Chapter summary:

Life was messy.
This was a lesson that Castiel Novak had been forced to learn from an early age. Life was cruel, it was unpredictable, and it was messy.
Once in a blue moon he would be handed something good to go grow attached to as a consolation prize for living, only to have it ripped away from him, never to come back. He'd grown to accept it as the years wore on. That's just how life was for him.
Dean was different.
He'd come back.
Whether Castiel wanted him to or not.

May 27th

"Cas, turn around."

Castiel spun around in confusion. Was Dean here? He looked around sharply until he spotted the only other person talking on a cell phone. At first glance this man didn't look extraordinary; he was an inch or two taller than Castiel's 5'11, his hair a sandy blond. He wore blue jeans, and Castiel found himself vaguely wondering if the muscled build the man's green Henley clung to was because of the many hours he spent lifting heavy things at the garage. Castiel felt his eyes widen as it hit him: he didn't need to wonder. He knew. Castiel knew this man.

He knew where he worked. He knew his brothers and he knew about his parents. He knew all of his favorite things and the things that terrified him. He knew how obnoxious he could be, and how persistent until he got his way. He knew how self-sacrificing, loyal, motivated, brilliant, talented and loving he was. He knew what made him laugh and what buttons to push to make him angry. He knew enough about him that even the fact that they hadn't met hadn't deterred Castiel from falling in love with him. He wasn't some stranger standing in a library talking obnoxiously loud on his cell phone; he was Dean.

"Oh. …" Castiel paused as he tried to maintain a neutral expression. "Hello, Dean."

He could feel his insides start to melt at the soft smile Dean gave him as he answered, "Hey, Cas."

Castiel's heart started beating quickly. As Dean got closer his features were easier to make out, and unfortunately for Cas's increasing levels of shock and nervousness, Dean was attractive. He was ridiculously attractive and Castiel had a hard enough time communicating with average-looking people. He studied Dean's features attempting to find a flaw, because perhaps if he could he wouldn't be as on edge. As he took in Dean's green eyes, his defined jawline, and the freckles that covered his nose, Cas was disappointed to discover that thus far-at least physically-there weren't any obvious shortcomings.

All too quickly, Dean was standing in front of him. Castiel realized that he still had his phone pressed to his ear and Dean would probably think he was silly.

"I'm gonna hang up," Castiel began, but he became distracted by the way Dean was staring at him. His expression was somewhere between happiness, nervousness, and…something. Castiel squinted while attempting to figure out what the other emotion was but suddenly realized that it had been several moments since he had spoken, and he still hadn't hung up. "...Now."

Dean continued to stare at Castiel and made no movement to put down his own phone. "Right."

Castiel met his gaze evenly and neither of them moved or spoke for what seemed like minutes but in all actuality was most likely only a few seconds. It wasn't until someone a few feet away coughed loudly that either of them put down their phones. Castiel dropped his gaze and realized that he and Dean were in each other's personal space. He ducked his head and made to step away from him.

Dean glanced around and chuckled softly, offering his hand to Castiel. "My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, frisky women, and a hermit bee queen who's terrified of spiders and letting people get close to him."

Castiel tried to hide the fact that his stomach had been tied in knots since he first heard Dean's voice on the phone. He was torn between wanting to sit down (with his head between his knees while attempting not to vomit) and moving closer to Dean, just to reach out and touch him, make sure he was real. He wasn't completely convinced that Dean was, in fact, actually standing before him. Perhaps this was another one of his dreams.

Instead of conveying his inner turmoil he simply asked, "You enjoy me?"

"Yeah, I probably coulda phrased that better." Dean laughed in a way that made his entire body shake. "I'm a lot better at putting words on paper than saying them out loud."

He liked the way Dean sounded when he laughed, like it could melt away all the problems in the world. But Castiel couldn't help but agree with what he had said. Almost every time something bad had happened between them, it was because something was spoken out loud, and things were only repaired through the written word. It couldn't be like that anymore. This book Dean had left him couldn't be the cure-all to their problems. It wasn't going to magically fix everything between them, nor should Dean expect it to.

Don't forget: you're mad at him. He didn't want you. Even if he wants you now, it's not going to last. Don't let him in again…

"As much as I love standing around and staring at each other," Dean winked in a way that only aggravated Castiel, "do you want to go somewhere and talk?"

Castiel dropped his gaze and stared at the wall across the room. How could Dean act so cavalier about this? He was choosing now to flirt? Castiel clenched his fists almost involuntarily.

Dean seemed to take notice of Castiel's sudden anger because he slowly let the confident smile be replaced with the anxious tension that had clearly been hiding just underneath the surface.

"Shit. I-I'm no good at this." Dean took a deep, calming breath with guilt evident on his face. "I know things are fucked up between us right now and if I knew what I could to do to make it right, I'd do it now. But I don't know how to fix it." Dean suddenly looked extremely vulnerable and Castiel fought the urge to close the distance between them and pull him into a comforting embrace.

When did he start having those impulses?

He turned his head and met Dean's gaze evenly. "I don't know if you can fix it. More importantly, I don't know if I want you to."

"Cas, I know that saying sorry isn't enough. It'll never be enough. But I am so sorry. I should never have shut you out like that." Dean ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I really want to make it up to you, but I don't know where to even start. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. Hell, I know I don't deserve it. All I'm asking for is a chance to talk."

Castiel stared back calmly as he thought over Dean's proposal. He didn't think that the anger and hurt was going to go away anytime soon, but the knot in his stomach had lessened slightly. Besides, realistically he was going to have to start seeing Dean whether they were on civil terms or not. Of all the students he could've befriended… He had decided a long time ago that the universe had a sick sense of humor when it came to his friends and adopted family.

At the very least, he realized that he should hear what Dean had to say. After all, it was Dean. Castiel had spent enough time pining for him and mourning the loss of his friendship that it would be stupid to simply refuse to talk to him when Dean was standing right there. Castiel didn't have to feel powerless anymore. There was finally something he could do. He was still upset, but for the first time in several weeks he stopped trying to aggressively murder any feelings he had for Dean.

His stomach settled considerably as he started to feel better and more confident. Even though he had pretended otherwise, during their separation Castiel had spent most of his waking hours thinking and worrying about Dean despite his best efforts. He wanted to talk to Dean and give him a chance to explain himself. But their current location wasn't adequately suited for the kind of talk they needed to have.

"Let's go get some coffee. There's a place just around the corner." Castiel smiled softly and began walking towards the entrance of the library. He'd almost reached the doors when he glanced back to see if Dean had begun to follow him yet. As he had anticipated, Dean hadn't moved and was still standing there looking slightly bewildered at Castiel's abrupt shift in mood and his departure. "Well, are you coming? Or would you rather take a walk around the park? I'm in need of either caffeine or endorphins." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's up to you."

Castiel caught Dean starting to grin and turned back to leave the library, hoping that he'd follow.

...

If finally meeting your soulmate and then nearly screwing everything up after only two minutes of talking to him didn't perfectly sum up Dean Winchester's life, he didn't know what did.

The thing was, his entire life was basically just him projecting confidence that wasn't always there. It wasn't on purpose, it just happened. It was something he'd taught himself to do ever since his dad had kicked him out; act happier than you actually are so no one will ask questions or doubt you. It had only been through force of habit that he'd acted that way with Cas, but almost immediately he'd regretted it. He didn't want that barrier between them. He wanted to be totally and completely honest about how he was feeling and what he was thinking. With every step they took together towards the coffee shop, he could feel his barriers slowly cracking.

