Sam's senior year was going better than he could have imagined even if he was still living away from his family. When school started, it was a little weird to be back. The glee club was national champs and their new found popularity was certainly welcomed. It only did last about a week though. The glee kids just weren't cut out to hang out with the cheerleaders and jocks. Sam really thought it was for the better anyway. He didn't want anyone to ask too many questions about his life.

However, he'd gotten more comfortable mentioning his stripper past during glee every so often. He also managed to win the student election with Blaine and the two of them were becoming better friends every day. The two kept each other grounded and they helped each other out. Blaine helped to keep Sam eating normally and was there if Sam ever wanted to hurt himself. Sam was there for Blaine when he and Kurt broke up and when he almost transferred back to Dalton.

Then, Sam got together with Britney after their sectionals loss. He had always liked talking with Britney. He felt like they understood each other and he didn't feel so stupid when he was with her. She didn't act weird around him because of his past or his problems and Sam really needed that, especially after sectionals.

Marley's eating disorder brought up a struggle inside of him. He understood a lot about Marley and could see how anybody could get carried away in the self-hatred of their own body. His body dysmorphic disorder had gotten much better recently. But as they stood in the choir room watching Marley drift in and out of consciousness, Sam had the feeling that his life was going to be changing soon. With the New Directions having lost sectionals, it meant that the glee club was over for the year. Sam didn't like the idea of not seeing his friends every day in the choir room just singing and supporting each other.

But then again, the world was supposed to end in about a month anyway, so Sam decided not to worry about it too much. Instead, he married Britney and they spent their last few days showing everyone around them how much they were appreciated.

Surprisingly though, the world didn't end on December 22nd and he knew he had to do something. Now that they had more time on the planet, Sam knew he had to figure out how the Warbler's won sectionals. There was something fishy about their performance and Sam knew that the New Directions were the ones that should have won.

Finally, after an intense investigation on his part, he succeeded in finding out that the Warblers had cheated at sectionals by using steroids.

With the word finally out about the Warblers, the New Directions had a lot to do to prepare for regionals. That included raising money to go. Tina was the one to come up with the idea of a Men of McKinley calendar, but the glee calendar was something Sam was oddly excited about. He knew he was good at being sexy and a shirtless photo-shoot was definitely something Sam would help with. Sam thought things were going to be okay for a while.

It wasn't until after their morning glee meeting that day that he realized he was very wrong about the direction his life was taking. Sam and Britney sat in Mr. Figgins office as he talked about the SATs. Sam stared at Mr. Figgins as he told Sam that he got the lowest score ever on the SATs, a 340. He wanted to cry. All the progress he'd made in the past year seemed to dissolve and he hated himself. He felt so ridiculous. He was so stupid to think that he actually had a chance at being good for something other than his body. His mind went numb as all he could think about was how he really wasn't good for anything. He could barely focus as Britney sat next to him, telling him he didn't need to go to college and that his body was amazing and all the things he could still do. He stared at the floor and tried not to think about the complete failure that he really was.

He spent the rest of his day fighting against the urge to tear open his skin with the first sharp thing he could find. He couldn't stand that he'd actually begun to believe that he had a chance at being normal. They'd told him to start eating properly, stop counting calories and working out nonstop. He'd given in and now he hated to think about how much weight he'd probably put on over the past couple months.

As the bell rang for lunch Sam sighed. He wasn't hungry at all. He probably should have been, but he just couldn't even stomach the thought of food, let alone actually eat something. He knew he needed to find a way to get out of being at lunch. He would spend all his time in the gym from now on. He was supposed to eat lunch with Blaine like he always did now a days, but he texted him as he walked into the locker room.

"Can't eat with you today. Have to meet with Tina about the calendar."

Sam hated lying to him, but he hoped Blaine would accept it and not ask questions. A minute later, his phone vibrated with a reply from Blaine. "It's cool, I should get some student council stuff done anyway. Make sure you get something to eat."

Sam rolled his eyes at his phone before throwing it back in his bag. He quickly changed into sweats and weighed himself. As the scaled settled on a number, Sam closed his eyes and sighed. The rest of his lunch hour he spent working out, hitting the punching bag and making sure to keep tears from his eyes.

When the bell rang again, signaling his next class, he knew it was pointless. He knew that he shouldn't waste his time in classes when he should be working out and making sure his body was perfect for the calendar and his probable future as a stripper again. He ditched all his classes and spent the day working out in the gym and avoiding coach Bieste, knowing she'd send him back to classes if she knew he had been there all day.

