Psshhhhht!

"That'll do, Minion." Head and shoulders leaning out of a window suspended in midair, Megamind saw his sidekick grin in reply. "Now we wait!" He rubbed his hands together. "Step into my web said the spider to the fly…"

"I believe it's parlor, Sir," his helpful companion corrected as he climbed back into their clandestine transportation.

"Whatever."

"What if she doesn't show up?"

"She will, she will."

"I mean, she could decide to take a different route. Or maybe she has errands to run. Or-"

"Hey." The green eyes leveled a stare his way. "Don't be a wet sheet."

"Blanket."

"That's what I said." He turned to look out the window again. "10:30. Every Tuesday. Like clockwork. She'll be here."

Minion made a noncommittal noise as a few motorists sped past.

"Look at this," Megamind gestured toward the traffic. "These are law-abiding citizens? They're not even paying attention. It's amazing the number of people that don't bother to follow the rules of the road."

The fish rubbed at a bit of paint overspray on his arm. "It's not like we do."

"Now really," his boss rejoined with heavy sarcasm, "What kind of super villains would we be if we drove around doing the speed limit all the time? Waiting in traffic? Idling the twelve cylinder at stoplights like good little criminals?" He shook his head. "That's just silly."

"Ok, true. But it seems like everybody bends the rules at least a little when it comes to the speed limit. Ms Ritchi does it herself, you know."

"I know," Megamind muttered with a smirk as he resumed keeping watch for their tardy mark. "She has quite the record number of speeding tickets, I understand." He chuckled to himself. "What a little rebel."

Minion could tell by the way one hand stole upwards to prop up the big blue head smiling out the window that his friend was going to stray off into daydreams again. "And… I suppose some people would probably realize that that speed limit can't be right."

"It doesn't matter." Megamind insisted, pulled from his contemplation of the reporter's driving habits by his henchman's insubordinate questioning. "The signs say 6 miles per hour? Then that's what they should be doing."

"Okay." Minion rolled his eyes. His own idea of changing the signs to something a little more believable – say, 45 – had been vetoed. Just spray out the zero, the boss had insisted.

Suddenly Megamind griped under his breath, "I'll bet Mr. Tighty-Whitey Pants always insists his driver keep to the lawful speed limit precisely."

Minion thought about Wayne being chauffeured in the Scott's private limo. "Why does he even drive anywhere?"

"I know, right? Why spend hard-earned cash on gas at these prices? And increase your carbon footprint unnecessarily?" Megamind agreed. "How wasteful! Irresponsible even! Certainly not very heroic."

Minion thought about their own contributions on that front - the explosions and the destruction and the massive usage of fuels - but chose to hold his tongue. He knew what his friend would say. Bad guys held social consciousness of environmental responsibilities in contempt. And anyway, Megamind was still holding forth on the subject.

"But you know why he does it. For show. Impress the public. Get the girls," he groused. "Have you ever noticed," he suddenly turned to add. "Sometimes it almost seems as though Roxanne doesn't actually like being flown around in the big galoot's grip?"

"Hmm… maybe." Minion wasn't about to encourage that kind of wishful thinking.

"Where the heck is she anyway?" She was late. Had something happened? His brows knit together as he pondered her lead foot involving her in a fender bender some day. Or worse.

"Don't know," Minion replied, feeling bored. "But I wish she'd hurry up. I have a full schedule of bots to repair later today. Although... I just thought of something. People always become very conscious of the speed limit when they spot a police car, right? So… let's see what happens… now." A click of a button revealed the invisible car at the side of the road now disguised as one of the city's black and white cruisers.

"You know, we're really doing her a favor," Megamind began to say. "She- Oh! Look at that!"

Someone had spotted the sign. And the fake cruiser. Slamming on the brakes, the car skidded around wildly in an attempt to slow down to the preposterous speed limit as quickly as possible. Two drivers following maneuvered around him before seeing the trap as well. A pileup was barely avoided as other vehicles sped past, honking their annoyance, and the cruiser's mischievous occupants spotted incredulous looks of uncertainty on several faces. Megamind hooted his appreciation.

"That was awesome!" he chortled. "Quick! Turn it off! Let's do it again." He grinned as Minion cloaked the vehicle once more and then pressed his nose to the window, watching as traffic resumed its normal pace.

"What do you mean we're doing her a favor?" Minion couldn't resist asking.

