What It's Like

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes

Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues

Part One

Burt came into the bathroom, hearing the sounds of someone being violently ill. He saw Kurt on the floor, laying against the toilet, tears streaming down his face. He moved to sit next to his son. "Hey buddy, not feeling so well?" he asked.

"Dad, I-" he was cut off, hunching up and leaning over the toilet once again. There was clearly nothing left in his stomach and he was just dry-heaving.

"Let's get you back to bed, we'll get a bowl for you, okay?"

"Do I have to go to school tomorrow?" he asked. Burt chuckled.

"No." he promised. Kurt was clearly too weak to get off the floor, so Burt scooped him up. He knew he wasn't going to be able to do this for much longer. His little boy was not so little anymore, he was almost 13 years old. A teenager. Burt couldn't believe it.

Burt wasn't concerned when during the day, Kurt got to feeling much better. It must have been something he ate or just a little bug. However, two weeks later when Kurt got up every night about the same time (2 a.m.) and vomited, then Burt was concerned. He and Kurt both knew, of course, that Kurt was a carrier. He just couldn't bring himself to believe that his baby boy was having sex.

Burt took him to the doctor and had them run a pregnancy test. Kurt was tired and jumpy and he refused to look at Burt the whole time. When the doctor came back, they both knew immediately by the look on his face what the results were. Pregnant. Kurt was only 12 years old and he was pregnant. Burt asked the doctor to leave them alone for a minute. "How could you, Kurt? You knew this could happen! You are WAY too young to be having sex."

"I didn't." Kurt mumbled, fighting back tears.

"Don't tell me that, we've got the proof right here!" Burt yelled. "You are TWELVE." He said, somewhat desperately.

"I didn't want to, Daddy!" Kurt began to sob, and then Burt turned back to him. An icy fear was settling itself in his stomach.

"What?" he asked.

"I said no. I told him I didn't want to, I told him I was a carrier, but he made me. I said no, Daddy. Daddy, please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry!" Kurt sobbed. Burt moved over to him, wrapping his son in a hug.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Burt asked.

"He said he'd kill me if I told." Kurt mumbled into Burt's shirt.

"Who did this to you?" Burt's voice was dangerous and scary.

"Mr. Jameson." Kurt's piano teacher. Oh God, Kurt had wanted to quit lessons, but Burt made him keep going. Burt held his son tightly and rubbed his back.

"Okay, baby, it's going to be okay. Shh, shh, don't cry. Everything will be okay, I promise."

The next nine months were the scariest of both of their lives. Kurt told Burt that he couldn't abort the baby and he didn't want to give it up either. Burt agreed to help them out, supporting Kurt until he finished high school. He couldn't imagine killing something that was a part of Kurt, and he couldn't imagine giving it away either. They filed a report against Mr. Jameson and he was arrested.

Kurt had continued at school until he began to show. The other kids made his life such hell that finally Burt pulled him out to home school him for the rest of the time he was pregnant.

Towards the end of June, Kurt could hardly get out of bed. His tiny body was so swollen with the baby. They didn't know the sex, Kurt decided he wanted it to be a surprise, though he was insistent that it was a girl. Burt was in the kitchen, when he heard Kurt yell.

Kurt was sitting in a puddle of water, grasping at his belly. "Oh, God, Daddy I'm scared!" he said.

Burt held him tightly, then helped him out of bed and into the car. Along the way, Kurt had his first contraction, which simultaneously hurt like hell and terrified him beyond belief. "Ow!" he screamed. "Dad!" he cried out. Burt took one hand off the steering wheel and reached over to grab Kurt's hand. Kurt gripped it tightly.

"It's okay, kiddo, just breathe through the pain. You'll be okay, I promise."

"It hurts!"

"I know it does, but just think, very soon you'll get to see your little baby." Burt promised him.

The next couple hours were horrible. Burt kept flashing to sitting by his wife's side while she gave birth to Kurt, and now, just thirteen years later, he was sitting by his son's side as he gave birth. After four hours of contractions, Kurt begged for an epidural and they gave it to him. Kurt slept and Burt sat by his side, watching the monitors show the contractions that he could no longer feel.

A couple hours later, the doctor woke him up and told him it was time to start pushing. Kurt pushed for an hour, struggling to get the small life out of his body. Finally, at 12:42 a.m. on June 26, Kurt gave birth. The doctor passed the squalling infant up through Kurt's legs and laid it on his chest.

