Oberon's Limit
By King Cobra3 ([email protected])
DISCLAIMER: Oberon, Titania, and Puck are the creations of Disney. They are not mine. However, the character of Gerald Howard is.
SUMMARY: Even the most powerful lords have their breaking points...
WARNING: Story is suitable to minors, (except for one mention of the word "ass".) but a salesman shows up in this one, so run and hide!
Somewhere, NOT on Earth, there exists a place. A magical island that sends departing strangers where they need to be, not where they wish to go. A place that has been safeguarded from most humans for a millennium.
That place is called Avalon.
The rulers of Avalon, Lord Oberon and his queen Titania kept constant care and watch over this land, weary of strangers who might show up in an attempt to disrupt their perfect luxury.
In a hidden palace on the East Side of Avalon, Oberon had begun The Gathering, a reunion that takes place every decade in which his children were to return home to replenish their magic and to study new powerful feats in their powers.
Bitterly composed as always, Oberon looked up at his latest visitor and nodded.
"You are welcomed home, Odin. How goes the icy wilderness of Canada?"
Odin bowed to his master.
"It bodes well, your highness. Although the snow is a constant bother to me, you know that I can remedy the situation, no matter how dire it may be, with my abilities." Odin replied just as his right eye fell out. Odin sighed.
"Aye, not again. I think I need to wear a patch over it to keep it in." Odin grumbled and stumbled out.
Oberon looked up.
"Next!"
Titania was not in the room at the time, and he hoped she would return soon.
The door to the palace opened, and a swaggering, cocky, well-dressed man with a briefcase and a snickering grin on his face entered, stopping in front of the Throne of Oberon. The man just watched the surprised entity look angrier and angrier.
"Who are you?" Oberon snarled.
Without answering, the man reached into his briefcase...
...And pulled out some papers.
Oberon tensed up.
"My name is Gerald Howard. Are you tired of being stuck out in the middle of the ocean?"
"Huh?" Oberon gaped.
"With Rocky Mountain Hunting and Boating Corporation, you never need to be stranded again!"
Oberon groaned and rubbed his eyes.
"Great." Oberon thought, a note of anxiety and agitation rising in his mind. All the freakishly abnormal creatures I beckon to Avalon, and I get the most freakish monster of all....A door-to-door salesman!"
The man continued jabbering, completely oblivious to Oberon's growing anger.
"...With our boats, you can get anywhere in the world without worrying about leaks or engine shortages! We have excellently well-crafted vessels capable of transport all over God's Green Earth! Yessiree Bob!..."
"Time to make this sucker leave," the Lord of Avalon mused, as he brought his hands together, concentrating, and began to chant.
"Forces of Nature
Land of Wood
Make my adversary leave
Leave for good."
Suddenly, a large tree shot up rapidly through the Throne Room's floor and rushed skyward, carrying the salesman along on it's branches. "Wait! I didn't even get to tell you about insurance yet!" The sharply dressed demon-in-human-form cried as he vanished through the hole the sprouting tree made in the ceiling.
"Finally! I'd thought he'd never leave!" Oberon smiled inside his mind and relaxed on his throne.
He did not relax for long, however.
Closing his eyes for a second, Oberon opened them...
...And flinched back in horror as the Salesman jumped down through the gap in the roof, a parachute on his back. "Nothing I enjoy more then sky-diving," the monstrosity murmured as he brushed himself off and dislodged the parachute before facing the Deity and starting his pitch over. "As I was saying, our Insurance is one of the world's highest among Boat Owners and potential customers..."
"Arrgh!" Oberon grunted. "GO AWAY AND GET OFF MY LAND BEFORE I SUMMON THE WINDS OF EGYPT TO BLOW YOU OFF OF THIS ISLAND!" The enraged Lord of Avalon screamed as this annoying pest.
'So I take it you don't want to buy a boat?"
"NO!" Oberon screamed, well past the point of enraged by now. "I don't want a boat. I don't want Insurance. I just want you to get your ugly irritating butt off my island now! You got me, human?"
"Well, you don't have to get snippy," The Salesman replied in a suddenly high voice.
Oberon's jaw dropped as the Salesman transformed into Puck, who was laughing his head off.
"I really had you going there, didn't I?"
"Puck! You deceitful conniving..."
"Relax, Oberon. The little jest wasn't my concept. You have a special friend of yours to thanks for it."
Titania suddenly appeared in the room in a shower of green light. She was also laughing.
"Lady Titania here asked me to try and get you out of that self-righteous mood you're always in. I complied." Puck grinned. "I just can't resist a good joke now and then, my Lord."
Oberon smiled knowingly. "So you two were playing games with me?"
"Yes, my husband," Titania responded. Puck nodded.
Drawing his hands together, Oberon chanted again.
"Creatures so evil,
Beings that are trouble
Come here now
And come on the double."
Suddenly, a whole fleet of Salesmen appeared in front of the Queen and The Royal Jester.
Puck gasped, "A whole army of Salesmen! Haul ass!"
He and Titania bolted.
The Salesmen chased after them.
"Wait! We have boats from Rocky Mountain Hunting and Boating Corporation that you're sure to take pleasure in! Only Two hundred dollars a month! We have Insurance too!" The multitude of Gerald Howards chanted in one voice.
Oberon laughed.
THE END.
Don't ask. I just wanted to make another funny story, this time centering on Lord Oberon as he squares off on the most terrifying thing on this planet (or any other). If you must flame this one, flame me gently at [email protected]
Until next time, keep on reading and have fun!