The next day, Sam decided he just couldn't care anymore. He skipped breakfast, thankful that Carole had stopped watching his eating habits so closely. Finn was already at the tire shop, getting in some hours before he would have to be at McKinley for glee. Burt was in Washington and Carole was still getting ready for work, so Sam grabbed his stuff and slipped out the door, not even tempting himself by going in the kitchen.

He wore nothing but his swim shorts and walked into McKinley knowing his body was the only thing he had going for him. When Blaine brought up his failing the SATs, Sam knew his day would be rough if everyone knew about his stupidity.

He held a seminar in the locker room for the guys, giving them all the tips he had for having a rockin' body, stripping, and being shirtless professionally. He put all his energy into working out and making sure his body was better than it ever was. He knew what he was doing was probably dangerous. He knew that so many people had worked to keep him healthy and safe, but he just didn't care anymore. He felt completely fat and worthless and he knew that no one else would understand that. He grabbed some fruit and a granola bar for lunch that day, knowing he at least had to have something in him to keep up his exercise routine and to show his friends he was actually eating. Unlike Marley, he knew how to handle this whole eating disorder thing. He wasn't fooling himself anymore, he knew he was going into eating disorder territory, but he didn't care. He was so confused with himself and how one minute he could know he was sexier than the other guys and then the next minute hate his body so much. It really didn't make any sense to him.

The next day in glee, the boys did their performance of 'Hot in Here'. Even as everyone clapped and Finn shouted about how amazing their performance was, Sam couldn't get excited. He knew he wasn't good enough.

The shoot for the calendar later that day was going really well. Everyone was fit and knew what they were doing because Sam made sure they were perfect even if he couldn't be.

It was finally his turn in front of the camera and Tina called for some other guys to be in the shot too. Sam hid his feeling of self-hatred. He knew Tina wanted the others in the shot because Sam wasn't good enough. But he played it off, saying he was too good for the others to be in the shot with him. He didn't want to snap at them and sound conceded. But it was the only way he could hide just how much he actually hated himself. He hated what was going on in his head. His stomach hurt so badly, but he need to work out more. With all the talking, he'd lost his puff. His muscles looked flat and he needed a five minute break.

After telling off everyone in the group, he walked to the back and started lifting weights. Blaine walked over to Sam and told him he was being a jerk.

He sat down and opened up to Blaine. He was exhausted. Focusing on his weight and what he ate all the time, took all his energy, but Blaine told him to relax. No one cared how much body fat he had, they would all still like him.

He really thought about what Blaine said about relaxing and actually eating junk food or skipping a work out. He couldn't do that. He wanted to so desperately. But he knew that his body was his only option now.

Later, Blaine and Ms. Pillsbury called him into her office. As they talked about his future options, he knew they were just trying to help, but he just couldn't believe that he would ever get into and be able to afford college. He didn't even know what he would do if he even got in. He agreed to look into the schools and thanked them for helping.

Back at the Hudson-Hummel's that night, Sam barely ate. Carole made meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Sam knew he couldn't skip dinner. Even though Carole had become more relaxed about watching him, skipping a meal would send out a warning. He ate a piece of meatloaf and a spoonful of mashed potatoes before thinking up a reason to leave the table. Carole and Finn were talking about the tire shop and Sam knew this was his chance.

"So I have to go work on some homework, thanks for dinner Carole."

"Of course Sam, Let me know if you need help."

Sam smiled and went to his room. He did have homework, but he really didn't want to do it. He still didn't see a point in high school anymore. He took off his sweatshirt and stared at his arm. His scars were fading and he was actually oddly thankful for that. He had been using a scar reducing cream, hoping that they would become less noticeable. He was so stupid to cut on his arm, those scars would need to go away if he were to somehow use his body for his future career.

He wanted to cut. He ran his hand over the fading scars and sighed. He couldn't give in, everyone would hate him. He pulled out his phone and called Blaine.

"Hey Sam" Blaine answered after a couple rings.

"Blaine, uh, what are you up to?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"Just doing some homework, you?"

"Same… I was just wondering if you wanted to come over and play some video games or something."

"Uh, sure... Gimme like an hour, cool?"

He looked at the clock. He could hold out until then, just get some homework done, maybe take a shower, something. "Yeah. Sweet. See you then."

Sam hung up and went to take a quick shower before doing his homework. He sighed as he tried to do the reading for his English class. It was certainly getting a little better than it used to be, but he still didn't want to get a tutor like that Ryder kid. There was no point in pretending he was going to ever be good at school. About half an hour after he'd given up reading and gone onto his math homework, Finn knocked at the door.

"Hey Sam, Blaine is here. Says you guys have plans."