"What? Oh. Well, I mean because she shouldn't be speeding around like she does! And besides that, she's been keeping a very predictable schedule these days. Very unwise. Remember that reporter from California we heard about, stalked by some loony who was obsessed with her?"

Minion opened his mouth and paused before wisely closing it again.

"Roxanne is- Oh! Here comes a truck!" Distracted by greater potential for mischief, he grinned and held a finger over the button himself, hitting it just as the cab cleared the rise behind them. Once again the unsuspecting driver saw the cruiser parked at the side of the road next to the altered speed limit sign and hit the brakes.

"Bahahahaha!"

The truck began to jack-knife as the tires locked up, burning dark skid marks onto the road. Cars swerved or tried to brake, veering wildly as horns blared. Megamind pressed the button once again and howled with laughter, slapping his knee as the truck driver's startled face slid past them, wide eyes straining for a glimpse of the vehicle he was sure he'd seen. Somehow managing to pull out of the slide, he straightened his rig and drove on with a terrible grinding of gears and billowing black smoke.

Minion laughed along, but he was wondering about the reporter's predictable routine now that his boss had mentioned it. She did seem to be making things almost too easy. Maybe she'd stopped caring if they knew where she was. Maybe she wanted them to abduct her. No, that was ridiculous. Maybe they at least ought to warn her against making herself too easy a target for people like, well, like them.

"This is the most fun we've had in ages! Ahhh!" Megamind wiped tears away from the corners of his eyes and glanced out the back window. "Oh! Quick! Here she comes!"

Giving a sharp twist to the face of his watch, his blue skin blurred and glowed, transforming into the likeness of a non-descript officer of the law, notwithstanding a pair of strikingly green eyes. He hid them behind a pair of aviators with a gleeful grin. His sidekick followed suit, groaning aloud at finding that his boss has programmed his device with an entirely different kind of avatar.

"What?! Why do I have to be a dog?"

"Alien is to officer as fish is to dog," Megamind answered by way of explanation. Minion gave him a blank look. "You're a K9 unit," he rebuffed his companion's complaint. "Now sit."

The large canine obeyed in very un-doglike manner, sitting on his tail and crossing his front legs with a huff. He swayed suddenly and fell over sideways as his boss took off in hot pursuit of the news van clearly oblivious to the altered sign.

Roxanne cussed under her breath when she noticed the red and blue lights flashing in her rearview mirror. She glanced at her speedometer and winced. Not another ticket! She always drove this stretch of highway with her mind elsewhere – and her lead foot forgotten - specifically because she knew it wasn't well patrolled. She'd just been thinking that Megamind had been sitting in jail long enough that it was about time they got word of a jailbreak.

As she pulled carefully over onto the shoulder, she hoped no one driving by would recognize her. She wasn't going to hear the end of it if a report got back to the office about the KMCP news van keeping company with a cruiser on the side of the road. Again. She groaned. This was going to be one expensive ticket. Feeling more and more anxious she watched in her side view mirror to see if the officer approaching might be anybody on the force she knew personally. No such luck. And... he was bringing out a K9 unit?

"Shit… great… shit… this is just great." Nervousness fluttered in her stomach, and her hands suddenly felt sweaty. She toyed with the idea of attempting to flirt her way out of the situation. Seeing him at the window, she flashed a smile.

"Hello, Rrr- uh, good citizen. Would you step out of the vehicle, please?"

She blinked. "Now? I mean, already? Don't you want to see my license and registration first?"

"Oh. Um," the officer fumbled, "actually no. Obviously this isn't your personal vehicle and obviously you are Roxanne Ritchi of KMCP news, so…" He scowled, adding, "Just follow the directions. I'll be the one to decide who needs to see what here."

"Oh-kay." Stepping out of the van, she resisted her natural desire to ask questions and her rising sense of belligerence that made her want to cross her arms.

He stared at her a moment. "Actually, I would like to see your license."

"But. You-"

"Ah, ah," the officer chided, holding out his hand expectantly.

Roxanne tried to hide a sigh of exasperation. "All right." She forced a smile. "It's in the van."

As she turned around and leaned inside to reach for her purse, the officer's canine companion gave an odd growl.

Roxanne glanced back with a frown. She'd meant to give the guy a nice view to soften up his attitude but now thought better of it. She wasn't familiar with how the K9s were trained, but that dog almost sounded like it had cleared its throat at the way his partner was taking an interest in her derriere.

