A/N

So this one is going to be heavy at times, so if darkness isn't your thing this isn't for you. It's very AU and OOC! I can promise that a beautiful Rizzles love story will evolve out of all of this eventually. The rating will change in later chapters, but don't expect the sexy stuff to soon cause it ain't gonna happen right off the bat. I do enjoy comments however so...let me know what you think. It's up to you whether or not I keep writing this story. If there's no interest I won't bother with it. That being said...here we go.

Jane

The seven and seven the bar tender served me was strong. I winced, scrunching up my face as the burn of alcohol sizzled down my throat. I had a feeling the bartender had poured a bit more alcohol into my drink than he would have any normal customer. I inhaled deeply and let out a long exasperated sigh as the rush of pleasant warmth of an alcohol buzz washed over me. I needed this drink, and probably another one after it. My nerves were on edge like they never had been before. This was my first time, my first..."date" as Carmelite liked to call it. I sighed heavily again taking another impossibly strong burning gulp of my drink. I tried not to think about what I was about to do, I tried not to think about what would happen to me if anyone found out about my...'date'. I willed myself to think of other things, more pleasant things, anything to keep my mind off what I was really doing here.

I thought of Angela , my sweet little one year old probably sleeping right now in my tiny little apartment with the babysitter. I sighed again, downing more of my drink. It didn't burn so badly this time. I welcomed the flush the alcohol gave me. It made me feel calm, calm and confident. Confidence was everything in my...in my line of work. I looked down at my dress, it was simple, nothing to over the top. I didn't want to stand out to much, I couldn't afford to be labeled for exactly what I was. The dress cost me fifteen dollars at the local Good Will. I didn't have money for anything nicer. I imagined the dress was pretty enough, it was all black with thin shoulder straps. It hugged my body like a glove and stopped just above my knees. I'd managed to scrounge up some change for a decent enough pair of black high heels from Pay Less. I'd spent my last dime on the red lipstick I was wearing to compliment my other makeup. I was wearing a lot of make up. I didn't normally wear much make up at all if any, but I didn't want to look in the mirror and see the real me, I wanted to see something else. I guess I was something else now, or was I just pretending? I didn't know, I didn't really want to think about it. I smoothed the wrinkles from my dress nervously with my hands. I didn't have an iron at home, I couldn't afford such luxuries as that. I thought about my baby girl again. I fought down the lump in the back of my throat and swallowed another long sip of my drink. I had no choice, I was committed to this thing...to this...'job'. I had no money to pay my baby sitter and no money to feed my child. I thought about the three lonely diapers I had left at home and the half container of baby wipes. I didn't even have any baby powder or soap or laundry detergent. I batted back tears thinking about how I'd had to reduce myself to washing my baby with dish soap last night because I'd spent my last dimes on this outfit I was wearing.

I closed my eyes tightly, I could not afford to cry, not now...not now! I had a 'date', and that was the only way myself and my baby were going to eat. Thank God my...'date' had set up an open tab for me at the bar, I really needed the drink...and probably the next three drinks after this one. Carmelite said it was common practice for the higher quality clients to set up open tabs for their...well...for their whore's. I might as well admit it...that is what I was after all. A whore. I looked around the bar in the beautiful hotel dinning room. I'd never seen anything so opulent or decadent in my life. Everyone was finely dressed, even the bar staff and the waiters. Everything spoke of extravagance and expense. This was not a place I could ever have afforded to frequent, not in my wildest dreams. Even the bar menu was half in english and half in French or something like that. Most of the drinks on the drink menu I'd never even heard of before. There were even three pages of nothing but wine, some of the bottles were over a thousand dollars. I'd felt so small looking at the menu when the waiter handed it to me. His name was Gregory, a nice enough fairly handsome but obviously gay man. Carmelite told me to only speak to him...he knew why I was here and knew it was my first time. His knowledge made me uncomfortable at first, but he was sweet and offered me a kind reassuring smile. I saw no judgement behind his crystal blue eyes, I did see something like sympathy though. That only made me feel worse.

"How about a good old-fashioned seven and seven?" Gregory had asked me. He must have sensed I was bewildered by the drink menu.