Sam smiled and put his pencil down. "Thanks." Sam said as he opened the door. "We're gonna play some xbox if you wanna join."

"Yeah, cool man."

The three spent a couple hours playing video games and Sam was actually keeping his mind off of everything. He thought he was doing pretty well at least.

At around 10 Blaine stood up and stretched.

"I should be getting home guys. I'll see you tomorrow Finn." Blaine paused and glanced at Sam. "Sam, can I talk to you real quick?"

Sam put down his controller and smiled. "Sure man."

The two walked to the front door and Blaine put on his coat. "Sam, are you doing okay? Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out, but you sounded pretty desperate on the phone."

Sam ran his palm over his face and sighed. "Yeah, I'm cool now. I just kinda wanted, well, I was…"

Blaine smiled slightly. "Don't worry. I get it. Glad I could hang out. You're fine for tonight?"

Sam nodded and patted Blaine's shoulder. "Yeah, thanks man."

The next day, Sam apologized to Artie. He knew he had been a jerk and he really did want Artie to be involved. So he talked with Artie and told him he wouldn't be the only guy wearing a shirt in the calendar. Sam would be covered up too. He kind of figured it was better anyway. His body was probably too fat compared to the other guys.

After they finished the pictures, Blaine asked Sam to meet him in an empty classroom. Blaine wanted to help with Sam's essay for colleges, but Sam just wasn't all that up for it. He didn't know what to say about himself. He didn't feel like he had anything to really be proud of. He had been a prostitute for fuck's sake, what college would want that?

Sam should have known Blaine would come prepared though. He placed a computer in front of Sam and Sam began to cry as he watched the video of all his friends saying how amazing he was. He hugged Blaine and couldn't believe what everyone was saying about him. He didn't understand why he couldn't feel the same way about himself that his friends did. They apparently saw a whole different Sam than the guy he saw.

He knew he couldn't let all of these people down. They saw something good in Sam and he would try to succeed for them. The only problem was that he still didn't feel okay. He still didn't want to eat anything and he could feel himself spiraling back into his self-loathing.

On Monday, Sam was glad it was diva week. With his friends fighting about which one of them was the biggest diva, no one would focus on him. He did think it was kind of ridiculous as Ms. Pillsbury announced the competition and Marley, Unique, and Tina immediately went into some smack talk about who was the bigger diva but he hadn't eaten a real meal in a several days and he was too tired to care.

Then Santana showed up. She bitched him out about dating Britney and he was far too tired to deal with her bullshit. He was dating Britney now and honestly, he kind of needed her. He couldn't tell Santana that, but he would fight for her.

Over the next couple weeks, Sam was getting thinner and thinner. He thought he was looking pretty good though. The endless workouts and dances in glee kept him busy and fit. His diet consisted of a small dinner every night and maybe a granola bar at lunch if he couldn't find an excuse to get out of eating with everyone. It wasn't until Fued week that people were beginning to catch on.

After glee on Wednesday Marley ran after him in the hall. "Sam, wait!"

Sam turned around and smiled to cover how tired he was. "Hey, what's up Marley?"

"Sam I need to talk to you about something."

"Uh, sure what about?" He asked as they walked towards his locker.

"I know what you're doing Sam." She spoke timidly but at the same time there was a confidence in her voice that made Sam wonder what she was talking about.

"Okay…" he said, dragging out the word in confusion. "What am I doing?"

"Not eating, exercising nonstop. Sam, didn't you learn anything from me fainting on stage? You can't starve yourself." Marley was genuinely concerned. She didn't know Sam that well and she obviously didn't know about his past, but she didn't want someone else to be doing what she had done to herself.

"I don't know what you're talking about Marley."

"Sam, your clothes are huge on you and you always look tired. No one has seen you eat more than a granola bar or piece of fruit in weeks. And I talked to my mom; you don't ever get anything at lunch anymore."

Sam huffed and did the combination on his locker. "Look Marley, I'm not you, okay. I know what I'm doing and I've had a dietician. Don't worry about it, okay?"

Marley didn't believe him, but she knew she wasn't going to be the one to get through to him. "Yeah, okay Sam. Just, I'm here if you ever need…"

"Thanks Marley. I'll see you in glee tomorrow." He shut his locker and put his bag over his shoulder. He would have to be smarter. If Marley was catching on, it was only a matter of time before everyone else did too.

Marley didn't know who to go to. She could talk to Britney, but she wasn't sure Britney would actually take her seriously; Britney seemed sort of clueless about most everything. Blaine would know what to do, or even Finn. She walked back to the choir room, hoping that Finn would still be in there.

"Finn?"

"Marley, what's going on?" He asked, glancing up from the sheet music on top of the piano.

