It had been an ordinary Autumn day. As ordinary a day as there ever was when you were a member of the Ouran Host Club, anyway. No exceptionally zany hijinks worth speaking of, at any rate.

The sun had been hanging low in the sky, preparing to retire for the evening, which would hopefully be quiet. These had been Kyoya Ohtori's thoughts as he climbed the stairs to his room, having been home for all of three minutes. He had been looking forward to settling down with laptop to finish up some work he hadn't been able to complete at the club on account of the lizard incident- alright, so perhaps there were a few MINOR zany hijinks worth speaking of, but at present, they were irrelevant.

No sooner had he gone inside and sat down on his couch, however, did his cellphone begin to ring.

His brow furrowed at the tell-tale ringtone. It was immediately evident who was attempting to reach him, despite the fact that they had parted ways for the day no more than twenty minutes ago. The question was, why? And did he really want to know the answer?

Well, in all likelihood, even if he chose to ignore it, he would find out soon enough- especially if it was something particularly bizarre. No sense delaying the inevitable.

The phone flipped open with a soft "click".

"Yes?"

"Hey Kyoya- I'm not bugging you, am I? I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling a little under the weather all of a sudden. It's really weird. You don't think that lizard was carrying some kind of commoners' disease, do you? Anyway I'm sure it's no big deal, germs are no match for beauty like mine. But, I was thinking that if it's not gone by tomorrow, I was gonna call in sick to school. I'm sorry if I have to skip out on the club..."

"Under the weather, huh?" He paused, trying to think back to earlier that day. Now that he mentioned it, that creature HAD managed to bite him a good few times, hadn't it?

"I see. That shouldn't be a problem. If any strange boils appear anywhere on your body or you experience any skin discoloration, I would advise you to seek immediate medical attention."

"I will, don't worry." The other boy assured him. "Again, sorry. I'll see you later."

"Indeed." He started curtly.

Pause.

"... And do feel better soon." He added quietly.

Click.

That day, nothing had seemed unusual. Tamaki was sick- illness did not spare the rich. He might miss a few days of school, which would be unfortunate for the club, but they'd been making a substantial profit recently. A day or two wouldn't cause any harm.

That was three weeks ago.

Three.

Weeks.

When the host club's princely character had called him a few days later, he was a tad surprised by what he heard- turns out, he had the flu, and was going to have to miss a few more days- a grievance for which he once again apologized.

Again, while he may not have been expecting it, this wasn't anything strange. It was late November, just about time for flu season to begin. Besides, if Tamaki was really sick, it was better that he stay home so as not to risk infecting the guests.

It was the third phone call when things started to change, though.

"You have pneumonia?"

"*cough* Yeah... * cough cough * I feel really terrible-... * HACK! Wheeze! * -... a-about taking so much time off-... * gag * -... bu-but... I really can't-..."

"It's fine, don't worry about it." The bespectacled boy interrupted, allowing his usual cool demeanor to slide, just ever so slightly. Had anyone else been listening, he wouldn't have ever dreamed of it. As it was, he allowed his concern to show through. Just ever so slightly.

"You sound terrible. What doctor have you been to see? Perhaps it might be best if you visited one of my family's-..."

"Uh, no no! That won't be necessary!" The blonde quickly interjected. "I-... * cough * just need a little rest, is all. I'll be as good as * cough * new in no time! You'll see-... * HACK! *"

After continuous insistence that all he needed was some bed rest, reluctantly, Kyoya gave up on pressing the issue. This might not be good- even with the rest of the hosts doing their best to compensate for the loss of their most popular member (on one day where the ladies had seemed particularly distraught that Tamaki still hadn't returned to the club, Hikaru and Kaoru had truly outdone themselves- so much so, in fact, that Kyoya found himself concerned that if word of the goings-on were to spread outside of the club, there could be some very unfortunate results. He was powerless to stop them, however, as he was too busy frantically searching for a brain scrubber), he wasn't sure how much longer it would be before the club's situation began to look iffy- even with all the king's horses and all the king's men, what good were they without the king?

More importantly than any measure of monetary loss or gain- not that he would ever admit it to anyone - was Tamaki going to be alright?

The answer came, once again, a few days later. Once three days had passed with no updates from the prince on his condition, the black-haired boy's worry only increasing with each, he simply decided to contact the prince himself.

"Brrrrrrnnnnng... brrrrrrrrnnnnng... brrrrrrrnnnnng..."

He frowned. No answer.

"Brrrrrrnnnnng... brrrrrrrrnnnnng... brrrrrrrnnnnng..."

Still no answer.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Kyoya decided instead to try his luck with the house phone number.

"Brrrrrrnnnnng... brrrrrrrrnnnnng... brrrrrrrnnnnng... Hello?"