He'd been thrown off at first, by Castiel. All he'd had to go off of was Jo's second-hand description of what Bobby had told her, and little tidbits Sam had told him about the guy. Dark hair. Blue eyes. Trenchcoat. "You'll know him when you see him," Sam had added helpfully.

He had been right.

The second Dean had set eyes on Castiel Novak he'd known it was him.

No maybes. No second-guessing. No double takes.

It was him.

They didn't talk much for the first few minutes after they sat down with their orders; Dean with his black coffee and Cas with his caramel macchiato, extra sugar with whipped cream. Somehow, Dean could only find that endearing.

They sat for a few moments, sipping silently, and the tension in the air was nearly tangible. Dean tapped his fingers against the table awkwardly.

"So..."

"You hurt me, Dean." Castiel stated flatly, looking down at his cup as Dean winced internally. "You cut me out of your life completely when I considered us...friends."

The sharp pain of guilt that Dean had been carrying around for months buried itself deeper in his chest. But that was fine. He deserved every word.

"I haven't let anyone in for a long time. I think you took me by surprise because I didn't expect anything to come from the stranger in my phone." He looked up now and Dean had to stop himself from leaning away from the intensity of his stare. "But you were-you were you, Dean. And I didn't stand a chance. But when I finally decided that I wanted you in my life, you rejected me from yours and it hurt."

Dean folded his hands together on top of the table and nodded, not denying a single word. Why would he? It was all completely true.

"I know, Cas. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how much I regret it. Not that it would mean much." Dean licked his lips once as he gathered his courage. "Look, I'm not trying to make excuses, 'cause I know what I did was one of the shittiest moves of my entire life. But when I called you, I was in a really bad place." He was suddenly grateful for how empty the place was. "My dad had died, Sam had just woken up in the hospital and I had to drop out of school so the Feds wouldn't take him away from me."

Cas's brows knit together in confusion and Dean realized that he probably hadn't known about that last part. "I was at my breaking point. Then I had to go get drunk off my ass and thought it would be a freaking brilliant idea to invite you to the funeral for my own selfish reasons." He gingerly ran his fingers over the rim of his cup as a distraction. "I am so damn sorry I put you in that position, Cas. I just want us to talk again."

Castiel peered into his cup, the mountain of whipped cream now a melted pool of liquid in his cup. "You really want to try to start over?" the man asked almost tentatively.

"More than anything," Dean confirmed, and a small sliver of hope made its way through his chest before he could drag it back down. There wasn't much he wouldn't do to try to make up for all of the bullshit he'd put Cas through the past few months.

A physical pain wrenched through Dean as he watched the man in front of him seem to grow smaller before his eyes, as if he could make himself less of a target before he spoke again. Dean flashed back to one of their text conversations and remembered Cas mentioning something about it being a defense mechanism. A way to appear less noticeable. No one should feel like they had to live that way.

"What if I'm not worth it?" Cas's voice was hesitant and Dean felt his heart shatter. "What happens when you realize I'm not everything I may have seemed over text? What's to stop you from shutting me out again?" His voice had gone, if possible, even quieter. "I don't think I can take that a second time, Dean. Not from you."

If it was possible to take everything he had felt during their entire complicated, messy relationship and pour it into a jar, just so he could give Castiel something tangible, something real, some sort of proof about how he felt, Dean would do it with no questions asked. But unfortunately for him, that wasn't how the world worked, so he was going to have to work his ass off to think of another way.

He raked a hand through his hair once and laid it down on the table to get Cas's attention. Cas was still pointedly avoiding eye contact. "Castiel. Cas, will you look at me?"

The man slowly turned his gaze up at him with eyes that Dean was sure had been crafted by God himself, and he was satisfied to realize that he was finally able to pinpoint the exact shade of blue of his new favorite color. He would have allowed himself a smile were it not for the look in those eyes. Far past sadness, far past grief. Just pure resignation.

"I want to know everything about you." Dean tried to convey everything that he couldn't form into words through his expression. "I want to learn all of the things that I didn't get the chance to learn over text and phone calls. I want to be able to see the expressions on your face instead of having to imagine them. I want to learn about your quirks and your habits and your superstitions...and I-I want you to know about mine, too."

Dean paused to take a calming breath, but the intensity of Cas's stare wouldn't allow him to look away. "To be honest, I'm terrified you're going to realize that I'm just someone who talks big over text but is actually super boring. I'm nothing special. But I do know that there is no way in hell I'm going to voluntarily cut you off again, and I'm going to fight to prove it to you."

Castiel continued to stare back, and Dean held his breath. The speech was over. Those were his cards. He had laid himself bare and could only hope that Cas would understand.

"What is your favorite holiday?"

Dean stared, the abrupt change in subject throwing him off completely.

"Holiday. Favorite," Castiel repeated, tilting his head to the side and studying Dean's face as if he was the last mystery in the universe.

"I-um. Thanksgiving, probably. Why?"

Castiel stirred his drink once and brought it up to his lips before replying, as if he'd finally made a decision. "If we're going to start over, I figure it's something I may need to know."

Dean gaped. The small tendril of hope curling up through his chest now had a firm grip on his heart. "Start over? Yeah. Okay. As..."

"Friends," Castiel finished and took a deep breath. "I agree with you. I would like get to know you as a person and as a friend in a way that we couldn't over the phone. I'm not saying that anything more is off the table, but for now, this is what I want from you."

Dean was so totally okay with that. It was all he could do not to stand up and pull Cas into a hug. Friends was okay. Friends was perfect. Friends was talking to each other and hanging out and taking things one step at a time. He was grinning widely now.

"I'd like that. A lot."

Castiel smiled at his enthusiastic response, but let the expression fall as he stared back down into his nearly untouched coffee cup. "I-I still have a lot of issues that I need to work through. The way I behaved when you cut me out of your life wasn't acceptable. … I need time to figure out myself and where you fit in my life. I don't know how long it will take, but I know you have some things that need to be taken care of as well."

Hell, as long as Cas still wanted to talk to him, Dean was fine with just about anything. But Cas had a point. They both had a shit-load of problems that needed to be dealt with before they could even think about being anything more. Dean definitely wanted that eventually, but he would wait as long as they both needed.

"I'd love to be friends, Cas."

That of course, was when Sam and Adam walked through the door, smug smiles on their faces and everything.

Screw them.

...

Castiel was making a mental checklist of all the things he wanted to do with Dean now that they were friends. He was still hesitant to open up again, but he supposed that exposure to Dean would be the best way to placate his fears, specifically his fear of Dean rejecting him again. The only thing left to decide was how they were going to spend their time together. The thing was, Castiel didn't do much. He spent his days with his bees, reading books, baking, going on long runs, studying, and enjoying whatever television show Adam was currently obsessed with. Occasionally he traveled, but he wouldn't go anywhere he couldn't take Samandriel. Samandriel… Dean should meet Samandriel as soon as possible. Castiel opened his mouth to suggest as much when he noticed Dean scowling at the wall behind him.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Adam smirking at him. "Well, what do we have here? A couple of emotionally constipated losers who need teenagers to help them finally meet up."

"I know you're new to the family, but if you'll notice, my name is 'Win'-chester. Not 'Lose-chester'. I don't know how to be a loser," Dean replied easily.

Adam's smirk turned into a full-out grin, "Fair enough. Where's my phone?"

"What do you think, Cas, should I give him his phone back?"

