Chapter 16: A Hole In My Bucket

I turned in my completed physics homework, and all of my worries melted away for that hour while I listened to the lecture and took notes. My next class was European Literature, which I shared with Lysander. Unfortunately, it was also one of the classes I had not completed my homework for. Fortunately, the teacher had gotten an excuse slip from the counselor, and did not ask for my homework before sending me out. I think he knew that I was a good student, and was willing to grant me some leniency.

I left the classroom with a glance over my shoulder at Lysander. He gave me a reassuring nod. My feet hurt a little when I walked on them, but the nurse had put enough cushions in my bandages to make the experience tolerable.

I entered the counselor's office and took a seat in the chair facing her desk. Her name was Ms. Small, but I secretly called her Ms. Shrink because it seemed to fit her better. She was a thin, almost frail woman with sagging skin. I got the impression that her skeleton was shrinking inside her. She wore her straight blond hair down, and it hung limply around her wrinkled face.

"Welcome, Kari. Our nurse expressed some concerns over the condition you showed up to school in this morning. Is there anything you would like to tell me?"

I was glad to have a good excuse for a homework extension, but I really did not think that Shrink could help me. If anything, she would make matters worse by telling my mother. "No."

Ms. Shrink's voice sounded mechanical, like she was reciting something she told all the students who walked through her door. "As your counselor, I am under oath to keep everything said in this room confidential except under the following conditions: If you plan to harm another person, if you plan to harm yourself, if you tell me that someone has plans to harm someone else, or if I receive a court order to disclose information. Otherwise, I could lose my license and my job."

"So, you can't tell my mom anything?" I asked.

"That's right. Even if one of those three conditions came up, I would have to report it to the proper authorities."

"And you won't sell my story to Peggy so she can publish it in the newspaper?"

"Absolutely not."

I relaxed a little and told her about my encounter with Kentin and the following drama with Lysander. I left out the part about Jade, Rosalya, and the others, though.

"Why did you kiss Kentin back?" Ms. Shrink asked.

"I like kissing people."

"But you said you already have a boyfriend. Why would you kiss someone else and jeopardize your relationship with your boyfriend?"

"He kissed me first, and I enjoyed it."

"But you made a choice. You could have chosen not to kiss him back or even reported him for harassing you."

"Of course I made a choice. I don't regret that, and I don't want to report him for harassment."

"Then why did you go back to Lysander?"

"Because I love him."

"Does he love you back?"

"Yes."

"Then why wasn't he upset when you kissed Kentin?"

"My relationship with Lysander is secure."

"How do you know that?"

"He loves me regardless of what else happens in my life."

"So, Lysander is supportive?"

"Yes! He's a fantastic boyfriend."

Ms. Shrink shook her head as if she was unable to comprehend what I had just said. "If he's really that good of a boyfriend, why did you kiss Kentin?"

"He kissed me first, and I enjoyed it."

Ms. Shrink could not seem to get her mind around the fact that I was capable of loving more than one person and that Lysander accepted this facet of our relationship. We repeated the conversation cycle a few more times with little variation. She threw in a few new questions such as:

"Are you still attracted to Lysander?"
"Yes." Come on, who wouldn't be attracted to Lysander?

"Has Lysander done anything to hurt you?"
"No." Are you kidding? He wouldn't hurt a fly.

"Are you afraid of being single? "
"Um… what does that have to do with anything?"
"I'm asking if you're afraid of taking a chance on Kentin because it might not work out."
"I did take a chance on Kentin."
"Then why didn't you break up with Lysander?"
"Because I love him." Seriously lady, how many times am I going to have to say that?

"Has Lysander ever lied to you?"
"No."
"How can you say that so confidently?"
"I just know." Her brain would probably explode if I mentioned Rosalya.

"Does Lysander keep secrets from you?"
"Yes."
"Does that bother you?"
"No. Everyone has to have their privacy."

When we got to the sixth or seventh, "Why did you kiss Kentin," I started singing:

"There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, mend it."

Shrink gave me a funny look as if she was trying to decide whether I had dissociative identity disorder or schizophrenia, but I just kept singing:

"With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, with what?
With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.

"The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

"With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?
With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, a knife."

"That's enough, Kari."

I was really annoyed that she cut me off before I even got halfway through the song. I was trying to make a point. Aside from the fact that our conversation was going in circles, I wanted to point out that I needed a spare bucket to fix the old one, and that's where Lysander came in. Actually, I had three buckets if you really wanted to get technical: the leaky Kentin bucket, the perfectly good Lysander bucket, and the perfectly good Jade bucket. OK, maybe comparing people to buckets was silly, but Lysander had been there to catch my tears and might help me "fix" Kentin.

" I'd like you to do some serious thinking about which boy you are going to choose," Shrink continued.

"I chose both of them, but Kentin sprung a leak."

Ms. Shrink totally ignored my response. "From what it sounds like to me, you may be better off with Kentin. If you could only stop making Kentin jealous and realize that he's upset because he cares about you . . . "

I threw up my hands in exasperation. "Whoa! I'm not making Kentin jealous. That's his problem. I'm not going to pander to his insecurities, especially if he's not willing to sit down and talk with Lysander and me. I can't fix him if he's not willing to be fixed."

She ignored me again. "Kentin seems like he would be a loyal boyfriend. Lysander wasn't upset when he found out that you kissed Kentin, so that might mean he doesn't think that the relationship is serious. He might be cheating on you or just using you for-"

I stood up abruptly. "I know what Lysander is doing, and cheating is the wrong word for it."

"You're getting defensive now, Kari. That's a sign of an unhealthy relationship."

I folded my arms. "No, you aren't listening. I'm rightfully defending someone who loves me unconditionally. You don't even know the full story and you're already trying to put me in a box. That's all you do, isn't it? You were given a set of formulas on how to analyze people when you got your credentials, and you think they work for everybody. We're not all the same, you know."

Shrink blinked. "We all have a hippocampus, a thalamus, a hypothalamus, an amygdala, a-"

"That's all fine and dandy, but we still interpret the world differently. Just because you know how the majority of Americans think doesn't mean you know what's going on inside my brain or Lysander's."

"Hm," Shrink scribbled something on a small piece of pastel yellow paper, "there's only one Lysander at this school. Lysander Ainsworth, right? Leigh's brother?"

I glared at her without speaking.

"Thank you, Kari. That will be all now."

I left and went to my economics class. Thankfully, the teacher had not assigned me any homework there.