Wires and Waves

Summary: 4x21. Rory has enough money for a cab and so doesn't call Dean for a ride home. Jess shows up too early and, while waiting outside her dorm, has a chance to re-think his proposal. Season 5 re-write: What if Rory stayed in touch with Jess throughout his transformation into the guy we see in Season 6?

A/N: Thanks so much for all your kind words! Hope you enjoy the last chapter!

A quick apology to continuity-pedants: the timing here is not always going to be completely true to the show, for the sake of the plot. Sorry! I'll always mention the episode to give a vague idea of where we are in the series, even though the plots won't always track, and I'll be skipping over or combining a few.

Episodes: A House Is Not A Home

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, this would be a lot better written.

Just as she'd done two years before, when Jess had disappeared to California days before her Chilton finals started, Rory found herself once again having to put aside her Jess-related inner turmoil and focus purely on academia. The morning after that consequential (though she didn't know it yet) phone call, she'd allowed herself the drive back to Yale to mentally torture herself imagining Jess with some glamorous new girl (who for some reason always ended up looking like Kate Hudson – must have been all those Almost Famous viewings), and then had characteristically taken all of those feelings and shoved them into a box, ready to be opened again once finals were over.

She had spent the following week gratefully basking in the distracting stress of her exams, and now, as she finished writing and got up to hand in her last one, she did not feel the swell of relief that hits most students at such a moment. Instead, without the shield that finals and the need to prepare for them had provided her, she felt exposed and vulnerable towards her own feelings once again.

And so, feeling the need for the comfort of home, she decided to head back to Stars Hollow for the weekend instead of sticking around to start packing up her stuff for the summer – the fact that Paris had yet to finish her exams and was constantly within the width of an Olsen twin of exploding might also have been a contributing factor.

She managed to keep images of fake Kate Hudson and Jess browsing bookstores together out of her head for the majority of the drive back, but as she got to the outskirts of Stars Hollow and started to see various places she remembered going with him back when they were dating, this got harder and harder, and she was very relieved to pull into her drive and see Lorelai's car already there. She hopped out the car, looking forward to a night of junk food and movies with her Mom, both of which she would binge to such a degree that she would most likely fall asleep on the couch and not have time to think about any Kate Hudson-esque girls at all.

She came in, and sure enough, there was Lorelai on her usual spot on the couch. Lorelai turned at the sound of the door opening, and said with some surprise, "Hey there, kiddo, wasn't expecting to see you for another couple of days."

Rory dropped her bags and flopped down onto the couch, "Well, I finished the last of my finals, went back to the dorm and was yelled at for leaving a scrunchie on Paris' half of the desk, so I thought I might seek greener, quieter pastures."

Lorelai winced, "She's still finalling away, huh?"

"Yup. Though, to be fair, she'd probably have reacted similarly even if she weren't, she's very particular about her side of the desk," Rory said. "So, anyway, I thought I'd stay here until she's done, and then go back to pack up all my stuff."

"You sure you want to miss out on all the insanity? You could have some real Heart of Darkness level documentary opportunities over there, if you ever decide to switch to film major."

"I think I like my eardrums as they currently are, thank you very much," Rory said, and then paused as she spotted something on the coffee table. "What's that?"

"Oh," Lorelai said, picking up the offending object, which was rather a thick manila envelope addressed to Rory, and passing it to her, "this came for you a little after you went back to school. I would have sent it on, but, uh, Luke sort of recognised the handwriting on the front, and I kind of figured you might react like, well, that," she said, gesturing at her daughter, who was sitting frozen, staring at the object in her hands, "and so I thought it'd better wait until after finals. I take it you recognise the writing, too?" Rory nodded. "Am I going to get a word here anytime soon?"

"What can he be sending me?" Rory asked, still staring at the envelope.

"Maybe it's a list of all the people he's ever alienated?"

"Mom," Rory said, rolling her eyes.

"What? It looks about the right size." Rory stopped eying the envelope briefly to glare at her mother, "sorry, I don't mean that – old habits."

"Should I open it?"

"Unless you plan on doing resistance training with it, that thing is huge."

"It is huge. Why is it huge?"

"Dirty!"

"Mom!"

