Chapter Four: Why no one should ever stalk Harry

"Have a good time, Harry!" said Hermione brightly.

It was a warm spring day, and Harry, Ron, Hermione, George and Ginny were assembled outside Harry and Ginny's new house in the village of Ottery St Catchpole. Harry was carrying a small backpack that he had put an undetectable extension charm on, which contained a tent that Hermione had produced, a large portion of Mrs Weasley's excellent cooking, clothes and other everyday objects.

"Look after Ginny, will you?" said Ron, looking anxious.

Harry snorted. "Yeah, right." Though on second thoughts, she might die of fright if she saw –

"The monster," said George. "That's it, isn't it, Ronniekins? You're scared that our baby sister'll be killed by the monster. Fat chance."

"What monster?" said Ginny suspiciously. "Where are we going, Harry?"

"I've told you, you'll see when we get there," said Harry, trying not to grin.

He grabbed Ginny's hand. "Right then, we'll see you when we get back." Raising a hand in farewell, he turned on the spot, and had a split second's sensation of suffocating nothingness before the world opened up to him again, and he and Ginny were standing in a deep valley surrounded by rolling green hills under a bright blue sky. A vast lake stood before them, shimmering in the sunlight.

"Here we are then," he announced. "The Scottish Highlands."

Ginny let go of his hand, and after drawing in the wonderfully fresh air, said happily, "Well, it's good enough for me."

Harry grinned. He dislodged the tent from his backpack, pulled out his wand, muttered, "Erecto," and watched as it planted itself firmly on the shore of the lake.

"Hang on," said Ginny suddenly, "isn't this Loch Ness?"

Harry looked up. How had she realised so soon? "Yeah," he said. "But don't worry about the monster, Luna's been studying it for ages, and it doesn't seem that dangerous –"

"So that's the monster you were talking about," said Ginny huffily. "Well, obviously you wanted some other company."

"No, that's not–"

"We're not anywhere near Hogwarts, are we, Harry?" Ginny fixed him with a beady eye. "Are you thinking of letting everyone know that we're on a honeymoon?"

"No, of course not," he said quickly. "I thought having the monster here would be interesting, that's all."

Ginny raised her eyebrows, but said nothing.

"Let's look inside the tent, shall we?" Harry said hastily, hoping he hadn't ruined their holiday already.

To his relief, Ginny shrugged and followed him, ducking under the tent flap. Harry looked around, examining Hermione's handiwork.

The inside of the tent looked a lot like the one he'd stayed in at the Quidditch World Cup (magically expanded, with a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen), except for the fact that most of the furniture was pink and frilly, and reminded him unpleasantly of Madam Puddifoot's teashop in Hogsmeade.

"Hermione's brilliant, as usual, but I don't think much of her tastes," remarked Ginny.

Harry strode into the bedroom and dumped his backpack on the bed (which, fortunately, wasn't pink or frilly).

"Harry," Ginny was standing in the doorway, peering into the room, "since we're married, don't you think we should – you know –" she gestured rather jerkily towards the bed.

"No," said Harry immediately, his face heating up, "I mean," he amended, seeing the look on Ginny's face, "we'll have plenty of time when we get back, right? Don't you want to do some other things first?"

"I suppose," said Ginny, but she stalked off, looking dejected.

It turned out, however, that there was not much to do at all in the deserted valley, except eat, sleep, talk, go for a dip in the lake while keeping constant watch for the monster, and have a few kissing sessions. Nevertheless, the young couple thoroughly enjoyed themselves and even managed to get themselves into a few precarious situations: sometime during the third day, the forty-foot-long Loch Ness monster propelled itself out of the water while Harry and Ginny were frolicking in the lake and gave Ginny such a fright that she instinctively shot a well-aimed Bat Bogey Hex straight at its head. After that first encounter the monster reappeared numerous times, once lifting Ginny ten feet into the air and alarming her so much that she refused to go anywhere near the lake thereafter.