"Dad?" Kurt panted, exhausted. "What is it?"

Burt peeked between the baby's legs. "It's a girl, Kurt, you were right." Burt had tears streaming down his face.

"She's so pretty." Kurt said, in awe.

"She looks exactly like you did when you were born." Burt smiled. Kurt looked up at him.

"Really?" Burt nodded the confirmation.

"So, are you ever going to tell me her name?" Burt teased gently.

"Kassie." Kurt said, his eyes never leaving his daughter. "For Mom."

Two and a half years later found Kurt in the middle of his freshman year of high school. Kassie was a bright, beautiful and energetic child. But Kurt was young and had no trouble keeping up with her. He loved her with all his heart. He didn't really have any friends. He got teased, and name called, and thrown in the dumpster daily. Everyone still called him a slut, but he just walked down the halls and ignored it. Kurt was smart and even taking care of a two and a half year old, he was acing all of his classes.

Then one day, a sign went up for a new Glee Club. Kurt had never gone out of the old Glee Club, because Mr. Ryerson reminded him of Mr. Jameson. But Mr. Schuester, the Spanish teacher, would be running this club. Mr. Schuester was a little dense sometimes, but Kurt loved to sing.

He came home from school that day and was greeted the same way he always was. The toddler came running over to him. "Daddy!" she'd cry, and he'd pick her up, hold her close, and smother her with kisses. No matter how bad his day had been, all it took was her bright smile to cheer him up. It would only be four more years and then he could get them out of this town. "Miss you!"

"I missed you, too, pumpkin. Were you a good girl for Papa today?" he asked, carrying her into the kitchen.

She nodded, her light brown curls spilling all over her face. Burt was sitting at the kitchen table and smiled at his son. "She was very good today." Burt promised. Kurt smiled widely and leaned in, so he was touching noses with the little girl.

"Why don't you go pick out a movie? Daddy doesn't have any homework tonight, so we can just be together." Kurt told her, setting her down on the ground.

"Yay!" she cried, running off towards where they kept the DVDs.

"What's up, kiddo?" Burt asked, noting the look on Kurt's face.

"Tomorrow, they're holding auditions for a new Glee Club. I was wondering if it was okay if I went?" Kurt knew that his dad would say okay. But Burt kept Kassie during the day when he was in school and Kurt would never just join an after-school activity without checking with his dad first. Not for the first time Kurt wondered what it would be like to be a normal teenager, and not have to worry about things like that.

"What's the schedule look like?" Burt asked.

"Well, it's actually going to be a class, so it would just consist of one afternoon a week, to have extra practice in the auditorium." Kurt had asked Mr. Schuester this exact question.

"Honestly, I think it would be good for you. You need to make some friends." Burt told him.

"I don't need any friends, I've got Kassie." Kurt said. This was a regular argument of theirs.

"You need friends your own age. Kassie is wonderful, but you're a teenager-" "I'm a teenager with a toddler." Kurt sighed. "Maybe I'll make some friends in Glee, but I doubt it. I'm still the class slut." he sighed. Those words hurt the most, but he never bothered to correct people. They hadn't believed him two years ago, why start now?

Kassie came running back in then, a copy of Beauty and the Beast in her hands. "You are your daddy's daughter, aren't you, baby?" he teased. She frowned at him quizzically, but he scooped her up and took her down to their room. He was glad that he could spent some quality time with her. It was hard with school.

Kurt's audition the next day was flawless. He had spoken with Mr. Schuester and had made sure that the teacher was well aware that if there were extra rehearsals beyond the one a week, or any field trips, that he would either have to know way ahead of time, or be allowed to miss them. He was granted permission.

On the first day of rehearsals, Kurt looked around the room. Rachel Berry, who was in everything and was always everywhere, was there. That didn't surprise him. Although, he was okay with her. She had never been outright mean to him and had tried to be his friend when he got pregnant. His hormones, however, had different ideas and he'd pushed her away.

Mercedes Jones, Kurt didn't really know her at all. But she smiled and waved at him anyway. There was a kid in a wheelchair, and an Asian Goth girl he didn't know at all. Then there was the new kid. He had just transferred here, midyear, and had only been at the school for a couple of weeks. He was gorgeous and on the football team. Kurt wondered what on earth possessed him to try out for Glee Club. His name was Noah Puckerman, but everyone called him Puck.

