I'm having an epic writing/reading withdrawal period, but with the packing and planning coming to a finish, I felt I just need to sit down and type something out. (For my own sanity's sake) So here it is.. I've been playing around with this idea for a while now, with one or other events at the background, but I finally decided to type it down as the image became clear. (Yes, I am terribly distracted, let me know if you spot typos..)

Hope you like~ Feedback very much appreciated~

.*.

"What the hell happened to you?" The cook stared at the young man.

"Rough night.." He smiled sheepishly.

The woman lifted an eyebrow at him questioningly, but it was clear the servant had no intention of going into details. His hair was messy, sticking up in all angles; his pale face and dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes served as proof of said rough night; there was also a bruise along his right cheek, perhaps even highlighted by his pallid complexion. His clothes looked positively ruffled, like he had slept in them, - same for his whole persona come to think of it. And wherever he had slept, it obviously didn't grant him with much rest. He looked worn and dejected.

"Well, don't drop the king's breakfast!" Audrey said raising her wooden spoon close to his face, but he didn't give much reaction to the threat; not more then the same feeble smile that didn't reach anywhere near his eyes. She glared at him a few moments longer as he gathered the tray of food and floundered out the kitchen door. Something was off with that boy; the cook shook her head and sighed.

As soon as he was out the door a kitchen maid scurried next to the woman with the excitement of news on her young face.

"Haven't you heard?" she whispered with something akin to glee in her voice. Gossip was always sweet.

"Heard what?" The burly woman turned around.

"He spent the night in the dungeons!" the young woman said in a shushed voice.

"Did he now?" Another maid picked her head up from a pile of potatoes, the information suddenly becoming more interesting then her chore of pealing the vegetables.

"Nonsense." The cook waved them off. The boy often looked a bit ruffled, she thought; this could be no different than any other overworked day.

"The king's manservant was he?" Another servant stepped close to the women, as he set a bucket of water down, followed by the expectant glances of the others.

"Yes. He was just here, picking up the king's breakfast." The kitchen maid nodded affirming.

"Oh, he was in the dungeons alright.." the middle-aged man confirmed, nodding his head with conviction.

"What are you all on about?" The cook snapped. "He's a peculiar fellow, but Gods rest his soul, King Uther himself gave the boy to his son as manservant. And it's been a long while since the prince, and now king, would toss him in a cell or put him in the stocks."

"Long time ago that was, indeed.." the man nodded with a kind of nostalgia on his expression.

"Yes, and I remember they didn't really get along at first.." the maid pitched in, still having a knife and potato in hand.

"He was quite brash for a servant." The man added with a disapproving tone. "Still is, to be honest.."

"Well they do get along now." The cook declared. "That boy is always at the king's side. Sure, he has rotten mischief written all over him but he is dear to the king for some reason; and that much, anyone in Camelot can tell."

"Oh yes, I do remember how upset Sire was when his servant went missing at one time. Had Lord Agravaine look for him for ages.. Of course, the lord wasn't too happy to be made to look for a mere servant, but it just shows how much the king cares about him." The younger maid said with a certain admiration, then she added with a giggle. "Even if sometimes he uses him as practice dummy."

"Well you can believe me the rumor is true, the king's manservant spent the night in the dungeons. I saw him get dragged away meself." The man said straightening himself with the pride of someone holding knowledge of precious information.

"Oh why didn't you say so?!"

"What happened?" the younger girl asked vividly.

"Come on, speak up!"

"That.. that I don't know for sure.." he said a little unsure all of a sudden, shifting his weight form one foot to another. "But he was piss-ass drunk, barely holding himself on his feet and he was shouting. Really loud. I saw the queen was crying too and the king was furious, so he had the man dragged off by the guards."

"Oh dear.." the kitchen maid raised her hand against her chest, obviously forgetting she still had the half pealed potato in her hand. "Did you see his face? You suppose he punched him?" she asked in a shushed and worried tone.

"Could be.. but made the queen cry? Oh dear.. he's lucky he still has his head.." the younger maid nodded in awe.

