bAuthor's Note:/b Because of the threat of being eaten by a man-eating
tribble, I have decided to put up the newest. uh, thing in the Spoof Trek
Saga. It's called "Spock and Eggnog." It's about Spock. and eggnog. DOI!
;)
Well anyway, I'm glad that all of you are enjoying my silly spoofs on the
greatest sci-fi series of all time. YAY! WE LOVE YOU CAST OF STAR TREK!
*Hugs Leonard Nimoy*
Leonard: Excuse me young lady, but. what are you DOING?
Arana: I'm hugging one of my favorite people (besides my readers!)!
Leonard: I see. Well, I'm very flattered and all, but you're crushing my spleen.
Arana: Oh. Sorry man. Is your squiddly-spooch okay?
Leonard: It was my SPLEEN.
Arana: That's what I said, squiddly-spooch.
Leonard: Freak.
Arana: Why tank yew!
ON WITH THE STORY! AHOO!
center"Spock and Eggnog"/center
"What do you know," McCoy said, chewing on something. "Those tribbles DO taste good after you step on them!"
"Um. McCoy?" Kirk said, walking up and standing next to his medical officer. "That wasn't a tribble. That was a crewman."
"Well how about that!" McCoy said, looking down at the dead crewman at his feet. "I wonder how I got those two mixed up." He looked up at Jim and grinned.
Kirk smiled and patted McCoy on the head. He walked away, muttering something about a senile old fool. Kirk went over to Minerva, who was pondering her shoes.
"Hi," Kirk said, leaning against the wall beside her.
"Did he kill ANOTHER one?" Minerva asked. Kirk nodded. Minerva rolled her eyes. "That's the third one in the last week!"
"I know," Kirk said. "What a fricken sicko."
A strange, bald-headed man walked up and put his hands on his hips.
"Excuse me," the bald man said. "But you did NOT just say 'fricken,' okay? Fricken is MY word, so don't even go there!" Baldie snapped his fingers and did a weird little head-wiggle. Minerva and Kirk stared at him.
"Who ARE you?" Kirk asked.
"Oh come on!" the bald man said. "Throw me a fricken bone here! I'm Dr. Evil! Only the biggest wanna-be evil character of the late twentieth and early twenty-first century!"
"Oh, well sorry we aren't up-to-date on things that happened more than A HUNDRED YEARS AGO!" Minerva said, crossing her arms.
"I'm in the twenty-second century?" Dr. Evil asked. Minerva and Kirk nodded. Dr. Evil became spastic. "Whoa, so. what is this, 'Star Trek?' Like, the best science fiction television series EVER?"
"Actually," Minerva began. "It is a parody, or spoof, of the popular 'Star Trek' series circa 1966-69. A BAD fan fiction written by a hopeless teenager with too much time on her hands."
"Hey, I heard that!" A nagging voice said from out of nowhere. "That hurts!"
"Who was that?" Dr. Evil asked.
"The hopeless teenager with too much time on her hands," Minerva replied casually.
"I see." Dr. Evil scanned the crowd and spotted a sexy Yeoman. "Excuse me for a moment."
After a long pause, Kirk looked over at Minerva and grinned.
"Hey, wanna throw McCoy out of an airlock?" he asked.
"What good would it do?" Minerva asked. "Death is only temporary for us."
"Good point."
They were all onboard the IEnterprise/I having their annual Christmas party they held in the Officer's Lounge. Though it wasn't ACTUALLY Christmas, they were having a good time, except for the unfortunate crewmembers who had fallen victim to McCoy's pointless cannibalism he'd recently developed.
Spock staggered up to Kirk and Minerva holding a glass of Eggnog.
"Wow, this stuff is great!" Spock said, his speech slightly slurred.
"Spock, you'd better be careful," Minerva warned. "Eggnog has alcohol in it. You shouldn't drink too much." Spock scoffed and said, "Too much? What're you talking about?" He hiccupped.
"How many have you had, Spock?" Kirk asked.
"Well this here is my 412th glass!" Spock replied.