I accepted his offer graciously, happy to be able to do away with that awful wine list. I didn't know how much was too much to charge to my...date...and I didn't want to seem over zealous or greedy. This had to go well or I'd never be asked to work again. Gregory had offered me a food menu, but I'd refused. I couldn't stomach eating, not right before...well...right before my 'date'.

I took another long sip of my drink finishing it off. I was floored by how quickly I'd put down such a strong drink. I couldn't blame myself, I'd never been so nervous in my life. Carmelite had a two drink maximum rule before meeting with a 'client'! I wanted more than two, I needed more than two, but I'd follow the rules. This had to go well, my baby was depending on me. I ordered another drink when Gregory approached me again, he nodded kindly and moved swiftly to feed me more alcohol. I wondered how many other women had sat in this very bar stool contemplating doing exactly what I was about to do. Did every girl get as nervous as me? Did every girl drink as much as me? Was every girl the same disaster I was?

I thanked Gregory graciously when he set my drink in front of me. It was stronger even than the last one. I sighed again resting my elbows on the beautiful dark wood counter and wrapped my hands around the cool glass of my drink. I wasn't wearing a watch, but I knew I'd been at the bar at least thirty-five minutes. I had a very accurate internal clock, probably from my years of police training. I chuckled to myself remembering the woman I was so long ago. A cop...a fucking cop! I smiled at the irony that I'd gone from upholding the law and now...now I was a whore. I didn't think about all the details in the middle, I didn't have the strength to depress myself or God forbid cry. I still had a...a 'date'.

Carmelite said my client was a frequent one, apparently one of the best. I guess all her girls wanted to be this clients regular...but Carmelite had given them to me tonight, and on my first night at that. I'd protest vehemently, pleading that I wasn't experienced enough to please a regular, that it would be too much pressure. I begged Carmelite to assign another girl more suited to the task, I didn't want to be the reason one of the best clients walked away from the agency after years of faithful patronage. Carmalita hadn't been interested in any of my desperate pleas however. She just shushed me and very sternly demanded that I pull myself together and find something pretty to wear. I complied, what else was I supposed to do? I needed the money so badly.

I thought about my baby again. I thought about the first time I held her in my arms and the tears that streamed down my face looking at her beautiful little body curled in my arms. I thought about how I knew I'd never...ever love another person in my entire life as much as I loved that little girl. I thought about how much she looked like my mother. I fought back tears again. I missed my mother, I missed her so much. I missed my brothers too, but they were all gone...they had been gone a long time now. It was just me...just me and my baby girl. I took another long sip of my drink. At least my mother wasn't around to witness my shame, at least she didn't have to see me fall apart like I did. At least my family didn't live long enough to see me humiliate myself like I was about to do...at least...at least...at least.

I looked around the bar again. My...'date' was late. They should have been there fifteen minutes ago. I sat up straight and tried to appear casual and unconcerned pushing thoughts of my many losses and failures to the back of my mind. I remembered what Carmelite said to me, something about clients sometimes scoping out their dates from a distance, trying to get a feel for them and if they were what they really wanted. I felt nervous all of a sudden. Could I actually have been watched at that very moment? Was someone in this hotel bar checking me out, studying me, imagining all the things they wanted me to do to them...or them do to me? Did I please them? Were they still interested? Had they taken one look at my cheap dress and shoes and turned around and walked away? Was I going to be left sitting here...alone...not good enough even to spread my legs for a 'John' I didn't even know. My heart began to race, I was terrified. What if all that I was thinking was true? What if I left here with nothing? How would I feed my baby? How would I buy diapers? How would I even feed myself? I took another sip of my drink. I felt so lonely and worthless sitting at the crowed bar in one of the most upscale hotels in all of New York. How could it all have come to this? I didn't have time to dwell on my unpleasant thoughts, I was interrupted by a soft melodious voice.

"Excuse me Miss, is this seat taken?" I turned in my stool to find a very beautiful woman standing next to me.