Marley looked around, double checking that no one else was still in the room too. "Um… I'm kind of worried about Sam."

Finn pushed the papers aside and walked slowly towards Marley. Finn was always looking out for Sam, he had really taken a big brother role to Sam lately, and if someone who didn't know Sam's past was worried, then Finn knew something was up. "About Sam? What are you worried about?"

Marley wondered what was going on. She didn't think that Finn would look so serious when she hadn't even told him yet. "Well, I just… I don't think he's been eating lately… And he's too thin… I think he might have an eating disorder or something."

Finn thought back to the past couple weeks. He never saw Sam eat breakfast, but that was just because they didn't wake up at the same time. He wasn't around for lunch, so he'd have to take Marley's word on that. But Sam always ate something at dinner. He was sure of that. He wasn't exactly watching everything Sam ate, but he knew Sam was there at the table eating. His mom would have made a big deal about it if he wasn't.

"Thanks for looking out for him Marley. I'm going to look into this, okay?" He placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled.

She nodded and clutched her books tighter to her chest, hoping that Finn really would look into it.

As soon as Marley left the choir room, Finn took out his phone and called Blaine.

"Blaine," he said as soon as Blaine answered. "I gotta ask you something."

Blaine laughed. "If it's about whether that sweater you had on today clashed with your shoes, yes, it did."

Finn smiled. "Thanks, but no," he responded lightly. "I was wondering how Sam has been doing… Like at lunch and stuff."

Blaine paused for a moment. He had been walking out to his car, actually, going to head to the park to go running with Sam.

"I don't really know. We don't really eat together a lot anymore. He doesn't show up most days but when he does, I know he eats something… but it's usually like…not enough food for an actual person… do you think…" Blaine let his thought trail off. He should have noticed. He knew Sam had been having a hard time a couple weeks ago, but he thought the kid was okay now.

"Honestly, yeah… we might have a problem here." Finn replied. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at the empty chair where Sam usually sat in glee. "Thanks. I'm going to talk to my mom about it; see what we should do."

Blaine hated that this was happening. They had all just dealt with this with Marley, but Sam's case seemed slightly worse, only because if this habit was back, there was another one that might be back with it. "Yeah. Um, let me know what she says. I am actually going to meet Sam now. We're going for a run in the park. Maybe I can see if he wants to get something to eat afterwards. I don't want to make a big deal about this if it's not really a problem."

"Makes sense. Good luck man. I'll talk to you later." Finn hung up and left quickly, hoping his mom would be home.

The run with Sam was longer than Blaine thought it would be. He liked to think that he was in relatively good shape, but damn, Sam could run for miles.

After two miles Blaine stopped and put his hands on his knees. "Sam, dude, I gotta rest."

Sam turned towards Blaine and kept jogging in place. "Come on man, one more mile? You got this."

Blaine looked up at Sam with confusion. "No Sam, I really don't. We've gone two miles. We need to rest for a minute. Not all of us are superman."

Sam stopped moving and put his hand on Blaine's shoulder. "Alright dude, whatever."

Blaine stood up and rolled his shoulders. "Look, I'm hungry, want to go get something to eat?"

Sam gave a slight shiver at the question but played it off by stretching. "Uh, no. Not really hungry."

Blaine sighed. "Sam you weren't at lunch, so don't tell me you aren't hungry." His tone was angrier than he would have liked, but he was slightly frustrated with Sam, as the suspicions were coming out to be true. He walked over to the bench on the side of the path and sat down.

Sam followed; cursing himself for thinking people wouldn't start to notice how many times he skipped lunch period. "Dude, are you mad at me for something?"

Blaine was baffled. He stared at Sam as he watched his best friend sit down on the bench next to him. "I'm not mad… I just don't get it. I thought you were fine. I thought you'd come talk to me if things were… getting bad again."

"I would. Things aren't bad again Blaine. I haven't cut myself or anything-"

"That's good, but starving yourself is the definition of 'bad again'."

"I don't starve myself... God, I'm not Marley… I eat dinner. Just ask Finn and Carole. I always make sure to eat something every day."

Blaine just wanted to shake Sam until the point got through. "Oh, cool. You eat dinner." He said sarcastically. "You need more than that to survive Sam. Especially with how much you exercise; you need to eat more than a normal person."

Sam stared at his shoes and sighed. "Whatever. I should be getting home. Carole is expecting me… for dinner." He said, trying to make a point.

The two walked back to their cars and Blaine hated that they were leaving things like that. "I'll see you tomorrow Sam."

"Yeah. See ya later."

