A memory tickled the back of his mind. Although he had no recollection of it actually occurring, so maybe it wasn't a memory at all, just the distorted remnants of a dream with edges that seemed just this side of too real.

A late phone conversation. Sebastian was drunk after a night out, Blaine was more asleep than not, wrapped up in the fog of Nyquil, sniffling and lamenting that he spent the majority of December sick with a never ending cold.

A long pause. A deep sigh.

"Sometimes I wonder..."

Blaine's hummed in inquiry, too sleepy to form coherent words.

"I wonder what it would be like. To not be someone's mistake."

"I don't even know what that means." Once, in a fit of anger, Cooper had told him that he'd been a mistake, that their parents had never wanted him and that's why there was so many years between them. Blaine had stuffed his batman backpack full of clothing and toys and made it to the next neighborhood before he'd gotten scared. He'd curled up and cried in some other boy's tree house until his father's frantic shouts echoed up the street.

Somehow he thought Sebastian meant something different.

"Like you have. With him. He's not a middle aged closet case looking for ways to hate his life more."

Blaine laughed. "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said about him."

"I just." Another sigh. "Sometimes I wonder if sex would be better if it wasn't tinted by regret."

"Only one way to find out."

Sebastian's low chuckle. "Is that an invitation?"

"Shu'up."

They were quite for a while as Blaine shifted around on his bed, trying to find a position to lay in that let him breathe. "They can't all be like that," he reasoned.

"H'mm?" Sebastian asked, apparently having lost track on the conversation. "Maybe not. Feels like it sometimes."

It was all he remembered, nothing before or after and it had spent weeks, if not months, buried in the recesses of his mind.

He might just be the biggest asshole ever.

xx

Monday morning, before homeroom, he told Kurt that he had kissed somebody.

"It was Sebastian, wasn't it?" was the first thing Kurt said.

Kurt's eyes were hardened and every muscle in his body was tense. There was a finality in his tone and Blaine could feel his entire world crumbling around him; too late to do anything and with no hope of salvaging anything from the wreckage.

"No," he found himself lying. Not for him, but for Sebastian who hadn't done anything except be accosted by him. "It wasn't Sebastian."

"Who was it then?"

It didn't matter who it was, even if it was Sebastian. What mattered was that he hadn't felt like a real boyfriend since October. That, mentally, Kurt had already left for New York and apparently gotten himself a new boyfriend to go with his new life.

"I-I c-c-can't do this. D-don't you think I've had temptations?" Kurt's face was paler than normal and tears were streaming down his face. "But I didn't-"

"Why don't you save it for Chandler. I'm sure he'd understand better than I do," Blaine snapped. Kurt had every right to be hurt but he had no right to the moral high ground.

"C-chandler? I don't" Kurt shook his head. "Who told you about Chandler?"

"No one told me anything." It stung more than it should. He was fairly positive that Rachel, Mercedes, and Sam all knew, if not more of the glee club. "You're phone kept buzzing. I thought it was Rachel. I was going to tell her you were in the kitchen but you'd reply to her as soon as you were done. You've been talking to him for weeks."

"So you went out and grabbed the first warm body you could find? Texting isn't cheating, Blaine."

Blaine had only seen a handful of those texts, but there was certainly nothing platonic about them.

Before he could say anything else, Kurt had let out a strangled sob, clapped his hand over his mouth, and was running off towards the choir room.

xx

His head was either too full or too empty. If everything just stopped, maybe he could figure out which one it was. He should be able to tell the difference. There was a difference, a big one, between empty and full. And if he could just think for one second he would know what that difference was.

His math textbook had been open in front of him for an hour. So far all he'd managed was to write his name and to copy out the first problem.

With a sigh he opened up his laptop and logged onto Skype. He let his mouse hover over Sebastian's name before clicking to start a video call.

"I was just about to start English," Sebastian said wearily as soon as his face was visible. He looked tired too, skin pale and dark bags under his eyes. His hair was sticking up in all directions from having running his hands through it in frustration so many times.