"Sorry, you know I never pass up an opportunity," Lorelai said, putting her hands up in defeat. "I don't think staring at the thing is going to help you come to a decision."

"I don't know what else to do. I can't throw it away. I can't open it. I'm stuck."

"Can we revisit why you can't open it?"

"What if it's mean? What if it's a really long explanation of why we shouldn't be in each other's lives?"

"Yes, inch-thick envelopes are the typical way people excise others from their lives," Lorelai said, drily. Then, after another long pause of envelope staring, "Oh my God, will you just open it already?"

"Fine," Rory said, getting up to go to her room.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"Are you serious? I'm not going to sit here being watched while I open this thing," Rory said, turning back and carrying on to her room.

"Mean!" she heard Lorelai shout from the couch as her door swung shut behind her.

Rory sat down on her bed, embarrassed to feel her hands shaking slightly and her heart racing. Feeling slightly nauseous, she tugged up one of the sides of the opening, and tentatively slid her finger along it, breaking the seal. Taking a deep breath, she reached in and pulled out the envelope's contents.

In it, she found a mysterious manuscript entitled The Subsect, and a handwritten note. Having no idea as to what to make of the manuscript, she put it aside for the time being, hastily snatched up the note, and started reading.

Dear Rory,

I realise that by sending this here you're not going to get it for a while, but I figured you wouldn't want any distractions during finals.

Despite her nerves, Rory smiled, touched that Jess had had the same instinct as her mother – to let her sink into her academic cocoon undisturbed for a bit.

Anyway, you wanted to know what I was doing. It's this. The manuscript you've just received is the first draft of something I've been writing – it's also the only copy, so if you could send it back once you've read it that would be great (believe me, you're not going to want to hold onto it for that long, it's not exactly Shakespeare). Sorry for all the scribbled out stuff and cramped amendments, but I figure a few years of deciphering my margin notes has probably prepared you well for this.

The point is, this is it. This is everything I've been keeping from you when we talk. And the reason I've done that is because this is the first thing I've done that's made me feel in any way fulfilled, or hopeful about the future, and sharing something like that is scary. Especially for me. But here it is. If you can read this and still feel like you don't really know me, or like I'm keeping you at a distance, then I don't think there's anything else I can do to change that.

And I really, really want to change that. Because I love you, Rory, I've always loved you. I know that anything beyond friendship is dangerous ground for us, but Rory, if there's even the smallest chance that it could work, and that you feel anything like what I do, then I want to try. Because let's face it, we kind of suck at being friends, anyway.

Jess

It was only when she let out a choked chuckle at the last sentence that Rory realised she'd been welling up for the better part of the letter. Without pausing to process the torrent of feelings stirred up by what she'd just read, she grabbed the manuscript, flipped it open, and started to read.

All the while, Lorelai was sitting outside, desperately impatient to know what was going on behind Rory's door but knowing better than to barge in. So, one can only imagine her frustration when, several hours later Rory emerged, a stack of papers in her hands, and breezed straight past her mother towards the front door. "You're seriously going to leave me in suspense here, kid?"

Rory started on her way to the door, as if she'd forgotten her mother was there. She replied, "I promise, we are going to talk this over in excruciating detail soon," she said, as she hastily grabbed her coat and started buttoning, "but right now I've got to go."

And by the time Lorelai had let out an incredulous "Seriously?", Rory was already out the door and after a moment Lorelai heard her car starting up. "Unbelievable," Lorelai huffed to herself, before heading to the kitchen to eat some consolatory snack food.

The drive to New York felt like it hadn't taken any time at all, because Rory had spent the whole time stalled at what she was going to say when she got there. For once, she actually knew how she felt, but vocalising it was another matter entirely. And so, after what seemed like no time at all, she was pulling up down the street from Jess' apartment building, where she'd parked months ago, during her first impetuous trip there.

Only this time, the person she'd come to see was already stood outside, fiddling with a cigarette as he leaned against the building. He hadn't seen her yet, and as she walked down the street towards him, feeling as though she were retracing the steps of her seventeen-year-old self, she suddenly knew exactly what to say.