The drive back seemed too long for Sam. He really contemplated driving his car into oncoming traffic or just parking his car on the tracks between Lima and Lima Heights. But he knew he couldn't do that. The other drivers would blame themselves and it'd ruin their cars. The train conductor would hate himself, thinking 'if only I'd have stopped the train sooner that young man would be alive.' No, Sam would drive home, eat some of whatever Carole cooked for dinner, and then go to sleep early. He would continue to live his seemingly pointless life, if only to keep from causing pain for others.

Sam got back and opened the front door. "Carole, I'm home." Sam called as he put his backpack on the floor.

"Sam, bro, how was the run?" Finn asked, entering the room.

"Uh, good. When's dinner?" Sam asked, hoping Blaine didn't talk to Finn about anything.

"Like 10 minutes, Ma ordered pizza."

"Sweet. I'm gonna get in the shower real quick."

After a quick shower, Sam threw on some sweat pants and a t-shirt before heading to the kitchen. He wasn't looking forward to eating. He knew the nutrition facts of pizza by heart and he was going to have to fit in an extra work out tomorrow just for this dinner.

He sat at the table, preparing himself to eat one piece before finding a reason to leave. He'd taken to setting an alarm to his ringtone so it would go off and he could claim it was a phone call he had to take.

Tonight, unbeknownst to Sam, was different. As soon as his phone went off, Carole looked over to him and smiled.

"Could you tell them you'll call back later?"

Sam stared at her as he let the phone ring. Then, gathering his thoughts, he stuttered. "uh… ye..yeah."

He took his phone out of his pocket and turned off the alarm, allowing Finn and Carole to think that he'd sent a call to voicemail.

"Have another piece of pizza Sam." Finn said cautiously.

"You know what, I got something to eat with Blaine. I'm not all that hungry."

Finn sighed, hating that he caught Sam in a lie. "No, you didn't Sam. I called Blaine and I know you didn't. I also know you're not eating lunch. So this needs to stop."

Sam looked down at his empty plate and felt his stomach do flips. He couldn't tell if it was because he was nervous or because he was hungry. He knew he was hungry. He was always hungry lately, but he was used to it, but the nervousness of being confronted was making him hate himself.

"Sam, honey, talk to us." Carole said gently. "How much are you really eating?"

Sam hesitated, wondering if he could actually get away with lying. He looked from Finn to Carole, then back to his plate. "Um… about 1000 calories a day… sometimes less…" Usually less… he thought to himself.

Carole placed her hand over her mouth. Finn knew from all his gym and health classes that the minimum calories a guy needed was 2,500, but if you were working out a lot, you needed way more than that.

He put another piece of pizza on Sam's plate and then went back to his own piece, hoping to down play the scene as much as possible for Sam's sake.

Sam stared at the food that was now on his plate. He knew there was no way out of this now. He was partially grateful that they found out though. He was so tired of being hungry all the time, but he was still scared. He hated that he had to start over again. They had just begun to trust him with his own eating habits but he had to go and fuck it up again. He slowly ate the pizza and hated that he had started to cry. He felt like such a stupid little kid. He was 17 but he was eating dinner and crying about it. He knew that only a year ago his family would have loved to have as good of food that he gets every night.

The rest of dinner was quiet as Sam forced himself to eat 3 more pieces past his original one. Finn then got up and cleared the table as Carole turned to face Sam in his seat.

"Sam, we're going to go to the doctor tomorrow and see just how bad this has gotten. How long has this been happening this time?"

"Um… Like a month I think."

Carole gently placed her hand on Sam's arm. "Okay honey. Can you tell me why you started up again?"

"I just… I mean, I blew my SATs and…I knew I couldn't be smart….so I guess if I couldn't be smart, I could at least look good and…it just…worked."

Carole nodded and sighed. "Alright… Sam have you started cutting too?"

Sam shook his head. He didn't want to admit that he wanted to cut. He almost did the night before, but he knew he couldn't. He let the hunger pains be enough.

"Well that's good. I'm really glad you've stayed strong… why don't you get some rest. You look really tired."

Sam nodded and stood up from the table. What he hated most about not eating properly was the lack of energy he had. He went to his room and lay on his bed. He put his headphones in and listened to his ipod. He let himself cry as he thought about what a mess he was. This family had been so amazing to him. They got him this ipod for Christmas, they fed him, gave him a place to live, made sure he was taken care of, and how did he repay them? By rejecting their food and being selfish in his self-hatred and self-destruction.

He scrolled through his music until he could find the perfect song he would do in glee.

A/N: I know I kind of rushed the beginning, but I struggled forever to find a good starting place. Please let me know what you guys think about it. I promise it will get better.