

Astrid was looking forward to this even less than he was. But she was the get-it-over-with type, not the stall-for-time type. She suddenly grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him hard, much like she'd done when he first awoke after the battle with the Red Death. It seemed like a good way to start this thing. There had been plenty of witnesses to that kiss, too.

The critical difference was that Toothless wasn't watching that time. He was already very keyed up and stressed. Maybe it was the suddenness with which she grabbed him, or maybe it was the panicky little noise he made when their lips met, or maybe it was the unfriendly cheers and calls from the witnesses. It might have been all three. Something made him think her act was a hostile one.

He leaped across the room with a roar, terrifying the guests, and landed on the bed. One paw shot out, pushed Astrid away from Hiccup, slammed her to the bed, and pinned her between two of his claws, much like he'd pinned Hiccup to a rock the first time they'd met.

But this bed was not a rock, and it was not built to support a Night Fury. It cracked and collapsed to one side. When it hit the floor, her head hit the bed frame and she saw stars, but didn't quite black out. Hiccup was also knocked over, but he landed on the bed and avoided getting hurt.

The change in the room's mood could not have been more dramatic. The party atmosphere was gone. All the witnesses were stunned into shocked silence. Toothless was grinning at Hiccup, very pleased with himself because he'd defended his friend from some kind of malevolent attack. Astrid was weakly trying to push that great black paw away from her throat. And Hiccup, who had hoped to avoid any Hiccup-style disasters on his wedding day, realized that his hopes and his bed had both been completely destroyed.

His wedding night was off to an even worse start than he'd feared. That was really saying something.