"Math. But I still need to do English too."

Sebastian stared contemplatively at his computer as he weighed his options. "Math sounds better. English isn't due until Thursday, anyway. Have you gotten anything done?"

"I'm relatively positive that my name is Blaine Anderson." He took in the familiar background of Sebastian's room while the other boy dug around in his back for his calculus book, comforted by the fact that at least some things hadn't changed.

"One of those days, huh?" Sebastian asked.

"One of those weeks," he confessed. "I've been home since Tuesday because of the migraines." He tried not to feel hurt that Sebastian hadn't noticed his absence. They only had a couple of classes together, after all.

"Oh. I've kind of been playing hooky this week."

"How come?" Although Sebastian was often late, he rarely missed a day of school, much less an entire week.

"Didn't really feel like going," he cagily replied. Blaine wanted to press him for more details, clearly something else was going on, but it was his fault that they were in such an awkward place to begin with and Sebastian didn't have to share anything with him that he didn't want. "Ready to get started?"

"Yeah. Sure. Sorry." Pulling his book closer, he started reading the first problem aloud.

xx

Social networking was a crucial part of keeping up-to-date with his friends' lives. Facebook and Twitter kept him informed of all the important things happening; like Rachel almost burning her house down again while trying a new recipe for vegan cupcakes.

Or Sebastian abruptly transferring schools in the middle of the year.

First, he changed where he lived from Lima to Westerville. Then Dalton Academy was suddenly on his list of schools. Should someone miss all that, he helpfully posted the status, "You are looking at the newest midfielder for the Dalton Academy Falcons and the newest member of the Dalton Academy Warblers."

It explained why he hadn't been in school for the last two weeks, at least.

The status was almost instantly liked by every single member of both the Warblers and the New Directions. Santana alone held the dissenting opinion of 'u suck bitchlet.'

Staring at his computer in confusion he refreshed the page, sure he had just imagined it. But no. It was still there, staring at him in black print.

His mouse hovered over the like button but he didn't click it. He didn't understand.

No one had said anything to him. Not Sebastian, whom he'd been calling every night to do homework with. Not Jeff or Nick who he had gotten coffee with over the weekend and expressly confided how concerned he was with Sebastian's extended absence. They seemed like the perfect candidates to listen to his concerns: completely removed from the situation. Or so he thought.

Ignoring the way his heart clenched at the old lines of joking banter, he clicked open their chat window and hesitantly typed out ...Seb?

After four hours it became obvious that he wasn't going to get a reply so he shut down his laptop and crawled into bed.

xx

After he received his first slushie facial he remembered thinking that life at McKinley couldn't get any worse, short of ending up in the hospital again.

He had been wrong.

Although Kurt had remained tight lipped as to what, exactly, had happened in their relationship even oblivious Finn was aware it had ended. Given Sebastian's departure he knew that some of them, at least, had put two and two together and it was only a matter of time before the rest did.

No one hesitated to rally around Kurt in his time of need.

Really, Blaine hadn't expected anything different. It had been clear since September that he was the outsider and he had no illusions that his heartache would change that. Sam and Mike alone seemed mostly indifferent, or at least thought him pathetic enough to deserve the odd pitying grimace as the passed him in the hallway. And while Santana wasn't on Kurt's side, her withering glares suggested that she was still in contact with Sebastian and whatever he had told her did not reflect well on him.

But Blaine kept going to all of his classes and every rehearsal despite the looks. If the only people who talked to him during the day were his teachers and his lab partner, Audrey, it was more than he deserved, really.

It wasn't until Cooper was called in that Blaine realized exactly how well he wasn't coping. Although his brother flitted around just as obnoxiously as ever, it was impossible to miss the concerned side stares Cooper pierced him with whenever he thought he wouldn't be seen.