"I don't know, Dean; he made the mistake of letting it out of his sight. He also lied to me. But on the other hand," Castiel mused, "he did manage to get us in the same room together, and good behavior should be rewarded."

Dean reached into his pocket and handed Adam his phone. "How did you guys find us anyway?"

Adam gestured to the counter where Sam was talking to the blonde girl behind the counter. "Sam and I were getting lunch to celebrate when Jess texted saying that you guys were here."

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "It never occurred to you that your celebration might be premature?"

A look of horror crossed over Adam's face. "You guys are together, right? Please say that you're done fighting. We don't like being children of divorce! Castiel, please hear him out. I know he's an idiot sometimes but-"

"Adam, chill. We're friends again." Dean smiled. "You two are so melodramatic."

Sam walked over to their booth. "Well forgive us for hating to be around two heartbroken halves of a whole."

"I will end you, Samantha," Dean growled, and took a long swig of coffee to hide his flush.

Castiel decided to end Dean's embarrassment by changing the subject. "Sam, why did your parents name you Samantha?"

Dean made a choking sound and spat out his coffee all over the table. Sam patted him on the back. "They didn't. Dean thinks he's funnier than he is."

Dean mopped up the spilled drink. "Screw you. I'm hilarious."

Adam was still grinning "Sam, we should probably get going. We wouldn't want to derail their date further." He turned to Castiel. "Sam and I will be home for dinner; he's helping me grab the rest of my things from my mom's. Last chance to speak up before your home officially becomes my home."

A few days before, Adam had come home angry and hurt. His mom was moving to Wisconsin with her fiance and he didn't want to go. His reasons were valid: he didn't trust his mom anymore, he hated his soon-to-be-step-father, his biological father died before he could get a chance to know him, he wanted to bond with his brothers, and he was just about to start his senior year of high school. He felt as if he was being forced into leaving, and he wasn't okay with being uprooted while he was attempting to deal with everything. Castiel immediately offered to have Adam move in with him.

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Dean, would you like to join us for dinner?" He immediately thought of every way the dinner could go wrong. But at least this way they had Sam and Adam as buffers.

Dean looked dismayed. "I would love to, but I actually have to work tonight, and every night for the rest of the week."

"Hmm…" Adam pondered. "If you could get the twelfth and thirteenth off, you and Sam could spend the night at our place and we could pig out on Cas' cooking and marathon The Lord of the Rings. I've been trying to get Cas to watch it for the last few weeks and he keeps finding excuses not to."

Dean was shocked. "Why wouldn't you want to watch Lord of the Rings? It's awesome!"

"It doesn't sound very realistic!" Cas protested. "I'm just not sure I'd be interested in it."

Dean shot him a look of disbelief. "And Star Wars was realistic? Trust me Cas, you'll love it. We're doing this."

Sam smiled. "So we're all in agreement? Sweet. We'll catch you guys later." He ushered Adam out the door before Cas could protest their movie choice.

Dean looked dismayed. "I should probably get going too. I have a shift in half an hour. But it looks like we'll have some more time to hang out soon."

"I'm looking forward to it." Cas stood up and threw away his empty cup. "If you have time sooner than that, let me know. My schedule is fairly open."

"If I get any free time, you're the first one I'll call." Dean hesitated for a moment before pulling Castiel into a hug and letting go before the surprised man could reciprocate.

"We'll figure this out. See ya, Cas."

Castiel nodded, the hollow part of his soul feeling a little less vacant.

"Goodbye, Dean."

...

June 5th

Castiel was falling for Dean and he was falling fast. He had spent so much time putting up an emotional barrier between the two of them that he had been worried he'd never be able to tear it down again. Well apparently that wasn't going to be his challenge. He'd thought the relief of his anger would chip away at the wall slowly-he just hadn't expected the entire thing to crumble within the first week. He didn't know what it was about Dean, but he made everything... better. When Castiel insisted that Dean keep working on his manuscript, they quickly settled into a comfortable rhythm, Cas happy that Dean was happy writing, and Dean content to be with Castiel, who divided his time between baking and stretching out next to Dean on the couch. Today he was reading Dean's tattered copy of Slaughterhouse-Five with his feet propped up on the coffee table. He liked the coffee table. Actually, he liked everything about Dean's apartment. It was small, with a single bedroom, a leaky bathroom, a well-loved kitchen, and a living room with a couch where Dean slept, since Sam was back from the hospital and Dean had refused to let his brother take the couch.

Castiel loved seeing all of the little things that made the apartment Dean's: the stack of books piled next to the couch, the coasters used obsessively, the bathrobe flung over the bathroom door, old posters of Dean's favorite bands rolled up and shoved into corners all around the house once they were too worn to be displayed, sheets of paper littered here and there with half-formed ideas written out on the pages. There were a thousand little details that made this apartment Dean's home and Castiel loved every single one of them.

Castiel glanced over at Dean who was studiously glaring at his blank laptop screen. He rolled his eyes and decided to break the silence.

"Have you put any more thought into my suggestion?"

Dean looked up at him and sighed dramatically. "Which one? The 'I should go back to school now that my book is gonna be published' suggestion? Or the 'You could always use a pen name' suggestion?"

Castiel smiled wryly and tucked a bookmark into his page. "Both, actually. You seemed intrigued about the idea of a pen name."

Dean shrugged and slammed his laptop closed. Castiel realized that he probably shouldn't be pushing this as much as he had been. It had been difficult to convince Dean that he should go through with getting his book published and every so often Dean would panic and decide that he didn't want to after all.

"I just-" Dean trailed off and ran a hand through his hair, staring at the wall in silence for a minute. "Could we go over the pros and cons again?"

Castiel nodded and immediately started listing off his mental checklist. "Con number one: You would attempt to create an alias using the combination of names of band members from Metallica and Led Zeppelin."

"Hey, those are aweso-"

"Con number two: You would never get as much credit as you deserve for a book that is so well written."

Dean flushed. "Yeah, but…I almost don't want a lot of credit for it," he muttered, and turned his face away. "I didn't really do much other than just...I don't know. Tell the story. Hell, I'm still a little weirded out that this can actually be a book if I want it to. It feels kinda personal, you know?"

Castiel was still for a few moments before moving to sit right next to Dean, purposefully leaning against his shoulder. "You don't have to say yes. If you really don't want to publish it, then don't. Personally, I think you should. It's a very well-written piece and I'm not saying that simply to boost your ego. For whatever its worth, I would read this story even if I didn't know who the author was. Honestly, the fact that I know the author personally and it includes me as a main character is a little bizarre. You've changed the names of people and places and if you truly don't want anyone to know, don't put your real name. If you don't want the credit, don't take it. If I had any misgiving or reservations in the slightest I would tell you."

He paused, stretching out his legs slowly before continuing. "There is also the fact that you could use the money right now. With the hospital bills, the physical therapy bills, and tuition for school that you'll eventually be going back to, the income will be invaluable." He glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye. "Especially since you won't allow me to help."

"Cas, we're not talking about that again," Dean said flatly. "I don't take charity."

Castiel sighed and nodded. This was another argument that had been debated to death. "I know. But the problem still remains. "

Dean clicked his tongue. "What about John Smith?"

"Your creativity knows no bounds."

"Fine, smartass." Dean scoffed and shoved the body next to him with his elbow. "How about Dean Smith? It's got a little me, and a little normal. Think it'll be enough?"

"I think it's perfect."

...

June 12

"'I live under several rocks that a stone mason deliberately placed, in order to construct a house that was architecturally pleasing,'" Dean teased. "That was the worst description of your house ever. If you can even call it a house. My god, there are more rooms?!"