"Ah, and that's not too much?" Jim said, his voice thick with sarcasm.
"No.." Spock said. He turned to Minerva. "Have I ever told you I think you're one sexy mammerjammer?"
"Okay, I think you've had enough, Spock," Minerva said, taking the glass from him.
"How come I get a knee in the crotch whenever I do something like that?" Kirk asked like a jealous child.
"Because Spock here isn't a pervert," Minerva shot back.
"Gimmie back my drink!" Spock said, trying to snatch the drink from Minerva's hands. He tripped somehow and ended up in Kirk's arms. He looked up at Kirk and winked. Then he turned his gaze to the lounge door. "Ooh! Look at the monkeys!"
"Spock, let's get you back to your room so you can get some sleep," Minerva said, tugging on Spock's arm.
"What?!" Spock whipped around, staring her straight in the eye. "When there's BACON outside? NEVER!"
Spock left the lounge and entered the turbo-lift, laughing like a madman the whole time.
"I'd better go get him," Minerva said, leaving to go after the crazed Vulcan.
* * *
Spock entered Yeoman Rand's room. He slipped into the shadows of the dimly lit quarters. She had taken off her blonde Beehive wig and set it on the table in front of her and was playing with her REAL hair, which was Carrot Top red.
"Yeoman," Spock whispered from the shadows. Yeoman Rand whipped around, unnecessary fear in her eyes.
"Spock!" She gasped. "What is it?"
"I've been waiting to do this for a long time.."
He walked towards her, hands outstretched and unending desire in his eyes. Yeoman Rand could only get out a small shriek before the dastardly deed had begun.
Minerva tried her best to track Spock down, but every time she arrived to an area Spock had visited, Spock was already gone. She finally reached Spock as he was closing in on Kirk's head.
"Spock, STOP!" Minerva cried, grabbing Spock before he could perform whatever evil scheme he had planned for Kirk.
"What is it?" Spock demanded with his slurred voice. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of something here?"
"Spock, you can't do this," Minerva said, shaking him. She reached into a small pack that had magically appeared on her back and pulled out Rand's hairpiece, its intricately woven pieces of hair pulled apart. "Was it logical to destroy Rand's hairpiece?"
"SCREW LOGIC!!" Spock screamed. "I'm DRUNK OFF MY ASS! I can do ANYTHING!"
"Spock," Minerva said, pondering something a moment. "Were you drinking the eggnog in the bowl on the left or right?"
"The left," Spock said. "Whassat gotta do with anything?"
"That was NON-ALCOHOLIC eggnog."
A sudden clarity came over Spock's crazed eyes. He backed away and said sheepishly, "Oh." He looked at Kirk. "I was going to do something really good, too. Poo!"
"What were you going to do?" Minerva asked. Spock leaned over and whispered something in her ear. An evil grin slowly spread across Minerva's face.
"Well in THAT case."
Spock and Minerva both turned and closed in on Kirk. Kirk's eyes widened in fear.
"N-Now come on guys, don't do anything stupid now." Kirk said, backing into a corner. "Guys..? GUYS!"
Spock looked at Minerva. Minerva nodded. Her hand shot out and she grabbed the hairpiece on Kirk's head. She slammed it against the wall. It stuck there. Kirk promptly fainted.
"Will you do the honors, Mr. Spock?" She asked. Spock nodded and pulled out a match. He lit it and set the toupee aflame. Spock and Minerva watched it burn with a silent satisfaction.
"Now that Kirk knows it was non-alcoholic eggnog," Spock said, becoming his logical self again. "What will we tell him and the crew about our momentary lapse of sanity?"
Minerva thought a moment, then said, "Blame it on IPon Farr./I"
"But you are not Vulcan," Spock pointed out.
"I am now."
bTHE END!/b
bFinal Note:/b You know, I think I should've named it "Spoof Trek Episode III: Spock Attacks the Hairpieces." Eh, oh well. "Spock and Eggnog" will have to do.