After Sue caught Cooper coming to pick Blaine up for lunch one day she convinced him to teach a two-day 'acting master class' to the aspiring actors of McKinley High, a group made up exclusively of fellow glee clubbers who opted to, temporarily, lay aside their grudge with the youngest Anderson in order to fawn over the older one.

Even Kurt managed to go more than ten minutes without glaring at Blaine as he, loudly, discussed all the ways in which Cooper Anderson was perfection personified.

In an uncharacteristic show of compassion, Cooper continuously called on Blaine in the, albeit misguided, belief that if everyone could remember his little brother's talent the tension in the room would magically dissipate and he would return to the bright-eyed ray of sunshine he was used to.

As much as Blaine appreciated his brother's sudden compassion and interest in his life he didn't have much confidence in his methods. The only person it really seemed to sway was Rachel who occasionally looked at him like he was an actual person and not some insect she had stepped on.

xx

The endless brooding in self-pity had to end, he decided on Saturday night. And the best way to end it was by going out for the night. It was the ideal distraction- loud music, plenty to drink, and new people to talk to that didn't know his sob life story.

It was unfortunate that Scandals was the only bar in the area he was familiar with and possibly the only gay bar this side of Columbus. But he wouldn't let one (night of) bad experience(s) ruin his newfound quest to pull himself together.

Overestimating his own abilities had always been one of his biggest flaws.

By 11.30 he was very drunk, thanks to the man at the bar who happily continued to buy him drinks. He wasn't bad to look at, Blaine supposed, if 35 year old, bearded men were your thing. He had nice hair, at least. And his eyes looked like they'd be kind once they got rid of their predatory smirk.

"I'll be right back," he muttered as the man's (Patrick? Peter?) hands groped down his backside. "I think my brother keeps calling. He just broke up. With his girlfriend," he lied, Sebastian's Rules for Going Out echoing in the back of his head. (Rule #10: never say you're going to the bathroom unless you're looking for a quickie. Rule #11: If you're trying to get away never say 'you need some air'. Lie and stay hidden for 15 minutes. He'll have moved on.")

"I'll get us another drink," the man said making Blaine's stomach twinge in guilt. "Beer okay?"

"Just water this time," he replied. Pressing a scratchy kiss to the man's cheek (rule #13) he disentangled himself and tripped his way to the front door, shaking his head when Larry-the-bouncer tried to stamp him. As soon as he got outside he was going to call Cooper to come and pick him up.

Cooper was not at all impressed with his choice of location but promised he would be there in twenty minutes, threat of a lecture suggested by his tone.

Blaine sat himself on the curb, trying his hardest to not think about the last time he was there. And the brown-haired boy who had sat next to him, holding him when he needed it and offering reassurances that no one else ever had.

He missed him. Some days more than he missed Kurt.

He let his head fall into his hands. Not thinking, it turned out, was easier with his eyes closed.

"You okay?" A concerned voice asked some five minutes later.

"I'm fine, really. Waiting to be picked up." Blaine started, yanking his head up and blinking in disorientation. His confusion only grew as he recognized the figure standing in front of him."Sebastian?" He asked, surprised to see the other boy.

Tersely Sebastian nodded in response, looking just as shocked to see Blaine there. "How've you been?" It seemed to be asked more out of courtesy than curiosity, a way to fill the gaping silence that had never existed between them.

"Fine. Good." It was the opposite of how he'd been, but the response was automatic. "You?"

"Yeah, good. I've been good." He actually looked like he had been good. There had been a constant tenseness about him when he was at McKinley, a guarded look that seeped out from his eyes and had disappeared in the month that he had been gone.

"What are you- I mean. I didn't expect to see you here." He knew, of course, about Sebastian's penchant for going out and enjoying himself. But Sebastian's frequent trip to Ohio's gay bars had abruptly dropped off in December. Time he had filled, instead with late night Skype and phone calls with Blaine.

Sebastian shrugged defensively. "It's not like I was going to stop finding other guys just because I'm in love with you."