King Cobra 3.
By King Cobra3 ([email protected])
DISCLAIMER: Oberon, Titania, and Puck are the creations of Disney. They are not mine. However, the character of Gerald Howard is.
SUMMARY: Even the most powerful lords have their breaking points...
WARNING: Story is suitable to minors, (except for one mention of the word "ass".) but a salesman shows up in this one, so run and hide!
Somewhere, NOT on Earth, there exists a place. A magical island that sends departing strangers where they need to be, not where they wish to go. A place that has been safeguarded from most humans for a millennium.
That place is called Avalon.
The rulers of Avalon, Lord Oberon and his queen Titania kept constant care and watch over this land, weary of strangers who might show up in an attempt to disrupt their perfect luxury.
In a hidden palace on the East Side of Avalon, Oberon had begun The Gathering, a reunion that takes place every decade in which his children were to return home to replenish their magic and to study new powerful feats in their powers.
Bitterly composed as always, Oberon looked up at his latest visitor and nodded.
"You are welcomed home, Odin. How goes the icy wilderness of Canada?"
Odin bowed to his master.
"It bodes well, your highness. Although the snow is a constant bother to me, you know that I can remedy the situation, no matter how dire it may be, with my abilities." Odin replied just as his right eye fell out. Odin sighed.
"Aye, not again. I think I need to wear a patch over it to keep it in." Odin grumbled and stumbled out.
Oberon looked up.
"Next!"
Titania was not in the room at the time, and he hoped she would return soon.
The door to the palace opened, and a swaggering, cocky, well-dressed man with a briefcase and a snickering grin on his face entered, stopping in front of the Throne of Oberon. The man just watched the surprised entity look angrier and angrier.
"Who are you?" Oberon snarled.
Without answering, the man reached into his briefcase...
...And pulled out some papers.
Oberon tensed up.
"My name is Gerald Howard. Are you tired of being stuck out in the middle of the ocean?"
"Huh?" Oberon gaped.
"With Rocky Mountain Hunting and Boating Corporation, you never need to be stranded again!"
Oberon groaned and rubbed his eyes.
"Great." Oberon thought, a note of anxiety and agitation rising in his mind. All the freakishly abnormal creatures I beckon to Avalon, and I get the most freakish monster of all....A door-to-door salesman!"
The man continued jabbering, completely oblivious to Oberon's growing anger.
"...With our boats, you can get anywhere in the world without worrying about leaks or engine shortages! We have excellently well-crafted vessels capable of transport all over God's Green Earth! Yessiree Bob!..."
"Time to make this sucker leave," the Lord of Avalon mused, as he brought his hands together, concentrating, and began to chant.
"Forces of Nature
Land of Wood
Make my adversary leave
Leave for good."
Suddenly, a large tree shot up rapidly through the Throne Room's floor and rushed skyward, carrying the salesman along on it's branches. "Wait! I didn't even get to tell you about insurance yet!" The sharply dressed demon-in-human-form cried as he vanished through the hole the sprouting tree made in the ceiling.
"Finally! I'd thought he'd never leave!" Oberon smiled inside his mind and relaxed on his throne.
He did not relax for long, however.
Closing his eyes for a second, Oberon opened them...
...And flinched back in horror as the Salesman jumped down through the gap in the roof, a parachute on his back. "Nothing I enjoy more then sky-diving," the monstrosity murmured as he brushed himself off and dislodged the parachute before facing the Deity and starting his pitch over. "As I was saying, our Insurance is one of the world's highest among Boat Owners and potential customers..."
"Arrgh!" Oberon grunted. "GO AWAY AND GET OFF MY LAND BEFORE I SUMMON THE WINDS OF EGYPT TO BLOW YOU OFF OF THIS ISLAND!" The enraged Lord of Avalon screamed as this annoying pest.
'So I take it you don't want to buy a boat?"
"NO!" Oberon screamed, well past the point of enraged by now. "I don't want a boat. I don't want Insurance. I just want you to get your ugly irritating butt off my island now! You got me, human?"
"Well, you don't have to get snippy," The Salesman replied in a suddenly high voice.
Oberon's jaw dropped as the Salesman transformed into Puck, who was laughing his head off.
"I really had you going there, didn't I?"
"Puck! You deceitful conniving..."
"Relax, Oberon. The little jest wasn't my concept. You have a special friend of yours to thanks for it."
Titania suddenly appeared in the room in a shower of green light. She was also laughing.
"Lady Titania here asked me to try and get you out of that self-righteous mood you're always in. I complied." Puck grinned. "I just can't resist a good joke now and then, my Lord."
Oberon smiled knowingly. "So you two were playing games with me?"
"Yes, my husband," Titania responded. Puck nodded.
Drawing his hands together, Oberon chanted again.
"Creatures so evil,
Beings that are trouble
Come here now
And come on the double."
Suddenly, a whole fleet of Salesmen appeared in front of the Queen and The Royal Jester.
Puck gasped, "A whole army of Salesmen! Haul ass!"
He and Titania bolted.
The Salesmen chased after them.
"Wait! We have boats from Rocky Mountain Hunting and Boating Corporation that you're sure to take pleasure in! Only Two hundred dollars a month! We have Insurance too!" The multitude of Gerald Howards chanted in one voice.
Oberon laughed.
THE END.
Don't ask. I just wanted to make another funny story, this time centering on Lord Oberon as he squares off on the most terrifying thing on this planet (or any other). If you must flame this one, flame me gently at [email protected]
Until next time, keep on reading and have fun!
King Cobra 3.