The honeymoon continued in this manner with nothing worse than the monster showing up until halfway through the second week. The sun was just setting, and Harry and Ginny were sitting outside the tent, embracing fervently and looking as though they were eating each other, when, quite suddenly, Harry broke away and looked warily about.

"What's wrong?" asked Ginny, surprised.

"I feel like we're being watched," said Harry, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"That's ridiculous," said Ginny. "You know we're alone. Why would anyone else be here?" Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed Harry around the neck and kissed him again.

A loud shuffling from behind the tent made them start and break apart again. Harry jumped to his feet and pulled out his wand. Beside him, Ginny did the same. They crept cautiously around the tent and peered behind it. What they saw made Harry's jaw drop.

A girl was crouching in the shadows, looking terrified that she had been spotted. Even by the dim light of the rapidly setting sun, Harry could not mistake the long, curly eyelashes.

"Yagz!" he bellowed, feeling angrier than he had in ages. "WHAT ARE YOU – WHY ARE YOU – YOU STUPID, IDIOTIC –"

"Harry!" Ginny yelled.

He ignored her. He could feel the anger pulsing through him, yearning to be let out. "FIRST YOU SAY ALL THESE CREEPY THINGS TO ME SO THAT I HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH YOU, THEN YOU INTERRUPT ME WHILE I'M HAVING A BATH, AND NOW YOU STALK ME ON MY HONEYMOON?!"

"Harry, get a grip on yourself!" Ginny cried hopelessly.

Yagz cowered on the ground, shaking with fear.

Harry snapped. He thrust his wand out and roared, "STUPEFY! REDUCTO! CONFRINGO! EXPULSO! DENSAUGEO! FURNUNCULUS! INCENDIO! PETRIFICUS TOTALUS –"

He was so angry that every single one of the jinxes and hexes missed, but even so, Ginny lunged forward, grabbed his arms and shouted, "Harry, stop! You'll kill her!"

"Good!" Harry struggled against Ginny's strong grip.

Yagz seemed to have come to her senses, and ran for it. She soon disappeared behind the nearest mountain.

Ginny let go of Harry, who slid to the ground, panting.

"You should have let me kill her," he said in a voice of forced calm.

"Harry, will you please calm down, she's only your ex-girlfriend! Would you have done that to Cho?"

"DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT CHO!"

"All right, all right –"

"Actually," said Harry, with a rather unnerving change back to his normal tone, "Let's go back inside. There's something I want to do."

Ginny followed, puzzled, as Harry led the way back into the tent. She made to sit down, but Harry called, "In here!" and pulled her into the bedroom and closed the door.

"Right," he said in a business-like tone, "let's do it, Ginny. Let's do it while we've got the chance." There was a sort of manic glint in his eye.

Ginny grinned. "As you wish."

"So, how was it?" asked Ron, a week later. They were spread out on squishy armchairs and sofas in the sitting room of Harry and Ginny's house.

"Er . . . eventful," said Harry.

"C'mon, Harry, it can't have been eventful if Ginny didn't get killed by the monster," said George, pretending to look disappointed.

"Well, the monster did throw her into the air," said Harry reluctantly. "And, well, she just might be, you know – expecting."

Hermione looked up from her book and gasped. "That's wonderful!"

"Oh, that reminds me," said Ginny suddenly, "how's Angelina, George?"

"She's huge," answered George promptly. "Looks like a blue whale."

"Oi, Harry hasn't told us what was 'eventful' about his honeymoon yet," interrupted Ron.

"He almost killed his ex," said Ginny shortly.

Hermione frowned. "You mean the one he was dating in Australia?"

Ginny nodded, and told them the whole story.

"Wow." Ron looked astounded when she'd finished.

"You really could have killed her," said Hermione in a hushed voice.

"I think we'd better tell the whole town that it's not a good idea to stalk Harry," said George, actually getting up from his armchair.

"Oh, shut up," Harry muttered, his face brick red.