I was floored for a moment, the woman was breathtaking and immaculate. She wore a white very expensive looking cocktail dress and tall white designer heels. The clutch in her hand looked like the softest of leather, most likely made by some high-end designer. She was youngish looking though still several years older than me...maybe somewhere around thirty-five. She had beautiful dark blond hair pulled back in a classy looking up doo and just enough makeup to compliment the hazel of her stunning eyes. She looked extremely wealthy from the casual poise of her stance and must have been extremely educated by the fluidity of her tone and careful pronunciation of her words. I felt instantly twice as out of place by comparison to this woman. It was she who belonged here, she and not I.

"Ummmm...yeah go ahead." I said motioning toward the empty seat next to me.

The woman smiled and slid easily into the chair crossing her legs and leaning back comfortably. I made no more attempts to speak with her, she made me very uncomfortable. I must have looked like the nothing I was sitting next to that woman. I was even more uncomfortable when I noticed her studying me from the corner of my eye. I took a sip of my drink to steady my nerves.

"Are you here with someone?" The lady asked me politely.

I didn't want to be rude, but I also didn't really want to talk to her. I didn't need any distractions...I had to focus on my...on my 'work'. My date was twenty minutes late now...God I wished they would just hurry up so I could get this over with.

"Ummm..umm no...not yet!" I said staring down at my hands clasping my drink glass. The woman didn't speak for a few more moments, but she never stopped studying me. I began squirming uncomfortably in my seat.

"That's interesting." The woman said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah why is that?" I asked a little bit more snappy and accusing that I had intended. I noticed the woman smile pleasantly from the corner of my eye.

"I imagine a woman as beautiful as you would have a date on a Saturday evening." she said.

I looked over at her incredulously. Was she trying to be funny or something because if she was...she wasn't doing a very good job. Why did she care anyway what I was doing in the bar. Did I really look that out of place?

"Please!" I said rolling my eyes again.

"Have I said something to offend you? If so that certainly wasn't my intention, I only meant to compliment...not offend." The woman stated matter of factly.

I looked over at her again, studying her myself this time. She really was very beautiful. I took in every bit of her feeling a pang of jealousy in my chest. I bet she had a great job or a super rich husband that gave her everything she wanted...or perhaps even both. I had nothing and no one to speak of. I wasn't even worthy of being in such esteemed company. Not only because I was here to meet a client...but because I hadn't even a decent conversation to offer this woman. What could we possibly have in common to talk about?

"No...I'm not offended. I'm...I'm meeting someone later. Or at least I was supposed to. I don't know if they're going to show up!" I said lowering my eyes and turning back to my drink.

I was sad suddenly all over again. I thought of my baby. I didn't even have to money to catch a cab home let alone the money to care for my child. It was getting later and later and my 'date' still hadn't arrived. This was quickly turning into the worst night of my life. I'd come here to sell my body...only to discover my body apparently wasn't worth a dime. My John must have seen me and ran for the hills, I worked hard to keep the tears burning behind my eyes from falling.

"I hardly imagine you being stood up. It would be a very great fool to leave you sitting alone at a bar on a Saturday night." The woman said pleasantly.

I noticed she still hadn't taken her eyes off me. What the hell was this ladies freaking deal?

"What makes you say that?" I asked trying not to roll my eyes.

The woman was starting to irritate me with all her off handed compliments. I couldn't help but think she thought I was some kind of charity case and was trying to get in her good deed for the month by attempting to cheer me up.

The woman only smiled.

"I'm Maura...Maura Isles," The woman said holding out her hand for me to shake.

I looked at her in confusion. So now we were making introductions? I didn't know rich people were so friendly to the lower classes. I hesitated for a moment, not really knowing what to do. But I couldn't be rude right? What if my John was watching.

"I'm...I'm Emily." I lied shaking the woman's hand briefly before pulling away. The woman had a surprisingly strong grip.

"Emily...that's a lovely name." Maura said kindly.

I sighed again sipping my drink heavily.

"Yeah thanks," I said offhandedly. I suddenly felt bad about my poor manners "Ummm. Maura is a pretty name too!" I added hoping I sounded sincere.

"Thank you!" Maura said graciously as if I'd given her the greatest compliment ever.