Castiel was taking Dean on a tour of his house, and Dean was finding it difficult to comprehend the size of it. "This is just the main floor; there's a floor upstairs, an attic, a basement, and a sub-basement for storage."

"You're kidding me," Dean groaned. "What could you possibly need all of this space for?"

He led Dean into his office. "I don't need it. Most of these rooms are empty. There are several that I've only been in once. For example, today will be the first time I've actually used the theater room."

"Why do you live here if you don't need the space?" Dean asked. "It seems…lonely."

"My parents bought it when I was younger. My mother fell in love with it and started restoring it. But then she got sick and we stayed in the city. After she died we spent a lot of time traveling." Castiel explained. "Over the years my father kept it updated, but he could never bear to sell it. Eventually Jimmy demanded that we settle down so that he and I could have 'a high school experience'. Dad didn't want to stay here because it reminded him of my Mom, so Jimmy and I lived here alone until…" He paused.

Dean put his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Hey, let's go get started on dinner. I'm not really in the mood for exploring right now."

"I don't want you to get lost on your way to the bathroom! You don't sleepwalk, do you?" Castiel asked.

Dean barked out a laugh. "Nope, I sleep like the dead. Sam's the only person who's ever been able to wake me up."

"Hmm, maybe I'll give you a collar with a bell on it. Just in case you get lost and I need to come find you." Castiel grabbed his hand and led him out the back door onto the deck.

"But that defeats the entire purpose of hide and seek!" Dean protested. "I don't want to make it too easy for you. You already have a tactical advantage in that you know where everything-Whoa. Your backyard is massive."

"Yes, it is. When did we decide to play hide and seek?"

"I decided it when the picture of you searching for me in your maze of a house popped into my head," Dean smirked. "It seemed like fun, so we're going to do it once it gets a little darker."

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "By 'we' you mean…you and I? Or the four of us?"

"It depends. Sam is a little too moose-like to be any good at hiding." Dean eyed the grill warily. "Do you even know how to use this?"

"I've never actually used it," Castiel admitted. "It can't be that difficult." He dropped his hand from Dean's and turned a knob. Flames erupted from the sides. He turned another knob and the flames died out completely. "Hmm…Maybe if I-Crap!" he yelped as smoke billowed from the sides and the grill shook violently.

"What the hell?" Dean turned all the knobs to the off position and pulled Castiel away. They managed to retreat a few steps while the grill collapsed in on itself. "Shit. I don't think that was supposed to happen."

"No. I don't think it was. … That's the last time I buy something from a magazine." Cas said dejectedly. What was he supposed to make now? If he was going to win Dean's heart, he was going to have to do it with his cooking. "Hmm…I suppose I could make spaghetti?"

Dean hummed loudly as he picked up a piece of broken metal and started fiddling with it. Cas prayed silently. Please don't suggest ordering out. Let me cook for you damn it.

"Well, if you actually know how to use a stove, then absolutely. And if you don't, then I can stand by with a fire extinguisher while you cook." Dean teased.

Cas shoved him playfully. "Laugh it up, fuzzball. You won't get any pie if you're a jerk."

Dean brightened. "You made pie?"

"I made several pies." Cas said smugly.

Dean whimpered.

...

Castiel sat down on the loveseat while Sam adjusted the settings on the projector and Adam popped them popcorn. Actual popcorn. Not marshmallows. Castiel had been very clear about that. He was currently reveling in the knowledge that Dean enjoyed his cooking. He enjoyed it a LOT. He had spent most of dinner making contented noises and occasionally moaning.

Dean plopped down next to him, clutched his stomach and closed his eyes. "Cas, I need you to cook for me all the time. I want to spend every meal with you for the rest of my life."

Castiel mulled over his words.

Dean's eyes flew open in horror as he realized the implications of what he had just said. "I-I didn't mean. Shit-"

Castiel laughed and nudged him with his shoulder. "You're fine. I know what you meant." He was unsure whether he should move to the other side of the couch or stay touching Dean. He wasn't sure if Dean welcomed the physical contact; he seemed okay with Castiel being so close, but Cas didn't want to push it. He was about to slide away when Dean leaned into his side, their arms pressing together.

"Oh good. Because I would really hate it if you kicked me out before I got any pie." He winked.

"If you two are done gossiping, the movie's ready," Sam announced as he jumped onto one of the massive bean bags on the floor.

"If I want to spend the entire movie talking to Cas, I will" Dean retorted.

"No. You won't," Adam said as he handed them a bowl of popcorn.

"Don't worry. I'll keep him quiet during the movie," Castiel assured them.

"Oh really? How are you going to-" Dean was cut off as Castiel shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"I have my ways." Cas replied as he tossed a kernel into the air and expertly caught it in his mouth.

...

"There are two more movies? How long does it take to walk to Mordor?" It wasn't that Cas didn't thoroughly enjoy the movie, just that he had spent the last 2 hours being distracted by the warmth emanating from Dean, who was sitting at his side with their arms and legs pressed together. Castiel liked touching him, but it made him anxious. Being close to him, but not actually being close to him was difficult.

"One does not simply walk into Mordor." Adam and Sam chimed in simultaneously.

"Well I'm going to go change into sweat pants if we're going to spend the next 6 hours watching this New Zealand tourism commercial." Cas announced.

Dean was outraged "It is not a New Zealand tourism commercial!"

"It's basically an advertisement for how gorgeous New Zealand is. It makes me want to go back to New Zealand. It makes you want to go to New Zealand. Hence: tourism commercial. I'm not complaining, but you can't deny it." Cas knew he was pushing buttons, but he liked bantering with Dean no matter the topic.

"It's not New Zealand! It's Middle Earth! It's a magical, wonderful fantasy land that doesn't exist anywhere on this planet." Dean stood up and pulled Cas to his feet. "You love this movie. Don't even try and deny it."

"I'm not denying it. I just want to be more comfortable." He climbed the stairs to the main floor, moving on autopilot as he entered his room and undressed. He wanted to be close to Dean, but he wanted to do more than sit next to him; he wanted to be very close to him. But at the same time, he didn't. He needed to keep the distance between them, both physical and otherwise. It wouldn't solve anything if he sat somewhere different because he would spend the entire time wishing he was next to Dean, but at least that way he wouldn't accidentally cross any lines and he could pretend his feelings were strictly platonic. He needed the distance because they needed to be friends first. But he didn't want the distance. He wanted Dean.

"This is stupid," Castiel grumbled to himself as he pulled on his clothes. He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, and leaned against the counter. "What am I going to do with him?"

"Well for starters, you could actually talk to him instead of being a dick about his movie choices." Dean appeared in the doorway and crossed the room to lounge next to him. "I'm gonna throw this out there, and tell me if I'm out of line." He paused. "We both have feelings for each other."

When Castiel didn't object, he continued. "I'm not sure what to do about it. Because I would like to be with you, but we have to finish fixing things before that's even an option. I spent that entire movie fighting the urge to put my arm around you and that's a problem. I'm fighting all of my impulses here. I don't want to screw things up any more than they are now, and that means we need to keep some space between us until we're both ready. It sucks but it's what needs to happen. At least for now."

"Well, it looks like we're on the same page. It's what needs to happen," Castiel agreed. He moved in front of Dean and pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of Dean's neck. "It's hard, though," he admitted quietly.

He felt Dean's arms tighten around his waist.

"Yeah. It is."

...

