Shortly after their arrival on Earth, the Brudal had set up camp in a forest clearing a fair distance away from the city, it was here that the kidnapped alien and earthlings found themselves after a short ride on spacebike. The Intergalactic Renegades had built themselves a few bonfires and were currently engaging in a variety of masculine activities, arm wrestling, chugging space beer and taking turns punching eachother in the face to name a few. As the captives were carried through the camp, Zim looked around in confusion.

"Wait, this isn't right! Whenever the Brudal arrive at a planet they immediately head towards the nearest populated area and wreck it! What is this?!" The Irken demanded of the brute who's hand was currently enveloping his entire body.

"SHADDAP!" Ridge shouted at the Invader, clenching his fist briefly around the green boy's body, causing Zim's eyes to bulge like fat sausages.

"Oh yeah, that's attractive." Gaz grunted as she watched the Irken's contact lenses pop out, she would have found it funny if she wasn't being carried around like a doll by the burly, gray-skinned, alien biker.

"WHAT?!" Exclaimed the big-headed boy who's hearing had yet to return.

"Shut UP, Dib." The Doom-Child growled.

"WHAT?!"

The two kidnappers then came to a halt right outside the circle of the largest bonfire, a fat Brudal wearing a top hat and a tiny cape, whom we shall refer to as The Wizard, greeted them with a grunt. "YOU BRING 'EM?!"

"SURE DID!" Ridge said, blowing the wig off the top of the Irken's head and holding him up for The Wizard to see. "SNAGGED HIS OLD LADY, TOO!"

"BRUDAL!" The Wizard exclaimed. It was common practice amongst the Brudal to use their race's name as a positive epithet.

Gaz sneered at the biker's assumption of her relationship to Zim while Pierce pitched in with his own bounty. "I SWIPED ONE OF THEIR COOLERS! AND THIS WOBBLY-HEADED BOY!"

"WHOA! THAT IS A BIIIIIIIIG HEAD!" The Wizard said, taking Dib from his captor's hand and looking him over. "S'LIKE A LIVIN' BOBBLEHEAD BOY!"

"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AH!" The big-headed boy screamed as the top-hatted Brudal shook him about he was a newborn baby, wanting to see his head bobble.

"THAT'S JUST NEAT! A'RIGHT! TAKE THE LITTLE GREEN ONE AN' HIS SQUEEZE TO THE BOSS! HE WANTS TO SEE 'EM!" The Wizard commanded sitting down upon one of the logs they had laid about the bonfire as makeshift benches as he continued to shake the screaming Dib. Ridge and Pierce headed around the bonfire, approaching the leader of the spacebiker gang.

"WE GOT THE OTHER IRKEN, BOSS! AND HIS GIRL!" Ridge shouted proudly. "HE THE ONE?!"

The Boss tore his eyes away from female Brudal dancing in front of him to look over the captives, he looked to be middle-aged, streaks of gray highlighted the curly, black hair that hung from under the bandana on his head and his face looked like forty miles of bad road (even more so than the other Brudal). "YEAH, THAT'S HIM! SMALLER THAN I THOUGHT HE'D BE! PUT 'EM DOWN!"

As the Irken and his human date were set down, the Boss Brudal shoved the dancer off of the space cooler (from SPACE) and into the bonfire, opening the box and pulling out a couple cans of space beer and tossed one to Zim. "HAVE A COLD ONE!"

The Irken found himself knocked right over by the Brudal-sized can that was thrown at him, the cylinder of liquid crushing his organs. "... thanks."

"YOU'RE WELCOME! NAME'S WAR'THOGG! I'M THE BOSS OF THIS GANG! PROB'LY WONDERIN' WHY WE AIN'T ROCKIN' THIS PLANET INNA RUBBLE YET, AIN'CHA?! WELL WE WAS GONNA!" The Boss laughed, cracking open his space beer before jerking his thumb over to what looked like a piece of meat on a chain that was hanging from the tree. "THEN THIS'N SAYS HE AIN'T REALLY THE INVADER 'CHARGE O' CONQUERIN' THIS ROCK!"