Gregory showed up then. I was more than grateful to see him. I needed the distraction from the pressure of having to converse with the overly chatty debutante.

"What can I get for the ladies?" Gregory asked smiling between the two of us. His blue eyes sparkled in the dim light of the bar.

"Oh...I shouldn't have anymore." I said looking longingly at my half empty glass.

"Oh...nonsense! It's the weekend you should enjoy yourself!" Maura said brightly next to me.

I frowned a little, "No...I can't! I don't want to be to drunk to...I just can't." I said shaking my head.

"What are you drinking?" Maura asked placing her well manicured hand lightly on my arm.

I shuddered a little under her touch. I caught a whiff of her scent...she smelled sweet, like fruit or something. The smell of her filled my nose and made my head swim with pleasant thoughts of better days, or perhaps that was the alcohol already in my system.

"Ummm...it's a seven and seven." I stated casually.

"Two seven and sevens please sir, on my tab," Maura said to Gregory.

She was polite, very polite to be such a polished flawless lady.

"Maura I really can't have another..." I started to protest

"...please let me buy you a drink. You seem particularly unhappy this evening and it makes me a little sad." Maura said placing her soft gentle hand on my arm again.

Gosh what was this woman's deal for real?

I rolled my eyes again outright, not even trying to hide it.

"Do I really look that bad?" I scoffed.

Maura seemed taken aback a bit by my biting tone.

"No! I told you already you're...you're gorgeous!" Maura said softly pulling her hand away from me.

The skin tingled on my arm where her hand had been.

"Why do you care about me? Why are you talking to me and not someone else more your...your type. Where is your date?" I asked looking the woman in the eyes with an accusing frown on my face.

I was tired of answering all the questions. If this woman wanted to talk so bad, she was going to have to talk about something other than me and how sad I freaking looked.

Maura only smiled. She didn't seem the least bit put off by my accusing questions.

"I care about you because you caught my eye, I'm talking to you and not...someone else, because you seem like the most interesting person in the room, and I don't have a date tonight because I'm here on business. I actually live in Boston." Maura said with a gracious smile.

She seemed almost pleased that I had asked about her.

"Boston?" I asked cocking my head to the side as I studied her a little bit myself.

Maura's face lit up.

"Yes...have you ever been there?" she asked leaning in to hear my answer.

I smiled a little despite myself.

"Actually...actually I was born and raised in Boston!" I said, then I felt my face fall. "That was a long time ago though, I haven't been there in years." I said sadly

"Oh, that's sad. Do you still have family there?" Maura asked me.

She seemed very interested in my story for some reason. I don't know why, I couldn't explain it...but I felt myself opening up to the woman. Maybe it was all the alcohol or maybe I just felt comfortable with her. Either way...words came pouring out of my mouth.

"Ummm, actually...actually I lost my family to a drunk driver five years ago." I said lowering my eyes to my glass again and finishing off its contents in several great gulps.

"Oh my goodness, that's horrible!" Maura said placing her hand on my arm again.

I liked the feeling of her soft skin on mine. I usually hated being touched, physical contact always made me uncomfortable, but there was just something about this woman.

"Yeah its...its cool though...I'm over it!" I lied sighing gratefully when Gregory returned with our drinks.

"Would you ladies like a food menu?" He asked.

"Oh no...I still can't eat, my date might show up and..."

"... Gregory would you mind sending a waiter to my usual table on the balcony? Emily and I will finish our drinks there and place our dinner orders." Maura interrupted me again.

I looked at the woman in stunned disbelief. She sure did have a lot of nerve!

"I can't leave the bar...I'm waiting for someone!" I exclaimed.

I imagined I'd been waiting an hour now already though. I felt my eyes burn and my heart drop when the realization that my date was most likely not coming hit me. What the hell was I going to do?

"You've waited long enough. If your date can't show up on time they don't deserve your time," Maura said standing. She tucked her clutch in the crook of her arm and grabbed her drink.

"Follow me!" She said brightly.

I sighed heavily. Why not right? I might as well join her, at least I could get good and drunk and have a meal before I was forced to face the horror show that was my life.

"Sure," I said grabbing my own drink and standing, "Lead the way."

