Chapter One: Ill News

Remus knew. He knew as soon as Professor Dumbledore walked into the classroom and asked him to step outside. It had only been a matter of time, he just wished it hadn't been today.

She had been ill for a very long time, but today, Remus's mother had died. As soon as he stepped out into the corridor Professor Dumbledore turned to him, with sad eyes, and told him the inevitable truth.

"Mr Lupin, I am so sorry, I must inform you that your mother has passed away." He said gently.

Remus nodded, he was prepared for this, he had been preparing himself for a long time, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"I have spoken to your Father, he expects you home the day after tomorrow."

Remus looked quizzically at the head master, perplexed, he wanted to go now.

"He has requested that you remain here tonight, for your transformation, and I suggested that you may need a little time to recover." Dumbledore explained.

Remus just stared vacantly at the wall opposite them, he had actually, for the first time in his life, forgotten that it was a full moon. He shuddered at the thought of transforming tonight, he didn't want to be alone - but clearly his father didn't want to have to deal with him - his curse.

"I am very sorry, Remus." Dumbledore uttered quietly - it was the first time the old Professor had ever used his first name.

Remus nodded.

"You are excused from classes for now, and we can discuss when you would like to begin attending them again once you come back from your time with your family."

"Some family. It's just me and him now." Remus thought, glumly, to himself.

"Is there anything I can do?" Dumbledore asked, seemingly shaken by Remus's lack of response to the news of his mother's death.

"No. Thank you." he replied stoically. "May I go to my dorm room?"

"Of course you may, my boy. Once again, I am very sorry." The old man replied.

Remus just nodded slightly, before turning and walking off towards the dorm, hoping desperately that he wouldn't bump into anyone on his way there, he didn't know how long he could stave off the inevitable outpouring of emotion that he could feel building up in him, like a storm, like waves about to crash onto cliffs with a terrifying force. He walked swiftly, the quickest and most discreet route he could think of, thankfully, he swiftly found himself alone in the common room. He slowed his pace, feeling drained, both physically and emotionally, and heaved himself up the stairs towards the door room before crashing through the door, wanting nothing more than to collapse onto his bed, curl up and attempt to stop thinking.

"Remus!" He heard Sirius' brash voice as soon as he opened the door, and he was instantly filled with dread... and anger, he came here to get away from people.

"Skipping class, eh Rem? We really are starting to rub off on you." James stood from his bed and walked over to him with the usual over-confident swagger.

There was an awkward moment in which no one said anything, did anything. Remus could feel the expectation from his two friends for him to respond in some way, but he found he couldn't move, he certainly couldn't talk. He looked down to his hand which was still gripping the brass door handle, his knuckles where white, and despite the firm grip, he was shaking.

"Remus." James uttered quietly, it was somewhere between a statement and an enquiry. His manner had changed from arrogant jollity to growing concern.

Remus was aware of Sirius standing up from his bed and moving a little closer. He could feel James' dark eyes boring into him. He tightened his grip on the door handle, his other hand clenching into a fist.

"What's wrong, mate?" Sirius asked.

Remus took a deep breath, feeling light headed all of a sudden, he'd dearly love nothing more than to sit down and be quiet. He couldn't handle this right now.

"I need to be on my own." He said quietly, his voice shaking with frustration.

"We're not going to leave you like this." James said quietly.

"Why won't you tell us what's wrong?" Sirius asked a little more impetuously.

Remus snapped, moving from his spot and pushing past James. He attempted to get passed Sirius too but he grabbed his arm and tried to hold him in place.

"GET OFF ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Remus shouted in Sirius' face, the anger and hurt crashing out of him in a torrent of rage. He had never raised his voice to anyone except his Father. And now he had shouted at one of only three friends he'd ever had. The minute he did it he regretted it. However it seemed to have the desired effect. Sirius looked shaken, as though he had been punched in the face. He quickly released his grip on Remus' arm and fled from the room.

James gave a wistful glance at Remus, who was still staring at the spot in which Sirius had been standing, his body tensed, his breathing ragged. After a few moments Remus heard James' considerately slow footsteps, and the door being closed gently. He stood in the solitude he had craved, with nothing but the sound of birds chirping merrily outside the window, unaware of the pain and heartbreak that was ripping through him, tearing him in two - like a wolf.