"You going to smoke that or mind meld with it?" she asked, feeling the last of her nerves melt away as he turned to see her, his tense expression changing to one of surprise, before breaking out into one of his rare smiles as he registered what she'd said.

"Depends," he replied, pushing himself off the wall and straightening up.

"So, I got your envelope," she said, and she realised she was probably wearing a matching goofy grin.

"I can see that," he said, dipping his gaze down to the manuscript in question, which she was still carrying. "That eager to get rid of it, huh?" And she could hear a nervous edge in his voice, despite the usual self-deprecating humour of his words, which made her drop the coy act immediately.

"Jess, it's incredible," she gushed, and she meant every word. "It's just, entirely you in every word, but at the same time it's fresh, and it's original, and not like anything I've ever read before – and, okay, those three statements all mean the same thing, but that's how much I loved it, it's made me lose my faculty for language. And it's you in a way I've never even seen you before, it was so honest and vulnerable and vivid – it was everything I love about you and some things I didn't even know about before," she rambled, not even realising she'd used the word 'love', though Jess certainly picked up on it.

"So, you liked it, huh?" he said, and again she was touched by the vulnerability she could see on his face, even behind the smirk.

"I loved it," she said with complete sincerity. "So much, in fact, that I demand a copy of my own. The only reason I brought this one back was because I'm desperate to read the finished product."

"That the only reason you came?"

"Not entirely," Rory said, and she felt her nerves start to brew again. Floundering on the brink of being lost for words, she slipped back into the pattern with which she'd started the conversation, "So, tell me, what's your decision about smoking that depending on?" she asked, shifting slightly nearer.

"On what's going to happen," he replied, tentatively mirroring her movements.

"When?" she asked, and she didn't even leave time for his response before her hands found his collar and she tugged his mouth down to meet hers. As soon as their lips met, she felt as though her whole body was glowing, radiating warmth. This wasn't like the last time they'd kissed, all desperate and feverish, this felt comfortable but exciting at the same time – she wasn't kissing him as though he could slip from her grasp at any moment. She felt the same thrill of electricity that she always felt touching him, but it came with something new: she felt safe, she felt like she'd come home. She trusted him. He wrapped his hands round her waist, pulling her closer, and as the kiss deepened these feelings only grew more intense. When at last oxygen became an issue, they reluctantly broke apart, and almost without realising it, Rory put a name to everything she'd been feeling. "I love you," she breathed, still short of air. Jess pulled back a bit, scrutinising her as if trying to make himself believe that she'd really said that, and so she repeated, "I love you. I'm in love with you, and not just like I was when we were teenagers – it's more than that. Whenever anything happens to me, however mundane, I want to call you and talk to you about it. I can't read a book without imagining what you would say about. Your presence has become such a natural part of my life that whenever I get home I find myself pulling out my phone to call you. And I know that you'll be there. I trust you to be there. I love you," and before he could even reply, she was kissing him again.

He chuckled as they broke apart a second time, "What, I don't even get to say anything back?"

"You got a whole letter to express yourself in," she teased, lifting one of her hands from where it was perched round his neck to wave the offending object.

"Yeah, well, the verbal thing comes and goes."

"And, there it goes again," she said with a smirk, pulling him back in for another quick kiss, still not quite believing that that was something she got to do.

"Well," Jess said between kisses, "whatever else happens between us…"

"At least we know that part works."

A/N: And, that's a wrap! Thanks so much for coming along for the ride with me, whether you've been here since when I started this years ago, or whether you've just started recently. It's been amazing getting to read your reviews, and being welcomed back to this lovely community again. Please let me know what you think of the ending – I always find it hard wrapping everything up, so it'd be nice to know how you found it.

To those out there wondering if I'm going to keep writing after this, all I can say for now is I'm pretty sure I will be coming back to finish the things that I left dangling on here when I stopped writing a few years ago, but beyond that I'm not sure. I adore this fandom, and particularly these characters and this pairing, but after all these years I don't really have many more original ideas for what to do with them, and I kind of want to start writing more original stuff outside the wonderful world of fanfiction. So, once I'm done with my other fics, I'm going to see where that takes me, but who knows, a while down the line I might find myself drawn back here again, I just can't seem to quit this pairing.