"It's a girl!" Sarutobi Biwako proudly exclaimed, holding up a hastily cleaned infant for the new parents to see.

"Can we still name her Naruto?" a crying blond asked his beloved wife whom all decisions must be run by or else bad things would happen.

7 years later:

Uchiha Fugaku scowled down at the blond brat of questionable gender that had just run into him. Some said it was a boy, others said it was a girl. He didn't know or care either way.

As he was about to say something to the brat who had gotten an unidentifiable sticky substance on his vest when it ran into him, a man who strongly resembled Hyuuga Hiashi ran up to the kid and scooped it up. As Hiashi who'd been chasing the man lunged forward to attack the man, the man put something shiny on the Uzumaki brat's wrist and tightened it until it fit.

"Mine!" the man exclaimed an instant before he vanished, only to be replaced by a woman who was a near doppelganger of Hiashi's late wife.

"No you don't Neji, she's mine!" the woman exclaimed as she pulled the object that the man had put on the Uzumaki's wrist off the Uzumaki and threw it to a rather stunned looking Hiashi.

The woman then vanished only to be replaced by an older looking Hyuuga Hiashi.

"You!" the man practically snarled as soon as he spotted the Uzumaki. "You are not allowed to date my daughter and/or my nephew. In fact, you aren't allowed to date any member of my clan!"

The older Hiashi then turned to the younger.

"You'd better pray that Hinata never fully comes out of that shell she's pulled herself into." he said.

"Why?" the younger Hiashi asked.

"Fifteen public indecency charges and a three-way right outside my window at three in the goddamn morning is why." the older Hiashi said an instant before he vanished.

Fugaku and Hiashi both tensed up when they noticed that the older Hiashi had been replaced by a very frazzled looking man in Suna Puppeteer attire whose purple face paint was smeared and covered in black scrawls that looked to be in permanent marker on the right side of his face. Fugaku wasn't entirely certain, but one of the scribbles looked like it could be a rather crude drawing of a penis.

The minute the man spotted the Uzumaki, his eyes widened and his expression became fearful as he was lost in a number of highly traumatic flashbacks. After about a minute, the man finally seemed to remember where he was and pull himself together somewhat.

"For the love of God!" the Suna ninja exclaimed. "Don't let her reproduce!"

"Hwa?" Fugaku asked rather intelligently.

"She, Karin, my brother, bet..." the Suna puppeteer sputtered.

Fugaku and Hiashi stared at the foreign ninja who'd invaded their village to provide the warning.

"See for yourself!" the ninja finally exclaimed before he pulled out a storage scroll that proved to contain an entertainment center that was stocked with a wide variety of children's movies.

The man grabbed one of a small selection of home videos and popped it into the VCR. The title card declared it to be the Uzumaki family reunion. The opening scene proved to be in one of Konoha's numerous strolling parks where a man with blue-white hair who carried a sword that currently belonged to Momochi Zabuza was yelling at several red-haired children while a redheaded woman pulled a child with blue-white hair out of a tree. As they watched, wondering what was going on, one of the children the blue-white haired man was yelling at turned to water.

Suddenly, there was a yell of "Auntie Karin!" and the stampeding of feet. The blue-white haired man abruptly stopped yelling, paled, and started whimpering. The reason why soon became apparent as at least two dozen blond, brunette and red-headed whisker marked children swarmed the field. Following behind the children was a red-haired man with dark rings around his eyes and the Kanji for Love on his forehead who was carrying a small toddler. As he waded into the seething mass of children, he idly snatched the Kazekage's hat off the head of a boy who looked to be about six years of age that bore a marked resemblance to him.

A moment later, a heavily swollen Uzumaki Naruto who was wearing the Hokage's hat appeared and called out to the red haired woman.

Neither Fugaku nor Hiashi noticed that their jaws had dropped as the witnessed the pandemonium that had followed, pandemonium that had resulted in the near complete destruction of the park in which the Uzumaki clan had been holding their reunion.

"See!" the frazzled Sunagakure puppeteer said as he put the entertainment center back in the scroll. "That is why you shouldn't let her reproduce!"

Fugaku and Hiashi turned to look at each-other and then they looked down at the rather nervous looking Uzumaki Naruto who was slowly backing away from them, apparently preparing to run. The Uzumaki didn't get far however because she backed into a man that bore an exceedingly strong resemblance to Nara Shikaku who was dressed in standard shinobi attire.

The man who had a thousand yard stare looked to be about half a second away from a complete meltdown.

"All I wanted out of life was to become a career Chunin, have a son and a daughter, and retire to live a quiet life." the man said. "I figured why not Naruto? She's got good genes, is a reasonably decent housekeeper, and has more than enough ambition for the both of us."

Based on the last few time travelers who'd shown up, Fugaku had a sneaking suspicion that something had gone seriously wrong with the Nara's plan. The man's bearing seemed to confirm his suspicions.

"It turns out that there's a reason most Uzumaki are as dumb as a box of rocks." the man said, shuddering at this point. "My children nearly destroyed the world. My five year-old children nearly destroyed the world."

The shaken man who was quite likely the Nara boy who was in Sasuke, Hinata and Naruto's class vanished to be replaced with a strange looking man who was wearing a black cloak with red clouds, and an orange mask with a spiral pattern and only one eye hole on it. Fugaku thought his haircut looked exceedingly familiar, but he couldn't place why.

The man turned, looked around, spotted Naruto, walked up to her and sharply rapped her on the nose.

"Listen, because Tobi is only going to tell you this once." the man who was giving Fugaku flashbacks to his cousin Obito who he thought he was well shot of said. "Tobi does not love you. Tobi only saved your life because if you died it would ruin the plan. Tobi does not want you putting seals on him that prevent him from leaving. Tobi does not want you latching onto him and purring. Tobi does not want you jumping on him, covering the eye hole of his mask and yelling "Guess Who". Tobi most definitely does not want you pinning him to the ground and trying to...do things that a small child most definitely should not hear about. If you try to do these things even after Tobi has warned you, Tobi will have to incapacitate you and seal you in a box even though Tobi has made promises that he wouldn't and Tobi usually keeps his promises."

The man who kept referring to himself in the third person disappeared and was replaced by a man who looked like he could be Momochi Zabuza who was making a name for himself as one of Kirigakure's Seven Swordsmen. The man's arms were frozen together, and he had one of his legs latched around the midsection of a black haired kid who had whisker marks on her cheeks.

"...And then Itachi said that I was just a...Hey! Are you even listening to me?!" the kid who was chattering away a mile a minute despite the odd position she was in said.

"Prevent this." the middle-aged swordsman said an instant before he and the chattering child who was in the process of freezing the man's left foot to the ground vanished.

"There seems to be a problem with all these timelines we're seeing the results of." Fugaku said after having apparently remembered something.

"What is it?" Hiashi asked.

"Didn't my wife arrange a marriage between my son and the Uzumaki brat?" Fugaku asked.

There was a flash of light and a massive crowd appeared in the street.

"And it was here that the Army of the Nine Nations was formed in order to fight the ascendency of the God Emperor Uzumaki Itachi." a woman in a uniform that practically screamed "Tour Guide" said to the group of people who appeared with her.

"I could live with that." Hiashi said with a shrug.

Fugaku paused for a second.

"Me too." he said.