United States of Hetalia Productions

Hi peoples! Welcome to 'Everybody Wants to Be a Cat'! If you don't like randomness, interactive author's notes, random little headcanons sprinkled in, or plot-less fics, then you've clicked the wrong story! For those of your who don't know, this is the third installment of a series of crack fics (the other two being 'It's a Small World After All' and 'It's Raining Women'). Please note that this has been written over a number of years so the writing style has changed a bit. And I haven't exactly had a crack muse in a while, so sorry if it's rusty.

One of my dear friends help me think of some of the plot for this, so as a way to thank her I posted this on her birthday (give or take a few hours). Happy Birthday, Fuyu!

Anyways, I don't own Hetalia.

It was a very nice morning. Well, at least Japan had thought so.

Yes, a very nice and peaceful morning, he had thought. The sun was shining outside his window, birds were singing, the bed felt nice and warm, Pochi was growling at him...

Wait, Pochi was growling at him?

The small dog was up on the bed in his usual spot. However, instead of giving him a happy bark to wake him up as he normally would, he was growling at him with a look of anger.

The nation was at first confused about why his own dog looked ready to use him as a chew toy, but quickly became more concerned over the fact that Pochi looked a lot bigger all of a sudden and the fact that he was ready to use him as a chew toy.

Japan nearly sprinted out of bed with Pochi right behind him.

A few minutes before somewhere else...

"I-I don't think this is a very good idea... What if something g-goes wrong?"

"Nothing's going to go wrong because I've been practicing!"

"I thought you w-weren't allowed to practice-"

"Shhhh!"

"I don't think this is a good idea..."

"Everything will be fine! Now just stand back..."

We now return to your scheduled fanfic...

"Pochi! Wait! Stop! Heel!"

Japan was dodging nearly everything in his path, only focusing on the angry dog chasing him. It wasn't until he crashed face-first into something that he noticed something was severely wrong.

First of all, Japan noticed that he was tiny. Sure, he wasn't exactly basketball-player sized before but the thing he crashed face-first into was the couch. The very small couch. Everything in the house seemed to tower above him. He looked back at Pochi, who now looked big enough to ride on.

Not that Japan was tempted to try that right now, mind you.

Secondly, it hit him that he was running on all fours earlier. His hands were just as sore as his feet. He didn't remember running like that on purpose, but it was too unlikely to be an accident.

Finally, he noticed a mirror on the other side of the room. He didn't see any people in the mirror so he was confused about where he was supposed to be.

Until he looked lower down and saw a cat.

A very small black and white cat that looked about as confused as he was.

It had dark brown eyes like his. It had fur the same color as his hair. It tilted its head the same time that he tilted his-

Oh dammit, he was a cat, wasn't he?

He looked down at his hands and saw that they weren't hands, they were paws. His paws.

"Oh my..."

Later in England...

England was enjoying a nice dream.

A very nice and peaceful dream, he would remember later.

That was, until the phone started ringing.

England opened his eyes and glared at the offending cellphone on his nightstand.

He sat up and glanced at the caller ID. The phone said that it was Japan calling, so that explained the call at this godforsaken hour.

"Bloody timezones..." England muttered before he answered. "Hello?"

England dropped the phone when there was loud shrieking noises on the other end. It sounded like a cat was yelling at him. He picked the phone back up.

"Hello? Japan? Who is this?" More cat noises. "This better not be a prank call!" Quieter cat noises, but still cat noises. "It's late at night here, I would rather not deal with this right now. Goodnight." Click.

Back to Japan...

"England-san! I'm sorry! Just listen to me- Please don't hang up!" Click. "Ugh..." Ten minutes of trying to dial with no fingers wasted...

"Arf!"

Japan looked at Pochi. Pochi was staring at him curiously.

"I'm sorry... I don't speak dog," Japan tried to answer.

Pochi walked up to Japan and sniffed him. Pochi gave him a satisfied bark.

"Does that mean you won't chase me anymore?"

"Arf!"

"...I'll take that as a yes."

Japan started pacing around. This was bad. He couldn't be a cat right now, he had things to do! He had meetings to attend, paperwork to do, who knows how being a cat could affect his nation, how was he going to feed Pochi...

He froze in his pacing and looked up at the cabinet where he kept the pet food.

The cabinet that was so high up, it was practically laughing at him.

"This going to be a very long day..."

Ah, I can already feel that I'm going to cringe at reading this tomorrow morning.

First chapters are like the beginnings of races. If you trip at the starting line, you can either stop trying and try to slip into the audience, or pretend like it never happened and keep running for 8th place.

Anyways, review, please!