Disclaimer: The show Victorious, its characters and other associated trademarks are property of someone else and not me. This is my first fanfiction so please review and tell me what you think.

This story is rated M for language and for future chapters.

I woke up in a haze, i heard beeping coming from a machine that was directly to my right. I had wires connecting to the machine and an iv in my arm. I realized quickly that i was in the hospital. Then everything started rushing back to me.

2 weeks prior

I leaned over the toilet heaving, all the contents from my stomach came rushing out. When i was finally done i stood up flushed the toilet and exited the stall. I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. 'You are such a mess,' i thought to myself. My eyes teared as I retched into the toilet so my makeup ran a little under my eyes. My hair was in a extra sloppy bun today. Hang overs are the worst. I got a paper towel and wiped the make up from beneath my eye and quickly applied more. After i finished with my make-up i popped a piece of gum in my mouth. My stomach was still quite queasy even after I threw up all of my breakfast. I quickly exited the bathroom and went to my locker before anyone came in.

I know Trina and my friends were starting to notice the change in my behavior. I had started partying a few months. I was slowly going in a downward spiral with my drinking and even started experimenting with a few drugs. It all started when I met this guy from Northridge, Casey. He was an attractive guy, had short brown hair, stunning blue eyes, I have a thing for blue eyes, and an amazing smile I swear could light up the room. I met him when I was at the mall one day. I had just gotten my license and wanted to go drive myself somewhere for once. Casey was in one of the stores with me when we met. I was looking at a shirt and he came up to me telling me how beautiful that would look on me. He then apologized for being so forward but wanted to know if I would like to have lunch with him. He was so sweet and I was trying to distract myself from who I really had feelings for since they would never be reciprocated. So I said yes. He was a very sweet guy, was for the first few weeks.

"Vega! Hey I just wanted to... Holy shit! what's wrong with you?" Jade came up and actually looked concerned. We have kind of trying the friend thing out, except I always wish it were more.

"Oh hey Jade. Errr nothing's wrong just didn't sleep well last night and I kind of feel sick today." I reply turning to my locker as a wave of extreme nausea washes through me.

"You haven't been sleeping well for a while now. Anything you wanna talk about Vega, I mean we are friends now aren't we?" Jade says with her signature smirk. I could tell it wasn't because she truly cared if I was upset. I think she just was really trying to give this friend thing and felt she needed to ask.

"No Jade, there is nothing to talk about, like I said I just don't feel very good today." I lie through my teeth. ' Yes Jade something is wrong I am dating a guy who reminds me of you because I can't actually have you.' I think to myself. I don't know how I am going to get through this day anymore.

"Whatever Vega." Jade says with an eye roll walking over to Beck before I even find out what she wanted in the first place. The eye roll and dismiss confuses me. Did she actually care if something was wrong?

The day drags on horribly slow and I don't start feeling any better. My head starts pounding which only fuels the nausea. When it comes lunch time I decide to make an attempt to eat. It's not the puking or the hangover that is dislike it's the nausea that I can not stand. I get a salad hoping and a turkey sandwich hoping that won't anger my stomach.

"Hey Torrrrreeeee." Andre says with a smile as I get to the table.

"Hey guys." I say to everyone. Both Cat and Robbie say hi and quickly start talking to each other again. Beck smiles and turns back to talking to Jade who just ignored me altogether. I don't get her at all anymore. I just sit at the table next to Cat and Andre across from Beck and Jade. They seem to be having a shushed private conversation. I don't want to sound like a jerk but I really wish they would break up and be friends. I also wish that then Jade would ask me to be her girlfriend.

"How is Casey doing Tor?" Andre asks breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Oh he is good. " I simply say as I take a bite of my sandwich. Andre simply nods and eats his burrito I am hoping he is catching on I really don't want to talk and that this turkey sandwich is doing nothing for my nausea.

"So Tori, do you have plans with Casey tomorrow night ?" Beck asks turning from Jade to look at me with a smile.

"Um yah we are going to hang out but we didn't really make any plans aside from sitting at his house watching tv. Why?" I ask.

"Well there is that new comedy coming out 'Living with the Klutzes', I was thinking we could double and go and see it." Beck says with a hopeful smile. I look at Jade and she is looking away from the table looking a little annoyed, I am not sure if it's because Beck wants us to double or if it's because the movie choice. She likes horror movies, not comedies.

"Yah sure that sounds fun." There goes another lie. The thought of going on a double with Beck and Jade turns my stomach. It's going to be torture watching Jade and Beck be all cuddly and kissy in the theatre and I know I'll be with Casey so I shouldn't be upset but I can't help it. In a way I guess I am kind of using Casey. When we first started dating I really thought I liked him and that he could help me get over Jade. As time went on I realized I didn't like him as much as I thought and he started getting less sweet and turning into a jerk. It's fucked up because I know Jade doesn't want me and never will so I stay with Casey hoping I will just fall for him. I like that I feel wanted with him. Even after he insults me he always apologizes and tells me he is sorry. I feel too bad to just leave him. I guess what he says isn't that bad. Maybe I just like someone who likes to insult me and put me down, I mean I do like Jade. I just kept seeing Casey and partying him getting drunk and having sex with him. The sex was good that could be another reason I stay with him. It does partially take my mind away from Jade especially when I started trying drugs.

As I continue to think about the date and Beck and Jade cuddling I feel the turkey sandwich I just finished start coming back up. I quickly throw my trash out and make a mad dash to the bathroom without an explanation to my friend's shocked faces. I make it into the stall and almost miss the toilet while I am violently sick into the bowl. That turkey sandwich tastes so nasty as it comes back up. I throw up a few more times and then when I am finally finished I flush the toilet and sit back on the floor.

One tear streams down my cheek and then its like a dam broke in my eye and my eyes just start leaking streams of tears. I wish I weren't in this fucked up situation. I wish the person I think I really love was the person I was dating. It's so wrong she is actually happy with Beck, and he is happy with her, and I'm over here selfish wishing she would dump him and tell me she wants me. I hate my life. I really do.

As I am sobbing on the floor thinking about my fucked up situation I don't even hear the bathroom door open or that someone who opened the door calling out my name. I don't even realize I am not alone anymore until they open the stall door I stupidly forgot to lock in my haste to puke my brains out. I try calm down before I look up at the person.