Mr. Schuester made them talk about themselves on the first day. No one said much of anything, especially Kurt. In fact, the only words that had come out of his mouth was his name. By the third rehearsal, Finn Hudson, quarterback of the football had joined their ranks. One day, when Mr. Schuester was running late, they had all gotten to talking. Kurt was quietly keeping to himself in the background, when suddenly, the conversation was about him. He had on headphones, but the song changed when he heard his name. Discreetly, he pushed pause to hear what they were saying.

Puck was the one who started it. "So what's his deal?" he asked, nodding at Kurt.

"Kurt?" Finn asked, and Puck nodded. "Oh, he doesn't talk to anyone."

"Not since junior high, anyway." Rachel added.

"What happened in junior high?" Puck inquired.

"He got himself knocked up." Finn chuckled and Kurt flushed red, keeping his eyes trained on his ipod.

"What?" Puck asked.

"Yeah, it was a really big scandal. He started getting bigger, and then it got confirmed that he was pregnant. Pretty soon after that, his dad pulled him out of school and he didn't come back until halfway through the next year."

"I heard he slept around for money." Artie said, and despite himself, tears started to form in his eyes.

"I h-heard he was t-trying to blackmail the father." Tina piped in. Kurt couldn't take it anymore. He pulled his headphones out.

"And did anyone BOTHER to ask me what happened?" he said, tears of anger running down his face. Everyone turned, shocked and embarrassed, to look at him. "Did everyone just assume that because I'm GAY, I must have been asking for it? That I was out sleeping around with everything that moved? For your information, I was RAPED. I chose to keep my baby because I could never just throw her life away."

There was silence. "You were raped?" Rachel finally asked.

"You kept your baby?" Mercedes said.

"Yes, I kept my baby." Kurt spat. Puck stood up then.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause trouble. I was just curious. You never say anything, this is the only extra-curricular activity you do." Kurt sighed, sitting back down.

"It's not your fault everyone at this school thinks I'm a slut."

"We're really sorry, Kurt." Artie said.

"I know you keep to yourself, and I really get why. It must be hard to be raise a baby on your own." Mercedes agreed.

"I'm not exactly on my own. My dad helps out…a LOT." Kurt said.

"What's her n-name?" Tina asked. Kurt smiled then, thinking about Kassie always made him smile.

"Kassie." he said.

"Do you…could we see a picture?" Rachel finally asked. Kurt looked around the room warily. He really didn't trust anyone, but he felt like maybe he could trust this group.

"You know, no one's ever asked me that before." he said, after a minute. Rachel moved over to sit next to him then. Then, Mercedes claimed his other side. Soon the entire club was sitting around Kurt. Giving a hesitant smile, he reached into his bag and pulled out his phone. He clicked on a picture he had taken just a few days ago. Kurt was holding her tightly and they were both smiling for the camera.

"She's beautiful." Tina said.

"She looks exactly like you!" Rachel exclaimed. Kurt smiled softly.

"She always has." He swallowed. "I'm really thankful for that."

Just then Mr. Schuester came in, apologized for being late, and started rehearsal. After that, Kurt suddenly had friends. They talked to him during class, and they walked together in the halls. They even formed their own table at lunch. Kurt always politely declined offers of coming over for studying, or for bonding, and he never invited them to his place.

After a couple of weeks, Mr. Schuester told them they'd be taking a trip to Carmel High to see their competition. Kurt protested immediately, reminding Mr. Schuester that he needed more notice than this. Mr. Schuester told him that if he couldn't come, then that was alright. But Kurt wanted to go, he wanted to spend time with his friends. He knew, though, that Saturdays Burt couldn't take Kassie. He worked full time in the garage on Saturdays. "Do you think…I mean, would it be okay if I brought my daughter with us?" Kurt asked him, suddenly.

"I don't know, Kurt, I mean, it's going to be a concert. She's awfully little, do you think she can sit still that long?" Mr. Schuester hesitated.

"She'll be totally fine. I've taken her to things like this before. And if she gets fussy, I'll just take her out." Kurt pleaded. Finally, he agreed. Kurt was so excited, until he realized that no one, outside of his family, had ever met Kassie. In the end, he begged off, claiming that Kassie was sick and that he needed to stay home and take care of her.

More people joined Glee club. Three Cheerios and two more football players, giving them the twelve people they needed to compete. The newbies, especially the three Cheerios, were mean to Kurt when they first started, but both Puck and Finn came to his rescue. Once they understood the full situation, they laid off Kurt. Although, Kurt would never consider them friends.