The balcony wasn't really a balcony. I was a private roof top lounge. There were very few tables up there at all and the one Maura led me to was in the middle of a beautiful hanging garden with millions of soft white rope lights decorating the plants and trees. It was breathtakingly beautiful up there. I could smell the sweet scents of so many flowers as the soft warm early summer breeze blew through the garden. I couldn't stop myself from gasping and trying to look everywhere at once. I didn't want to miss anything. I just felt so calm surrounded by all the twinkling lights and pretty plants. I must have looked like a school girl or something because I caught Maura looking at me and smiling warmly.

"Do you like it?" Maura asked sweetly.

"Ummm, yeah its...WOW!" was all I could manage to say.

Maura's smile widened despite my dismal vocabulary. She took my hand in her own and led me along a winding stone path right into the center of the garden. I didn't even try and pull away from her. I let her hold my hand and lead me, I was far to captivated by the beauty around me to be overly concerned with Maura's unnaturally overly friendly nature. Besides, the woman was buying my alcohol and my dinner, she could hold my damn hand if she wanted too. The table she led me too had already been set and decorated. Two beautiful candles burned in the center and two places had been set. There were like five forks and a bunch of spoons and knives and like eight plates and bowls stacked on top of each other on each side of the table. Everything looked so...so...so upscale and super high class. I became extremely self conscious again. I didn't really know what to do. I usually ate fast food or take out or something. I was lucky if I had a plastic fork to eat with. What the hell were all those dishes for? And what was with all the silverware? I stopped short staring at the table. Maura stopped with me, she never let go of my hand but she did turn to study me.

"What's wrong Emily?" She asked curiously.

I didn't speak for a minute. I was at a loss for words. All my feelings of insecurity and inadequacy were bombarding my mind again. What the hell was I doing up here with this total stranger? Why was she being so kind to me...what the hell did she want with me? I didn't belong up on that rooftop garden, I didn't belong at a table with a million plates and sold silver silverware. I didn't deserve the company of this obviously accomplished, incredibly beautiful, immaculately dressed, heavenly vision of a woman. I was here to meet a John...I was a whore, I wasn't...I wasn't whatever this woman was beside me.

"I...I should go!" I stammered trying to find words to excuse myself from the situation and get the hell back down stairs.

Maybe my John was just running really really late...maybe he would still show up and I could feed my daughter.

"I'd really like it if you stayed Emily." Maura said softly looking at me with sweet sincere eyes.

The candle light did something strange to the color of her eyes, I could see the flames dancing in her bright hazel orbs. I was lost in her gaze for a moment. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

"I...I really shouldn't be here...I'm not supposed to be here..."

"...you're exactly where you're supposed to be," Maura interrupted me yet again.

"Sit down please...please!" Maura's voice was almost pleading.

I don't know why but I sat down. I didn't really have many other options. This at least was better than getting fucked by a total stranger for money. Even still, how would I feed my child.

Maura came up behind me and scooted in my chair. I laughed at the gesture unable to stop myself.

"What's so funny?" Maura asked coming around the table and sitting down herself.

"Nothing it's just...I imagined you more as the type to have your chair scooted in for you and not the other way around." I said chuckling to myself.

Maura only smiled setting down her drink and leaning back in her chair crossing her legs in that casual way again. I noticed her legs were beautiful, her calves were shapely and strong yet still very feminine. She was so pretty.

"I'm full of surprises Emily." Maura said softly folding her hands in her lap.

I smiled myself at the comment.

"I imagine you are." I said sipping my drink for lack of better conversation.

This whole situation was just so odd and out of the blue. I didn't really know what to make of it all. Somehow I felt more comfortable though away from the eyes of other people.

"Are you comfortable?" Maura asked me.

I looked up into her eyes. She was studying me again. Why though?

I thought for a moment before I answered.

"Yes...yes and no." I said softly.

Maura raised an eyebrow.

"Care to elaborate?" she asked.

I thought I saw a grin on her pretty pink lips.

"It's just...why are we up here? Why are you doing all this for me?" I inquired curiously.

Maura laughed.