June 20th

"Sorry," Cas said smugly, moving Dean's piece back to the beginning and replacing it with his own.

Dean was quickly learning how insanely good Cas was at board games, and his prior ignorance had come with a price.

"How have you drawn three Sorry cards this round? I'm calling bullshit here." He gestured wildly at the board and the one piece he had left in the running. Castiel's own pieces had quickly taken over and were making their way to home base while trampling the competition.

"Call it all you want. It's not my fault you're terrible."

Dean was two minutes away from throwing up his hands in defeat and declaring Cas the winner when they heard a knock on the front door.

"Who the hell is that?" As much as Dean hated to admit it, Cas didn't have any friends. No one knocked on his door.

"My guess would be Balthazar. He usually doesn't give me much warning before his arrivals."

Sure enough, a tall blond with a ridiculously low neckline waltzed into the room a few moments later and groaned at the image of the two grown men sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"Months," he stated with a sigh. "Months of texting and phone calls and scheming and this-" he waved his hands in their direction emphatically "-is what you finally decide to spend your time doing."

Dean glanced up briefly before turning back to study the board. "You looked better in scrubs."

"Too right." Balthazar plopped himself between the two. "Who's winning?"

"Cas."

"Good. He can be a brilliant strategist when he wants to be. Speaking of strategies, Cassie? Would you be so kind as to grab us all something to drink? I, for one, am parched."

Castiel didn't move and instead glared at the other man. "Don't, Balthazar. I know what you're doing."

Balthazar snorted and leaned back against the couch. "I should hope so. I'm being incredibly obvious about it."

Cas opened his mouth to argue but Dean cleared his throat loudly to grab his attention. "It's okay, Cas. Just...indulge him. I know what it's like to be the big brother."

Castiel frowned, but eventually nodded and stood up. "Behave," he shot at the blond before finally turning and leaving the room. The moment Cas was out of sight, Balthazar's playful smile vanished. Dean didn't blame him in the slightest. This wasn't just the smarmy, cocky, older brother figure in Castiel's life. This was the guy that had stayed with him through thick and thin and had been there during his lowest points as well as his highest. Balthazar had told him once before that he'd been the one to clean up after all of Dean's messes, and he was only just beginning to understand the major implications of that. Balthazar stared him down with unwavering eyes.

"If you hurt him again, I'll castrate you."

"If I hurt him again, I'll castrate myself."

He watched as Balthazar opened his mouth, shut it and finally nodded in grim approval.

"Glad we're on the same page."

...

June 30th

All it had taken was one snide remark about how dangerous bees could actually be for Cas to drag them both out into the backyard. Five minutes later and he found himself standing in front of one of Cas's beehives, wondering if the stupid insects ever got claustrophobic or bored. Even though he didn't know much about beekeeping, or anything really, he could tell that this was something that made his friend happy. Like, really happy. As odd of a hobby as it was.

"The point is moot." Castiel answered with a small smirk once he'd voiced his question out loud. "They reside where their Queen is, and she lives in there. They'll stay no matter how they feel."

"But I thought you were the Bee Queen?" he teased.

The topic had already been bantered to death, but hell would freeze over before Dean would even consider letting that little episode go. It was worth bringing up just to see Cas flush with embarrassment.

"I am never taking modern medication again for the rest of my life," Castiel muttered as he stared attentively at another hive. Dean had been secretly hoping that he'd get the chance to see Cas decked out in his white beekeeping suit and matching accessories, mainly because he wanted a picture to look at on a rainy day, but today was just to show him the hives. No actual work was gonna be done. Dean shoved him playfully to grab his attention.

"I'm totally getting that conversation printed out and framed."

"Don't you dare, Dean Winchester."

"Use of my last name doesn't grant you magical powers, Cas." Their conversations became easier every time they hung out, and Dean was finding that teasing the guy was easily going to be one of his favorite pastimes.

Castiel crossed his arms in a huff. "Moving on to our original reason for being here: are you convinced that my bees are not, in fact, a danger to you?"

Dean shrugged and turned to make his way back to the house. "For now. But they're probably planning my demise as we speak."

"If they request my aid, I'm not sure I would deny them." Cas replied with a small smile, catching up to walk beside him.

"I'll rally the spiders against you."

"We should change subjects now."

Dean snorted unattractively and ducked his head down to hide his grin. Being around Cas was so easy. So effortless. Dean was pretty sure that he could listen to Cas read the phone book out loud for hours and he'd be perfectly content as long as he could at least hear him. Why had they gone so long without meeting? Oh, right. Because Dean was terrified.

Speaking of which.

He kicked a small rock as they made their way back up the small hill and shoved his hands in his pockets. "So. … Cas." he said, trying to sound like he wasn't panicking on the inside and only half succeeding. Cas looked over at him expectantly when he heard his name.

"Yes?" he asked after a few moments of Dean not saying anything else.

Dean took a deep breath and turned to look at the other man. "If I asked you on a date this Friday...would that be okay?" he crossed his fingers in the pocket of his jeans, saying a silent prayer to the universe.

Ever since the first time he and Cas had met, he'd been onboard with the boundaries they'd set. They both had issues that needed to be dealt with, some bigger than others, and if they wanted this to be anything more, they needed to try being friends first. That was smart. That was healthy. Of course, that friendship had come with a hell of a lot of flirting. Maybe more from his end. But after staying up late thinking it through for the past few nights, he'd reached the conclusion that maybe this would be an okay baby step for them. Still, he didn't think he'd ever been more nervous in his life. Maybe once before. When he'd asked Cas to turn around.

"You can say no!" he said in a rush. "That's totally okay. I'm not trying to like, push you or anything. I'm fine with it if you just wanna-"

"Yes."

Dean nearly tripped over his own feet. "What?" He glanced over at Cas who had stopped walking to open the front door them.

"I said yes. It would be okay if you asked me on a date for this Friday."

"Oh." Dean blinked once, then let a wide grin split his face. "Awesome."

Castiel shrugged off his trenchcoat and hung it on the rack once they were inside.

"So are you going to?" he asked, eyebrow raised in an obvious attempt at holding back a smirk.

"Uh," Dean frowned, not sure what he was asking. Shit, did he miss something in his haze of relief? "Going to...what?"

Castiel tilted his head to the side innocently and leaned against the wall. "Ask me on a date. For this Friday."

Dean's mouth worked pointlessly for a few moments before finally coming to the realization that he was being messed with. He let out an amused breath and shook his head before reaching out to take Cas's hand with a flourish.

"Castiel Novak, would you do me the honor of accompanying me on an adventure this Friday night?"

Dean was thrilled and a little bit smug to see a small flush spread across the other man's cheeks as he politely inclined his head.

"Well..." Cas paused "I suppose I could clear my schedule."

He laughed at that, glad that Cas was able to joke about the fact he basically had nothing to do all summer long. "Good. I actually wanted to hang out on the the Fourth of July, because hey, the Fourth of July. But um-" He scratched the back of his head, trying to think of a way to explain the situation. "Jo's dad died on the Fourth. So we're going out for our annual, 'Blow Shit Up and Don't Get Caught' day."

Castiel nodded solemnly. "Of course. I understand. Though you should tell her that it won't do her much good. I speak from experience. "

Dean shrugged. Ten years of trying to say the same thing had gotten him no where. "I just let her do her own thing. It works for her. Either way, it's kind of our thing now. But you can come if you want."

"It seems as if this is something you two should do without me. Besides, after my time with Meg, I've become rather good acquaintances with the officers at the police department." Castiel tilted his head with a small smile. "So I'd rather not. But be sure to tell them 'Hello' from me if you can."

