A/N: I have no idea where this came from. I just decided that the movie 'A Knights Tale' would be an awesome theme for a Star Trek story and this just kind of happened. I regret nothing. All the cast will appear in one way or another. It's Spock/Kirk, with eventual Sulu/Chekov, Scotty/Uhura, and onesided Spock/Stonn.

Summary: Looking back, Jim could tell it had been an utterly ridiculous idea with little hope of success. Of course, that's why he had decided to do it. Jim Kirk always beat the odds, even if he had to pass himself off as a Vulcan to do it. A Star Trek Story loosely based off the idea of A Knights Tale.

Five years of medical training, three years of apprenticeship under Crusher, and it all came down to these few ridiculous words.

"Well, you're not going to like this, but… He's dead, Jim." Bones flicked the ornamental helmet's visor back down over the face that was too pale and sat back on his haunches to regard his best friend. His best friend who had his chin propped on an arm and his brow furrowed in thought.

With James Kirk, that was never a good sign. At least not for Bones.

"Hey, I found the extra-why is he leaning against a tree instead of sitting on his horse?" Sulu came up the path from the nearby village as he spoke and stopped in front of the deceased Vulcan with a pronounced frown. "Sir, you've only got ten minutes before you're called to the field."

"Sulu," Bones sighed, dusting off his hands, "He's not going anywhere he's-ummph!" Jim surged forward and clamped a hand over Bones mouth as another figure came from the village. The regal Vulcan walked extremely stiffly across the dirt path. He eyed the three 'Terrans' and the deceased Vulcan with obvious disdain, despite the fact that he didn't move one muscle on his blank face. It was impressive how expressive the Romulans could make their eyes. They also just seemed to radiate annoyance around Terrans.

"When might we expect Lord Selik? He has only ten minutes before he must forfeit the match.

"He'll be there!" Jim insisted quickly. The Vulcan narrowed his eyes and Jim continued, inclining his head respectively. "Sir, he shall arrive on time. I'm afraid he's had a bit of trouble with his armor. It needs loosening before he can move."

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. "Indeed." He regarded Selik for one more moment before turning. "I shall look for him in precisely ten minutes." The Vulcan scurried away. Bones, tired of being restrained by Jim, licked the hand covering his mouth.

"Eww! Bones!"

"Someone mind telling me what's going on?" Sulu inquired patiently as Jim, with one last glare at McCoy, that was completely undeserved, slipped next to their dead master, Saren.

"All right, kid, you're telling me what's up in a moment." Bones turned to Sulu who was now tapping his foot impatiently. His shaggy black hair was falling in his eyes and he moved it away with a well-practiced flick of his head. "Selik died."

Sulu blinked once, twice, three times before responding. "I'm sorry?"

"Saren is dead, done, finished, deceased. His katra has gone but his stench remains."

"He can't be dead." Sulu took a small, tentative step towards the very deceased Vulcan that Jim was pulling the armor off of. What even? Bones would swear that kid was mental.

"Sorry, there's nothing I can do. This Vulcan is dead." Bones redirected his attention to Jim, ignoring Sulu's protest about not having eaten in three days so Selik had to be alive because Sulu needed to eat.

It occurred to Bones that he was being extremely cold about their now dead master, but serving had never been his style. Or his choice, really. The Vulcans had always insisted the Terrans serve them, since long before memory. None of his people had any rights they weren't thought of all that much more highly than Sehlats. And, while Selik had never been cruel, Bones saw no reason to waste tears on someone who thought he was only good for manual labor. Bones was a doctor, damn it! Not a bricklayer. It was also not that surprising that Selik had died. That's what happened when Romulans who were far too old to be competing did compete. Their hearts gave out.

"What in god's name are you doing, Jim?" Jim had successfully pulled off all the Vulcan's armor and was now putting it on his own body.

"What does it look like? I'm going to go in his place." Bones had to regard his best friend for a full thirty seconds (during which Sulu was quiet, which NEVER happened) before he got enough brain cells together to respond intelligently.

"Huh?" Or not so intelligently as the case seemed to be.

"I'm going to joust in his place."

"Well that's crazy."

"Probably." Jim was completely undeterred as he fastened the braces. "All I know is I'm hungry, and we can't eat until we have the money to eat. Money we will only get if Selik wins this match. Ergo, I'm jousting. Pass me that helmet?"