It should have been the other way around Blaine couldn't help but hazily thinking. That Sebastian should be the one drunk while he stood, somewhat exacerbated but overall patiently and, most importantly, soberly, by. Or that he, in his drunken state, should be the one blurting out confessions that had been building over the months they'd known each other.

But no. Sebastian was standing right in front of him, without a drop of alcohol in his blood and saying-

"What?" Blaine asked, sure he had heard wrong. Because everything about the situation was wrong, wrong, wrong.

"I. Love. You." Sebastian huffed again, more annoyed this time. "I didn't realize it was a big secret."

It wasn't. At all. Even though it was the first time he heard it, the first time he had ever thought about it, really. He had still known.

"Sebastian-" he started, unsure of what else to say. He cared about the other boy, probably more than he could even admit to himself but he didn't love him. (Although he could, one day, maybe a voice in the back of his mind unhelpfully whispered.)

"Don't," said Sebastian who suddenly looked exhausted again. "Just leave it. It doesn't matter."

An unspoken I don't matter hung in the air between them.

"That's not tr-"

"I said leave it."

Blaine had seen Sebastian angry before. Everyone at McKinley had seen him angry before, it wasn't exactly an emotion he felt necessary to keep to himself. But for the first time since they had met that anger was being directed at him.

"Have a good night, killer." The killer was spat out and sounded like an insult, instead of the normal term of borderline endearment he had grown accustomed to. It hurt, he thought, more than the fact that Sebastian didn't look back even once as he disappeared through into Scandal's.

It should be raining, he thought numbly, because he felt like it was. Standing in the dark and shivering as though there was an icy wind whipping through his soaked clothing as his mind sputtered to understand.

But the night air was unseasonably warm on his skin. And through the fog of his mind, his heart beat out the same repetitive pattern. I. Love. You. I. Love. You.

xx

In what he would later only be able to describe as a masochistic fit, he decided joining the Cheerios was a good decision. It gave him something to do and (mostly) new people to do it with. And luckily Santana was too distracted by rolling her eyes at Coach Roz and Coach Sylvester's, frankly, childish pettiness to be bothered by him.

It wasn't really the place to go to escape drama but at least this drama he wasn't a part of and the girls didn't seem to have any expectation that he get involved in it, aside from wearing the appropriate facial expressions to accompany their latest story of outrage or heartache.

Both Coach Roz and Coach Sylvester refused to ever let him forget that they didn't like him and he had never been called so many ridiculous things in his life as he had during the first ten minutes he had been on the squad. But male cheerleaders with strength, flexibility, and a vague sense of rhythm were a rare commodity at William McKinley High School, so he had been begrudgingly accepted into their ranks.

Really, it was a spectacularly bad decision. But definitely the least bad of all the bad decisions he had made within the last six months, which was saying something. And at least he could put this one on his college resume and hope it might impress and admissions board somewhere.

Practices were hard. Harder, even, than boxing had been and it was in an utter state of exhaustion that he stumbled home every evening, directly into a hot shower and then into his most comfortable pair of pyjamas. Not to mention that 'dunking' really wasn't his thing. (Another reason, he suspected, that Santana hadn't run him off the squad because she got way to much entertainment out of watching him try and, he was vaguely mortified, at least one video.)

Most importantly his newest extracurricular kept him busy. Busy enough that he didn't have (much) time to dwell on the circle of empty seats around him in the choir room or the fact that the eleventh locker down from his English classroom had been taken over by a freshman girl barely tall enough to reach the top shelf.

xx

The next time he and Sebastian saw one another was at Regionals.

"Blaine. San," he greeted cordially. "Everyone else." He titled his head to indicate the group as a whole.

"Sebastian," he said as Santana glowered over his shoulder, muttering about smirky-faced meerkats under her breath.

"How's it going, man?" Mike extended out a hand to shake Sebastian's. "Looking sharp."

