What Just Happened? Chapter 8: Insecurities, a soul eater fanfic

Chapter 8:

Insecurities

Maka paces back and forth, Madilynn sitting on the floor in her room.

"Maka, could you chill with the pacing? I'm getting motion sickness just watching you." Madilynn says around a mouth full of chips.

Maka pauses long enough to glare at her. "Madi, I'm in serious trouble."

"What, because you actually like a guy?" Madilynn puts another chip in her mouth. "So, you like Soul. Nothing is wrong with that."

Maka sinks onto the bed. "Madi, I can't catch feelings for Soul. I pretty much see him all day, every day. We write music together, and we perform together. I can't let emotions get in the way of that."

"Maka, I think you're overthinking this. Instead of premeditating on disaster, why don't you look at this in a positive light? Soul's a great guy, and you guys have a lot in common. Not to mention, you seem to write better when you're around him."

Putting her head in her hands, Maka lets out a loud grunt. "Why does it have to be him though? And why does he have to return it? And why the hell does he have to be so kind and talented and smart-ugh. It makes this a million times more complicated."

"Hypothetically, if you two got together, I think it would be a good thing." Maka opens her mouth to argue, but Madilynn stops her. "Ah, ah, ah! Let me finish." Maka closes her mouth.

"The idea that the band will break up if you guys broke up is a bit extreme. Soul's been in the band for six years, and I doubt he would leave over a girl. You value the group more than your grades, so I don't think that you would leave over that either. Plus, Soul doesn't seem like the kind of guy to completely kick you out of his life, even if you aren't a thing anymore." Madilynn stretches out her legs.

"I'm more concerned about people getting used to seeing chemistry in a performance and then, once it's over, us having to fake it. I think I should hold back a bit."

"Why don't you just talk to him about it?" Madilynn suggests.

"Because, of course, that would be the adult thing to do. But I don't really want to waltz over to him and be like, 'hey, I like you and assume you return the feelings, but I want to pretend like it's nothing. Bye!'" Maka says in an overly fake enthusiastic voice.

Madilynn throws her empty chip bag at Maka. "Don't be an ass about it!"

Maka catches the bag. "I really don't know if what I felt was actually there. I could have just been wrapped in my own emotions and saw what I wanted to."

"Maka, you are one of the most logical people I know. You said that, as soon as you started to touch him during the song, it's like he came alive? That it felt like your souls were connected? That you two were in your own vocal dance? That sounds like requited feelings to me." Madilynn shrugs.

"I just don't know if I want to follow through on it. I told myself that I will not initiate or return any romantic emotions. It would crush me to get involved in something and it get messy, especially when we are still producing the album."

"Do you have rehearsal today?" Madilynn asks.

"We are actually recording the bonus track today. It's an acoustic duet." Maka shuffles her feet.

"Okay, how about this. I will sit in on your recording session and watch the way you two interact. Now, I need you to be genuine and not hide your emotions with him, especially while I observe you two. I need to see how he reacts to your actual emotions." Madilynn nods her head, proud of her idea.

"What will it matter, Madi? I just told you that I am not going to act on my emotions."

"Maka, stop being a fraidy cat. If, and only if, he returns the feelings, I think you should go for it. Then again, you do you, boo. I won't force you." Madilynn stands up. "I'll see you at rehearsal in a few hours. Call me if you need me, okay?"

Maka stands as well, and embraces Madilynn. "Okay. See you later."

~What Just Happened?~

Soul quickly backs away from the door, acting as if he wasn't eavesdropping and was actually just turning the corner. Madilynn opens the door and waves at him. "Oh, hi Soul!"

"Yo." Soul returns, giving her a two fingered salute. "You heading out?"

"Yeah." She nods. "I have to run a couple of errands. But, I might drop by later with some food for you guys during your recording session."

"Sounds good. See you later."

They wave their goodbyes and Soul decides to go to the piano room to think.

Soul never meant to eavesdrop on Maka, but he heard his name and was intrigued. What he heard confirmed his suspicions. Maka did, in fact, have feelings for him but isn't going to act on them in fear of it damaging the dynamic of the band.