Well, this one wasn't as long as the other ones, but hopefully it was AS entertaining. *crosses fingers*
Look forward to "The OTHER Way To Enden."
Space Hippe: OTHERWISE, YOU'LL BE A IHERBERT!/I
*Hugs Leonard Nimoy*
Leonard: Excuse me young lady, but. what are you DOING?
Arana: I'm hugging one of my favorite people (besides my readers!)!
Leonard: I see. Well, I'm very flattered and all, but you're crushing my spleen.
Arana: Oh. Sorry man. Is your squiddly-spooch okay?
Leonard: It was my SPLEEN.
Arana: That's what I said, squiddly-spooch.
Leonard: Freak.
Arana: Why tank yew!
ON WITH THE STORY! AHOO!
center"Spock and Eggnog"/center
"What do you know," McCoy said, chewing on something. "Those tribbles DO taste good after you step on them!"
"Um. McCoy?" Kirk said, walking up and standing next to his medical officer. "That wasn't a tribble. That was a crewman."
"Well how about that!" McCoy said, looking down at the dead crewman at his feet. "I wonder how I got those two mixed up." He looked up at Jim and grinned.
Kirk smiled and patted McCoy on the head. He walked away, muttering something about a senile old fool. Kirk went over to Minerva, who was pondering her shoes.
"Hi," Kirk said, leaning against the wall beside her.
"Did he kill ANOTHER one?" Minerva asked. Kirk nodded. Minerva rolled her eyes. "That's the third one in the last week!"
"I know," Kirk said. "What a fricken sicko."
A strange, bald-headed man walked up and put his hands on his hips.
"Excuse me," the bald man said. "But you did NOT just say 'fricken,' okay? Fricken is MY word, so don't even go there!" Baldie snapped his fingers and did a weird little head-wiggle. Minerva and Kirk stared at him.
"Who ARE you?" Kirk asked.
"Oh come on!" the bald man said. "Throw me a fricken bone here! I'm Dr. Evil! Only the biggest wanna-be evil character of the late twentieth and early twenty-first century!"
"Oh, well sorry we aren't up-to-date on things that happened more than A HUNDRED YEARS AGO!" Minerva said, crossing her arms.
"I'm in the twenty-second century?" Dr. Evil asked. Minerva and Kirk nodded. Dr. Evil became spastic. "Whoa, so. what is this, 'Star Trek?' Like, the best science fiction television series EVER?"
"Actually," Minerva began. "It is a parody, or spoof, of the popular 'Star Trek' series circa 1966-69. A BAD fan fiction written by a hopeless teenager with too much time on her hands."
"Hey, I heard that!" A nagging voice said from out of nowhere. "That hurts!"
"Who was that?" Dr. Evil asked.
"The hopeless teenager with too much time on her hands," Minerva replied casually.
"I see." Dr. Evil scanned the crowd and spotted a sexy Yeoman. "Excuse me for a moment."
After a long pause, Kirk looked over at Minerva and grinned.
"Hey, wanna throw McCoy out of an airlock?" he asked.
"What good would it do?" Minerva asked. "Death is only temporary for us."
"Good point."
They were all onboard the IEnterprise/I having their annual Christmas party they held in the Officer's Lounge. Though it wasn't ACTUALLY Christmas, they were having a good time, except for the unfortunate crewmembers who had fallen victim to McCoy's pointless cannibalism he'd recently developed.
Spock staggered up to Kirk and Minerva holding a glass of Eggnog.
"Wow, this stuff is great!" Spock said, his speech slightly slurred.
"Spock, you'd better be careful," Minerva warned. "Eggnog has alcohol in it. You shouldn't drink too much." Spock scoffed and said, "Too much? What're you talking about?" He hiccupped.
"How many have you had, Spock?" Kirk asked.
"Well this here is my 412th glass!" Spock replied.
"Ah, and that's not too much?" Jim said, his voice thick with sarcasm.
"No.." Spock said. He turned to Minerva. "Have I ever told you I think you're one sexy mammerjammer?"