Upon closer examination of the hanging meat, it turned out not to be a piece of meat at all, but a mangled, road-rashed Skoodge, his limbs curled up like a dead bug's and twitching, a rock from Saturn's rings was lodged into his head. "I... am... PAIN."

Zim, upon seeing his best, if not only, friend hanging from the tree like a torn up piece of animal bait, scoffed in annoyance. "You had one job, Skoodge! ONE!"

The Irken Chewtoy gave a high-pitched squeal of pain, limbs curling further inward against his mangled body. "Eeeeeee..."

War'thogg threw a pinecone at Skoodge to shut him up. "ANYWAY! THIS FAT, LITTLE SHNORK-BOOGER TELLS US THAT THIS PLANET IS BEIN' CONQUERED BY NONE OTHER THAN THE INFAMOUS INVADER ZIM!"

The Invader perked up as he heard his name and perked up even more as he heard the cheers of the other Brudal.

"YEAH!"

"WHOO!"

"INVADER ZIM ROCKS!"

This unexpected attention surprised the Irken at first, then he remember than he WAS Zim, he was more surprised that this kind of thing didn't happen more often. As the cheers of the spacebikers gave the alien a head almost as big as Dib's monstrous melon, he turned back to address Boss War'thogg. "So, word of my Zimness has reached even the primitive ear-holes of you hideous morons, has it?"

"YOU DANG SKIPPY IT DID! TAKIN' A FRONTLINE BATTLEMECH ON A RAMPAGE THAT ALMOST WIPED OUT YOUR ENTIRE CIVILIZATION?! THAT KIND OF SADISTIC STUPIDITY IS THE KIND OF THING WE ALL STRIVE FOR! YOU'RE THE MOST BRUDAL IRKEN, EVER!" War'thogg exclaimed, throwing his enormous arms up in the air in cheer.

"So you'll leave Earth alone and go party someplace else?!" Zim exclaimed in hopeful excitement

"NOPE! WE'RE STILL GONNA TEAR THIS PLANET A NEW ONE!" The Irken's antenna drooped at this, but the boss continued. "BUT, WE FIGURED ANYONE AS BRUDAL AS YOU DESERVED THE CHANCE TO NEGOTIATE!"

"Wait, I thought your race hated negotiations." The Irken said, rubbing his chin.

"WE HATE ANY NEGOTIATION THAT DON'T MEET OUR RIDICULOUSLY EXTREME STANDARDS! YOU WANNA NEGOTIATE WITH US, YOU BETTER NOT BE BRINGIN' NO WUSSY MUFFIN BASKET, BOY! ALTHOUGH THEY WERE DELICIOUS! NO, YOU WANNA NEGOTIATE WITH THE BRUDAL, THEN IT HAD BETTER BE CONDUCTED WITH STUPIDITY AND RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT OF LIVES!" War'thogg stuck two fingers in his mouth and gave a sharp whistle, his minions carrying his Spacebike over to him as he untied his bandana, revealing his bald, shiny head. "WE EACH GRAB AHOLD OF THIS BANDANA AND RIDE OUR SPACEBIKES WITH RECKLESS ABANDON THROUGH A LAP OF THE CITY! WHOEVER IS STILL HOLDING ONTO THE BANDANA AT THE END OF THE RACE WINS!"

Zim crossed his arms and stroked his chin, thinking about this for a moment. "Hm... that DOES sound pretty stupid-"

"YOU DANG RIGHT IT IS!"

"Alright, I'm in! But, Zim requires a spacebike!"

"ALREADY DONE!" The Brudal leader waved his hand and a handlebar-mustached Brudal mechanic brought out a space bike they had made out of the torn up remains of Zim's Voot Cruiser. "WE GOT BORED WAITING FOR YOU!"

As the Spacebikers prepared the clearing for the race, Zim hunched over a control pad, a cruel grin on his face.

"You're seriously going to race that idiot? Didn't think you could GET any dumber." Gaz said, arms crossed as she addressed the idiotic Invader.

