loss:-noun;the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had

At this point, it had been over thirty-six hours since Edward and Alphonse Elric's night in the underground city, and very few people had been allowed to see either of the boys since the whole mess had ended. From what Riza Hawkeye came to understand, through various short conversations between her and a trusted source of sorts, Alphonse had, for the most part, been asleep the entire time. Partly because he was simply tired; partly because he had been doped to the gills after he'd asked to see his brother upon waking. When she asked why the boy hadn't been allowed to see Edward, her source grew fidgety and unable to give any sort of coherent answer.

The only answer she got was that she would just have to see for herself. She hadn't been able to help the confused look she'd thrown the source's way before heading off to Edward Elric's room. She would go and see for herself; that was for damn sure. She would see for herself what was so off putting about Edward that the people taking care of him sedated his younger brother upon the request to see him.

No, the fact that visitors were not yet allowed to see Ed did not stop her. Nor did the fact that she was, by doctor's orders, not yet permitted to be overexerting herself, with her arm being injured as it was. Really, she had only been grazed; to her it was hardly something to be worried about. When the people guarding the room had attempted to stop her at the door, she firmly told them that it was important that she see Edward right then and there. Least there be an investigation on the hospital as to why they deemed it appropriate to sedate a minor with such vigor upon the simple request to visit his only living family member. Hinted at how certain upstanding citizens might look down upon such actions, have them wondering if that was a common occurrence, were they ever to hear about it.

She was warmly welcomed to stay as long as she liked after that little nudge.

The moment she walked into Edward's room, however, she begun to understand why things had happened they way they did. Why Alphonse had been doped up so swiftly. Why no visitors had been permitted to see him yet. Edward was sitting by the window when she walked into the room, quietly closing the door behind her. He looked marvelous, especially for someone who had just done the impossible and reunited a human soul with its estranged body. Riza also noted, her heart lightening at the sight, that Edward's normally Automail arm and leg did not gleam. Instead, they carried the same hue as his cheeks and face did. They were flesh and blood; the first time she'd ever seen them like that. But as she made this realization, she slowly made another that was far more disturbing.

Edward had not so much as turned his head upon her entry, eyes remaining focused on the world that lay outside the window he was sat by. It wasn't just the lack of response that made her uneasy. It was the way he stared at the world outside. So blank and empty, as if he couldn't actually take notice or care for anything that might pass his sight. As if nothing had meaning. As if nothing held any sort of interest.

Hawkeye made her way to stand beside Ed, finally pulling his attention away from the window with a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder.

"I'm glad to see you're ok, Edward." She said quietly, her tone even.

It was at this point that he turned his eyes, their blank quality unchanging as he focused his attention on her, blinking once before answering.

"You seem to have been injured in your endeavors. Will you be healed soon?"

Riza blinked once, twice, thrice before she could bring herself to even think on the question he had asked. The tone, the lack of any inflection, the diction used…it was all wrong. This wasn't how Edward normally spoke. This wasn't how he normally looked at people while conversing.

Where she'd expected an exuberant greeting, one whose tone was a mix of happiness and relief with a hint of silliness to take the edge off of the serious conversation, there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. His voice was as blank and emotionless as that of a catatonic solider. His words, which normally were so warm and inviting, were cold. Not in the way that someone makes words cold with the purpose of hurting another, there was simply nothing behind them. No passion, no feeling. Just nothing. This was particularly disturbing, especially for someone as impassioned about everything as Edward Elric was.

Taking her hand off of his shoulder, Hawkeye squared her own shoulders and asked the question whose answer she was now almost unwilling to hear.

"Edward, are you ok?"

He was silent for a moment, face still turned to her, before he answered.

"You must tell me what you mean by ok. If you are able to do such a task for me, then I may be able to tell you whether or not I am, by your standards, ok."

Hawkeye steeled herself further. Thinking quickly, she asked this seemingly very literal Edward the next best thing.

"Ed, can you tell me what exactly happened to you and Al the other night? The night in the city underground? Tell me that and I might be able to tell if you're ok."

Again, he paused before he answered in that flat, even tone.

"There is a fairly simple answer to this question, Riza Hawkeye. When I left you and Roy Mustang at your automobile, I made my descent into the city that lies underneath our feet. Once there, I was attacked by the Homunculi and their master. We exchanged words and blows as well. At one point, their master threw me into the Gate Of Truths, where my mind, body, and soul were split apart. My body and mind stayed within the Gate of Truths, but my soul went on to some sort of…beyond.

I ended up in a world much like and very dissimilar to this one, inside of a body much like, but very different from my own. I saw Hohenhiem there. He tried very hard to explain to the truth of alchemy and equivalent exchange. I did not want to listen. I grew angry with him and ran away. A flying machine fell out of the sky and on to me. I died in that world, I do believe. I awoke back inside the Gate of Truths, body, mind, and soul all as one again; I had just found my way out of the Gate of Truths when the homunculus Envy began attacking me. He changed his appearance many times during our fight. The last change he made to his face… it startled me so badly, I hesitated for a moment. When I did, he stabbed something all the way through my chest. I died a second time, I think."

He paused once more, almost like he was trying his best to recall the rest of a very long story.

"I remember standing in front of the Gate of Truths for a second time. I remember seeing Alphonse Elric for only a moment, before he disappeared. Envy was there as well too. He opened the doors to the Gate of Truths and walked through. I awoke some time after that, I think. When I asked the woman, Rose, what had happened, she told me that Alphonse Elric had brought me back to life by using the Philosopher's Stone that was in his body. I, in turn, offered my whole self to the Gate of Truths in exchange for Alphonse Elric's complete self being brought back to this one side of the Gate. That is what happened to me."