"With I could say the same for you," Sebastian replied with an easy shrug and self-satisfied smirk.

"Hey! My girlfriend worked hard on these." He reached down and laced his fingers through Tina's and gave her hand a proud squeeze.

"Lovely." Whether it was sarcastic or a genuine compliment was anyone's guess but Tina's wary smile suggested she took it as the latter.

Awkwardly, they milled about the lobby for another couple minutes. The corner of Sebastian's mouth kept twitching, as though he was about to say something but he never did.

"There you guys are," Mr. Schuester said, coming up behind them and clapping his arm around Finn's shoulders. "We need to start warming up. Everyone meet in the room in five minutes. Sebastian," he added, nodding at the Warbler. Sebastian quirked his eyebrow in response.

As they were turning to leave Sebastian caught Blaine's arm, the warmth of his hand causing Blaine's heart to stutter foolishly in his chest.

"What do you want, Sebastian?" He asked brusquely, refusing to make direct eye contact. Annoyance at the boy in front of him bubbled in his stomach. Annoyance he had been too intoxicated to feel the last time they were face to face but had been festering within him ever since he found out about the transfer.

"I know you don't want to talk to me," he said, earning a snort in reply. Blaine had six unanswered message saved on his phone that attested as much. "Just give me a chance. To explain. Or make it up to you. Or whatever." Sebastian was looking at him wide eyed and... empty. Like some part of him had been cut out when they severed connections too. "Please," he implored.

Shrugging him off Blaine stared for a long moment. "I'll think about it," he promised. His mind desperately wanted to say yes but his heart still stung with the betrayal of sudden abandonment that left him completely alone in a place he wasn't entirely sure he ever really wanted to be to begin with. Not only that but Sebastian had managed to get the other Warbler's involved. Had made them, in their own small way, betray Blaine's trust too.

Sebastian nodded in resigned gratitude: a condemned man who had accepted responsibility and was awaiting his final judgement.

"Good luck out there," Blaine said because it was all he had to offer. "I'm sure you guys will be great."

"You too, killer."

And damn if Sebastian didn't look good in that blazer. Really good. Blaine hadn't thought it was possible for anything to make Sebastian's legs look longer but, somehow, the uniform managed.

xx

The sound of drunken hollering was the first thing to greet him when Sebastian answered his phone.

"Want to join in the celebrations?" He asked, just a little too loud but at least decently enunciated. "Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, right? I'm sure there's a beer somewhere around here with your name on it."

Blaine opened his mouth to reply but found himself unable to form any words.

"You there?" Sebastian asked, voice becoming distant as he checked the screen to make sure the call was still connected. "Blaine?"

"There was an accident," he finally managed to chokingly whisper. "After Regionals."

"Are you okay?" Sebastian's voice, sharp with concern, interrupted him.

"Yeah-"

"San?"

Forgetting Sebastian couldn't see him through the phone, he nodded.

"Quinn," Blaine forced out. "She was alone in her car. She ran a stop sign. A pickup," he inhaled sharply. "hit her. On the driver's side."

"Can you guys shut the fuck up for one minute?" Sebastian yelled to the rowdy boys around him. "Shit," he swore, attention back to Blaine. "Where is she? Where are you?"

"I'm home. I think she's at Lima Memorial. I don't know though."

"I'll call you right back," was the only warning Sebastian offered before hanging up.

Blaine had been the last person to find out, the New Direction's gossipmongers not really interested in keeping him in the loop. He had found out from Brittany who texted him asking if he could use his unicorn powers to heal Quinn because Kurt said he couldn't and even though Santana said Blaine wasn't a good unicorn anymore, she still had faith in him because his hair smelled like raspberries and everyone knew that evil unicorns smelled like liquorice.

From: Sebastian Smythe
Can you leave your front door unlocked? Or maybe your window?

From: Sebastian Smythe
Try and get some sleep. I'll be there in 1hr40min.