"I haven't done all that much for you Emily, we're just having dinner. And I prefer to eat away from the rabble of all those other people downstairs. It tends to get a bit bawdy the later the hour becomes and I don't appreciate the advances of certain men." Maura said matter of factly.

"Well...ok but why bring me up here? You don't even know me?"

Maura didn't answer for a while. She just looked at me. Why did she seem so amused?

"I'd like to get to know you, and as I stated before you seemed to be the most interesting person in the room downstairs. It's lonely traveling for business and I wanted some pleasant company." Maura said leaning forward on the table and resting her head in her hand.

"I'm really not all that interesting." I said suddenly becoming self conscious again.

I looked down at my cheap second hand dress and found myself running my hands over my thighs again nervously.

"Somehow I don't think that's true. I'm not in the habit of guessing, but I find myself believing you have quite a story to tell." Maura said.

Her beautiful eyes bored into me.

"Well, ok I guess." I said confused a bit.

"That's not much of a response," Maura remarked.

"I don't know what to say," I said a bit put off.

"Do you miss Boston?" Maura asked pleasantly.

"I...I guess. It's where my family died and I haven't been back there since." I said softly.

Maura was quiet for a while.

"So you left because of what happened to them?"

"No...I left before that. I came to New York to chase a dream. They died driving back from here to celebrate me making the police force."

I didn't know why I was saying all that. I didn't talk about my family to anyone. Well, I actually didn't have many, if any friends to talk to at all. I was sort of a recluse.

"Oh my, are you still in the force?" Maura asked.

"Ummm...no...I sort of fell apart after my family passed. I quit the force and..."I paused batting my lashes furiously. I felt that awful lump in my throat again.

Maura didn't speak. She just looked at me. I didn't dare meet her eyes, I felt bare and stripped down under her gaze.

"Please don't stop," Maura said finally.

Her voice was soft and gentle. I felt a wave of appreciation and admiration for the woman. She seemed genuinely nice and interested in me. She made me feel so comfortable and open, like I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me. Well almost anything. I found myself speaking again despite myself and the pain I was feeling remembering the horrible story of my life.

"I...I sort of spiraled out of control when my family died. They were all I had, I was all alone. It was my fault they got into that accident, my fault they died. If they hadn't come to see me they would never have been on the road, they'd never have been hit by that drunk driver. Worse, they never caught the guy or girl or whoever. The car that hit them was registered as stolen and the driver jumped out and ran anyway into the night. It's just so...anyway I sort of went crazy after that. I partied constantly, drank constantly...I did some other recreational stuff too. I don't really want to talk about all that. I had...I had lots of sex with guys. I somehow thought it made me feel less alone. But I was really lonelier than ever. Then I got pregnant with my baby." I smiled thinking of my daughter.

My smile faded when I remembered I had nothing to bring home to her. I hung my head in shame. I felt so defeated. I was just so tired. I felt the tears burning my eyes again. My baby needed me, I was all she had and I couldn't even get it together enough to whore myself out to feed her. I covered my mouth with my hand forcing back the sobs from overtaking me. I tried with all my might to maintain some control over myself. I didn't want to ruin Maura's dinner. She was being so kind to me, I didn't want her to see me break down.

Maura got up and scooted her chair over to me, right next to me. She sat down and took my hand gently in both of hers. I turned my face away, fighting not to cry. But Maura's touch was so sweet, she was so tender and kind and gentle to me. She was a complete stranger but she had shown me more sincerity and kindness I'd known since I lost my family. I'd prayed for a friend for so long, I'd prayed from the depths of my soul in the darkest of nights for someone, anyone to hold me. How long had I needed a shoulder to cry on, how long had I needed a kind word or a gentle touch. I'd never found one. I'd been all alone. I wrapped myself up in a shell of loneliness, hiding behind my sarcasm and bad attitude to make it easier to deal with my pain. The only gentleness I'd known in five years was from my daughter. And now here was this woman, this woman I didn't even know; she somehow managed to open up a flood gate of emotions I'd locked away for so long.