"Your heartfelt concern is noted, Gaz-worm! But, the cunning Zim has a plan! I'm reprogramming the M.E. Chip to keep me from letting go of the bandana!" The Irken said, finishing up the adjustments to the chip's programming.

The Doom-Child rolled her eyes at the green boy's plan. "Yeah, 'cause that makes it less stupid."

"Fear not, earthmonkey! Your world will be saved! Y'know... until I destroy it." Zim giggled impishly as he strode over to the Voot Chopper. He mounted the refurbished spaceship and grabbed his end of the bandana, activating the M.E. Chip and locking his hand in a deathgrip around the cloth. The Wizard came over and started the countdown.

"ON YER MARKS!" The Top-hatted Brudal took a sip of his space beer before continuing. "GET SET!"

The Irken and the Brudal boss both revved their engines, eyes narrowing and teeth gritting as they waited for the next word. The Wizard took another sip of his space beer and was about to start the race when he succumb to a coughing fit, doubling over as he hacked up a lung, after a few awkward moments the top-hat wearing spacebiker waved his hand, "Jus' go! GO!"

The Brudal cheered as the deafening roar of the engines sent the two racers off into the night, the sound fading off into the distance as they sped off above the treetops. The Spacebikers' cheers died down as they lost sight of the racers.

"... Now what?"

"I dunno."

"... LET'S DRINK MORE!"

Gaz groaned, not only had Zim left her alone amongst what she suspected to be the only race more loudmouthed and obnoxious than him, but there was a good chance he was going to lose the race and doom the Earth to the Brudal's partying. The Doom-Child wouldn't have minded, of course, but it was getting late and she doubted she could get any sleep with all the racket the alien brutes would cause as they decimated the planet. She really hated the idea of having to save the planet again, but someone had to do it, she supposed. Shouldn't be too difficult, Gaz thought as she looked around for something she could use when she overheard the two Brudal who had captured them.

Pierce had searched the cooler they had stolen from the dance and had cracked open one of the cans of Poop Cola. He took a sip of the foreign drink before making a face of disgust. "UGH! THIS EARTH SWILL IS MAKING ME SICK! IT TASTES LIKE ROADKILL! Uh, I mean- SPACE ROADKILL!"

Ridge had a similar reaction, spitting out the sweetened, brown liquid all over his staple-faced friend, "BLEH! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE EARTHLINGS WOULD DRINK THIS!"

Yeah, that'll do.

"I bet I can drink more of that stuff that you guys can." The Doom-Child said, approaching the two aliens that had abducted her group (as it were) from the dance.

"YOU'RE ON, EARTHLING!" The Brudal duo exclaimed as they began to down the foul drink.

Meanwhile.

Zim was beginning to have second thoughts about the situation as he flew over the treetops, screaming in terror. War'thogg just laughed, he was in his element, after all. The Brudal Boss brought the front of his chopper down, causing the two bikes to dip beneath the treeline for a brief moment, causing the Irken to catch a squirrel in his mouth. Turning his head to the side, Zim spat out the arborial rodent that had interrupted his screaming, which he continued when he noticed that they had exited the forest and were now flying through the city at an irresponsible speed. Unaware of the Irken's inability to let go of the bandana, War'thogg guided the other racer's bike into telephone poles, streetlights, abnormally tall people, anything he could think of to try and shake the green alien's resolve. Of course, Zim's resolve was already shaken harder than a baby (That's three references to shaking babies I've made in this story, now. I think there's something wrong with me) and if he could have given up, he would have, but he had no way of switching off the M.E. Chip without letting go of the bike. Impressed by the Irken's apparent resolve, the Brudal Boss decided to up the stakes and guided the bikes right towards the side of an office building.

Meanwhile.

"Hippleshmertz! I asked for those W.T.F. reports this morning! Where are they?!"

Bobby Hippleshmertz hated his job, especially his over-demanding boss.