A valid fear, he supposes, but what he thinks of instead is of how freely he can talk to her. How, out of all the people around him, she is the one who resonates with him. She treats him as a person, and genuinely likes to be around him. She is crazy talented and brilliant, and he wants to get to know her as much as humanly possible.

He knows that whatever happens between them won't damage the band. Tsubaki and Black Star got together a year and a half after the band formed, and they are just fine. Yeah, they have fights, but they separate their personal life from the band life. Soul knows that Maka and he are both mature enough to do the same.

Soul just has to show her that she has nothing to fear. Yes, he does think that her fears are rooted deeper than the band, only because of what she has told him about her past relationships. He doesn't know how the hell he's going to convince her of anything, because she is strong and independent. Not to mention that she is too smart for her own good sometimes.

But those are some of the qualities that he finds beautiful. Most women throw themselves at him, thinking that all he wants is sex and a smoke. In reality, he just wants someone to get him, to understand that he is as much of a human as anyone else. Maka saw through him the very first day they met, and it was the fact that she hated him that really interested him. It was nice, for once, to be someone who had no significance.

Soul plays some of the song they will record today and smiles. They wrote it from the perspective of two people who share a mutual respect to the point where they become a part of each other. It is a transition from the first song in the album, which talks about being in love but in a toxic relationship, which both of them have experienced.

It is supposed to signify that people's outlook on love can change with the right people, and that it can transform them from the inside out. I don't think either of them thought that it would apply to them on a personal level, much less with each other. But now, Soul knows that it will be genuine. He just has to show her that he means it, too.

~What Just Happened?~

Maka takes a deep breath and adjusts the headphones on her head while Soul adjusts the mic stand to a more suitable height for him. Through the glass, she sees Madilynn walk in with an arm full of food and take a seat on one of the couches with the rest of the band. Kid sits at the engineer table, and he waves at us. "We're all ready over here. Are the levels okay on your end?"

Soul says something while Maka looks down at the lyric sheet in front of her. They have already recorded the instrumental to the track, and the vocals are the last thing they need for this track. Maka makes eye contact with Soul, who is positioned directly across from her. He gives her a confident nod and reassuring nod. Maka takes a deep breath and they give Kid two thumbs up.

Part of Me by Neck Deep feat. Laura Whiteside

The track starts and Maka bounces her leg to internalize the rhythm. Maka watches as Soul starts to sing.

"I'll paint you a picture with words, 'I miss her'. But we still talk like everyday-"

Maka makes eye contact and starts to sing with him. "But we don't talk in the same way that we used to. I'll move on and forget you."

He holds her eye contact. "We could never see eye to eye."

And together they sing, "But either way-"

Soul intentionally points to her. "I like her 'cause she's smart, headstrong, and independent. She puts me in my place, but I don't know where I stand. If only I could find the words, or muster up the nerve to tell her, I'll never forget her, and she'll always have a part of me." Maka sings harmonies where it is written, but is starting to get the feeling that he is using this song to actually communicate with her.

"Don't let me go down this road again." He sings to her.

Maka harmonizes with "We both know where this ends."

"In a storm of feeling, I'm so unappealing."

Maka responds with equal feeling. "I can't play these games."

"I like her 'cause she's smart, headstrong, and independent. She puts me in my place, but I don't know where I stand. And if only I could find the words, or muster up the nerve to tell her, I'll never forget her. And she'll always have a part of me."

The second time around at the chorus is full of even more emotion.

They harmonize perfectly. "She'll always have a part of me. She'll always have a part of me."

Soul's stare pierces her soul. "I was falling for a girl who would ask me to come over just for a day, when her parents were away. Now all I can do is lay in my room, fall asleep, dream of you, then wake up and do nothing about it."

Maka responds with her part with equal intensity. "I fell for a boy who could never ever let me walk home that way, 'cause you gotta be safe. So hold back your views, we're both leaving soon, I can't fall back on you, 'cause that's not what I do."

Maka repeats this line three times as Soul sings over her, "She hates it when I shout these words, but I'll still sing for you."

Soul ends it by singing softly, "I'll still sing for you."

They end it, both panting from giving it their all. Soul doesn't break his stare, and she turns away when she hears Kid on the speaker. "Great job. Come on in and take a listen."

Soul reaches his hand out as if he wants to say something, but Maka walks out of the recording room to go to the main studio with the rest of the group.

