[A/N: This is my first Stark Trek fanfic. I have just joined the Kirk/Spock fandom and couldn't wait to add onto it. This will a part of a 2 book series, and when I started this, I started with Book 2 so it should be interesting to see where this will go.]

Warnings: Top!Spock, Bottom!Kirk, Bonding, Soulmates, Mentions of pon'farr

Disclaimer: I do not and will not ever own Star Trek... This will be the only time I say this.

Chapter 1

T'hy'la.
Friend.
Lover.
Lifelong companion.
Soulmate...

The first time Spock ever associated this word with James T. Kirk, he had the man pinned to the control board, his hand wrapped around the other's throat in a fit of rage. He had felt a brush of it the second he had hit Kirk. Like a feather being dragged across his skin or the brush of butterfly wings against his cheek. A soft barely there caress, with a gentle voice.

T'hy'la...

By the time Spock had realized what was said, his father's voice filled the bridge and Spock had released Kirk like he had been burned. He watched as Kirk slid off the control panel and crumpled to the floor. Spock had done that, he had hurt one of the most prized things to the Vulcan race. But later he would deny this, chalk it up to being emotionally compromised and move on.

The second time it happened, Spock couldn't deny it, meld it into something else. It was bright and burning between them as Jim was sitting, dying in that little compartment. Spock's hand on the glass, Jim's mirrioring him.

"I want you to know, why I couldn't leave you... Why I went back for you..." Jim's voice was hoarse, hollow and pained. Spock felt the bond between them jerk and vibrate.

"Because you are my firend..." Spock felt his closely controlled emotions slipping and rising to the surface. His eyes burned and his throat tightened. Jim let out a weak smile and then his hand fell, and the life that once shone within him faded. The world lurched and Spock was struggling to breathe, struggling to keep his emotions in check. But his anger turned into a breathing raging beast. It boiled in the base of his gut and it clawed its way up his throat. It turned into a scream of outrage. "KHAN!"

Everything after was a red blur, Spock's world died red with his rage and pain. Jim was gone. It was like losing his home planet and everything he once had all over again. It wasn't something he could handle again. He had hunted Khan down like a wolf hunted carribou. He kepthis prey within his sight at all times until it came for the time for him to strike.

The time was now.

They battled, exchanging blows. Spock's beast was trying to claw its way out, eager to tear the man apart, the murderer apart. Spock had finally gotten Khan down, he hadn't even realized that Uhura had joined the battle. He pinned Khan down and the head of his rage formed. He punched Khan over and over the only thoughts in his mind were of jim.

He killed my captain!
He killed my friend!
And he killed my t'hy'la!

"Spock!" Uhura sounded paniced. "Spock stop! If you kill him, we can't save the captain. His blood can save Jim!" That caught both Spock's and the beast's attention. With one more punch, Khan was unconsious. When they were all beamed back up to the Enterprise Dr. McCoy was waiting for them. He grabbed Khan the second they materialized on the landing pad. Spock looked lost and helpless and McCoy could only reach out and squeeze the Vulcan's shoulder before he walked away, dragging Khan's sorry carcaus with him. Uhura reached out and touched Spock's shoulder.

"Spock..." her voice was soft, curious, and gentle. He turned his dark eyes on her, the beast finally simmering down, leaving Spock feeling heavy, offcilter, and lost. "He's going to be okay..." he could only nod.

Time passed agonizingly slow for Spock. McCoy had just injected Khan's blood into Jim, and was monitoring his vitals. McCoy was also sticking Khan back into the kyro-tubes the same as his people. It was beter to be safe than sorry at this point. Nyota was sitting next to Spock as they waited outside the sickbay. They were heading planetside now and McCoy was preparing Jim for transport. The doors hissed open and McCoy was pulling Jim's bed through and Spock quickly stood and held his breath. McCoysmiled thinly.

"He's stabilized, but there is only so I can do here Spock. He needs to be in a hospital..." Spock nodded.

"Do what you think is best ." Spock reached out and gripped Jim's hand before he passed. "I am sorry Captain..." and Jim was gone, done the hall and into the transporter room.

Spock didn't sleep that night, he sat at his desk filing his report. McCoy called him earlier that evening saying Jim was goning to make it and that he was just resting now. Nyota walked in and sat in front of Spock.

"Can we talk?" Spock set his PADD off to the side.

"What do you wish to talk about?" Nyota sighed and leaned back.

"The fight with Khan." Spock tensed but tried not to show it.

"What about it?" Nyota leveled him with a look.

"I have never seen you so out of control. I mean if I hadn't stopped you, you would have killed Khan!" Nyota stood and paced in front of Spock's desk. Spock cooly watched her as she ranted. "What so different this time? You weren't like that after your planet was destroyed. I mean you kicked Kirk's ass and he deserved it, but it was different this time. Why was it different?" she finally stopped and looked at Spock. In her all dark-eyed cencerity and Spock glanced away.

"I can not tell you why." he muttered. All tension drained out of her shoulders as she walked around the desk and kneeled by Spock.

"You can't tell me or you don't want to?" Spock finally looked at her and there must have been something in his gaze because she smiled sadly. "I get it... You love him." Spock just about stopped breathing.

"Nyota." he croaked out but she stood and let her arms wrap around his neck and shoulders.

"Don't. It's okay. What we started... It was just bad timing that's all. We were both emtionally compromised. Please, don't blame yourself." Spock almost sagged against her.

"He is my t'hy'la..." she pulled back in shock.

"Then why..." she stopped. "How long have you known Spock?" she asked quietly.

"Since we fought on the bridge."

"A year?! You've known for almost over a year and you didn't say anything?!"

"I was emotionally compromised. I could not be sure if it was real or not."

"Trust me. It's real, I just can't believe you didn't say anything. Does he know?"

"No!" Spock chocked out, "He... can not know." her brow furrowed.

"Why not?" Spock finally did sag into his chair.

"I have no idea if..." she smiled.

"Then woo him." Spock gave her a near incredilous look. "I'm serious. That's the only way you'll know for sure." Spock shook his head.

"Go to bed Nyota it has been a long day and you must be tired." she sighed and walked to the door.

"Just think on it okay?" then she was gone. Once the door shut behind her she slid down it and and sat on the floor as tears welled up in her face. She may have lost Spock romantically, but she would always have him as a friend. She took a deep breath to pull herself together. Spock needed her help right now and she was more than willing to give it.