Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It isn't a very lively day in the Underworld, Hades thought to himself.

"Heh, lively," he muttered, chuckling as he examined his miniature figure of the River God Nessus. He'd been meaning to talk to the guy for a while, but he hadn't been in the area. I mean, who wants to just hang out in Greece? The place was disgusting. Really, there was never much point of going up to the world of the living at all, since he'd see them all in the end. That's what he had Pain and Panic for, to go deal with the living ones. Problem was, Pain and Panic were almost literally brainless and couldn't do anything that required any thought. So he needed a servant who was at least semi-functioning in the head. Persephone wasn't stupid, so she could work, except that Hades couldn't actually force her to do anything other than stay in the Underworld. Plus, he didn't keep her around to serve him.

A human who sold their soul would do, but the problem was, people weren't selling their souls much anymore. Ever since he hired Pain and Panic, nobody came down to the Underworld voluntarily because the things were so annoying. It just figured the bad servants would stop him from getting any good ones. But they were helpful every once in a while, if he was being fair. They killed Hercules—his dear little brother Zeus' son, who the Fates had predicted to be Hades' downfall—before he became a problem. At least now Hades could take over Olympus without some godly kid getting in the way.

And just then, Hades heard a voice in his head.

"Hades, Lord of the Underworld, I call you to me," said the voice of a woman. An attractive sounding woman at that. There he was, just thinking that he needed a servant, and it seemed someone was serving themselves up on a silver platter for him. He closed his eyes to see her. She was standing at a crossroads, looking at the ground and waiting. Yes, she was as pretty as she sounded, with wide hips, dark hair running in curls down her back, and dark lips.

Great timing, Hades thought. She'll do.

He snapped his fingers and appeared at the crossroads behind her. She was still looking downwards, as if Hades might bubble up out of the ground or something.

"Over here," he muttered. She jumped and turned and an involuntary smile reached his lips. She had fear in her eyes, terror mixed with passion. That could only mean one thing: she was making the deal for love. His smile became wider just thinking about it.

See, people sometimes decided they might make a deal with Hades, so they would call him up. He had this little stipulation in his contract with his brothers Zeus and Poseidon that he could only take servants that were willing. It was so inconvenient. So anyway, people would decide they were going to sell their souls to get something. See, the people that wanted money or power, they sometimes decided that the deal wasn't worth it. Having to work for Hades sounded doable, but then the thought of working by Pain and Panic drew them away. (Well, Hades wasn't sure exactly why they decided against it, but surely it was those imbeciles. Because Hades was perfectly likeable. Much better for conversation than his family, at least.) But when someone wanted to make a deal for love, Hades hardly even had to say a word before they accepted. Love caused desperation and desperation caused imprudence. And imprudence caused him to get a really good deal, minus any haggling, in no time.

"Hades," the girl said, coming forward. She was even more stunning in person. She had dazzling violet eyes in a flawless pale face. But, gods of Olympus, the aura of kindness on her was nauseating. He could tell she was one of those types that saved orphaned puppies and gave money to strangers. He was going to have to do something about that. He also was going to do something about the ugly brown frock she was wearing. Maybe he could get her something purple to go with her eyes…

"You rang, surely you did so with reason," Hades purred, sitting down in midair and summoning a martini.

She looked at him in confusion for a moment, but then said, "It's my boyfriend. He was in town and a pillar fell over on him! He's dying and… I didn't know what to do. I was desperate, so I… please, will you save him?"

Hades wanted to laugh; it was just so perfect. She had to save her truest looooove from certain death, so she came to the Lord of the Underworld to rig it. But, she didn't ask anything about keeping the lover once he was alive.

"Save your honeybuns? Why, sure! What else would I have to do with my time but help you with your problems?" Hades said. He stood, dumping his drink in the bushes—where the plant smoked and disappeared. "I don't just do things for people, my sweet."

"I know that," she said. "I'll give you whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" Hades inquired, getting closer.

She backed away—a natural reaction, people couldn't help it—but nodded firmly. "Anything."

"Deal," Hades said, holding out a hand.

"Don't—don't I get to know what the deal is?" the girl asked.

"I thought you said anything. So how would knowing make any difference?"

The girl looked around, probably remembering her dying lovebird, then down at Hades' outstretched hand. "Fine. Deal," she said, gripping him. He grinned at her, but for some reason that just made her recoil away more.

"What's your name again?"