"Will do, smartass."

...

July 6th

There were three times in Dean Winchester's life that he considered to be pivotal points. Things that had changed him beyond repair.

The first was the day he lost his mom.

The second was the day he lost a place in his home.

The third was the day he opened a text message from an unknown number.

All three had dramatically spun his life in a different direction, for better or for worse, and now, sitting in the Impala in front of Castiel's home with his forehead resting on the steering wheel, he couldn't help but think that maybe this moment could be the fourth.

That fact terrified him more than anything else.

The odds that he would screw this up-like most other things in his life-were exceptionally high. The amount of actual successful relationships he'd had was,well, completely non-existent. But Cas was the exception. Cas had to be the exception or Dean would never forgive himself, and that thought caused his knuckles to turn white as he clenched the wheel tightly.

Goddammit, Dean. Grow some balls and go knock on his stupid door. He's waiting.

He was waiting. Because Dean had been sweating in the car for five minutes longer than he should have. Flashbacks of the last time he was late came crashing down around him and dammit, Cas was probably sitting inside worrying that he wasn't going to show up again, and he couldn't have that. It took three deep breaths and counting to thirty-seven before he finally got out of the car and started heading up the long incline to the door. The only thing wrong about the walk up to Cas's house was the time that it gave him to freak out internally and convince himself that maybe this wasn't the best idea. The first time he had ever made the walk had been absolute hell for him, and the manuscript he had held in his shaking hands had seemed to grow heavier with every step. Luckily, he didn't have to carry anything this time around, other than the weight of this moment.

Knock on the door. Just knock on it. That's all you gotta do. And breath. Breathing is always good.

When he finally reached the doorstep, he forced himself to quickly rap on the door a few times before he lost his nerve, then shoved his hands into his pockets so Cas wouldn't notice the slight tremor. God, he hadn't been this nervous about someone he'd been interested in since he was teenager. He swallowed as he heard the faint sound of shuffling from behind the door and smiled to himself at the muffled, "Goodbye, Samandriel" right before it opened.

All of the nervousness, all of the doubts, and all of the worries that had plagued him for days melted away the moment he set eyes on Castiel.

He had thought that the term "take your breath away" was a stupid, cliche, and ridiculous statement until right then.

Holy shit. BREATHE, Dean.

"Hey, Cas." He finally managed after a few seconds of staring like an idiot.

"Hello, Dean."

Castiel shuffled awkwardly at the doorstep for a few moments and glanced down at his feet.

"I wasn't entirely sure what would be appropriate attire for this occasion, so I made an educated guess seeing as you were incredibly vague about where we're going. I hope this is an adequate choice."

Castiel had donned a fitted black suit and a sapphire tie that drew attention to the blue of his eyes. In his arms he loosely held the tan trenchcoat that Dean was quickly growing more and more fond of. He was suddenly extremely grateful that he'd let Jo play dress-up with him that night instead of showing up in his usual jeans and t-shirt.

"It's your first date!" she had exclaimed in an exasperated tone as she flung open his closet. "You have to look perfect." Dean had rolled his eyes and leaned back on the bed, hands behind his head. "I don't know if you've realized this yet, Jo, but I actually have been on a few dates by now." Jo snorted from the depths of the closet and tossed a few selections out onto the floor. "Not with Castiel."

Dean highly doubted that Cas would have minded if he had shown up in ratty overalls and a cowboy hat, but she had a point and he was saying a silent 'thank you' to the memory now.

"No, you're-" he shook himself out of his stupor and tried to turn his focus onto forming coherent sentences. "I mean, yeah! You look good. Really good. Like, amazingly good."

Castiel looked up at him and raised an eyebrow skeptically, clearly not believing him.

Dean laughed, glad that the tension from just a few minutes before was gone. "I'm serious! It's perfect. You're-You look great." Smiling, Dean allowed himself a few more seconds of simply staring at the man in front of him and marveling at how he'd managed to be so freaking lucky. Finally, he cleared his throat and held out one arm expectantly while making a grand gesture towards his car with the other. "Well. Shall we?"

Castiel hesitated for only a moment before slipping his arm through Dean's with a small smile.

"We shall."

...

The drive to their destination hadn't been as awkward as he'd feared it might. In hindsight, he really shouldn't have been worried. They fell into easy conversation that mainly consisted of Cas taking every opportunity to get Dean to tell him where they were going, and Dean deflecting with dramatic subject changes. When they finally pulled into a parking lot, Castiel looked out the window and quickly glanced back to Dean. This was the part he was nervous about. What if Cas thought it was stupid? Or maybe it would be too much to try and live up to.

"The movie theater?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yup." Dean replied as he cut off the sound of the rumbling engine with a turn of his keys. It was worth it just to see Castiel's eyes brighten even in the dark of the Impala.

"But isn't the point of a date to get to know the other person?" Castiel's face pulled into a small frown. "I highly doubt much talking happens in a movie theater."

Dean chuckled as he tried to ignore what he was sure was an accidental double-entendre.

"Well, yeah. Besides the fact that we kind of know each other pretty well already, that part's gonna come after. This part is because you're twenty-two years old and it's about time you go to the goddam movies."

"I see." Castiel murmured and finally let the excitement that had seemed forcibly repressed show. He looked down and it quickly changed to horror. "Dean, I'm overdressed! Why didn't you say something?"

Dean shrugged innocently in response to the glare of betrayal.. "I can never say no to a guy in a suit."

...

A few minutes later, they had seated themselves in the very back row of a darkened room, as Dean had insisted it was the best seat. No way was he going to let Cas's first time at the movies be as a Front-Row-Joe. Castiel turned his gaze around the room as soon as the credits started.

"Shouldn't there be other people coming in?"

"Normally? Yes. But I know the guy that runs this place so I pulled a few strings." He grinned proudly, glad that he'd actually been able to call in the favor. It had only been slightly awkward when he had explained the situation, but Benny had just laughed and slapped him on the shoulder with a, "I'm happy you're happy, brother."

"He owes me. It's just going to be us in here."

Castiel nodded slowly and turned to look back up at the screen as Dean realized how that possibly could have sounded. "Shit, Cas. I didn't mean that-this doesn't mean we have to do anything-" he fumbled and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "I just thought you might like to have your first movie theater experience come without all of the crying kids and stuff. Oh my God. Sorry. I didn't even think-"

He stopped rambling only when Castiel reached over and covered his mouth with a hand. "Thank you, Dean " He could vaguely make out a smile in the darkness. "I appreciate it. I really do."

Dean visibly relaxed in his seat when Cas finally took his hand away. "Oh. Good."

"Do you realize that you also haven't told me what we're going to be seeing?"

Of course he did. That was half the fun. "Yup."

"Just making sure."

When he had estimated they had just a few more minutes before the movie officially started, he reached under his seat and pulled out a big bag of Marshmallows that he'd made sure was hidden and ready. Tearing off the top, he held it out in an offering.

"Want some popcorn?"

Castiel glanced over and groaned, dropping his face in his hands.

"Don't mock me!"

"Aw, c'mon Cas. Have some popcorn." He jiggled the bag and popped a marshmallow into his own mouth. "It's especially buttery today."

Cas's retort was drowned out by the sound of a familiar fanfare being blasted from the speakers. Dean failed spectacularly at hiding the excited smile he'd been trying to conceal ever since they arrived in the theater when Cas turned to gape at him. "But, this isn't in theaters anymore. At least, I'm fairly sure."

