bridge of doubt

Characters: Laxus Dreyar, Cana Alberona

Summary: Burn it down.

Dedication: Ren

"We need to break up."

He raises his head and looks at her with an expression of confusion and shock. "Excuse me?" he asks as he frowns. "Where is this so suddenly coming from?"

"We … it is unhealthy – for both of us," she says as she closes her eyes and leans against the door, still dressed into her flimsy outfit for the Fantasia Parade. "I believe you when you say that you snapped and that … that you did not mean to harm everyone but … I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean by 'unhealthy' for both of us, Cana?" he asks as he tries to hide his nervousness but still toys with the sleeve of his coat. Anyone else might not have spotted this sign of nervousness but she has known him longer than any other member of their generation and so he knows that she knows that he is uncomfortable with the situation.

"We have been hurting each other, like … bracelets that cut into the flesh because they are too tight," she replies, absentmindedly touching the bracelets on her arms as she crosses her arms. "We have been caging each other, we drove each other up the wall – we did not let go when we should have because we are too proud and too stubborn to admit defeat."

"I never caged you," he says, anger rising in his voice. "I let you go on quests with Gray and Loke, I never doubted you. So you can hardly claim that I did anything to cage you, Cana."

"I know that you trust me and you know that I trust you as well," she says as she closes her eyes. "But did you never notice that we have changed and our relationship didn't? You buy new clothes when you outgrow them – and it feels like we outgrew this relationship too."

"You make sense and yet, you make no sense at all. If this is about Freed…"

"This is not about him!" she snaps as she punches the wall. "It's not because you lost it – this was a long overdue side effect of the Dragon Slayer Lacrima or so Porlyusica-san has said. This is because … I have never felt this torn apart."

He closes his eyes as he sighs deeply. "Torn between your loyalty to the guild … and me," he says and he wonders why this hurts so much. He has known that she is a member of Fairy Tail to the boot, that her loyalty has never been as flawed as his and that she will never betray the guild for an unimportant reason. She is not like him in that aspect – she does not need to be told that she is the greatest to believe it. She has enough healthy self-confidence to deal with moments of doubt without having to stage some crazy coup.

"I … I am sorry," she says as her legs give in and she slumps onto the ground. "I would love to live in another universe, somewhere where this would not have happened, somewhere where happiness is not destroyed … where choices are not this hard."

He raises and kneels down in front of her to rest his forehead against hers. "Maybe … if we are reborn, we will live in such a world," he whispers. "And for now, Cana, I can accept your choice. You concentrate on your S-class exam," he smiles as she grimaces, "and I will concentrate on finding ways to atone for what I did wrong. I guess … we won't see each other till then."

She reaches silently for the hem of his coat to make him stop but she retracted her trembling hand to press it against her aching forehead. She has made her decision – now she has to learn how to live with it even though this seems like the hardest thing in the entire world at the moment. But she will live with the consequences because everything else would feel like betrayal.

She exhales as she finally regains the strength to raise to her feet and heads over to her couch where she sits down. The room is dark, she has not switched on the light yet and there is hardly any light sneaking in from the outside. She suddenly feels older than the world and wonders why this has ever happened to her. But there is no explanation – she cannot explain herself why she has signed herself up for a love that has been meant to make her suffer.

The door is opened and soft footsteps approach her but she does not move because moving would mean to act and she has never felt this weak and hopeless before. Her entire body suddenly aches again from the treatment Freed has put her through and the pain over Juvia's self-sacrifice suddenly sets her blood aflame but she cannot do anything. She has never been this low on magical power before and even if she wanted too, she cannot do anything right now because she feels like she has killed a part of herself.

"Cana-san."

Her head shoots up because she knows this voice because it will give her nightmares for weeks to come. It makes no sense for him to be there but here he is, Freed Justine. He stands in the middle of her chaotic living room and looks so out of place that she nearly laughs. Freed Justine does not belong into a room full of old cards and broken crystal balls she has used on Fairy Tail's summer festivals for her fortune teller stand.