"But what happened? Tell us! Don't make me drag every word out of ya!" the cook was becoming curious now as well, taking to threaten the man with the spoon in her grip.

"Well, Queen Guinevere retreated to her own chambers, the king looked furious, but he wasn't yelling, just told the guards to lock his manservant in a cell, and let him out in the morning in time to bring him his breakfast. He put up a fight at first, but it didn't matter much, then he let himself be taken away, just like that."

"Yes yes.. but what was the shouting about..?"

"I.. I think it was about a woman."

They all looked at him in confusion.

"The manservant was accusing the king of taking her away or something. That she was too young. Couldn't really be understood, he was incredibly drunk, not making too much sense. He can be very brash towards the King, but this time I think rather the ale was talking out of him. There seemed to be no jest in his tone, only bitterness."

"So that's where they went!" They all turned to look at a small boy standing close to them, that they failed to notice before in the heat of their discussion. He was one of the stable boys.

"I saw them leave early last night." The boy said with confidence. "After Merlin finished brushing off the king's mare after the hunt, Sir Gwaine came and convinced him to join him to go somewhere.. it must've been the tavern!"

"Sir Gwaine. Of course! So he'd taken Merlin to the tavern.. and got him drunk." They nodded and rolled their eyes; by now all being familiar with the knight's odd habits and love of ale.

"Yes." the boy nodded. "Merlin really didn't want to go but the sir knight was insistent. And they talked like old friends, rather than a lord to a servant, so Merlin gave in and went." The boy giggled. "He even promised him women to 'ease his pent up stress!" the young stable-hand laughed, but then he had to duck the wooden spoon as the cook shooed him away.

"Off you go, they're not things for a child's ears!"

"So he got drunk.." The potato-peeler maid got back to the topic. "Then went up to the royals and shouted at them? Maybe it was the queen? Lady Guinevere was a servant here before the prince took a linking in her.. Perhaps Merlin fancied her from before and only the booze got him to gather the courage to confess it to the king?"

"No.." the man shook his head "It wasn't the lady.. She said something 'How could you?' to the king before she darted out the chambers after the manservant has been dragged away. And the king was just as upset, he didn't try to stop her from leaving either. And then he just locked himself in his chambers. ..Oy! Thomas!"

A man with a black eye patch carrying a plate of food at the other end of the kitchen picked his head up to them, then strutted over to the small group.

"Wha..?"

"You were supposed to tend to the fire in the king's chamber last night?"

"Aye.." the man nodded, then before they could ask he answered what they were curious about. "I heard his servant got dragged off for something, so Godrick told me to see to it, but the King didn't let me."

"Oh.."

"What of Sir Gwaine?" The burly woman asked. "Did you notice something about him?" they all turned to the man, knowing he usually tends to the knight's needs.

"Oh, milord is terribly upset. He didn't let me draw the curtains this morning, and didn't even want his breakfast.. Told me to eat it myself." Thomas said looking at the plate of food with a sort of sadness as he placed the tray on the table near them.

"You recon he was upset about the same thing the manservant was?"

"He wouldn't say what bothered him, only that he wants to be left alone. He sat at his desk fiddling with that ring of his on his necklace, and I heard him mumble something of "that poor boy", but nothing more."

"Suppose he felt guilty for riling up the king's servant?"

"Could be.. but milord's a good man." Thomas said convincingly. "He never raises his hand on servants. I'm sad he's so upset." The man added and the rest of them understood why he feels that way. It was a lords anger that cost him dearly years ago, and it was only thanks to Gaius's remedies that it didn't cost him more then the eye he was missing. But Gwaine treated him well and the middle-aged man was thankful for it. He didn't understand how a lord can behave like Sir Gwaine does, but he treated the servants well, almost like equals. And as he thought about it, many of the nights acted that way from those the king came back with that fateful day some time ago, retaking the throne from he witch Morgana.