From: Blaine A.
Don't be ridiculous. Wait until the morning.

He wanted Sebastian there. Didn't want to be alone in this. But that didn't mean he thought Sebastian should have to drive all the way out to Lima to be with him. If anything he should be going out to Dalton, since he was the one that needed someone. (Only briefly did he let it cross his mind that Sebastian might need someone too. He was, after all, affected in a way that no one else at Dalton was.)

From: Sebastian Smythe
It's morning now. Promise Cristoph the cabbie will drive safely. See you soon.

Blaine breathed out a sigh of relief at the fact that Sebastian hadn't decided to drive himself or to make someone at the party bring him. Still wrapped up in his blanket, he shuffled over to the window, opened it, and carefully removed the screen. Although he hardly made use of it, he knew for a fact that the sturdy Black Walnut tree besides his room was perfect for sneaking in and out. The distance between the tree and Blaine's window was almost too great for his shorter limbs, but Sebastian wouldn't have a problem.

From: Blaine A.
Window's open.

From: Blaine A.
Thank you.

He hadn't planned on falling asleep but after half an hour he found himself drifting in and out of a fitful doze. Every few minutes he would jerk awake, half convinced a car was careening towards him or else flinching away from the sight of everyone he cared about laid out on the road, limbs twisted and contorted in unnatural ways, covered in blood, and desperately gasping for air.

It was in the middle of one of those uneasy rests that Sebastian must have snuck in because instead of starting awake yet again, Blaine found himself slowly drifting into consciousness with a strong arm wrapped securely around his waist and fingers carding through his hair.

"Sebastian," he breathed out.

"Hey," Sebastian whispered back, breath whispering against Blaine's temple and leaving him very aware of just how close they were.

"Listen, Seb." He scrambled up onto his elbows, putting as much distance as he could between them without getting too far away." I'm really-"

"Shh." Placing his hand over Blaine's thundering heart Sebastian coaxed him back down. "One thing at a time. We deal with... this first. And then we can deal with us."

There was time for them. Neither of them was going anywhere, not anytime soon. They couldn't necessarily say the same for Quinn.

They lapsed into silence and both tried their hardest to fall asleep. But as the frequent annoyed sighs and restless shifting attested, it was a task neither of them found easy.

"Fuck this," Sebastian grumbled when he had grown tired of staring off into nothing. "Can we watch some shitty television or something? Until we kill enough brain cells that we're forced to go to sleep?"

"That sound s perfect." Kicking his covers off, Blaine slid into his slippers and pulled on his dressing gown. "We have to go to the rec room, though. So we don't bother my parents."

xx

They were sitting side by side on the couch, flipping through the channels in search of something worth watching. The setting sun glowed golden through the windows. Sebastian sighed as they looped back around to where they had started on but kept determinedly pressing the button, sure that this time, maybe, there would be something on.

Blaine had stopped watched the flickering channels ages ago and was instead staring at the other boy out of the corner of his eye.

Without thinking, he took the remote from his friends hand, causing Sebastian to look over at him. Their eyes met and Blaine leaned forward.

They kissed. They kept kissing, more and more frantic and needy. Sebastian's hands ran up and down his sides, digging into his back. Blaine's hands clutched together at Sebastian's shirt, pulling him down on top of him until they were laying flush against each other. Moaning, Sebastian rolled his hips, grinding down into the boy below him.

Blaine woke up.

"G'back t'sleep," Sebastian slurred, flipping over on the massive ottoman and moulding himself around Blaine. "S'early."

"Kay," Blaine snuggled deeper into the embrace and let his eyelids droop closed again.

xx

By 10 the next morning they were sitting awkwardly in a corner of Lima Memorial. About half of New Directions was also there, keeping themselves clearly separate.

'It's good for her parents. To know so many people care about her,' Sebastian had told him authoritatively when he noticed how uncomfortable Blaine was.