"What do your ears look like, Jim?" Jim, predictably, ignored Bones and motioned for the helmet again. Sulu picked it up but didn't hand it over. "I'm asking what your ears look like, boy."

Jim let out a frustrated huff. "Human, obviously."

"Exactly, you're not Vulcan. You can't fight."

"But I can with the helmet." Jim made to grab it but Sulu took two steps back so he was out of his reach.

"And if you have to take it off?" Bones prodded.

"I make up an excuse." Jim shrugged and fiddled with the breastplate.

"And if anyone finds out, which they will because this plan is horrible, there will be hell to pay!"

"Then let's make sure they don't. Sulu, the helmet, now please."

Sulu speechlessly passed the helmet. Bones was alarmed that Sulu was going along with this madness. (And that he was still silent.) "You know they'll kill you for this, right?"

"Not if I don't get caught." Jim repeated cheerfully before pulling the helmet over his head. The visor completely blocked his face, so you really couldn't tell if he was human or Vulcan…

It was a bit terrifying how quickly Jim could make Bones believe in a crazy, hell, suicidal plan. "You can't joust."

"Yes I can. I'm his practice dummy."

"Yeah, dummy being the key word. You really just sit there and take the blows."

"Which is why this might work." Sulu grabbed Jim and turned him around roughly so he could get at the ties at the back of the breast plate.

"Sulu," Bones pleaded weakly, "Not you too."

"I'm starving, and this might work. I am getting a meal if it is the last effing thing I do. Besides, all he has to do is stay on the Sehlat. Selik had already broken Sepak's lance twice."

"He had?"

Sulu rolled his eyes so hard that Bones felt a twang of pain from the action. "Honestly, you've worked with Selik for twenty some years. You should understand the game by now."

"Why bother? I can't play." Jim, now fully armored up, was blindly looking for the lance.

"Little help here?" Sulu gave him the lance. "Listen, Bones. You ditch the body, just stick it in the bushes over there, and come to the stands like Sulu and I usually do. No one will suspect a thing. They're not looking for anything suspicious. So, if we don't let on that there is anything suspicious occurring, they have no reason to suspect us. We get away with the prize and we get to eat. The plan is full proof."

It hardly seemed that way, but before Bones could even object, he was stashing a deceased Vulcan in the bushes and standing beside Sulu while Jim mounted I-Cheya, Seilk's sehlat. Thankfully Jim was the large beast's handler so I-Cheya was used to Jim. The mammoth animal actually adored Jim.

"Alright, let's just get in and out." Bones muttered as Jim led I-Cheya to the starting point. Sepak, Jim's rival, mounted his own beast and rode to the starting point. Sulu handed Jim his lance while Sepak's human, Greg? Handed him his lance.

"Challengers at the start!" The rude Vulcan that had informed the trio of their ten minutes stood at the center of the field. "On my mark, ride!" The Vulcan raised a ridiculously large flag, and then swing it down, signifying the start of the match before he ran off the field. Bones watched breathlessly as I-Cheya charged the opponent with Jim clutching on to his back. Sulu grabbed onto Bone's arm and the lance's crashed against each other with a cacophony of noise. Jim swayed a little on the sehlat's back, but he stayed on.

So… had he won the match?

Bones had absolutely no idea what was going on (because sports he couldn't participate in were extremely boring), but Sulu was screaming himself hoarse at his side as Jim rode the sehlat back to the two friends. "JI-Master!" Bones bellowed, catching himself before he called his friends name. "You are victorious!" Sulu screeched as he jumped up and down, showing off his younger stamina. Jim slid off of I-Cheya's back and accepted the clap on the back that Bones gave him.

"Easy, Sulu." Jim murmured, waving politely at the crowd of quietly clapping Vulcan's. "You don't want them to think we've never won before."

"We haven't." Bones couldn't help but point out.

Jim shook his head in exasperation as he was led to the victor's stage. "I haven't, but Lord Selik has won hundreds."

Bones couldn't help but feel as if something had started. Judging from the tone of Jim's voice, he was planning something, and Bones knew from years of firsthand experience, that was never a good thing.

He had no idea that Jim was about to start them on the tale of a lifetime.

A/N: I'm not sure why I'm starting with Bones point of view other than he just fits. We'll switch to Jim's next chapter, and introduce more characters ;)

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