Author's Notes: Inspired and honestly, from my own experience.

she holds onto the memories of earlier even as she sinks into the softness. files them away to be retrieved over and over again on lonely nights.

she is trapped and she wants to remain. she's trying to hold tightly onto the reins of her control but each touch kiss and movement startles her. he nips at her and it is like lightning in a storm. he does things to her that she hasn't felt before. she wants to cling and cling and she struggles not to hold onto him. she clutches the sheets, tries to find an anchor in the thin woven threads as his mouth speaks to her without ever forming a word. her eyes are open but they can not see. he slips his fingers and they curl and she lashes out a cry in the silence.

she loses the fight and finds his hands. she's gasping, struggling to breathe against this little death that is slowly but surely coming, she can see it. he keeps his eyes sheathed as he devours her but turns his hand around to grasp hers more firmly, sating her compulsive need. she's struggling, torn between shying away and pressing deeper. she wants to end the torture end but at the same time, the climb is so refreshing she wants to remain high in the sky.

she explodes when her mind strays, the little death slashing at her body. wanting to press away from the intensity as she shakes around him but can't escape his hold as he continues singing her a song. she can hear his jaw crack once or twice in his efforts and her heart races. and just as quickly as the first explosion goes off, another begins.

she wants to hurt him. she wants to dig her fingers inside of him and she wants to leave marks, deep and fresh and lasting so that he could see them and remember her. instead, her fingers tug at his face and she wants to breathe him in. that maddening second he takes to wipe away the applause of his song is too long and she kisses him deeply. she wants to taste him and he moans for once in her mouth. she wants to hear it again and again. wants to tear at his control and his needs. she wants to take and take because giving is a struggle when you are selfish.

she feels violent and she tries to quell it. she tries to distract herself from the violence brewing inside of her by pressing kisses to him, anywhere she could reach. they are heady and they are strained from the passionate flame growing stronger in her belly. he takes it away from her by slipping inside. she is shocked and there is so much pleasure she wants to explode again but finds there hasn't been enough height. he moves and she is so baffled that she loses herself in the torrent of sensation. so little control where she wants to gain and yet she is helpless. her mind whispers, it is not so bad to be so helpless so long as it's in his arms.

the pressure is suffocating. she can't remember if it ever felt like this before. and she crashes again in the tidal waves that he has brought. she feels nothing yet everything. his hips still moving, his arms by her side shaking in their struggle not to crush her with his weight, and his breathing by her ear like music. after her third quake, she is wondering why he's still in control. and her violence comes again. she wants his loss just as badly as she wanted to lose herself in him. and she tightens herself and her resolve. and in a few heartbeats, he explodes and he groans and he smiles. the happiness is the best and even when he crushes her, she feels the warmth.

and later, when he reaches for her and they curl together, she smiles with her face pressed against his heart. he said we wouldn't cuddle after and yet he has reached for her. his arms curls around her and his large hand settles by her ribcage and she finds herself fascinated by how warm his hand is. they are silent and they both listen to each other's breaths as they slow. and when he starts to snore, she waits and waits until there have been enough that his hand slacks in his hold of her. and she slips slowly out of his arms and warmth, careful not to jostle him too much. she keeps her eyes on his face, trying to memorize how he looks but knowing she is incapable of it.

and she dresses and slips away like a shadow when day comes. she looks back once to see him still and thinks of how lonely he must look with the space where she was void. and she briefly wonders, as she slips in her car and drives off, if he'll be saddened to not wake up to her.