"Rough night indeed." The cook said with a puff, recalling the dark haired boy's reply, breaking the silence they all sank in with their thoughts, taking in the information and trying to piece the puzzle together. She figured they will figure it out sooner or later, no use standing around here now. She was about to turn back to her duties when the other man spoke up.

"There's more."

"What ?"

"My brother-in-law was on guard duty for a little while longer after they brought him into the dungeons. He said he wasn't all that surprised to see him there, as the king would often toss him in there while he was younger, but he said he never saw the boy in such a state before. They were not to talk to him, and it was pretty quiet after he stopped yelling or throwing up. But then he said he could've sworn he heard sniffing from the man's cell."

"What? He was.. crying?.." they all looked at the man flabbergasted. They saw the manservant run around the king, they even saw him tipsy at times, but the thought of him being so upset to be moved to tears was something new. They couldn't imagine that smiling face ever frowning with tears.

"Oh, the poor dear.." The younger maid raised her hand to her mouth in shock.

"It seems so.. Whatever had happened, it was something serious.. but he was like always in the morning. Ruffed up from a night in the cell, but nothing else. He was like always. Smiling. Very much like.. like Merlin..

.*.

People saw and people heard and news traveled fast as birds, but what they did not know was what really went on behind closed doors.

"Merlin.." The king stood in front of the younger man. He was already up by the time the servant walked in with his breakfast. Truth be told he hasn't slept any that night.

"I apologize for my outburst last night, Sire.." The warlock kept his eyes on the ground, not lifting his head.

"No, Merlin.. Don't.." Even though he would call him on it, Arthur never truly expected Merlin ever to apologize for any of his brash comments and snide remarks. Especially not now.. not about this. "I.. I can't say how sorry I am.." he said and cautiously approached the man, as if approaching a startled deer on a hunt, but Merlin determinedly kept his head down and just shook his head, feeling somewhat embarrassed with the whole situation.

"Will there be anything else, Sire..?" he asked in a low tone.

"Merlin.." Arthur grabbed his arms, effectively drawing the man's glance up to his own and even if Merlin looked away a moment later, the king still held onto him.

He didn't miss the red eyes and the dejected look. The look of a wounded man; that bore scars unseen, but just as hurting.

"I'm really sorry.." The blonde said with eyes glistering, searching for a glance from the man he hurt so deep, even if unknowing. "What I've done.. I can never make it up to you.." He had almost lost Guinevere once, but only almost. Merlin did lose his love; and it was by the blonde's own hand. He could never imagine the grief he would have felt, should he lose Gwen; he couldn't imagine how Merlin had felt upon losing Freya. For years now. Gods.. for years. And he still served him with unquestionable loyalty and granted him with truest friendship. Arthur was at lost for thoughts as for words.

The servant shook his head slowly and made a feeble attempt to get away from the man, but Arthur's grip was firm, and he felt too tired to protest; and too nauseous to argue. And the headache, oh, the headache.. he just didn't want to be there..

"..'s not y' ur fault.." he mumbled, eventually looking Arthur in the eyes, his own eyes moist. "You.. didn't know.." His voice was cracking and low.

"But I still.. I still killed her, Merlin and you loved her.. It's something I'll never be able to forgive myself."

"She was cursed.." The servant shook his head again; his breath becoming more ragged than he liked. "I loved her, bu.. but..sh..she was curs..ed… could.. nt.." and somehow the dam broke under the glance of those blue eyes and Merlin bowed his head low, stiff and trembling; biting his lip to keep the sounds from escaping; feeling very much miserable and weak. But this time Arthur didn't make fun of him. And this time he wouldn't make fun of him being vulnerable. It just showed how he was human too; how he had feelings as well; and how those feelings could be hurt.

The king pulled his manservant close resting a palm on the bob of his head. And no words were spoken for a while. The dim lit room was silent, except for the sniffs and shivering breaths.

"What was her name..?"

"Freya.."

~.~.~

PS. To some of you asking about a next chapter for this one.. No. Sorry. It pretty much is a 'oneshot', so unless I get any ideas for any continuation, it will stay a oneshot. Still, hope you like it~