"I don't care if you gotta stay in this cubical all night! I don't care if you have to stay in this cubical for the rest of your natural life! Your soul belongs to me, son! And I expect whatever pointless report I ask you for without warning to be done within a faction of the time with would take you to finish it! So, you're going to sit there and you're going to-"
It was at that moment that a pair of racing, alien bikers crashed through the window on the far side of the office, flew through the building and out the other side, clothes-lining Bobby's boss between their bandana as they roared past. Hippleshmertz stared in awe at the broken, plateglass window the bikers smashed through on their way out, dragging his boss with them to plunge to his death in the streets below.

"I'm... free... I'M FREE!" Bobby cried, ripping his shirt off in excitement as he was overjoyed by the demise of his horrible boss.
Then a large chunk of ceiling that the aliens had knocked loose gave way and Hippleshmerts was crushed by a copying machine from the next floor.

Meanwhile, back to the race.

War'thogg was truely impressed by the Irken's apparent resolve at this point, they were coming to the other side of the city, they would have to loop back around to return to the camp. That's when the Brudal decided to kick things up a notch.

"LET'S KICK IT UP A NOTCH!" War'thogg exclaimed as he drove the bikes downwards as they exited the city and reentered the woods, this time below the treetops. "YEAH, BABY!"

Zim spat out the coffee machine he had caught in his mouth when they had flown screaming through the office building. Not having anything poignant to say at that moment, however, he decided to continue screaming like a howler monkey as the bikes jerked left and right, narrowly avoiding the trees, leaves, twigs, thorns, rocks, Bigfoot returning from visiting his cousin the Abominable Snowman, all whizzed past as the choppers roared through the woods. It was then that War'thogg decided to end it, guiding the two bikes towards a lone tree in their path. The Irken screamed and the Brudal laughed as they flew right at the tree, the solid flora caught them right between their bikes, splitting them apart and throwing them crashing back into the clearing.

"Ugh..." Zim groaned, pushing himself up from the ground and wiping his forehead with the shredded bandana in his clenched fist. The Irken gasped as realization dawned on him, shooting up into a victory stances he cried, "VICTORY FOR ZIM!"

"NOT QUITE!" The green alien stared wide-eyed to his right, where War'thogg had landed, the Brudal held up his hand, the other half of the shredded bandana gripped in his clenched fist. "LOOKS LIKE IT'S A TIE!"

"Eh? A tie?" Zim's antenna shot up in confusion. "... What does that mean, then?!"

"Dang, this was my favorite bandana..." The Brudal muttered as he looked over the shredded piece of cloth. "Oh, um! I SUPPOSE IT MEANS WE BOTH WIN!"

"So, you'll leave the planet and leave ZIIIIM to conquer it in peace?!"

"SORT OF!" War'thogg then turned to the camp, "C'MON, BOYS! WE'RE GONNA TEAR THIS PLANET IN HALF!"

There was no answer.

"BOYS?!"

The racers strode over to the camp to investigate why the other Brudal hadn't responded. As soon as they stepped back into camp, it was obvious why they hadn't responded. Laying upon the clearing floor were the Brudal Bikers, sick as the Perpetually Sick Dogs of Pukepuppia, empty cans of Poop Cola were scattered around the groaning aliens. And sitting upon the cooler, sipping a cold can of Poop Cola, was Gaz.

"'Bout time you idiots got back."

As War'thogg started kicking at the bodies of his fellow bikers, seeing if any of them were well enough to break the Earth in two, Zim approached the Doom-Child. "Gaz-monkey! How?!"

"Dared them they couldn't drink as many as I could." The plum-haired, pain princess said with a shrug.

"But, how did you know that the disgusting, human beverage would fell them?!" The Irken still couldn't believe what had happened.

"Lower tolerance." Gaz said, taking another sip of her soda. "Remember the Skool fieldtrip to the Poop Cola Bottling Plant-slash-Sewage Treatment Center?"

Zim had tried his best to repress that particularly disgusting memory, yet the human's words brought it all flooding back to him. "EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! WHY ARE YOU STILL DRINKING THAT?!"

The violent, violet-haired girl just shrugged, taking another sip as War'thogg returned from checking on his minions.

"WELL, SPACE-CRUD! LOOKS LIKE MY BOYS ARE DOWN FOR THE COUNT! GUESS WE WON'T BE TEARIN' THE PLANET IN HALF, THEN!"

