A/N: Alrighty, so this is going to evolve into a three-shot that takes place shortly after Zuko decides to join the Gaang and fight against his father. It's rated T for possible innuendos and swearing that may or may not appear. Just in case. I guess I should also include that I do not own any Avatar characters or the actual show, even though that's pretty obvious. Anywho, enjoy this first chapter. :)
1. Should Have
He should have never betrayed her back in Ba Sing Se. He realizes this as he watches her angrily practice her bending after they have just had yet another heated argument. She sends one of her icy water whips slashing at the trunk of the tree, and he knows full well that she's imagining him as the target. He should have stayed with her, fought with her, and protected her in the battle against his sister, while she fought for and protected the Avatar in turn. He should have, but he didn't.
The more he thinks about it, and he thinks about it a lot, he should have never tied her to a tree in order to use her as bait for the Avatar. He can still remember Iroh's wise (and embarrassing) reprimand, "Now, Zuko... Tying a woman to a tree under the right circumstances is all fine and good, however, doing so only to capture one of her friends is no way to win her over." He was right, though. About that not being any way to win her heart, of course. He should have never taunted her about her mother's necklace. He should have just given it back and let her go. He should have, but he didn't.
Actually, looking back on it, he probably should have never been so cruel to her people when his ship arrived at the Southern Water Tribe. He should have never threatened her grandmother's life. He should have never frightened her friends and family. He should have told her how strikingly beautiful he found her as soon as he laid eyes on her (because even then he was aware of her attractiveness), instead of letting his uncontrollable rage get the best of him. He should have, but he didn't.
There were so many things he should have done, but hadn't, and things he should have never done, but did. And he knows this is why she refuses to speak to him first. This is why she refuses to meet his eyes over the fire at dinner, but will gaze fondly at anyone else in the group as they all chatter away and eat. This is why, when they stop to train for a couple of hours, she's willing to spar with him if no one else is available, but absolutely refuses to go easy on him as she would if she were practicing with Toph or Aang. This is why she has accepted that he's become part of their crowd, but still refuses to truly welcome him into her life.
He doesn't blame her for her hatred and disdain. He does become frustrated at times, though, because she can't see that he's changed. She can't see the change of heart that has taken place in him. She can't see the regret that he feels for all of his wrongdoings. Or maybe she does, and just continues to give him the cold shoulder out of spite. He can't blame her for that, either, as unfair as it is. He'd hate the person who was hunting him down for countless months, too, if he was in her shoes, no matter how many times they apologized.
But still, with each passing day, his heartache grows worse. He isn't sure when exactly he started pining for her; doesn't remember when he developed these strange, foreign feelings of longing and yearning. All he knows is that his affections will never be returned unless he proves himself worthy of reciprocation. The thing is, he doesn't have any ideas on how he should do that.
Regret is a pretty constant thing in his life. He regrets a lot of things he has done, as well as not taking his chances with things that he should have. He regrets almost everything, because all of his faults and mistakes are the reasons why she refuses to give him the time of day.