"Here you go. As you can see I really am Roxanne Ritchi, KMCP News! And a licensed driver to boot! Heh! And it's not even expired." You're overdoing it, she thought, feeling her smile become strained.

"Expired," the policeman repeated thoughtfully as he examined the small card closely. Then he stifled a chuckle. "Wow. That is not a good picture of you."

Roxanne's mouth opened a little in protest. "Well, it's a driver's license. You know what the licensing bureau is like. They never wait until you're ready." She folded her arms. Looking her best was important to any television reporter. "Are you supposed to make comments like that?"

Clearing his throat, the man handed her card back. "You do know why I stopped you, right?"

"No. No, actually I don't." Mentally cursing, she saw the speedometer in her mind's eye again. She'd just been keeping up with traffic though. Only passed a few people. Maybe there was a taillight out on the van.

"You were significantly over the speed limit."

"I was?" She frowned as though surprised to hear him say such a thing. "But everybody else was going the same speed."

"Now, now. If everyone drove their cars off a bridge, would you do it too?"

Roxanne blinked in consternation. "How much over was I?"

"Fifty-four miles per hour too fast."

Her mouth fell open. "WHAT?"

"The posted speed here is six miles an hour."

The incredulous reporter's mouth opened and closed several times as she looked around, trying to find the nearest sign. She squeaked out, "Six- ? Six miles an hour? What... that can't be right! When did they change it?"

"The signs are clearly posted," the officer scolded. "Weren't you paying attention?"

"And why? Why would they change it?" she continued. "This is ridiculous." Turning this way and that she demanded, "Where are the signs?"

Handing her a small pair of binoculars he happened to be carrying, he pointed to a road sign up ahead. "Right there."

Grabbing them from him and squinting through the little lenses, Roxanne complained, "Oh, come on! It looks like somebody just spray painted through the zero." Lowering the binoculars, her jaw tensed. "Probably Megamind, that idiot... Look, obviously-"

"You're being very argumentative, Ms Ritchi," the officer gravely noted. "I think maybe we'd better continue this downtown."

"Excuse me?" she replied in shock before forcing a lighthearted laugh. "Come on… there's no need for that!" She could see it now, the whole station sniggering at her being brought in. Hell, it would probably make the news! Crap. "I mean, look, it's just common sense! Right? How could the speed limit here be six miles an hour? This is a major freeway! And you can clearly see that the zero has been sprayed!" she added, gesturing in exasperation, the binoculars still in hand.

The officer held up his hands, palms out. "Now, now… Be careful how you handle those, or I'll have to consider you armed."

She stared. "Are you serious?"

"Ms Ritchi, are you carrying any other weapons on your person?"

"Any other- ? I can't believe this," she muttered before raising her voice. "Do I look like I'm carrying weapons?" Planting a hand on her hip, she openly challenged his ridiculousness with a raised brow.

The officer looked her up and down, taking in her form-fitting pencil skirt and the blouse flapping closely against her torso from the wind of a passing truck before swallowing visibly. "Don't make me frisk you."

The reporter's eyes popped as her jaw dropped, and at the same time the dog made a laughing sort of bark. Cars zoomed past.

"Ok. No, I'm definitely not carrying any weapons. And clearly something isn't right here. Wait... wait!" She snapped her fingers. "Are we on camera? Is this a prank? There's a camera hidden somewhere, isn't there?" She half smiled, glancing around hopefully. "Did my boss put you up to this?"

"Ms Ritchi... this is no joke." He looked at her severely, trying to hide his amusement. She was reacting even better than he'd dreamed. "And I think I'm going to have to ask you to take a breathalyzer test now as well."

The last vestiges of hope of being let off evaporated. Indignant, she eyed the infuriating man. "This- ugh! It's the middle of the day! And I'm… working! Or I would be. Do you realize how late I'm going to be? Of course I haven't been drinking! Although… I'm tellin' ya," she huffed. "I might need one after this!" She was doomed to at least a ticket now. Probably worse. It wasn't fair! She was a busy person with a lot on her mind. It's not like she was a reckless driver or anything. She pointed at the rest of the traffic buzzing along past them, heedless of the converted signs. "And what about all of these people?"

"What about them?" Ready to wrap up his chicanery, he dropped all pretense of making sense of the situation. He took off his glasses and smiled, noting how Roxanne frowned slightly. The police dog at his side sat down and wagged his feathery tail over the ground. He almost appeared to be smiling too.