"Ah, Shima. It's been awhile." He said, assuming a fake smile to match his tone, despite the fact that the elderly woman couldn't see him. "I was calling to check up on Tamaki's condition. Is he awake?"

"Awake? Why yes, of course, why wouldn't he be?"

"Well, I assumed he might be resting, considering the fact that he's sick, after all..."

"Sick? What are you talking about? Master Tamaki isn't ill."

"... What?"

It took a few moments for her words to register. When they did... Kyoya wasn't sure what to think.

"I don't know where you got that idea, but he isn't sick. As a matter of fact, he-..."

"Agh! Shima! Give me the phone!"

"Wha-... for goodness sake child, settle down, have you no manners?! Cease your grabbing at once-...!"

"Kyoya! Is that you? I was trying to keep it a secret, but I see dear Shima here has let the cat out of the bag! It's true, God has answered my prayers and blessed me with a cure! I've never felt better in my life! Oh, but surely you want to know why I haven't been back to school. The truth is, I was too embarrassed to tell you... I have commoner's lice!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... you... have lice."

"Yes! Yes, it's the awful truth!"

It defied logic that Kyoya somehow immediately knew that Tamaki has assumed a fetal position in a corner.

"You wouldn't think such a horrid affliction could strike a star a bright as I, would you? Neither did I, but I was wrong! And no matter what I do, I simply can't seem to get rid of them. Having spent their lives infecting the hair of commoners', coming into contact with my gorgeous hair must have mutated them into some kind of super lice that can't be eliminated by traditional methods!"

"What on earth are you on about? Have you lost your mind? Give me back the phone-..."

"Quick! Have your family doctors start looking for a remedy at once! Alert the army in case they only continue to grow more powerful until they attempt to infest all of Japan! I'm counting on you Kyoya- the fate of all the heads in the world may rest in your hands!"

Click.

…

For almost a full minute, he'd stood there. Just stood there, doing nothing at all, trying to process what he'd just heard.

Slowly, he dialed a new number into his phone this time- he needed a car. He was going to be paying the Suoh family's second estate a visit.

Because something smelled foul. Foul, and vaguely of commoners' coffee.

Questions swam in the Ohtori boy's mind.

Why would Tamaki pretend to be sick? Yes, the host club was certainly tiring at times, and everyone enjoyed a break now and then, but staying away for so long? Kyoya wouldn't have thought he would be able to bear upsetting the ladies like that. Was it not practically his life's mission to make people happy? And even if he did just want some time off... lying to get it? This wasn't like him at all...

When he arrived, Shima greeted him in the foyer.

"Hello Kyoya, I apologize for what happened earlier. I had a suspicion that something was amiss, but I hadn't been able to pry any information out of the boy. Master Tamaki has been in perfect health as far as I'm aware. He's been holed up in his room for days on end and refuses to come out except for food. He claimed his absence from Ouran Academy had been authorized by his father. Why, I don't know."

He was angry. He was confused. So it was true, he'd been faking it the entire time. Why? For what reason? Was he in there throwing tea parties with Kuma-chan? How could he? How could he abandon the club for so long? How could he make them worry like that? How could he forget-...

He shoved that last thought to the back of his mind before he his mind had a chance to complete it. No... that one wasn't important right now. Best to just get down to business.

He did an admirable job of masking his irritation, and he thanked Shima kindly, before heading for Tamaki's room. It was all he could do not to stomp up the stairs.

"Oh, Kyoya."

The old woman called out to him just as he reached the top of the steps. He stopped, and turned to look back at her.

"Happy birthday."

The door flung open with a bang. As if he was going to knock. Tamaki wasn't getting any chances to try and escape from him-...

Across the room, seated on his bed in front of a laptop, the prince nearly jumped out of his skin. He was fully dressed, and looked very comfortable. His hair was also brushed and looked completely healthy, no signs of any small creatures having taken up residence in it.

None of this was what caught Kyoya's eye, though.

"Oh my lord, you've taken up compulsive hoarding."

Piles of miscellaneous junk were stacked in all corners of the room. A lot of it was clearly in bad condition- including the objects that were so bizarre looking that the bespectacled boy wasn't even sure exactly what they were.

What was it? Why was it there? Where did he even get it?

"K-Kyoya! Er, I uh... what are you doing here? Don't come any closer!" He cried frantically. "You'll get the lice! I was just about to put my hair net back on. You'd better get out of here before-..."

"Drop the act."

His tone was so icy cold it penetrated the blonde's very bones. His mouth clamped shut again. He knew he was in trouble. The jig was up. Fearfully, he simply stared at the other standing across the room, waiting for him to say something. It only got worse and worse, with each passing second, when he didn't.

"... Okay... the truth is..." He began very, very carefully. "-... I got over my lice yesterday. I stayed home an extra day to clean my new lava lamp."

"..."

"It was truly selfish of me. I'm sorry."