"What do you want?" she asks because she is too fucking tired to bother with policy and seeing that he has tried to kill her the last time they have stood face to face, she thinks that she has any right to be as impolite as she pleases to be and right now, she feels like ripping off his head and making him regret everything he has done to the guild. (She has similar violent intentions for everyone else who has been involved into the crazy idea because if the Thundergod Tribe is truly meant to protect Laxus, they should make sure that he does nothing that will hurt himself instead of blindly following his orders and going along with all of his plans.)

"Porlyusica-san sent me; I shall ensure that you are taking your medicine."

She snorts. He is a good liar but he has forgotten that she has been lying for a far longer time than him – she is the one who has had a secret relationship that has taken hundreds of lies to hide after all – and so she knows who has truly sent him. For a moment, she considers humouring him, playing along with his obvious lie but then she decides against it.

"This is nice," she says as she rises to reach the table with the medicine. "Looks like Porlyusica-san knows me better than everyone else. I should send her some flowers … or better yet, I should go to visit her … she might appreciate a visit."

From the corner of her eye, she sees how Freed pales and a smirk crosses her face but before she can add another smug comment, pain sears through her body and she stumbles before she crashes to the ground. She silently curses her arrogance as she has declined Mira's offer to stay with her because in this state, she is absolutely helpless.

"Cana-san, can I help you?" Freed asks as he approaches her.

"Yeah," she says as she helplessly holds out her arm. "Those spells did quite a number on me."

"They are supposed to harm the opponent," he mutters as he helps her up and makes her lie down on the couch. "I will get you the medicine … do you need something else? Sake, beer?"

"Water," she says as she closes her eyes.

After their return from TenrouIsland and his reinstatement, Laxus feels alienated in the guild. Levy has been glaring at him every once in a while – when she has not been busy keeping Gajeel from wreaking havoc in the guildhall – and this is something he cannot understand because this is Levy and Levy neither bears grudges nor is she one to start a fight.

So he continues being confused and waits until the night he is cornered by Gajeel.

"Listen up, Sparky," the Iron Dragon Slayer growls. "I ain't got a clue what you did to piss off the Shrimp but if you ain't apologising anytime soon, I'll gladly assist her when she kills ya."

"Gajeel, what did I say about you fighting with others?" the petite Solid Script mage sighs as she impatiently pats the arm that is currently grabbing Laxus' collar. "And, Laxus, do the world a favour and go to Cana. I have no idea why she is acting the way she acts but she has not been the same since Fantasia. Please, just do this and I will give Freed the book he has been pestering you about for weeks."

"That book is the reward of a mission, a mission you would never have succeeded at on your own," the blond man says as he looks around, trying to spot the Card mage somewhere.

"Juvia and Gajeel helped me with the job," she replies. "And Cana already went home."

Laxus sighs. "Okay, Levy, you got yourself a deal … but seriously, give him the book, yeah?"

"I stand true to my word," she smiles as she drags Gajeel away.

So, here he stands once more and has no idea what to do. He leaves the guild to walk into the general direction of Cana's house. It feels strange even though he has walked these streets so many times before because this time, he has no idea what to expect. Well, he can assume that she will be angry because she dislikes surprise visits but right now, he fears that any reaction of hers will be rather because of his person than because of the surprise.

It is crazy, he thinks. He is one of Fairy Tail's strongest mages and yet, he is scared of meeting up with his ex-girlfriend because if sober-angry Cana was already scary enough for onlookers who have done nothing to be put onto the receiving end of a few well-aimed cards, it is an entirely different thing if you are reason for her ire. And to him, it is obvious in which category he is to be found at the moment.

He desperately goes through options for presents that might save his skin from whatever mood she will be in and yet, he has no idea because Cana has everything she wants now that Gildarts is being the most perfect of all fathers. Well, he might be biased because his father is such a failure but all in all, it is obvious that Gildarts is a good if a little bit overprotective father.

