I can't believe i forgot to post it, I wrote this month ago :/
So, sex tape.
Yup, sex tape.
And this is a good idea because…
In theory, taping yourselves in the act can bring you closer together as a couple.
Yeah, and in practice, we ruin everything. Somehow.
Don't be so harsh, we took a shower and everything.
Wow, that certainly makes this plan fail-proof. I bet we're gonna come in ten seconds flat. Or snap his neck accidentally. I don't know which is worse.
Shush, we need to concentrate.
Fine, fine.
…
…
Well, this is going well so far.
I guess…
Although this angle isn't very flattering for us.
No angle is flattering for us. We look like a genetic experiment gone wrong.
We are a genetic experiment gone wrong.
Touche.
…
Peter is nervous.
We are nervous too.
Why are we nervous? It was our idea.
I don't know. But we're shaking. Not cool.
Gotta get a grip. Ha. Get it? Grip.
Shut up.
Spoilsports.
…
…
Oh no.
Ugh, gross. I can't watch this.
We have no choice.
Oh shit, we're gonna slip and-
Yup. We slipped. On the lube. And we elbowed Spider-Man. In the eye. And we have it on tape.
Think it's gonna leave a bruise?
Not for long, but still. Poor Peter…
Poor us! He's gonna dump our sorry ass!
He can't, we have him on tape. Naked. Spread out. In cuffs. Panting. Covered in sickening amount of lube. Which we spilled. Should I go on?
Please don't. I said it was a bad idea.
When did we ever have a good idea?
Well there was that one time- Uh, no. It turned out to be a horrible idea.
…
…
Uh-oh… This doesn't look promising…
We're getting dumped. We are so getting dumped.
At this point we should worry more about getting our dick ripped off.
Are you saying we're stuck.
…
Oh my god, we're stuck. We're stuck and we're gonna lose our dick and we're getting dumped. This can't get any worse.
Don't say that! Worse things happen when you say worse things can't happen! That's what worse things do!
I'm sorry! I just can't imagine anything worse than getting stuck in somebody's ass with our limbs bent at impossible angles happening! How is this even possible with all this lube!
Oh god, this isn't good… Can't Peter just break the cuffs and save us? He's the fucking super-hero in this relationship!
Hehe, and we're fucking the super-hero…
Really? Now? Now is a good time for lame jokes?
I PANICKED, OKAY?!
Are we…
Yes! We are no longer stuck! Abort mission! Abort mission!
"SHUT THE HELL UP!"
…
…
"Would you consider trying again if I told you I couldn't concentrate because of the voices in my head?"
…
…
"No."
"Understandable."