The host club's second-in-command felt his eye twitch.

"What... is... all... this?!"

Pure guilt filled the prince's face. He finally rose from his seat on the bed and walked slowly towards the other boy, head down, refusing to look at him like a naughty child who'd been caught sneaking cookies at midnight.

"I...I bought it all on the internet. You see... a few weeks ago, I discovered a website where commoners' from all over the world sell all kinds of cool stuff... it's called eBay."

Time stopped for a minute. Or at least, it felt like it did. Outside, the wind stopped blowing. Birds froze in the air, mid-flight. Traffic ground to a halt. The temperature in the room dropped several degrees.

"... I was trying to-..."

"WHAT?! You were trying to WHAT?!"

He let out a frightened squeak as he found himself almost nose to nose with Kyoya, held firmly in place by the shoulders. A situation which felt oddly familiar, but was nonetheless still frightening.

"Do you have any idea how worried we've all been?! Did you even stop to think about it?! Did you care at all?! How could you abandon the club like that?! If you had been gone any longer, I was afraid we were going to have to give Hunny-senpai growth hormone injections so he could replace you! And for what?! So you could sit in here hoarding GARBAGE?!"

"I-I was trying... trying to find... something..." The last word came out in barely a whisper.

"Trying to find WHAT?!"

"A... birthday present. For you."

It was Kyoya's turn to freeze.

"... What?"

"Uh, well..." The prince sheepish rubbed the back of his neck. "Ya see... I wanted to get you something really special this year, but... I thought, if there was something you really wanted, you'd probably just buy it yourself... that's why, I thought, maybe somewhere among all that commoner stuff there could be something really unique..."

"..."

"... I guess I got kind of carried away... There was so much stuff..."

Slowly, wordlessly, the other boy let go of him.

"Let me get this straight. You've been sitting in here for three weeks. On the internet. Trying to find me a birthday present."

"... Yeah."

So...

He hadn't forgotten after all?

Mentally, he berated himself for the thought. This was no time for that.

"Have you lost your mind? That's ridiculous! How could you possibly pull a stunt like this for something as frivolous as-..."

But he really did remember...

"-..." He was left speechless, mouth open. The sentence faded off into nothing.

Get it together now, Kyoya. Stop standing there like an idiot. In spite of him self, he felt all traces of anger dissipating rapidly.

Finally, he glanced downwards and gently adjusted his glasses, using the gesture as an excuse to look away from the other boy.

"I don't understand. Tamaki, you've never made such a big deal out of my birthday before. Last year we just went on a trip together, remember? We could've easily done that. Why would you go to all the trouble? Searching for weeks on end? And furthermore, what did you even want with a bunch of random trinkets, old books, a clearly used pink bathrobe, and whatever all the rest of this is?"

He looked back up, trying to read his friend's face. Tamaki deliberately avoided his gaze.

"I just wanted to get you something special this year. Is that so weird?"

He studied him for a moment. Something was off.

"What aren't you telling me?"

The leader of the host club looked utterly conflicted. He opened and close his mouth a few times, but didn't seem to be able to force his lips to form words.

"I... felt really bad."

"Felt bad about what?" He paused, thinking. "The lizard?"

"No, not the lizard!" He shouted, his expression absolutely distraught. "It's something much worse than that!"

"Well then what is it, then? Spit it out."

"I kinda... I felt bad about..." The prince felt himself choking up. He took a deep breath to try and calm his frazzled nerves. It was now or never... he'd already upset Kyoya enough as it was. None of his masterfully crafted lies had worked. How could his plan backfire like this? He was backed into a corner. Between a rock and a hard place, as they say. The saying wasn't technically correct, of course, since Kyoya was obviously much more handsome than the average rock. There was no comparison at all, really. Not only that, he had always pictured a giant, virtually impassable rock, whereas he was fairly certain that if he really wanted to, he could probably manage a flying leap over his friend's head and race for the door. He was hesitant to try it, however, because if THAT plan backfired, he would just end up crashing straight into his face, and he doubted that that would do much to help the situation.

Curses, he was stalling! Focus, Tamaki, focus...

"Okay, so... it's kind of, but not exactly like, I sort of did something wrong that I didn't tell you about. Well... sort of. Well, not BAD bad, but... I was afraid it might upset you, if you knew. But even though you didn't know, I still felt guilty, so, I thought, maybe if I was able to get you the best present ever this year, it would make up for it." The prince ended his confusing explanation as he glanced back down at his feet. "But I blew it. I failed. Not only to find you a present, but as your friend. I failed the club... I'm sorry."

The other just stared at him, trying to make some sense of his words. But from his repeated dealings with Tamaki, he knew well by now that it was difficult to make sense out of nonsense. Now was no exception. He did something? He did what? He'd failed him? How?

Slowly, he shook his head.