After half an hour of sitting on the uncomfortable plastic chairs Sebastian excused himself to go get them coffee since neither of them had slept that well. Blaine managed to make it through another ten minutes of trying not to flinch every time someone so much as looked like they were going to look at him before getting up and following the signs towards the cafeteria as well.

"Britt's on her way," he heard Sebastian's voice gently murmuring as he rounded a corner. "Her stupid cat apparently gambled away her car keys, so she's biking over. She'll be here soon."

Just off to the side of the hallway stood Sebastian, arms wrapped tightly around Santana whose entire body was shaking as she silently cried into his shoulder.

Back peddling faster than he ever had in his life he retreated back to the waiting room, knowing it was a scene that neither party would have wanted anyone they knew to have witnessed.

"Blaine Warbler!" A voice called out from behind him. He barely had time to turn around before blonde hair was whipping across his face and he was being enveloped in a hug. "I knew you would come."

"Hi, Brittany," he said, starting to hug her back only to find himself being tugged down the hallway and back to the waiting room, coming to a stop in front of Quinn's mildly surprised looking family.

"Mrs, Fabray, this is Blaine Warbler. He's a unicorn with magical healing powers and he's here to make Quinn all better. I would help but I'm bicorn," she pouted, "and I don't think we have healing powers. But Santana and Mr. Lobster are here too. And three unicorns is like super magic."

Blaine was torn between looking apologetically at the Fabray's and confusedly staring at Brittany over her nickname and hoping it was something Sebastian never found out about.

"It's very nice to meet you," he offered quietly.

"You as well," Mrs. Fabray replied with a grimaced smile that didn't even try to meet her eyes. Besides her Quinn's sister inclined her head in agreement.

An hour later, as Puck's fifth attempt at making a tower of all their empty cups fell down around him, the doctor came out to announce that Quinn was finally stable, although it was too early to tell if there would be any lasting damage.

"Told you," Brittany half sang, half yawned from Santana's shoulder. "Magical."

xx

There was a difference between wanting things to go back to how they were and actually being able to let that happen. Which was why Blaine and Sebastian had been staring at each other over lukewarm cups of coffee for the last hour. With Sebastian home for the weekend, the Lima Bean had seemed like an ideal place to go to talk. Their homes were too intimate and anywhere else would be uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

But maybe unfamiliar would have been better with the way the baristas keep glancing worriedly over at their corner where they'd somehow managed to put an ocean of distance between them despite the fact their knees are practically knocking under the tiny table.

"So..." Blaine started before trailing off. He had been up half the night thinking about what he was going to say but it had all seemed too little or else grossly overdramatic.

"You could have called." Sebastian shifted in his chair, eyes darting guiltily to the side. "San told me..." He made a sweeping gesture, as though to encompass everything he and Santana had talked about in the last month and a half.

Blaine could only imagine what it was Santana had been saying about him between scathing insults.

"I couldn't." It wasn't just anger at Sebastian he had felt but also at himself. Every time he had picked up the phone with the intention of getting in touch again he had been wracked by another crashing wave of guilt.

"Why not?" Bemusement played across the other boy's face.

"Because I used you, Sebastian. I-" he dropped his voice to a shamed whisper, "I kissed you because I felt bad about myself and my relationship. I used your... feelings,
he swallowed hard around the word. "For me against you and that isn't okay."

"And it meant nothing to you?" asked Sebastian in a carefully neutral tone.

Blaine's head shot up in alarm, hating that he had caused that impression because it was the furthest thing from the truth. "I never said-"

"Then I really don't see the problem."

"Not as though any of it matters, since you left me," he muttered under his breath before snapping his mouth shut. He had meant to say McKinley- that Sebastian had left McKinley and gone somewhere new.

"Blaine." It looked and sounded like just saying the name was causing Sebastian physical pain. "I couldn't stay. Not af- I just couldn't."

For the first time he thought about it from the other boy's point of view.