He cannot buy any fancy cards because he has no idea which ones she needs and which ones she already has and so he is lost. There is nothing he can buy to prove that he cares and that he is sorry for Fantasia and everything else and it is a shame that he has found no way to create a life where choices do not hurt.

Cana has felt lost in the whirlwind of events since the moment when everything has gone to hell. The seven years that have passed so fast have left her confused and feeling small because suddenly, Romeo is only a few years younger than her and she has babysat him when he was a little kid. Asuka is a sweet little girl but this, too, is just another evidence of how much time has passed. It is confusing to see familiar faces and to see how much they have aged.

She stares at the whiskey glass in her hands and smiles bitterly. The alcohol has not changed even though she has reason to fear that her tolerance has weakened and that she has to pay more attention to the amount of alcohol she is drinking.

A sharp knock on the door makes her raise her head and she sighs. "The door isn't locked!" she calls out and watches how the door opens as Laxus – Laxus?! – strolls into the apartment, carrying a box that is clumsily wrapped into paper. "On another thought, the door is locked," she tries to say but suddenly, her traitorous heart beats too fast and her eyes are glued to the box.

"Um, Levy sent me to check on you," he says as he rubs his neck. "I thought that I should bring a present because otherwise, you might throw me out again. Um, well, long time no see."

"I was at the guild earlier today," she says as she gets up from the windowsill and pours in another glass of whiskey which she holds out to him. "Drink, otherwise I might end up drunk."

He looks at the glass and sighs. "Aren't you opening your present?"

She smiles tiredly as she grabs the box. "Your wrapping skills improved," she says as she carefully rips off the paper and lifts the lid of the box before a frown crosses her face.

"You said: if you outgrow your clothes, you throw them away and buy new ones," he says as he shrugs. "I came to prove you that this is not the only way. You can always sew something onto the sleeves and make them longer. You can actually fix most things."

"If this means what I think it means…"

"Seeing that you know me better than most people, you can bet on this," he says as he lowers his head. "If you want to laugh at me, go ahead, by the way," he adds. "I know that my sewing skills are terrible but I had hoped that you'd appreciate the gesture."

She nods slowly. She has known that he can sew because he has had no mother since he has been a little boy and neither of his grandparents nor his father are the people who would have sewn his ripped-up clothes again. She could imagine his grandmother telling him to fix it himself quite easily and this was because she has been there his entire childhood, remembering his father's excommunication and everything else nearly as well as he does.

"I see," she says with a small smile. "And yes, you are right. We should simply make our sleeves longer instead of throwing everything away."

"I am sorry for being unable to create the world where happiness lasts and choices don't hurt," he says seriously as he grabs her hand. "I won't make any promises I can't keep but I promise you that I will try, that I will try every day that happiness lasts for you."

"Even though you know that this promise will be nearly impossible to keep?" she asks as she gently squeezes his hand and looks into his eyes.

"I can always try, can't I?" he asks back. "Let me try this for you, will you?"

"Stubborn as you are, it's not like I have much to say in this anyway," she pouts.

"Well, if you don't want me to try, it's your decision. I just … I just don't want to have it end at the point where you have to make another painful decision and get hurt."

She frowns. "Freed or Levy – who of them did go and told on me?"

"Actually, I saw this," he says. "I saw the way you hurt and this nearly made me turn around and come back for you … and for Levy and Freed … you know how he is – if it's something I can't fix, he goes and asks her. It's probably some Script Mage thing – that they always run to each other for help instead of asking those who actually have some clue."

"Levy has a clue about most things – excluding Gajeel's feelings for her and since Freed is the same with Mira, I think that it works out beautifully," she smirks as she smiles at him. "I can't promise that there won't be painful decisions along the way … but we should try."

"Then, we shall try."