Chapter 1

The Good Doctor Gone Bad

Sitting in my babies' room feeding Thomas while I watched Abel sleeping. I couldn't help but feel as though I was betraying them by staying here in Charming to some degree.

I was in the position of being stuck in between a mother and wife. I would hurt someone with any decisions I made. Sometimes it was myself I've betrayed, hurt and lied to just to make it through another day.

Was I cheating them out of a normal childhood by living here? Most children growing up never knew what the words chaos and mayhem even meant. But I know my boys were destined to not only know those words but, to live them out as well. No matter how much I have tried to protect them from it. I couldn't as long as Jax remained a part of the club and we stayed here. It was a reality I finally surrendered to.

I've always been told that a good old lady was strong at all times and never lets anything bother her. Allow them to do as they pleased, then love them through it all. I totally disagree with that scenario. You must be somewhat weak to learn to live this kind of life. You must be torn down, rebuilt to become accustom to what they done in the club and the way they lived to survive it all.

That's the place I was at today. I've been rebuilt in my way of thinking about what's right and wrong. Changing my beliefs in almost everything to stay beside the man I love. Going against what I was taught and how I was brought up to keep my family together. It was basically look the other way and never ask any questions. It went against every fiber of my being.

He was always so strong and truly nothing scared him. It wasn't very often he showed even me his weak side. The promise he had made me was with time he would make things right in the club and then get out. We would move on and have a normal life together. I wasn't really sure he knew what the true meaning of normal really was. Or if he could ever adjust to living that kind of life. It went against every fiber of his being.

No murdering or worrying about who would come after the boys because the club pissed them off. Or worse they have a personal score to settle with Jax. I've witnessed some of the cruel and harsh punishments the families have suffered because of their loved ones were a part of the club. We were just a sick pawn used in the game.

I loved Jackson Teller more than I had all those years ago. I never stopped loving him, actually. I just couldn't see myself living this life. But now with him being my husband, I couldn't see living life without him no matter all the bad shit that came with it. He gave me my strength to be what I have to be or become to stand by his side. I vowed my love and loyalty to him. It was the same vow he made to me as well. To put nothing above the other, including the club.

Getting the boys ready to leave so I wouldn't be late for work. I went in and woke up Jax. So, he could get ready too. Gemma called and asked me if I had time to swing by the office to talk to her. I told her I would after I got the boys situated for the day.

Just like I started off any other normal day. Sometimes I need to remind myself that yes, I was still a normal person. Even though part of me seemed to get lost more in their world all of the time. I dropped the boys off at daycare and checked my messages at the hospital. This day would be as normal as I could make it.

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But when I got to the garage it was anything but what I would consider normal behavior. There were a group of girls dressed in hardly nothing and I mean nothing. I just ignored them as I walked by dressed to work in clothes that were acceptable in society. Here, they dressed and lived out the outlaw life.

These were grown women who acted like they were still in high school. I pity women when they had to do things to just get attention drawn to themselves. They hang out around here hoping one of the MC will sleep with them. They think it makes them be somebody by getting nailed by a club member, I think it just makes them a biker slut.

Gemma had been helter skelter ever since Clay left. I've listened to her cry all night. Then she would be so drunk at other times I could barely make out what she was actually saying to me. I think today was one of those days she could still go either way.

Jax had no patience or compassion for his mother now. He didn't understand why I would put my time into trying to hold her together. She had been written off as a lost cause to him. But she was still the grandmother to my children and I was going to be there for her as much as I could be. It was new for me to feel all alone in this world as she felt now.

When I heard their bikes coming, we went out to meet them. Only Jax was met by someone other than me. I didn't know who this little bitch thought she was but, she was getting on my shit list and fast.

"Are you good with her rubbing up on your man?" I tried to blow it off and pretend like it didn't bother me. But it did because I didn't see him make the slightest attempt to push her away.

"You know if you put her in line the rest will follow. The crow eaters circle our men like they are a fresh kill. They are not anything but pussy to the guys. But, yet they never quit trying to take them away from us."

What Gemma said was very true. Those girls couldn't do anything without the group of them to protect each other. While I always tended to be a loner. They never seemed to leave alone what is someone else's either. They had to take what was yours to make themselves feel better. Like they were somebody and should be made to feel like they were something special.

I decided today was the day. Walking out to Jax's bike to see my husband but, the girl just stood there when she saw me. She was flirting with Jax right in my face. I knew Gemma would never put up with this kind of shit and neither would I.