Soul joins them shortly after, and Maka listens to the song numbly. Her phone vibrates and she sees that Soul has texted her.

To: Maka

From: Soul

Can we talk later?

Sent Saturday at 3:23 pm

Maka debates ignoring it, but she knows Soul is looking at her reading it and refuses to be that immature.

To: Soul

From: Maka

Yes.

Sent Saturday at 3:27 pm

Her phone buzzes again and she sees it is Madilynn.

To: Maka

From: Madi

I can confirm. You were right. There is something there.

Sent Saturday at 3:35 pm

Inwardly, Maka groans. Now she definitely has to have that conversation with Soul. A small part of her was hoping she was just making this up so it could be laughed about and moved on from. But, nope. That will not be happening.

Kid turns to all of them. "Alright, so all that is needed for this track is to have the final mix done, the vocals for two more songs tracked and mixed, and then the album will be sent to be mastered. We're almost there!"

Everyone cheers. Kid continues. "Now that this is pretty much through, we need to put our full efforts into this promo tour that starts in less than three weeks. Starting tomorrow, we will be running full sets. Get some rest, and we'll meet at eleven in the morning."

Black Star jumps up with a salute. "Sir, yes sir!"

Everyone starts to file out, that is, everyone besides Maka and Soul. Madilynn gives her hand a passing squeeze as she walks out. Soul nods his head towards the door, and she follows him into the elevator. They are quiet during the ascent to the rooftop.

The rooftop itself gives a beautiful view of Death City. It even has a few luxury couches and a working fireplace set up. She follows him to the couch, and they sit facing each other.

There is a bit of an awkward silence, before Soul takes a deep breath. "Maka, I just want you to know that first and foremost, you're my friend. Actually, you've become a close friend. I feel like I can talk to you about anything, and that you are someone who genuinely sees me. That has always been so hard to find, and even though we had a rough start, I'm glad that you are someone who I can consider to be a really close friend."

Maka stays quiet as he pauses. "Maka, whenever I'm around you, I feel like I've gotten a second wind. I'm inspired by you and your artistry, by the way you approach music, writing, and your logical mind really pushes me to be the best version of myself. This is something I never knew I needed, but ever since you've been around, it's become painfully obvious. I respect you so much and, even though life has thrown the worst at you, you have managed to stay so positive and want to prove that your life doesn't define your worth. You are incredibly hard working and passionate, and the change you have made among this entire group is so glaringly apparent that it's just- for lack of better words- fucking insane."

Maka feels her face heat up, but her voice is caught in her throat.

Soul takes her hands. "Maka, I know you've been hurt. Hurt beyond what anyone should have to endure. But Maka, no matter how much I've tried to convince myself otherwise, I think I'm kind of crazy for you. You have this way of balancing me out, of pushing me to my limits, and I honestly want to give this a try. I know you feel the same. And, if it will take time, then I will wait, because you are worth it. I just want you to know that. And, if you really don't want anything to become of this, if you want to just stay close friends, I completely understand. I just need to know."

A tear escapes down Maka's face, and she is surprised that she is crying. Maka thought that she had lost the ability to be moved by people, especially in the romance department. But, here she is, crying.

Soul wipes the tear from her cheek.

Maka takes a deep breath. "Soul, what if everything gets screwed up? What if you don't like what you see? What if-." Her breath hitches. She waits until she can breathe again. "What if I can't be what you want?" The dam breaks and she starts to cry. Soul pulls her into a tight hug, and she buries her face into his shirt. "I'm scared."

Soul strokes her head. "I know. I know."

They stay like that for a while until she is all cried out.

"You can always say no, Maka. There is no harm in that. I won't die."

Maka doesn't want to meet his eyes. "But I don't want to say no. Not really."

"We'll take it slow then." He gently pushes her back enough to where he can see her face. "You set the pace, and I'll follow. Regardless, I'll always be here. I know you may not believe in words after all that has happened in your life, so I will just have to prove it."

He rests his forehead on Maka's, and she closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. After staying like that for a moment, he gets up and reaches a hand to her. "We should head back. The others are probably looking for us."

Maka takes his hand with a small smile and follows him back to the elevator, feeling lighter than she has in weeks.