a/n: I guess Naruto is the only thing I'm every gonna be able to write about. I should just resign myself to that fact right now. Anyway, don't let the description freak you out. I promise to try to make this thing worth it if you'll just stick with it, my lovely readership. Anyway, I wanted to try my hand at something longer as well as something that deals with: 1) the reality of the crazy ass missions these poor kids get sent on and 2) the fact that people entering young adulthood are going to act up. Enjoy lots of super not subtle parallels to my college experience. ;)

{Warnings: sex, drugs, and people getting boo boos :c awwww. Read at your own peril.}

Disclaimer: Hi my name is Masashi Kishimoto and I own Naruto. (no)

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The mission could not have come at a better time, nor at a worse time. The teenaged ninja of Konohagakure were, what with the shaky peace and unseasonably hot summer, hungry for conflict of any kind as long as it could distract them from themselves. Sasuke was missing, Naruto had gone to train with Jiraya. Those of that generation who remained were left to quietly mature in the absence of the dynamic pair. In the quiet of her home, Hinata let her hair and her confidence grow. Ino, without someone to fight over, reigned in her pride and quit wearing purple. Sakura, alone, allowed herself to dive as deeply into the art of healing as she once had into the drama of Team Kakashi. Neji took to wearing a white tunic much more indicative of the Hyuuga family, about the same time he decided to stop wearing his trademark furrowed brow. Kiba found himself sobered by Akamaru's rapid growth in the face of his own, which seemed to be at a standstill. Choji quit worrying about his weight completely and developed a new taste for beer. Lee fought hard against the slow and inevitable deflation of his once infallible good spirits. Shikamaru observed and passed his private judgments. They all became more skilled and, in the face of Sasuke's seemingly permanent absence and the hopelessness of Naruto's determination to win him back, all privately dealt with varying doses of disillusionment. Each kept to him or herself during this time, although companionship might have helped. Soon they would be all each other had.

Sakura was sent at sunrise to gather a large team of her acquaintances; Kiba, Choji, Neji, Hinata, Rock Lee, Ino, and Shikamaru- and to bring them back to Tsunade's office. The mission was to take place in the small and remote Land of Frost. The task was deceptively simple: to infiltrate the union of oil merchants there, which Tsunade and the local Daimyo believed to be corrupt, and to destroy all information concerning Konohagakure that was not completely necessary in order to maintain a trade agreement. Also: to gather intel on the local stone merchants without being detected. The large team was to be broken up upon entering the Land of Frost based on logistics and data gathered on the scene, not beforehand. At dawn of the following morning they would depart.

Simple- Shikamaru thought, standing wordlessly between Choji and Sakura, so simple that this many people will only fuck us up. He wondered idly about possible ulterior motives that Tsunade might've had in putting them all together like this. Perhaps, he decided in the end, she just wanted the village clear of his shiftless generation in order to clear a path for the younger ninja to blaze. He also noted, after they were dismissed, that Tsunade had neglected to elect someone as the team leader. He decided that, for the good of the group, he would assert his power sooner rather than later. It certainly wouldn't be prudent for someone like Kiba to take the wheel. Outside of the Hokage's office, he turned to the others.

"Let's be sure to get a good night's rest, everyone," he said, sweeping his eyes over every face that surrounded him. "A large group like this should have no trouble with the mission and we'll have plenty of time on the trail to dick around, but as long as we're here we want to make a good impression."

There, a perfect and unsolvable mash of authority and laxity- a veritable Machiavellian princehood of love and fear. The group nodded and a smattering of laughs and murmurs of agreement closed the deal. Shikamaru smiled down at his shadow as he walked away toward home. The day was spent gathering what each member of the team believed was necessary for the journey- coats, new kunai and shuriken, soap, et cetera. The night was spent differently by each, combining varying partitions of sleeping or repacking. Night came and went without a moment's break from the dry heat that permeated the village. Sakura and Choji arrived first.

"Hello, Choji!" Sakura greeted him good-naturedly, despite the hour and their complete lack of any sort of history together. All she could really remember was laughing about his weight, and she wondered if he remembered that too. She also wondered, fleetingly, if he and his average looks would be as quick to fall for her as Naruto was.

"Hey Sakura," he replied with a half-yawn. She'd grown quite an ass since their Academy days, but all he could think about when he looked at her was that embarrassing torch she'd always carried for Sasuke Uchiha. He couldn't bring himself to become interested in her, even though he knew she'd be easier than the other girls by far. The other girls, however, had substance- of which Choji, quite substantial himself, desired a bit more. Ino, Lee, Neji, and Hinata arrived next. They all greeted one another sleepily with the exception of Lee, who gave the group a sunny wave before sidling up to Sakura and gazing at her expectantly. Kiba and Shikamaru brought up the rear and with a final check of attendance, the group set off. The day progressed with that special brand of awkward smoothness that always comes from running alongside acquaintances. The fragments of old teams ran together for the most part- Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji, Hinata and Kiba, Lee and Neji. Sakura was left to run off to the left until Lee beckoned her to his side. He tried briefly to start a conversation, but they were both breathing hard and Sakura didn't seem to want to talk anyhow. Despite this disappointing encounter, and despite it being an addition to an infinitely long list of other such disappointing encounters, Lee vowed that this trip would definitely bring him closer to Sakura. He believed it, too. They stopped for lunch in a small village, talked about logistics and gossip from back home, and delved back into silence as soon as they returned to the trail. The day's sweltering heat gradually lessened, and by dusk the team had chosen and set up camp at a site close to a small lake.

