Chapter 1

Mrs Hughes stormed after Mr Carson, following him down the corridor and into his pantry. Maids and footmen jumped out of their path as they made their way. They knew better than to get in the way of Mrs Hughes when she was in full flow. A kind and honest woman, of that there was no doubt, but when that Scottish temper flared it was wise to run for cover.

Mrs Hughes could feel her pulse race. She had never been Lady Mary's biggest admirer. She was always much too self-interested for her own good but it was the way that woman could twist Mr Carson around her little finger, the way he always sided with Lady Mary and never acknowledged any wrong doing on her part, that sent her heart-rate soaring. It was all she could do to control her words until she slammed the pantry door behind her.

"Mr Carson, how can you still defend her?" Elsie Hughes' voice was growing louder by the second. How could he be so blind?

"Mrs Hughes it is not that simple and will you please lower your voice. Lady Mary …"

She interrupted, the last thing she wanted to hear was a long list of Lady Mary's merits, "Lady Mary is a selfish woman. Lady Mary does not care about anyone but herself. Anna is heart-broken Mr Carson, heart-broken. It's too much to ask Mr Carson. To ask Anna to leave Downton, to leave her husband, to leave her friends and everyone she loves". How could he not see that Lady Mary was asking too much? She had ordered Anna to travel with her to Scotland for a year, maybe two years. And yet when Mrs Hughes had shared her dismay with Mr Carson at dinner he had simply said that Lady Mary had every right to expect Anna to go with her and that it was her duty to support Lady Mary.

His voice was one of controlled anger now and in hushed tones said, "Mrs Hughes. Might I remind you that Lady Mary has suffered a great loss? She too is heart-broken and she needs some time away. Can you not think of her feelings instead of casting aspersions upon her good name? Some might say you are being just as selfish in prioritising your feelings for Anna over Lady Mary?" He knew he had over-stepped the mark. Why was he so cruel to the woman standing before him? This lovely, beautiful woman, who had years ago stolen his heart. She was the least selfish woman he had ever met. Yet, her words against Lady Mary had made him react without thought, without thought to the further damage his words may cause.

"Mr Carson how dare you! I know she is grieving and I am truly sorry for her loss. I truly am. But this is just too much to ask, it's too much ….." Elsie's voice faltered. She suddenly felt very weary and her initial fury had ebbed away leaving just hurt and dismay. She had had this argument many times before: her highlighting some unreasonable behaviour of Lady Mary's and Mr Carson defending her completely. And Elsie meant what she had said, she was truly sorry for Lady Mary's loss. She knew that she was broken-hearted. Yet she also knew that breaking Anna's heart would not make things right and should not be excused. His words were so very hurtful, she felt tears forming in her eyes. Yet she must focus on Anna, not her own upset at his uncaring words,

"Mr Carson please speak to Lady Mary. Make her understand that Anna needs to be with her husband, needs to be here at Downton". Elsie was pleading. Surely if anyone could get through to Lady Mary it would be Charles Carson.

"I will do no such thing". His voice was now rising with full booming authority. "Lady Mary needs support in Scotland. She deserves this support. Lady Mary is mother to the heir of this great house. She has had an enormous burden placed upon her and the very least Anna can do is to support her. Anna should be grateful for the opportunities afforded to her by this family and now it is time to repay those opportunities. Anna is here to serve Mrs Hughes. We all are all here to serve. And she'd do well to remember that".

Elsie's heart sank and more tears welled in her eyes. She could see the walls building once again as he retreated into propriety and duty. Yet why did this surprise her? Mr Carson always put the family first, his duty to this great house first. Goodness knows she had tried to break through those walls for years. Yet not once had he put her feelings ahead of the family. How could she have loved, truly loved, this man for all of this time when he never had shown her even the tiniest hope of having feelings for her in return. Instead he berated her sentimentality, he made cruel and hurtful comments towards her and he, time and time again, pushed her feelings aside in his never-ending duty to his employers. She felt broken. The loss of Anna was a dreadful prospect, she loved that sweet girl like a daughter. Yet she also grieved for the loss of what was never to be, the love she would never share with Charles.

"Why do you worship her so much?" She did not know if she had even spoken that thought aloud, so many thoughts were swirling around her mind. His response told her that she had, "I certainly do not worship Lady Mary. I simply know my place, and my place is to do everything in my being to support his Lordship and his family. There is no room for sentimentality or personal feelings in my life Mrs Hughes".

"And what about my feelings Mr Carson? Do they mean nothing at all?" She hadn't meant to say that, hadn't meant to at all.

He could not look at her, he needed to be strong. He could not allow himself to waver. He could hear the emotion in her voice, the utter disappointment in him and his actions and it pierced his heart. He needed to remember his position and responsibilities. He needed to focus on his service and duty to the family. He could not break, not now, not after all of these years.

"The feelings of the family must come first Mrs Hughes. They must come first".

She looked up and stared hopelessly at the man she had loved for decades; the man who had not once shown anything more than friendship in return. Yet she had still hoped.

"Mrs Hughes come quickly!" Daisy had burst through the door of the pantry, she was out of breath and nearly hysterical, "Oh please, please, come quickly. It's Mrs Patmore …"