A/N: Hello everyone and welcome back! I hope you enjoy this first chapter of "Big Time Reminiscence", before you begin reading, a fair warning to all. This story though it is, obviously, Kames and thus centers around their relationship shall have heavy moments of Jendall. Therefore, if you aren't a Jendall fan, I apologize beforehand but since I've tried to remain show-verse throughout my stories I feel a little bit of Jendall is kind of unavoidable if I want my characters to stay IN character. That said, this IS a Kames (and Cargan) story, so even if you're not a Jendall fan- don't worry- there's lots in here for you to read and enjoy about your favorite pairings. If you haven't read "Big Time Decisions" the prequel to this story do so, or else some details will be confusing, I promise you'll love it ;)

And without further ado,

Enjoy the chapter!

Cheers,

Franshes

Ch. 1: Fade Out

The first couple of days without James were harsh on them all.

Carlos was quiet and did not pull any crazy stunts or stupid pranks for once.

Logan buried himself inside his medical books even more than before.

Mama Knight kept herself busy with laundry as well as over-obsessing herself with cleaning to keep herself distracted from James' absence.

James' mom remained in L.A for two full weeks before she flew back to Minnesota where she busied herself now more than ever in her work and cosmetics line, trying to put all the awful truth in the back of her mind.

James' dad returned to Minnesota three weeks after the accident to be at home with his new wife and pretend like everything was okay. And on the nights when memories became just too much he'd just drink himself to sleep. Something which quickly became a habit for him, much to his new wife's annoyance.

Katie didn't hang out in the apartment at all anymore. In fact, she did almost everything to avoid going in there, except at bedtime and at mealtimes.

Kendall was the only one who was a real mess.

Everyone else seemed to have found a way to cope with the pain, to manage to accept the fact that James was gone and was probably not coming back to them anymore. Except him. Nothing, not even hockey anymore, could distract him from the intense pain and guilt he felt, since everything he did, no matter how trivial it may seem, reminded him of James.

Kendall seemed like a robot, going through his days with a blank expression on his face, his once bright eyes full of life and mischief had gone dull and lifeless.

The fact that everyone seemed to get over the accident as quickly as they did made Kendall despair even further.

How could they be like this? How could they go on with their lives and act like nothing had happened? Like one of their best friends was not lying in a hospital bed, unresponsive and lifeless, the only thing keeping him alive being a machine?

This of course, was not the truth. They'd all been affected some way or another by James' absence. The others were just better at keeping up appearances than Kendall was, ironically, in this case.

This fact made Kendall hate himself that much more.

Carlos had Logan to keep him company and Logan had Carlos. His mom had recently begun seeing Fabio and though they both claimed it was nothing too serious, Kendall could tell otherwise. Gustavo had Kelly, Katie had Tyler, and Buddha Bob and…heck, even Bitters to keep her company while he, Kendall, had nobody.

Since the accident Gustavo had let the guys have some alone time to themselves to be able to grieve (and hopefully heal, he'd said) properly. Yet now, Griffin was pressing that it was time to move on and keep going so that's what they were doing.

Yet it all seemed wrong to Kendall. A terrible nightmare that he couldn't seem to wake out of. Big Time Rush wasn't a band of three. It had never been a band of three and yet now everyone, besides him, was acting as if it'd been a band of three all along.

The press went haywire the first couple of days after James' accident but the fuss had gradually died down until they'd moved on into the next celebrity gossip they could find.

'It's as if we've all forgotten James' Kendall thought bitterly to himself one night 'Like he was never here. Like it wasn't his dream that made us who we are now…'

Kendall was annoyed at Carlos and Logan as well.

At first, they'd accompanied him, every single day after school or rehearsal to go to the hospital and visit James.

They'd sat with him and attempted to comfort him, talked to James about their day though they knew he couldn't hear them. They CARED.

Sadly, Kendall learned, life moves on, even from the people you care about the most.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and brought with them no change whatsoever to James' condition.

Now, as James neared his third month in a comma Carlos, Logan, and pretty much everybody had stopped visiting James every day and came only every other weekend.

In Kendall's mind, they just didn't care anymore. And why should they? Carlos and Logan had each other. The others had others around them to fill in the void. It was Kendall who'd lost it all when he'd lost James. It was Kendall who had no one.

He still sang, beautifully if you want to get to that, he still danced, he still performed for his fans and went on interviews and told them how much he loved them, putting up a fake smile for the cameras around him.

But it was all because of James. He was doing it just to please him. Because he refused to give up on what had always been James' biggest dream. Kendall promised himself the day James went into the coma that he'd fulfill James' wishes for him.

That was why he was here in the hospital now, after a day of rehearsals, Pop Tiger interviews and photo sessions, caressing James' hair and singing to him softly in an undertone, his words coming out melodiously yet with a practically palpable sadness.

"Wait, a minute, before you tell me anything how was your day? 'Cause I've been missing you by side, did I awake you out your dream, I'm sorry but I couldn't sleep, you calm me down, there's something 'bout the sound of your voice…"

As he finished the song he took James' cold hand in his own and curled himself into a ball of misery, crying his heart out in here, where nobody would see the once fearless, strong Kendall Knight break down completely.

"I miss you James," he said, his voice barely above a whisper "Baby please come back to me…"

A/N: And that's the end of chapter one guys, I hope you liked it...or well, it's sad, I'll give you that, but at least that you felt emotive while reading it. For those of you who don't know the song Kendall was singing to James in the end (shame on you) it's Big Time Rush's "Worldwide". Yes, this song was originally meant for Jendall and yes, if you listen to the full song it has the word "girl" in it. Substitute it for "guy" though or simply "love" or "baby" and I think it fits this scenario. Dunno...anyways hope you liked it.

Plz leave me a review telling me how much you liked it (or hated it) and whether or not I ought to continue. As always, reviews will get a shouts out.

8-10 are my happy numbers! Though I will still update even if I don't get them :)

The guys shall have a dialogue in next chapter's closing author's note.

Cheers,

Franshes