Doing her best, her very best, to not let all of the information make her head reel, Riza slowly tried to piece the puzzle together.

"So, let me get this all straight. You've died not once, but twice, right?"

"Yes."

"Once in this world and once in a world like this one?"

"Yes."

"And now you're still alive somehow?"

"Yes, because of Alphonse Elric."

Riza nodded curtly, trying her best to believe everything the young man was telling her. At this point, so Riza felt, she shouldn't be surprised by anything. Not anymore. With all of the impossible things that had been happened in her life as of recent, it shouldn't be that hard for her to believe that an alternate version of her world not only existed, but that someone she personally knew had visited it.

Even still, despite all of the crazy things she'd witnessed, this was all a tough order to swallow. She sighed, rubbing a temple slowly as she continued with her questions.

"So, with this whole chain of events, Alphonse has gotten his body back?"

"Yes."

"And you managed to completely restore yourself?"

"Yes and…no."

This was the answer Riza had been waiting for, the one she'd been digging at to get.

"What do you mean by that? Yes and no?"

Ed continued to stare at her as he answered.

"I thought it would be obvious at this point, Riza Hawkeye. I restored Alphonse Elric's body and mine had been restored when Alphonse Elric offered himself in exchange for my life. When I went back to the Gate of Truths for the last time, I had intended to give up my whole self in exchange for Alphonse Elric to be whole and well. A whole for a whole, as it were. The Gate of Truths gave me Alphonse and allowed me to keep my limbs, but it still required something for its services, as it always does."

Riza was quiet for a beat, a tiny bead of nervousness budding in her stomach as she asked the next question.

"Ed, can I ask what it took from you this time? Instead of a limb, what did it take?"

Ed's attention turned back to the window.

"My soul."

Riza stared, confused by the answer.

"What do you mean by that Edward?"

"Again, it is very simple, Riza Hawkeye. I am here. But I am only a body and a mind. The soul is…elsewhere."

"Is that why you're the way you are right now? Is that why you're so-"

"Detached?" Edward offered.

She nodded; that would be an appropriate word for it.

"I can not be anything other then what I am right now. Not without a soul. The mind and body are incapable of creating or feeling emotions on their own terms. There are processes in work; chemicals firing that should be making me feel happiness or general confusion. But I am unable to feel them. I know they are there, but I am unable to grasp them and make use of them."

Hawkeye frowned at his answer, Ed's hollow tone making her once light heart feel heavier and heavier with each word. It just sounded so awful. Awful that he was talking about his own soul in the same manner someone would talk about the weather. Nonchalant, unconcerned, possibly even bored.

"How are you still alive, talking to me and all, if this Gate has taken your soul from you?"

Out of all the things that Edward had told her that didn't quite make sense, this was the biggest concern she had at the moment.

"Riza Hawkeye, a human is made up of three things; mind, body, and soul. Just like Alphonse was able to live without his body, I can do the same without a soul. His body was elsewhere. My soul is now elsewhere. When these are not all together at once, the person is incomplete. When separated, each part will pull towards one another until the person is complete again."

With that explanation, it made sense. If Alphonse had been able to survive five years without a body, who was to say the same thing couldn't happen to Ed's soul?

"Will your soul return to you? If you pull hard enough at it or it pulls hard enough at you?"

"Perhaps. It is all dependent upon which pulls stronger; my body and mind to my soul, or my soul to my body and mind. I may stay here, or I may go there, or I may never go anywhere."

Now, Riza had been doing a very good job so far keeping track of the complicated storyline Edward had been drawing up for her. But this, this one little bit of information, threw her for a loop.

"What do you mean by 'I may go there'? I thought you said the Gate took your soul?"

"It did. I could go to the other world I spoke about earlier, if my soul pulled hard enough though."

Riza stood there, thinking about all the information she had been able to glean from Ed. The Gate had taken his soul, that much they were both certain on. Why would he even bring up the possibility of him being pulled to that 'other world'? If the Gate had his soul, why wouldn't it just pull him into that Gate? She continued to ponder the idea, until a horrible, cold thought struck her.

"Ed, do you know if the Gate actually kept your soul? Did it lock it up inside of its self, like it did with Al's body?"

"It did not."

So few words and it all suddenly made so much more sense.

"Oh Edward, don't tell me-" she started.

"What am I not telling you?" Ed asked dully.

Had the situation not been nearly as serious, Hawkeye might have scolded him for interrupting her. She was beginning to quickly realize that any new quirk he seemed to be developing was in direct relationship to the simple fact that he had no soul of his own at the moment.

Sighing once more, Riza continued on, acting as best as she could that Ed's new incapability to see beyond the literal did not bother her.

"Did the Gate send your soul to the other world you keep telling me about?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell where your soul is? How it's fairing?"

"From what I am able to feel, it is doing fine. It seems to have found the body it inhabited the first time it made the trip to that other world. It is safe to assume that the other Edward did not die then."

"Do you think you'll be able to get it back? Is there some way to reverse all of this?"

Edward continued to stare out the window, idly watching as people walked briskly by the hospital.

"I do not know, Riza Hawkeye. A body is only meant to house one soul at a time. Not two. That much I am aware."

Hawkeye shifted her attention away from the boy, turning her head to look out the window instead. If she were to believe this, all of it, everything Ed had just told her, then somewhere, beyond cosmic laws of space and time that she would never even be able to begin to wrap her head around: there was an Edward somewhere, just like the one sitting next to her.

The only difference being that this other Edward in some other world had two souls within his body, and the one with her had none.

Moving stories from a previous account; I've forgotten/deleted my old email and can no longer access it to update these old stories from there.

Any questions that you may have can be directed to me in a PM.