-REMEMBER ME-

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Lost

The Doctor stood, unblinking, unwavering, at the thing that had taken Clara from him.

Tears rolled down his cheeks yet still he did not blink, did not move. The TARDIS' door handle was in his hand, but he did not push it through and leave this awful place behind.

He kept staring, at a loss for what to do. He could not leave without Clara, yet Clara was gone.

His eyes burned so much yet he could not take his eyes off the statue.

Finally, he backed into the TARDIS, and shut it firmly behind him, collapsing behind the door, head in hands, lost.

Outside the doors, the battle waged on. The people of Trenzalore were long defeated, though a few lone survivors stood and fought. The real battle, now, was between the Time Lords and the Daleks.

For them, it was just another day in the Time War, but none of them realized the significance of the planet they were on. Nor did they realize that chronologically, this was the very first battle of the Time War. The first planet to be desolated by it.

The Time Lords also did not realize that the fugitive, the Doctor, was only a few miles away from them. Had they known, they would have called him into the battle long before the Time War had even begun for him.

It was the Doctor's first loss, Trenzalore, and he didn't even realize it.

"Doctor," whispered Clara.

The Doctor had not taken his eyes off her since she had drifted off to sleep...to have her here, and this her here...he wasn't sure if it was a godsend or a curse. He hadn't lied when he said he missed her...he couldn't lie...he had missed her...so much. But this her? He never would have expected to see this her again...His best friend and the only one who understood him, and she was here, on his couch…

He'd grown sentimental in his old age, he'd known that when she'd come back the first time, clinging to the TARDIS, yet still he could not find the courage to tell her…

Could he tell this her and do no damage? He wasn't sure. He couldn't see her timeline clearly, it was jumbled and mixed up tightly with his own. She was so tightly bound to him that, inexorably, their fates were linked...and she had so much ahead of her...so much to look forward to… he understood her fate, now, but back then...he had not known...could not possibly knew...she was still a mystery...she might have always been that, a mystery.

My Clara…

He could keep her here. This her could stay with him and not die the short tragic lives humans lead… Like his fragile, human Clara. This one could stay with him for the remainder of his life, but she would not understand...because all that had yet to happen to her yet.

She was an echo, he knew that now. Merely a copy of the original that he loved so much, but this her had been so much more, and to him: always a mystery, always, always that.

But he had to let her go, he knew he had to take her back...she did not belong here, now more than ever. She would continue to answer questions, and eventually, he would be forced to give an answer. He couldn't ruin her future for her.

My Clara.

She was well enough...she'd needed to sleep off the effects of nasty time travel via Weeping Angel, and all the events she had gone through. He knew he shouldn't have done it but he had had to read her mind, to know where she was in his timeline, to know what he could tell her. She didn't have a diary like River, this was so much more vast and complicated than that.

Oh, how he wished she could stay.

He was tempted, so tempted, now more than ever, to break time and keep her all to himself, this self, who knew everything about her, who was no longer suspicious of her mystery.

But would that be fair to his younger self?

He needed her too, the Doctor knew that. She had been everything he'd been missing when she'd decided to travel with him.

He wasn't even sure her human self remembered…

How could she? He'd…

He shook his head.

The past belonged in the past.

And so he kissed her, ever so delicately above the brow so as not to wake her, and lifted her so gently and swiftly in his arms she would not have noticed enough to wake. He walked outside, through the town of Christmas, on the planet of Trenzalore, where he would spend the rest of his life, alone...without her...

He pursed his lips. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.

The TARDIS doors squeaked as he entered her, and she greeted him with a warm glow. She knew. She always knew. Ever so gently, he laid the still sleeping Clara in the seat by the railing. He brushed her hair out of her face and looked at her. She was so beautiful. How had he forgotten how beautiful and pretty she was?

He closed the doors with a snap of his fingers, and pulled the lever.

THUD! SWOOSH...SWOOSH...SWOOOSH...

The Doctor didn't know how long he sat there, he had not kept track, lost in his thoughts as it were.

Eventually, he found the courage to stand up, and walk to the console.

"She could be anywhere," he muttered to himself. He had no idea of where to even start looking for her...only a single clue.

The statue...The very unusual statue with a big chin and a bow-tie...his only clue. The Angel that took her might be a clue as to where she ended up…

It was a place to start.

So punched in the coordinates for the biggest library in the universe, one where he would surely, surely find mention...of the man with the bow-tie.

Run, you clever boy, and remember me.

A/N: Dun-dun-DAHHH! What's going to happen when the Doctor goes looking for his future self? You'll find out! Where is the 11th Doctor taking Clara? Will Clara wake up before they land and give him what-for for trying to dump her off (again)? Probably. You know Clara. And what's going on on Trenzalore? Will we ever find out? oooooOOOOooo spooky.

Lol. Anyway, to my faithful readership that has stuck by me through three years of inactivity, I am very grateful you're still interested in this story. It makes me happy to know people hadn't entirely forgotten about it. My life has settled down a bit, and other than going to work and paying the rent (and drinking an excessive amount of coffee and wine), I'm really not doing much with my life, and I've found an extreme joy in writing again. I forgot how much I loved it.

Anyway, please, please, please, pls, LEAVE A REVIEW! I've been checking my email every five minutes to see if I got a review, and it's driving me nuts to not have any there. My BF is thinking I've lost my mind. So please, help me prove him wrong! Show me some love! REVIEW!

Much love,

~grednforgesgirl