Sleeping arrangements were a problem- the tents were made for two, and many of the teens were not past the phase in which sleeping next to a girl meant much more than it should've. Neji took Lee by the arm and left the center of the campsite without a word. Sakura and Ino ran off together before anyone could proposition them. Without meeting Hinata's eyes Shikamaru slunk off with Choji, muttering that "team ties help decide situations like these." Truthfully, Kiba was fine with being stuck with Hinata. They were on the same team and he'd always been fond of her, despite her being a bit of a wet blanket. Hinata felt similarly, having never felt as threatened by Kiba's attitude as her friends had. She told him so in that soft little voice of hers.

"I think they're more upset about this than I am." Her shoulders twitched as she laughed.

Kiba laughed too and pinched her cheek. "They think I'm gonna steal away your innocence or something," he snickered. "Christ."

"Only I know the truth," she looked up at him and smiled conspiratorially. "You're nothing but a big puppy!" At this Akamaru's ears shot up, and they both broke into laughter again.

"Shh, don't tell anyone though, baby," growled Kiba. "I've got a reputation to uphold here."

They finished setting up camp, built a fire, and settled in for a dinner of fish caught from the nearby pond. As they ate, Choji stood and addressed the group.

"I dunno about you guys, but I'm about ready to dig the stick out of my ass and have some actual fun." He reached into his backpack and pulled out two bottles each of sake and whiskey. "You ready for me to drink you all under the table?"

The presence of alcohol made plenty of the group happy, but not all. Lee saw the bottles and promptly panicked. Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei drank, and as far as Lee knew all it did was impair their judgment and make them rash. In addition, he did not know but he had been told been told what alcohol did to him. Kimimaro could've certainly testified to that fact, if he wasn't dead. Hinata also wasn't pleased, mostly due to the fact that she'd never had alcohol before. However, Kiba seemed to be in his element with a bottle of whiskey in his fist, and that made her feel a little better. Neither of them voiced their concerns as the bottles were passed around. Lee unobtrusively passed each bottle on without doing more than touching his lips to the sticky, bitter rims. Hinata learned, at Kiba and Choji's insistence, how to take shots without choking. The alcohol worked its magic sooner than expected- after one sip each the group lit up and began talking and joking as best friends do- it had finally given them an excuse to do so. Neji and Shikamaru soon broke off from the rest, only to engage one another in a fierce political debate about elite ninja families. Ino sauntered over and planted herself happily in Shikamaru's lap.

"You two really need to relax, okay?" she drawled, slinging an arm around Shikamaru's neck. "My baby brother here spends the whole fuckin' day sitting around and thinking about stuff, and as soon as we get outta Konohagakure what does he start doing? Thinking about stuff."

Shikamaru tried to wave her hand off, but he found instead that her shoulder was quite a comfortable headrest. "Whaddaya mean brother," he mumbled.

"You're on a team together, aren't you?" scoffed Neji, wagging a finger at Shikamaru. "Why would she see you as anything else? I see Lee as my brother. My… obnoxious, insane, adopted brother."

Shikamaru wound an arm around Ino's waist and settled his head into a more comfortable position against her shoulder. He mumbled something, but it was so quiet and slurred that only Ino could've heard it. Neji shook his head and turned to Lee, who was eerily quiet and sitting next to a rapidly talking Sakura. Sakura's face was red and shiny as she outlined every detail of her current theory about Sasuke's whereabouts. Her eyes were rimmed with red and moist at the corners. Lee looked concerned- he held her hand tightly- but he also looked utterly bored. Turning his head from Lee and Sakura, Neji slid off his headband, sipped from a nearly empty bottle of sake that stood on the ground nearby, and stared upward at the stars. He felt as lonely in a crowd as he had ever felt alone at his estate. Meanwhile, Choji and Kiba were busy being proven solidly wrong about their assumptions that Hinata would be a lightweight. She was four shots in and she was still as quiet and soft as ever, if not slightly red in the face. Kiba teased her mercilessly- an unfortunate side effect of his own inebriation- while Choji descended slowly into a vegetative state in which he was capable only of staring at her chest. Eventually, only to Kiba, Hinata began to loosen up.

"Fuuuuck, how can you possibly hold all that liquor?" he had asked. "Guess it all just goes to those magnificent boobs of yours, hmm?"

His hand stretched toward her chest, fingers wiggling comically, and she smacked it away with a palm charged with a tiny zap of chakra- enough to sting like static electricity.

"You're a dick, Kiba," she squeaked, no longer able to contain her giggles.

He snatched his hand back with an offended expression, feigned anger for about thirty seconds, and finally suggested that they go back to the tent and get some sleep. She agreed. They helped one another stand and staggered away from the dying fire in one another's arms. All four bottles were empty. Ino, ever energetic, suggested a swim in the lake to cool off. She had to lay Shikamaru, who was snoring softly, carefully onto the ground before she could get up and run toward the water. Neji followed with a shrug, which prompted Choji to stir from his stupor and sway toward the lake as well. The night dragged on like a court case. The morning came like a hard fall to the ground.

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This is actually the weirdest thing I've ever written. Check back in like 2 days or something for The Hangover part III: Konoha Edition.