"Go back and get the 'breathalyzer', would you?" the emerald-eyed officer requested with air quotes.

Roxanne watched the dog turn and go back to the car. For a moment she seriously wondered if she was dreaming. "Ok, that's it. I'll take your stupid breathalyzer test, but I also want to see the radar readout. I am totally protesting this ticket!"

The policeman gave a smug grin. "Right this way…"

"And I want to talk to your… superior officer!" she demanded as they walked back to the cruiser. "Or whatever you call it!" She was so mad, she couldn't think of the right words.

The man chuckled as they reached the car, and the dog spat a device into his hand. "Of course, my dear. Right after you oblige me… with this." He turned and quickly put the little machine to her face, and she remembered no more.

Watching Minion secure the rope around her ankles, Roxanne explained, "I pretty much had it figured out by the time you told the dog to go get the breathalyzer." She gave Megamind a look.

"Oh. Sure you did. And that's why you went ahead and walked back to the car with me." Her captor stood overlooking his sidekick's work with folded arms, clearly proud of himself. "You didn't recognize the eyes? My spectacular green eyes?"

She tipped her head to one side. "Spectacular? Please. You know how many people I've seen around with those same color eyes?"

She waited for some sharp rejoinder, but he stared at her silently with a slow grin before biting his lower lip. Her shoulders drooped. "They were all you, weren't they?"

Hearing his chuckle, she sighed, a little unsettled by the realization of how much he was watching her. Even interacting with her? Damn it, she'd be checking everybody's eyes now. She shook her head.

"Probably not all of them," he added with a little shrug and a self-satisfied smile.

He was so infuriating. Yet the muscles around her mouth tightened, threatening to pull her lips into an answering grin. She pressed them together, looking away a moment before conceding, "At least you came up with a new way to make the grab. Nice."

"We thought you might appreciate shaking things up a little." He winked, pleased at her backhanded compliment, and added, "I'll admit it was mostly Minion's idea."

Roxanne forgot to not look amused as the ichthyoid made a simpering curtsey. When he turned back to the panel of buttons and dials and resumed preparing for their regularly scheduled program of mayhem, she composed her face again.

"Now… I do have an issue to bring up with you." Megamind grabbed the back of her chair behind her shoulders and leaned over her. She looked up at him calmly, familiar with this tactic as well. The invasion of her personal space was meant to intimidate. Whatever. She examined his face, noting the familiar details and trying to ignore the realization that things were getting far too comfortable between them by wondering how he had managed to disguise himself so completely.

"Really."

"Yes," he said, beginning to tip her chair backward until he held it balanced on two legs. "Your driving record."

"My… What about it?" she demanded, trying not to gasp at the way he kept making little adjustments to the chair, unbalancing it to the point it was nearly ready to fall backward, causing her stomach muscles to tighten, pulling her forward. Drawing her face closer to his.

"You're quite the little speed demon." He smirked.

A tingle spread uncomfortably along her limbs at the low rumble of his voice. "So what."

"You have a number of tickets already, Ms Ritchi." He tipped the chair back further. "You're even starting to get a reputation."

She hated this being off-balance, literally and figuratively. She leaned back, testing him - he wouldn't let her fall - but immediately felt the chair began to go over. Her abdominal muscles contracted again, and he smirked with an upward flick of an eyebrow, catching her.

"And why would you care how fast I drive?" Her eyes traveled over his face, even nearer now, searching for something disagreeable to focus on, bouncing off the eyes, the lips, the slender arch of his nose, the goatee, before settling on his eyes again, watching her. Her own narrowed, holding his gaze gamely. "You enjoy breaking the law all the time. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"

"Oh, I don't mind if you break the law. Be my guest!" he answered. "But… speed kills." Tipping the chair back suddenly again, he enjoyed watching her lips part as she tried not to audibly react. "And we wouldn't want anything to happen to our favorite victim."

One last sharp push finally made her gasp and lurch forward until their faces nearly met. He grinned and set the chair down on all four legs with a thump, moving around behind it as a brainbot flew up to train a camera on them and Minion turned and gave the thumbs up sign.

"I need you." The whisper warmed the folds of her ear and then deep inside, sending a heavy jolt down her spine as she wondered if it was the heat of his breath or an actual brush of his blue lips that she'd felt. "So. Please... drive... slower…" he finished in a husky request that left her slack-jawed just as Wayne appeared on a screen to her right. "Ah, Metro Man! Look who we have here…"