Dean winked and leaned back in his seat. "I told you. Benny owes me."

He watched the other man out of the corner of his eye, more interested in watching his reactions than the actual movie. He'd seen it hundreds of times already and Cas's face had lit up as he eagerly witnessed the iconic words roll the giant screen of the empty theater.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . .

...

Thinking up the second half of their date had been a lot harder for him than the first. The movie theater was obvious to him because

Cas had never been to a movie before.

Perfect excuse to watch Star Wars with Cas. (Something he'd been wanting to do since the marathon on TV.)

Perfect excuse to watch Cas.

One of the first things Dean had noticed about his friend was that sometimes he had the subtlest of facial expressions. A lot of people could easily label him as expressionless, but that so wasn't true. At first, Dean had had to struggle to memorize the small shifts in his facial muscles but after spending a decent amount of time together, Cas was becoming easier to interpret. Dean still had yet to decide if that was because he was getting better at reading him, or if it had more to do with the fact that Cas was opening himself up more and more around him. Either way, he counted it as a success, and he couldn't help but sneak small glances at him throughout the movie.

His first choice for their dinner, of course, had been the Road House, but that idea was immediately chucked into his mental trash can. Cas would probably never want to visit that place ever again, and Dean was okay with that no matter how much of a home it was to him. Making sure that Cas was comfortable with anything they did together was now one of his top priorities. It wasn't as if it was Cas's fault that he had such terrible memories there, God no. Dean only wished there was something he could do to make it all go away. So until someone invented time travel, all he could do was try and soften the blows that life threw at them.

"Welcome to the 'Get-to-know-you' part of the adventure." Dean announced when they had seated themselves in a booth at one of Dean's favorite burger joints. Cas had once entirely changed subjects during one of their text conversations to announce that he liked burgers, so he figured it was at least worth a shot.

Castiel clasped his hands together on the table in front him and gave Dean a small half-smile. "If tonight's events are an indication of anything, it's that you already seem to know me exceptionally well."

Dean shrugged nonchalantly and opened up a menu, though he did an internal victory dance. "I used to read through our texts a lot." He admitted in an embarrassed mutter, but Cas shyly nodded in agreement.

"I did too."

Good to see it went both ways.

"So did Balthazar finally try to give you a curfew?" he asked as he brought a cup of water up to his lips. He knew Balthazar had threatened one the day before when Cas had mentioned the date to him. Not that there was going to be a problem with that.

Castiel sighed and flipped the page of his menu. "He tried, but he wasn't able to decide between next Tuesday, and next month. " He looked up and rolled his eyes. "He thinks himself quite the wingman."

Dean choked on his water.

...

"There's nothing more satisfying than a good burger." Castiel declared as he finished the last bite.

Dean smirked. "There are PLENTY of things more satisfying than a good burger. For example, your pies."

Castiel felt his cheeks grow hot. "I still don't understand why you rave about them as much as you do. They're good, but they're not that good."

Dean clutched his chest. "Castiel Jonathan Novak, don't ever blaspheme like that again! The Lord will smite you down."

"Now you sound like my father." Castiel muttered.

"You don't talk about him much. What was he like?" Dean inquired.

Distant. Controlling. Intolerant. "He was...busy. He was always busy. But it was obvious he cared about us and wanted a family. His work kept him traveling, and wherever he went, we went. After our mother died, he started trying to micromanage every aspect of our lives. Once Jimmy and I moved out here, and he could no longer control us, he became extremely distant. He had Crowley and Naomi oversee us, but we were independent. When he found out I was gay, he refused to speak to me entirely." Castiel ate a fry before continuing. "He wanted a large family and I think the thought of me not being able to provide him grandchildren was difficult. After Jimmy died, he blamed me. The last time I saw him was Jimmy's funeral. That was partly why I went searching for my birth-mother."

"God, I'm so sorry Cas. That-that sucks." Dean reached out and took his hand.

Cas shrugged. "It is what it is." He squeezed Dean's hand before he stood up and looked out the window. He was on a date with Dean. There were several things he wanted to do on this date and talking about his dead father wasn't one of them. "It's a nice night tonight. Do you want to go back to my house and go swimming?"

Dean smiled. "I'd love that."

...

Castiel's heart was racing as he led Dean out to the pool. He was lost in his thoughts and only half paying attention to the story Dean was telling.

"...and after the guy finally left with my pogo stick, I picked the lock, took the pizza inside and pinned Sammy down until he promised never to lock me out of my own apartment again. And that is the story of how I learned if from the pizza man."

"That's quite the story." Cas said half-heartedly. All he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss Dean. But…he wasn't ready for that because kissing Dean would mean things. It was something he couldn't take back. Once they kissed, they would cross the boundary from just friends who had feelings for each other, to friends who acted on those feelings. It was one thing to ignore your feelings for someone while trying to maintain a close friendship with them. It was another thing to try and re-cross that boundary back to just-friends if it wasn't going to work out. And he wanted him and Dean to work out, but if he lost Dean as a friend because they crossed that line before they were both 100% sure, he would never forgive himself.

"You okay, Dude?" Dean was looking at him, concern evident on his face.

"Yeah," Castiel smiled. "I'm good."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "How upset would you be with me if I tackled you into the pool right now?"

"Hmm, you're assuming that you'll get me into the pool before I can get you into the pool" he challenged.

"It's not that far of an assumption." Dean looked down. "You're between me and the pool, I'm in a prime position to push you in, and I'm bigger than you. There's no way you could pull me in first."

Castiel moved closer to Dean. "Wanna bet?"

Dean took hold of Cas's arm and spun him around so Cas's back was pressed up against his chest. Dean's arms crossed over his stomach and pulled him close. "Yeah, I do," he growled happily before launching them both into the pool.

...

Castiel was laughing as he and Dean emerged from the pool an hour later. "You're such an assbutt!"

Dean grinned "You made a challenge. I couldn't just let that go."

Castiel walked over to the chair where their towels were located and tossed one to Dean. "You could've let it go. You chose not to."

"That wasn't even an option." Dean said as he wrapped the towel around his waist.

Castiel dried off his hair. "You're ridiculous." When he looked back up he caught Dean's eye and noticed that Dean was staring at him.

He stared back for several seconds before Dean shook his head and pulled on his shirt, breaking their eye contact.

"I should get going. It's late." He walked into the darkened house

"Right." Castiel followed him and remained silent all the way to the front door.

Dean pulled him into a hug which he gladly returned. "Thanks for the date, Cas. It was awesome. I'll text you when I get home."

"It was my pleasure, Dean." He smiled. "Drive safely."

Dean disappeared into the night and Castiel closed the front door before sinking to the ground, back against the wall. Relief and disappointment were battling for dominance inside of him. Dean wasn't going to make the first move. If Castiel wanted anything more, it was going to be on his terms. He was going to have to move first. After taking a deep, calming breath, he decided that yes, this was something he wanted, but there was also something he had to do before he was ready for it.

...

July 8th

"Alright, Cas. Here's the gameplan. We go in, we buy the cat food, and we get the hell out, alright? No stopping to stare at the chinchillas. No listing all of the reasons that you could really use a pet ferret. Just the food."

They were standing just outside the automatic doors to some fancy-ass pet shop because Cas refused to just buy a Walmart brand or something for his cat. Only the best for Samandriel, apparently. Dean just figured that a cat was a cat, but not to Cas. He had both hands on Cas's shoulders in a sort of "two person huddle" formation in an attempt to get the guy to focus on the task at hand, but all it was doing was making him stare directly into those blue eyes.

