Bob thought for a long time about the question Amy asked him.

The truth was that he did know why he hated being out of control. Twenty-three years ago Amy gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl in the world. They named her Morrow. Morrow was born with down syndrome. Bob didn't have a problem with that. Amy didn't either. To them she was perfect. But when Morrow was the age Toby was right now she developed some disturbing physical problems. She couldn't breathe. They rushed her to the hospital where she was diagnosed with severe heart failure. Her heart was only working at 10 percent. She fought really hard but the disease won 7 weeks after Morrow's 3rd birthday. She passed away. Amy nearly fell apart with grief but Bob was in shock. He didn't handle it until much later.

When he thought about it he realized he HASN'T actually dealt with the grief of losing his firstborn. He was relieved PJ was a boy. This had to be a sign. PJ wouldn't be sick like Morrow was. He was a boy. It was just enough of a difference to cause Bob to be relieved. Then, when Teddy was born he held his breath until she turned 18 months and reasoned that there was no way Teddy would get sick like her sister. She was 18 months old. If she were going to get sick she would have been sick already. Bob knew he was being extremely illogical but he also knew he had to protect himself. He bounded with Gabe right away. When Charlie came along Amy was already in her 35. She was 38 when Toby was born. Now she would be 40. A 40 year old mother means less of a chance for baby. How could he accept this baby into his heart? What if it were Morrow all over again?