Zim shot his arms up in success, "VICTORY FOR ZIM!"

"-'STEAD, I'LL JUST TEAR YOU IN HALF!" The Brudal Boss said, cracking his knuckles and advancing on the Irken, when all of a sudden.

THWACK!

War'thogg hit the ground like a sack of steel potatoes, an indentation in his skull. Standing on his back, holding a tire iron was Skoodge. You know when you shake a baby enough (That's four times now!) it will eventually turn into a hulked out, raging horror and kill you and your family? Well, that is basically what happened to the portly Irken, who was now straddling the Brudal's head and driving the tire iron into the gray humanoid's skull, over and over and over again. Zim watched in shock as the gentle, stupid Skoodge he once knew and abused was going ape-dung crazy upon the Brudal Leader's head while Gaz just watched with an eyebrow raised in mild interest.

"Welcome... to EARTH!" Skoodge said as he pushed himself back up, still looking as though he had just been scrapped up off the highway, panting heavily he walked over to the other Irken.

"Um, good work, Skoodge!" Zim began, looking around a bit nervously, "I suppose we'd better get these primitive, stupid beasts out of-"

The Invader couldn't finish his sentence as the portly Irken pulled him by the shirt to speak right to his face, "You hold onto her... you hold onto her and you NEVER let go!"

"Ugh... s'that all you've got-" War'thogg's groaning words were cut short by another strike from the Irken's tire iron.

"You two go... I'll handle this..." Skoodge said, looming over the unconcious Brudal.

Zim took this oppertunity to back away from the mad, fat Irken and go check on his human date. He found Gaz standing over her big-headed sibling, who was currently laying on the ground and wearing a neck-brace (You want to know where he got it? So do I.).

"Gaz-smell!" The Irken began, glad that the colossal-craniumed one was still unable to hear what he was going to say. "Zim is beginning to realize that your presence is not as... horribly wretched... as Zim once thought..."

"Gee, thanks." The Doom-Child said, giving her brother a push with her foot, rolling him along.

"What Zim is trying to say is... perhaps you and I might have-"

It was at that exact moment that the twelve-something sodas that Gaz had downed whilst felling the Brudal finally took effect.

"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP!"

The Irken's antennas were swept back by the explosive force of the human's belch, which lasted for a good six seconds before leaving the alien standing there in shock.

"You were saying?" The Doom-Child said, wiping her mouth off on her sleeve.

The Irken just twitched and mumbled incoherently in a similar state of mind to someone who had just stared into the abyss and found an eldritch horror staring back at him.

"... Whatever." Gaz scoffed as she shoved the alien's wig and contact into his shaking arms before returning to rolling Dib towards the closest road she could find so that they could call a cab. Leaving Zim standing there twitching in horror and having forgotten what he was going to say.

Some time later.

The Brudal Bikers had recovered (mostly) from the poisonous soft drinks and were riding off into space, following War'thogg as he lead them to their next party destination.

Pierce was the first to raise the question, "HEY! IS THE BOSS LEADING US INTO THE SUN?"

Ridge, still looking a little green from the horrid soda, responded. "Y'KNOW, I THINK HE IS!"

Lastly, The Wizard replied. "THAT'S BRUDAL! LET'S DO IT!"

The Bikers all cheered and hollered as they rode off into the sun, unbeknownst to them that the Brudal at the head of the pack was currently drooling and unconscious, a tire iron lodged in his skull, and what was really leading them was an autopilot device attached to his Spacebike. From a fair distance away, Skoodge and Minimoose (who had been used as an antenna topper by the bikers after he was captured) watched from afar, slipping on sunglasses as they watched the deranged vagabonds fly straight into the sun.

The portly Irken turned to the floating, purple moose. "I can't think of anything clever to say. What about you?"

The diminutive ungulate gave a squeak, causing Skoodge to burst out laughing.

"That... That was PERFECT! Ahhh! C'mon, little buddy! Let's go home!" The retired Invader said as he popped a space-wheelie on the Voot Chopper and headed back for Earth.

THE END.