Castiel regarded him with an amused expression. "I appreciate your concern and enthusiasm, but I am an adult and as such am capable of handling myself in a pet store."

Dean stared back unwaveringly, completely oblivious to the fact that they were on the receiving end of some strange looks from customers going in and out of the store. "You said that last time and all it took was me taking my eyes off of you for one second and you had a whole family of rabbits in your arms and you were looking at me with those eyes…" Dean sighed dramatically and dropped his hands back to his sides. "Don't get me wrong, I think it's freaking adorable that you're an animal lover and everything, but you can't adopt the whole world."

The other man just smiled and reached out to squeeze his shoulder reassuringly in a way that most definitely did not make his heartbeat skyrocket. "I can too," he said stubbornly. "I'll be fine, Dean. Let's go get the food now."

Dean watched him turn around and enter the pet store with a confident smile. Two minutes. That's all it would take for Cas to get distracted. Two minutes.

It took one minute.

"Dean." he breathed. His eyes widened as he made a beeline to a big glass case in the front of the store full of the fluffiest guinea pigs you could possibly imagine. Wonderful.

"Cas, you don't need a guinea pig. You need cat food."

Castiel glanced up from the squeaking creatures vying for his attention. Oh God. There were the eyes again. Not fair.

Dean shook his head. "No, Cas. You're the one who asked me to help you with your impulse buying. Well, this is me helping you."

Castiel frowned and reached down to stroke the black and white one that was scratching at the glass before Dean could even think about stopping him. "But it's not impulse." He insisted. "It's..."

"Impulse." Dean finished for him. "Look, they'll still be here if you really want one in like a month. Let's just get you the pet food for now, okay?"

Cas still looked pretty bummed out by the prospect of not taking one of those fuzzballs home right then and it killed him. Dropping his hand from the rim of the cage, he hesitated for only a second before lightly nudging it against Cas's and intertwining their fingers with a light squeeze. This wasn't the first time they'd held hands this way. Dean had been testing the waters of Castiel's boundaries a little bit more every time he saw him, just to see what he was okay with. Judging by the look on his face whenever he did, he figured holding hands was just fine by him.

Dean smiled in triumph at the light blush he saw crawling up Castiel's neck. The hand squeezed his in response and even the obnoxious sound of the pets couldn't dampen his high.

"Okay."

Success.

"Sweet. Now let's go and get you some damn cat food before I start sneezing again." The darker haired man nodded and tugged Dean in the direction of the food isle.

Ten minutes and three sneezes later, they were finally in the parking lot, shoving their purchase into the backseat of Cas's prius. Dean shut the door and leaned back against it with laugh and stupid grin on his face. "Proud of you, Cas." He chuckled. "You came out with exactly what you planned on getting. There really is a first time for everything."

Castiel smiled and leaned up against the door next to him with his arms crossed against his chest. "Well you are a very persuasive person, you know." He looked away purposefully. "Or distracting." He muttered.

Dean was perfectly fine with that. This trip to the pet store had been pretty damn fantastic and he was beyond glad that Cas had been asking him to come to these.

"Besides," Castiel added, "You are correct. We really don't need another pet."

Dean slowly turned his head to give Cas the biggest shit-eating grin he could possibly manage, causing the other man to squint his eyes at him suspiciously.

"What?"

"You said 'We.'"

"I…what?"

Dean turned over and leaned his shoulder against the car to face the confused look directed at him. "You said, 'We really don't need another pet.' I swear to God you did."

He watched as Castiel worked that through. He could almost hear the gears turning in his head as he studied the implications of what he'd said. Wow, he hadn't meant for it to turn into something huge for him.

"I did." He agreed after a few moments, chewing on his bottom lip with worry laced in his features. "Is that…alright? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anyth-"

"Cas," Dean interrupted with a fond hand on the shoulder, "don't ever change."

All of the worry in Cas's expression slowly dissipated into something Dean almost dared to label as gratitude. He wasn't sure why he'd said it, but that had just been so Cas of him, not even to notice, and he didn't ever want him and try and change the way he was. Changing was the last thing he wanted Cas to think he had to do.

The space between them had become a lot smaller in the few seconds of staring they'd shared and Dean sucked in a silent breath when the realization hit that this might be it. He had easily accepted that Cas just wasn't ready for anything on their date, but right now it looked like he might be completely fine if Dean slowly leaned in those extra few inches and closed the distance. Yeah, he was pretty damn sure that this was something Cas wanted; it was hard to misinterpret the way his eyes kept flicking down to Dean's lips and back up, looking for conformation in his eyes that Dean wasn't sure he was going to give. His heart was racing in his chest as he regretfully leaned away from the other man. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to possibly screw up everything with Cas just because he'd read him wrong or something stupid along those lines. He always screwed it up and he couldn't let this be one of the many examples he had to show of it.

"Um, maybe we should go-"

Castiel let out an impatient breath and rolled his eyes. That was all the warning Dean got before he was grabbed by the back of the neck and pulled down to meet a warm set of lips against his own.

His mind went into overdrive.

A million thoughts crossed his mind at the same time but all he was able to focus on was holy shit this is happening. He was actually kissing Castiel. The man he had gotten to know without ever meeting. The man he'd managed to fall in love with without ever seeing a face. The man who somehow seemed to feel the same way, despite all of Dean's many faults and how much he really didn't deserve any of this. The fingers in his hair tightened when Dean made a small move to pull away, not wanting him to leave after being denied this for so long. So he didn't. Instead, he trailed his hands down Castiel's sides until they settled comfortably on his hips, Cas's hands cupping his face in response. This was something he could get used to, and something he never planned on letting go.

He was completely lost in everything Castiel.

It wasn't until a group of teenagers drove by and started whistling at them that they finally broke apart. Dean looked down at Castiel's flushed face hesitantly, wanting to be sure that he didn't regret any of that. Maybe he thought he had reacted too quickly? He forced himself to calm down at the relaxed smile the other man was displaying in his direction.

"So," he started once the whooping and hollering had faded into the distance. The desire to flip them off had been so strong, he mentally patted himself on the back for resisting and not ruining the moment. "Not that I'm complaining, but why the change of heart?" Their date had only been a few days ago, and while he had completely, one hundred percent, understood when Cas hadn't seemed he like wasn't quite ready he wondered what had happened to change that. Hell, they had both been half naked and Cas hadn't once initiated anything super touchy-feely.

Castiel took a small breath and let go of Dean's neck to slide his hands into Dean's. "I went to my brother's grave yesterday." he explained in a steady voice.

Oh. That was...significant.

The last time Cas had tried to go visit, he'd turned around and headed back before reaching the halfway mark. That would also explain the lack of texts yesterday that Dean had not been overreacting about.

"How'd it go?"

He saw Castiel swallow before he answered confidently. "It went well, I think. I told him him that I still miss him very much, and that he was always a wonderful brother to me. I told him that I'm sorry for holding onto the guilt of his death all these years and denying myself happiness because of it. I-I know that it's the last thing he would have wanted." His voice had gone quieter, but he managed to keep talking steadily. Dean nodded reassuringly and began rubbing small circles into the top of Castiel's hands with his thumbs. His heart jumped when Castiel smiled up at him like he had hung the freaking moon.

"So this is me moving on, and letting myself be happy."

And with that, Dean grinned as he hooked an arm around Castiel's waist to pull him in for the second of many kisses to come.