"Okay, I think you've had enough, Spock," Minerva said, taking the glass from him.
"How come I get a knee in the crotch whenever I do something like that?" Kirk asked like a jealous child.
"Because Spock here isn't a pervert," Minerva shot back.
"Gimmie back my drink!" Spock said, trying to snatch the drink from Minerva's hands. He tripped somehow and ended up in Kirk's arms. He looked up at Kirk and winked. Then he turned his gaze to the lounge door. "Ooh! Look at the monkeys!"
"Spock, let's get you back to your room so you can get some sleep," Minerva said, tugging on Spock's arm.
"What?!" Spock whipped around, staring her straight in the eye. "When there's BACON outside? NEVER!"
Spock left the lounge and entered the turbo-lift, laughing like a madman the whole time.
"I'd better go get him," Minerva said, leaving to go after the crazed Vulcan.
* * *
Spock entered Yeoman Rand's room. He slipped into the shadows of the dimly lit quarters. She had taken off her blonde Beehive wig and set it on the table in front of her and was playing with her REAL hair, which was Carrot Top red.
"Yeoman," Spock whispered from the shadows. Yeoman Rand whipped around, unnecessary fear in her eyes.
"Spock!" She gasped. "What is it?"
"I've been waiting to do this for a long time.."
He walked towards her, hands outstretched and unending desire in his eyes. Yeoman Rand could only get out a small shriek before the dastardly deed had begun.
Minerva tried her best to track Spock down, but every time she arrived to an area Spock had visited, Spock was already gone. She finally reached Spock as he was closing in on Kirk's head.
"Spock, STOP!" Minerva cried, grabbing Spock before he could perform whatever evil scheme he had planned for Kirk.
"What is it?" Spock demanded with his slurred voice. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of something here?"
"Spock, you can't do this," Minerva said, shaking him. She reached into a small pack that had magically appeared on her back and pulled out Rand's hairpiece, its intricately woven pieces of hair pulled apart. "Was it logical to destroy Rand's hairpiece?"
"SCREW LOGIC!!" Spock screamed. "I'm DRUNK OFF MY ASS! I can do ANYTHING!"
"Spock," Minerva said, pondering something a moment. "Were you drinking the eggnog in the bowl on the left or right?"
"The left," Spock said. "Whassat gotta do with anything?"
"That was NON-ALCOHOLIC eggnog."
A sudden clarity came over Spock's crazed eyes. He backed away and said sheepishly, "Oh." He looked at Kirk. "I was going to do something really good, too. Poo!"
"What were you going to do?" Minerva asked. Spock leaned over and whispered something in her ear. An evil grin slowly spread across Minerva's face.
"Well in THAT case."
Spock and Minerva both turned and closed in on Kirk. Kirk's eyes widened in fear.
"N-Now come on guys, don't do anything stupid now." Kirk said, backing into a corner. "Guys..? GUYS!"
Spock looked at Minerva. Minerva nodded. Her hand shot out and she grabbed the hairpiece on Kirk's head. She slammed it against the wall. It stuck there. Kirk promptly fainted.
"Will you do the honors, Mr. Spock?" She asked. Spock nodded and pulled out a match. He lit it and set the toupee aflame. Spock and Minerva watched it burn with a silent satisfaction.
"Now that Kirk knows it was non-alcoholic eggnog," Spock said, becoming his logical self again. "What will we tell him and the crew about our momentary lapse of sanity?"
Minerva thought a moment, then said, "Blame it on IPon Farr./I"
"But you are not Vulcan," Spock pointed out.
"I am now."
bTHE END!/b
bFinal Note:/b You know, I think I should've named it "Spoof Trek Episode III: Spock Attacks the Hairpieces." Eh, oh well. "Spock and Eggnog" will have to do.
Well, this one wasn't as long as the other ones, but hopefully it was AS entertaining. *crosses fingers*
Look forward to "The OTHER Way To Enden."
Space Hippe: OTHERWISE, YOU'LL BE A IHERBERT!/I