"Megara," she said.

"Ah, Megara. I don't like that. I'm gonna call you… Meg. I like that better."

"Um, okay," Megara said absently. "Here, he's this way," she said, walking towards town.

Hades chuckled. "Oh, that's funny. You think I need to go to him?"

She looked up at him in polite confusion. "What do you mean?"

"He's already doing great. Go to him," Hades said.

Her eyes got all big—gods, it was disgusting, people being grateful. Hopefully she wouldn't cry—and she smiled. "I knew you weren't as bad as people say. Thank you, my Lord."

"No, I'm not as bad as they say," Hades sneered as Meg ran off into the distance. "I'm worse."

Now, for getting rid of lover-boy. Hades couldn't kill him yet, not when little Nutmeg was paying attention.

He knew what he would have to do, but he was dreading it. Finally, he sighed. "Aphrodite! I need you!"

In a burst of sea foam and noxious perfume, his niece, the goddess of love, appeared. She was staring at a mirror. It took her several seconds to look around, startled, and see Hades. "What do you want? I was busy. Plus, daddy would be furious if he knew I was talking to you."

"What Zeusy doesn't know won't hurt him."

"You kidnapped his son and made him mortal," she said. "He's not happy with you."

He's angrier that I turned him mortal than he is that I killed him? And people say I'm the mean one in the family. "He was in my way, so I got rid of him. No hard feelings."

"Why'd you want him mortal?"

"To kill him, obviously."

"Kill him?"

"Yes. I needed him gone, so I had some minions kill him."

She looked at Hades, seeming puzzled. "Are you saying he's dead? Right now? Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, he's dead," Hades snapped. She was so dense sometimes it made his head hurt.

Aphrodite almost looked like she smiled. "How clever of you, killing him. So what was it that you wanted?"

Hades didn't try to understand why Aphrodite looked so amused. She was just like that sometimes. She was quite stupid, after all. "I need you to help me make a man fall in love."

She raised one perfect eyebrow. "What's in it for me?"

"A broken hearted girl."

She smiled a little. "A pretty broken hearted girl?" she asked.

"Very pretty."

Her grin widened. "I could work with that." She picked at her makeup one last time before making the mirror vanish. "Why do you want to break her heart anyway?"

"So she'll become bitter and have nothing to do with her time other than work for me."

She rolled her eyes. "You and your enslaved souls. Honestly, don't you do anything yourself?"

Hades huffed out a breath. "Ruling the Underworld is a full time job, toots. Unlike what you do."

"Hey, breaking hearts is hard work."

"If you're the goddess of love, shouldn't you be mending hearts, not breaking them?"

"Love isn't about being in love, silly. Love is about all the horrible stuff that happens while you're looking for love. It has to be interesting or it isn't even worth it."

Hades sighed. Aphrodite wasn't the smartest or the kindest of his relatives. "I just need you to see this guy and tell me exactly what kind of girl he'd fall for."

"And then what? I can't just create a girl."

"No, you can't, but I can." Hades snapped his fingers and his servant Pain popped into existence in front of them.

"At your service, your most fearsome creepiness!" Pain yelled. Then he screamed as Panic appeared as well, except he was lying under Pain so that his teeth were in Pain's backside. "Panic, would you stop that?"

"What, you're always the one in my way!" Panic retorted, stumbling as he got up from the ground, removing his fangs from Pain. "Reporting for duty, scary one!"

Hades pinched the bridge of his nose to keep his temper. "Alright, imbeciles, I need you to turn into a girl for me."

"Ooh, a girl! Great!" Pain said, getting on top of Panic, but then he screeched when he landed on Panic's horns.

"You don't get to be the head! I want to be the head!" Panic said.

"No, I want to be the head!" Pain complained. He screamed as he fell off Panic and hit his head on the ground. "OW!" he added.

"Let me be the top!" Panic whined.

"STOP IT!" Hades roared, his whole body heating up as fire spread across his arms. Pain and Panic became still and Panic climbed on Pain's head. Before Hades' and Aphrodite's eyes, Pain and Panic shifted so they were a beautiful woman. Hades took a breath and the fire shrunk so it was only on his head again.

"Show me the man," Aphrodite said. Hades waved his hand and a picture of the man appeared. At the moment, he and Meg were hugging, talking about what a miracle it was that he was alive. "Ooh, he's cute. And she's even prettier than you let on. Okay, you need to be blonde," she told Pain and Panic. She continued to dictate what appearance they needed until she looked exactly the way that Aphrodite needed her to.