"Tamaki, you're babbling. What could you possibly have done to upset me that I don't know about? I'm used to cleaning up your various messes by now. And if it was anything stranger than usual, I seriously doubt it could escape my attention for long. Come on now, tell me the truth."

"Well, it's not something I did, exactly. It was kinda more like something I... thought."

"You had another dream where my family's business went bankrupt and I moved to America to become a game show host."

"Heh. I wish, but no. Actually, it was more like something I... felt."

"You sneaked into my room to admire the incredibly soft material my underwear is made out of. I told you, after extended therapy sessions, I've been able to put that incident behind me."

"That's not what I meant."

Despite himself, the Ohtori boy cracked a small smile. "I know."

The blonde couldn't help but mirror the expression. It quickly faded, however.

"What I meant was... I've been having these feelings... and thoughts. For a long time now. And I didn't want you to know, because I didn't want to burden you with it. And I tried to get rid of it, really I did, but nothing I tried worked. I thought that maybe it would creep you out, and I didn't want anything to change between us. Because you're my best friend Kyoya, and I know I can really be a bother, and I never wanted to be an even bigger one..." He trailed of. He felt his mouth growing dry. His throat felt tight. This was really happening, wasn't it? He was really going to say it. He was about to risk changing his and Kyoya's relationship forever...

"The truth is, Kyoya... I... I... I... I l-... I lo-..."

"I know."

"... What?"

"I know."

In what seemed for all the world to be slow motion, Tamaki lifted his head. The look on his friend's face wasn't anger. It wasn't irritation. It wasn't even confusion.

It was a smile. A real smile. A gentle smile.

"You're even stupider than you look right now."

The prince's only response was a soft thud. Or rather, his jaw's response, upon hitting the floor.

"Y-you knew? This entire time? You knew? This entire time? You KNEW?!"

"I was just waiting for you to say it. Please tell me you didn't actually think it was a secret. As if you were only fondling my underwear because they were soft. On that note, you're also a pervert."

Somewhere deep in his mind, a little "ERROR" message was flashing. He couldn't think straight. A million thoughts were whirling through his brain at once. Most of them weren't coherent in the first place.

But what made the least sense of all... was the fact that Kyoya was still smiling.

"... But, you're not mad at me?"

"Oh, make no mistake. I'm furious."

Without warning, the other boy began to move closer, smile never leaving his face. Instinctively, Tamaki backed up. He didn't stop. He continued to advance, with Tamaki continuing to move away, until the back of his legs made contact with the edge of the bed, and he tumbled backwards onto the mattress. And he hadn't escaped, either- Kyoya crawled over him without a trace of hesitation.

"You're going to pay, Tamaki. For being absent from the club, for lying to us, for making me worry, for making everyone else worry, and for being a complete moron."

"I-I'm sorry-..."

"But most of all, you're going to pay, because even after all of that... you didn't get me a birthday present."

… What?

"I-... I tried to-..."

"So before you start making it up to us for everything else, first thing is first. I know what I want for my birthday. And you are going to give it to me."

With no further warning, a pair of lips crashed into Tamaki's own. It was several moments before he realized what was happening. And when he did, his heart nearly exploded. He couldn't believe it... this had to be a dream... not that he wasn't used to having this kind of dream at this point...

His mind would have to catch up on it's own time. His body was way ahead of him. He found himself moving his lips back against Kyoya's own, savoring every hint he got of the taste. Before he knew it, a tongue was prodding impatiently at his mouth, which he readily welcomed. The feeling of the Ohtori boy's tongue curling and twisting around his own was something that up until now, he could only longingly imagine.

One hand reached up to hang onto his shoulder, while the other found it's way to the back of the head where it began lovingly stroking and ever so gently tugging at his black hair. In turn, a greedy hand slowly slid up Tamaki's shirt to explore every dip and curve of the prince's chest.

Abruptly, however, Kyoya broke their kiss. It was met with a whine of disappointment that the blonde was definitely going to be embarrassed about later. He was about to ask why he had stopped, but the other spoke first.

"You know, it's really a good thing you were lying."

Tamaki merely stared up at him in confusion.

"Because if you gave me lice, I would kill you." And with that, their extremely pleasurable activity, which would go on to turn into an extremely pleasurable afternoon, resumed.

Am I the only one who thinks it would be hilarious if Tamaki discovered eBay? Probably. But that's why it's my fic, I suppose. Kyoya's birthday is November 22nd, for anyone who didn't know, which according to a side-note in the manga is "Good married couples day.". Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it, I greatly appreciate you all taking the time to read my fics. By the way, if anyone got what I was stealthily refrencing throughout this fic... I freaking love you.

I take fic requests! Ask me any time!

- YummyYaoiSandwiches

Edit: Oh my lord, why didn't anyone tell me about that horrible typo? Maybe you didn't notice... man, I hope so! XD