Pushing her right out of the way to get to Jax. "Hi baby." I gave him a long slow kiss. But I had a special greeting for her as well.

Before I turned around, I took his helmet out of his hand. A back swing, I bashed her in the face with it as hard as I could. "Stay away from my man."

She was holding her face with the blood dripping. I hoped the damage I had done to her would be enough of a reminder for her to not fuck with my man. Or she would get your ass kicked again.

The rest of them all joined in of course. Like the low lives, they really were of a feather, always flocked together.

Gemma was standing beside me before I knew it. "Tara might only have one good hand. But I have two to beat your asses with."

They knew the queen meant it too. She never backed down from a fight. Most of the time the fight was because of her. Yet, they got the point. You always seen them backing down when you pushed back. Like the true cowards they truly were. Because if they were really a bad ass they would fight back and never stand to be treated that way. Because I won't stand to be treated with disrespect any longer by any of these bitches.

They did the best thing they could do and fucking left. Talking shit as they walked away. At least they done it from a distance because it was hell on if they came back around Jax.

"If you want anymore just come around my man again. That's mild compared to what I will do to you next time." It wasn't a threat coming from me either. It was a fucking promise to them.

On my way back to the office with Gemma, I tossed Jax his helmet back. Fuming more with each step I took.

"Whoa. Mama has spoken." I heard Bobby as I walked on even though I chose to not comment on it. Nor acknowledge it.

They were all laughing and making jokes about it but, I was pretty damn serious. Seriously pissed and seriously not taking anymore shit.

Jax came in wiping the girl's blood off his helmet. I didn't care if I had made her bleed either. Which was a major switch for me.

"Mom, can you give us a minute?" Gemma hesitated but left as he requested. She didn't push her son much these days. "What was that all about, Tara? It's not like you. You know they don't mean shit to me. I never touch any of them cause I love my wife. I have you and I don't need anything else on the side."

What I done even shocked me a little bit too. Violence had never been my way or a part of my life other than when I was with Jax. I felt like I was pushed into a corner and had to fight my way out. That's the feeling I got for almost everything I done with Jax and the club.

"You're always telling me you can't be half in and half out of the club because it will get you killed. You have to be all in. I can't be half an old lady just sometimes. Then be this sweet caring person who they run over the rest of the time, Jax. I'm still trying to figure out who I am when I'm with you. Without losing who I was to begin with."

He took me in his arms and held me like he always had, only he could bring that calming effect on me. There had been many times I wanted to run away from this life. Take flight out of Charming and never return. But, that little bit of reassurance he showed me always sucked me right back in.

"I promised if you stayed with me we would find where you fit into all of this. We will find that together cause I love you."

Men always wanted to be a woman's first love, first on the list for her everything. But a woman needed to know she was a man's last romance. She was enough for him in every way so he never needed another other than her. It was the reassurance I sought from Jax constantly.

Just as I began to enjoy his touch, it was over. We never got much time alone or time that wasn't uninterrupted by someone. I couldn't be alone for more than five minutes with him here before somebody needed him. It had gotten to be the same way at home too. The club needed him more than this family. We always had to take the back seat and wait until he had time to spare for us.

Juice came in to get Jax, it was time for them to go somewhere. As I walked to the car Jax yelled to me. "Hey Rocky." It did make me smile a little bit as I turned around to see what he wanted. "Behave and no more beating on little girls today."

Mumbled under my breath. "She started it." Jax still needed to learn the difference between a woman and a girl. The same gender but a totally different breed. Just as man verses boy. A boy will wander from woman to woman. But a man, will respect and love only one woman.

Before I made it back to the hospital I was rear ended by a car at a stop light. This day started off badly and I had the feeling the rest of it would be the same way too, terrible. I got out to look at the damage they done to my vehicle.

It was a lady probably in her thirties. She was ranting on about how I stopped in front of her. How was it all my fault she hit me while I was sitting completely still was beyond me.

Totally ignoring her, I went to get my cell phone because I wasn't going to listen to her bullshit. The sooner an accident report got filed the quicker I would get away from her.

"Hey bitch. You are not going to get into your vehicle and drive away on me. I'll kick the shit out of you for payment of the damage that you did to my car."

She grabbed me by my hair and banged my head off the car door several times.

My long story really begins here. The day I snapped and knew what the term being an old lady really meant. Becoming one of them and walking it beside my old man with pride. Doing whatever the fuck I had to do to protect my family, Jax and the MC.

I was all in and there was no going back for me now.

I hope you enjoyed reading me!