Sebastian Smythe never belonged at William McKinley High, a school where 90% of the population had never been more than two hours from where they were born and getting an 80 on a test was considered an accomplishment, with a lacrosse team that rarely made it to States, a show choir that preferred airing their dirty laundry to anything else, and hallways full of homophobic Neanderthals .

His parents had insisted he attend the local public school instead of looking to Dalton from the get go. 'To have him close to home', Mr. Smythe had said. 'Family bonding', his mother insisted but Sebastian had known it was to keep an eye on him.

And then, on top of all of that misery, Sebastian had gone and fallen for Blaine. A boy desperately in love with his own boyfriend and determined to keep his relationship together, no matter how unhappy it made him. And Sebastian had respected their relationship, in his own way. Yes, he went out of his way to bait Kurt and continuously hit on Blaine. But he never actually made a move on him. Never, for example, tried to kiss him, despite the number of times he could have and they both knew the other was thinking about it.

And Blaine had messed that up. Had actually kissed Sebastian. For a moment he had stopped it from being a fantasy and made it into reality.

But when he kissed him it hadn't been a declaration of any sort. It wasn't done with the intention of breaking up with Kurt and further exploring whatever was between them. For all either of them had known as Sebastian fled from his room, Kurt and Blaine would remain KurtandBlaine for the rest of his year.

"You could have called," Blaine said eventually, even though Sebastian had at least messaged him, no matter how callously impersonal and apology lacking they had been.

"Looks like we both fucked up there."

"You're just a stubborn asshole."

"No more so than you."

As they smiled at each other the final lingering tensions dissipated.

"Rumor has it that I'm going to be captain of the Warblers next year," Sebastian said, changing the subject.

"Really?"Blaine was impressed. It was rare for the Warblers to consider such things before September. Wes had been an exception, apparently it was obvious he would lead them during his senior year since his second week on campus.

"I wouldn't say no to having a co-captain. Someone to keep me in line so I don't resort to blackmailing the competition. God knows I have enough dirt on the New Directions."

Sitting up to his full (not considerable) height he affixed his most stern expression to his face and pointed a finger across the table. "You are not to destroy the Warbler's reputation, young man. Do you understand me?"

"I make no promises." All things considered, Blaine really wasn't the most threatening figure. And using the phrase 'young man' was a lot less effective when it wasn't his parents doing it. "I really cannot be trusted on my own."

"I'll think about it," Blaine groaned, relaxing and rolling his eyes. "You really are such an ass."

xx

Epilogue

One Friday during the hottest week of the summer they went galactic bowling. Blaine had vehemently insisted it was necessary when he discovered that Sebastian had never so much as set foot inside a bowling alley. Reluctantly Sebastian had agreed, although he nearly walked out when he found out he was expected to put his feet in pre-worn shoes.

It wasn't a date but it kind of felt like one as they laughed over Blaine's inability to knock down more than 4 pins at a time and the college frat boy three lanes down who kept trying to impress his date but continuously ended up throwing the ball in the gutter. Sebastian kept finding excuses to brush his fingers against the back of Blaine's hand and every time he did Blaine ended up flushing heatedly, thankful of the fact that the lights were mostly off.

Since it wasn't-a-date they had taken separate cars and they ended the night lingering in the parking lot, awkwardly standing beside Blaine's car, neither one wanting to be the first to leave.

"This was fun," Blaine said, fingers itching to straighten his bowtie or fix his hair or do anything but flex uselessly at his side. (Grabbing Sebastian's polo by the collar and pulling him in was also an option.)

"We should do it again." Sebastian's hands were shoved deep in his pockets, causing his shoulders to hunch up as he shifted his weight. "Not the bowling thing. One time wearing those ridiculous clown shoes was more than enough." But his smile let Blaine know that he had enjoyed himself.

"Yeah," Blaine found himself blushing and feeling like a ten year old talking to his first crush. "I'd really, really like that."

Author's Note: Sorry this took longer than expected to get out. And thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews and for reading.