"As soon as he sees her, he will love her," Aphrodite assured Hades before she vanished in a pink puff of smoke.

"Pain, Panic, go woo him. Then, when the time is right, you'll kill him."

"When will the time be right?" asked the mouth of the beautiful woman, but the voice of Panic came out, which was not attractive.

"When I tell you!" Hades shouted. "And don't talk to him, that voice is horrible."

"Of course, master!"

They scurried away, walking nothing like a woman as they argued which one of them was the prettier half.

Then Hades just got to sit back and watch the show in the misty picture he had materialized in front of him. He would have gone back to his throne room to watch from there, except he had a feeling he would be hearing from Meg soon.

At that moment, Meg and her man were walking through the streets, and Meg was looking at the little children passing with a look of adoration in her eyes.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" she asked.

That was when lover-boy saw Pain and Panic, currently a woman. They walked into a barn and Meg's lover was immediately entranced. "I'll be back," he said absently, walking towards her without a backward glance.

"What are you doing?" Meg asked, following him.

He walked into the barn, where Pain-and-Panic-the-woman was standing against the wall, looking at him.

"My love!" he said, running forward and kissing her.

"What are you doing!?" Meg yelled, running up to her lover and pulling at his arm. He shoved her away and she fell into the dirt. Her eyes began to water. "I went to Hades to save you," she said, "and you've been with someone else?"

"What?" he said in disgust. "You went to Hades? How could you?"

"I—I needed you to live! I love you! You love me too, you said so a few minutes ago!"

He shook his head. "I don't love you. I never loved you," he said, looking to the woman and smiling in an entranced sort of way.

"You—you love her. You never loved me," Meg said blankly, as if the words didn't make sense to her.

He didn't even bother to respond. He turned to Pain-and-Panic-the-woman and kissed her once more. Meg shot up from the ground, running from the barn.

Hades watched as Pain and Panic reverted to their usual selves, Meg's lover falling back. "Who are you? Where—where is Megara? She saved me! What have to done with her?" He started to run towards the barn door, but was stopped by a snake's trunk wrapping around his neck. Hades watched with a grin as the man turned red, then blue, then white as he fell to the ground.

Now that he was gone…

He watched as Meg ran out of town, crying at first, but with each step her hopeless look turned to a glower. He could see the bitterness settling into her soul as he watched; he saw as she glared at passing children that just five minutes before she had called 'beautiful'. He knew how bitterness could change a person past recognition because he had been that person once, long ago when he and his two brothers drew lots on the world. He had gotten the bad end of the deal and bitterness consumed him. Now he and Meg were one and the same.

"Hades, where are you?" she yelled. Even her voice was different. It was sweet and quiet before, but now it was rough and maybe even a little sensual. Her eyes were narrowed, as if everything in the world made her suspicious.

Hades appeared to her. "How's the lover?" he asked.

"I sold my soul to you, didn't I?" she asked. The fury and hatred and pain in her voice were hard not to smile at. Her transformation was faster than he expected.

"Yes, that was the deal."

"I take it back. Kill him, I don't care," she sneered.

"You can't take a deal back, my sweet. Once you make it, it's done."

She closed her eyes as if she expected this response. "How long?" she asked.

"Forever," Hades said innocently. He reached forward to touch one of her locks of hair, and she glared at him viciously.

"Don't touch me," she growled. He backed up and put his hands up, as if in surrender. "So, what, I have to do your laundry for eternity?" she asked dryly.

"You have to do whatever I want you to until you die. That's the deal."

"What, I don't even get immortality out of the deal?"

"No, sadly, that isn't a provision in the contract," Hades said, imagining having Meg on Persephone's throne. It wasn't an unappealing idea.

Meg's face turned to a scowl. "Don't you look at me like that. I won't let a man look at me like that again."

Hades turned to her with a cruel smile, stepping closer. She looked up at him with disgust instead of fear and he whispered to her, "See, the thing is, my little Nutmeg, I get to do whatever I want to you. Because I own you."

The sarcastic look on her face melted into dismay. "Gods, what have I done?" Meg moaned.

Hades smiled while she fell to her knees and put her face in her hands.

Exactly what I wanted you to do, Meg my sweet.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review!

If you like Disney stories, I have a story about Mother Gothel from Tangled you might like. =]