You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.

Cosima felt herself choke up with something that wasn't blood and covered her eyes with a heavy hand, sniffing. Nobody was in the apartment but Felix, and he wasn't paying attention to her, he was just painting. She chanced a glance at him before turning back to stare at her phone.

Delphine hadn't meant any of it. At all.

Yeah she had said she was falling for her but how could she believe that? No matter how much she wanted to believe that, no matter how much her heart yearned for her to take Delphine into her arms and kiss her and believe her and forgive her, she couldn't.

Because Delphine hadn't meant it.

Because Delphine had unashamedly stripped her of all her morals and her intelligence and made her bleed out into a mattress, all for information.

Because Delphine had touched her skin and ignited a fire in her that nobody had in years, and she had let her.

Because Delphine had taken her hand and ran with her through campus with bottles of wine and kissed her on the cheek and made her heart flutter like she was eighteen again and kissing a girl for the first time.

Delphine had made her feel like the sun in San Francisco had followed her all the way to Minnesota.

But Delphine hadn't meant it, she reminded herself harshly.

But Delphine had taken her out to dinner and sat in her bed and ate ice cream with her.

Delphine had whispered into her neck about how much she wanted her, needed her, and Cosima had forgotten every word she ever knew until the only one she could remember was the blonde's name.

And Delphine had used her to get to her genetic identical, an innocent little girl…

She sipped at the glass of water on the table next to her and knew that she would let Delphine use her over and over again if it meant she could have her back in her arms, if it meant she could have one more night of raspy voices and passion, if it meant that she would have her heart broken in the morning with the reminder that none of it was real. But she knew she would do it all over again.

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises,
That you said you didn't want to fade,
But they did and so did I that day.