"You cannot blame yourself for what happened to your family. You weren't driving the car that hit them. It was a horrible, horrible accident. I can't even imagine what that must be like for you. But you absolutely cannot blame yourself, life is just...its cruel sometimes. Character is what is built in the face of great adversity, strength is what you find to over come your challenges, love is felt most keenly after suffering tremendous pain. Most importantly though Emily, children are a blessing." Maura said softly.

Her hands held my own so tenderly.

I choked on a sob. The woman's words were so comforting and precious. But she didn't know me, she didn't know what I'd done, the mistakes I'd made, the regrets I had. She didn't know anything. If she did, I certainly wouldn't be sitting here with her. She wouldn't have wasted a second on me if she only knew.

"I'm not strong, I don't have any character, and no one loves me...just my baby, there is no one else," I began to cry softly. There was no stopping it.

Maura was silent for a moment, but she never let go of my hand.

"I don't believe you Emily, maybe you think that no one loves you, heaven forbid maybe you don't think you deserve to be loved. But you're right, your baby does love you and she's worth fighting for right? Find your strength and character for her sake if you can't do it for yourself." Maura said kindly.

I only cried harder. "I'm trying, I try so hard...but...but I'm such a failure."

"What's her name?" Maura asked.

"Her name is Angela...after my mother!" I felt tears run down my face.

I couldn't stop them. I couldn't stop thinking about my mother. I couldn't stop thinking about my regrets. I couldn't stop thinking all the times I should have told my Ma how much I loved her. But I rarely did...I rarely did. And now she was gone, I'd never get the chance to tell her how much she meant to me ever again. I felt my self double over in my grief.

Strong arms wrapped around me, Maura pulled me into her body and ran her hands over my back. I leaned my head on her shoulder and cried, I cried and cried from the depths of my soul.

I thought I heard a waiter approach and ask a question, Maura sent him away quickly and never released me from her arms.

"Shhhhh...shhhhh sweet heart its going to be ok alright. You can cry. It's ok to cry." Maura whispered into my ear.

She was so sweet. I didn't let myself cry for long though. I managed to pull myself together and broke away from Maura's grasp. I sat back in my chair and wiped my face with the cloth napkin folded like a swan on top of my stack of plates.

"I'm sorry, I must look like such a mess." I said drying my eyes.

"No...you're still quite gorgeous." Maura said squeezing my leg warmly. "Are you alright now?" She asked

"Yeah...I'll be ok."

"Good!" Maura said dragging her chair back to her place at the table and sitting down again.

I took several more long swallows of my drink. There was nothing like a good cry to sober you up.

"So how old is Angela?" Maura asked.

The woman was unrelenting in her questioning of me. I sighed. It was making feel better somehow to talk about everything. I'd spent so long bottling it up that everything was just coming out like a leaky faucet.

"She's...she's one!" I sighed staring down at my hands folded in my lap.

"You must love her very much," Maura said watching me closely.

"She's my everything, but...I'm a terrible mother." I said, one lonely tear ran down my cheek.

"I find that hard to believe."

"I can't support her, I lost my job a few months back and I can't find another one. I don't even have the money to feed her tonight. I was actually here to...to...to..." My voice trailed off.

What the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn't tell this debutante who had shown me so much kindness that she was dining with a whore.

"...To meet up with a date?" Maura finished for me.

"...uhhhh...yeah...actually...no." I said.

"No?" Maura asked

"I was supposed to meet up with a John. It's my first time and...I had no other choice I have to feed my baby!" I looked at Maura now pleading for understanding.

I don't even know why I was telling her at all but...I just needed someone to understand. I needed someone to know, I just needed...I needed to feel like someone out there could hear me and not judge me. Who better to do that than a complete stranger.

"But...my John never showed up...or maybe he did and decided he didn't want me. I'm not exactly dressed nice and I stick out like a sore thumb downstairs." I lowered my eyes again.

I didn't want to see the judgement that was sure to show all over Maura's exquisite face. I felt small enough around the woman and now I'd gone and blabbed my deepest darkest secrets. I felt so hopeless and worthless. What could I have been thinking?

"You're dress is very beautiful," Maura said kindly, "And I don't like to be referred to as a John...it sounds so...unpleasant!"

My eyes shot up in shock. What the fuck did she just say?