Epilogue : The Beginning

"What?" Kurt asked in utter disbelief.

"Kurt," Blaine said in a pleading tone, clearly not wanting to repeat himself. Kurt needed him too though. His head was too deep in a thick, alcohol induced fog to fully register the one off comment. Blaine seemed to realize this quickly and with a deep sigh, he repeated himself. "I was sleeping with Sebastian too."

"B-but that means you're… gay… too?"

"Too?"

"Well, yeah," Kurt answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Hey, I don't know. There are lots of things you could be these days," Blaine said as he raised his hands in the air in surrender. "But yeah. I guess I'm gay too."

"I uh, I… wow," Kurt stuttered, blinking furiously to try and rid him mind of the fog.

"Here," Blaine offered. "I'll go get you some coffee or water, okay. I uh, I should've gotten you some in the first place," he continued in a fluster. "That was dumb. Okay, I'll just, I'll be back."

Kurt didn't realize just how distraught Blaine really was until he was already standing and desperately trying to loosen his bowtie. His cheeks were flushed. There was sweat on his brow. His knees even seemed to quake. Without really thinking, Kurt reached up and gently grabbed his friend's leg to try a steady him. Blaine looked down at him with a start but he saw him take a deep breath and his face relax and return his own small, tentative smile.

"I'm the one who's making a fool of myself," Kurt stated softly in reassurance. "Not to mention being disre- disrespectful."

"No. Don't worry about that," Blaine asked. "You were upset. Anyone who saw will understand and we'll stay out here until I get you sober, okay?"

"Okay," Kurt nodded.

"Now, I'll be right back," Blaine stated with much more composure than before and turned back towards the house.

Alone now, Kurt could truly begin to process what had all unfolded just minutes ago. His head still felt a little light but it wasn't completely gone. Blaine hadn't been spending the night at Rachel's all those years ago. He'd been spending them with Sebastian. He realized there were nights where Blaine would've arrived only minutes after he had left. It somehow made him feel even dirtier about it all. Not that he had ever really felt special to Sebastian, or that he really wanted to, but knowing that he wasn't even the only one who Sebastian had some semblance of a relationship with took what little they did have and discarded it into the abyss of young people having meaningless sex. It made him just one of the masses. And why did it have to be Blaine? If it had anyone else, Blaine would have never known that he had participated in such an act. What must Blaine think of him? It made little difference to Kurt that his own heart was pouring out to his friend who he now knew was grieving just as badly as he was and dealing with the same guilt and fear. He himself didn't think any less of Blaine and although he could logically see that this was a two way street, emotionally, these last few days had drained him of all the good and left him with a black hole of sorts where any sort of feeling was twisted and demented into something dark. Kurt couldn't even see that this revelation may even mean that his long unrequited crush on Blaine that was really so much more, may even be returned.

"So this has all taken an unexpected turn," Blaine said as he returned handing Kurt a mug of coffee and setting a bottle of water down beside him.

"I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"Everything. About lying to you. About not seeing it. I didn't- I didn't want this."

"No, of course not. Kurt, trust me, everyone knows that he wasn't the nicest person. He was manipulative, and selfish, and just rude. And I know better than anyone that there are a lot of things to regret when it comes to him but no one thinks you wanted this to happen. I would've been perfectly happy never seeing him again but not like this."

Kurt nodded along as Blaine talked. He hid his face behind his coffee mug which he eagerly sipped from. The warmth and caffeine were already starting to settle his head and coffee always had a soothing effect on him anyhow. It seemed to help Blaine's words seep into him as well. There was a sincerity to them that Kurt could never have imagined to have such an impact on him but maybe he was so worn down at this point that he was more willing than he thought he'd be to grab hold of anything that came his way. For not the first time in his life, he was extremely glad it was Blaine who had reached out that hand first.

"I didn't want any of it. Not really," he said quietly from behind his mug. Almost testing to see if Blaine would continue to be this understanding. His friend looked back at him with open and receptive eyes and so with a deep breath he continued. "He was just sorta there and sometimes it felt like he was it, you know? Like there'd never be anyone else."

"Yup," Blaine agreed. "Like you were dependent on him."

"What a guy to be dependent upon."

"Seems like he was nice to his sister."

"Yeah, I bet that threw people. It kinda makes it worse though. It gives him a heart and someone to truly miss him and mourn him. Losing someone that close and important to you," he said with a shake of his head, thinking again of his mother's passing, "it's devastating. And then not to mention him. Like he must have known how much he meant to her and so being in such a place where this was the better option? He must've really been hurting. I don't think I've ever been truly happy with this arrangement but I've never been there."

"No. Me, neither."

"Why? Why did we survive this?"

"I don't know, Kurt. But that's just one of those questions, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Kurt said with a deflated sigh. It was like his mother all over again, that all-consuming need to know why and complete inability to ever figure it out.

"I know. It's just not satisfying."

"Although knowing that there might've been something we could've said or done might be worse."

"Kurt. Look at me," Blaine commanded softly. He didn't continue until Kurt turned away from the lake and looked up from his mug. "There's nothing you or I or anyone else could've done. Nothing. This isn't your fault. Just because you knew, does not make this your fault. It isn't anyone's fault. I know that sinking feeling of guilt. It's weighed me down since I picked up that phone but you can't let it pull you under."

"I know," Kurt nodded. "I know."

"He was already so twisted. We did not make him that way and he never reached out for help or gave us an opening to really see it."

"Twisted?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know. It was something he said to me once. I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies or just something other than… you know. He just laughed at me and told me that I basically amounted to being sex on a stick and so I should just stay with what I was good at. And I know that it's not true-"

"It's not. Not at all," Kurt interrupted. "That's awful."

Blaine smiled lightly in return before continuing. "Yeah, and that's the thing. Like my mind would never think to say that to someone else but if you already think that about yourself, putting it on someone else is probably easier. It's like a disease but just because you know it's there, doesn't mean you can cure it. And searching for that cure now, will only lead us down that same path of destruction."

"What do you suggest we do then," Kurt humored while finishing his coffee.

"Well it seems that his sister was the only one who really knew him. We saw his tormented side, everyone else saw the mask, but she got to see the life that should have been and so I think we should honour her words," Blaine responded, handing him the bottle of water.

"How did you get so smart about all this?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah," Kurt answered, now even more curious.

"I just paid attention after your mom passed. I remember wanting to go over to your house to play and make sure you were okay but sometimes I was scared because I didn't really know what to say or do. When I got there though, I remember your dad would try to make us hot chocolate but he would do it your mom's way, on the stove, instead of in the microwave like he used to and I remember that for like a year, all you wanted to watch was The Sound of Music because it was her favorite. You even had her perfume bottle turned into a Christmas tree ornament. You two were just trying to keep the best things about her alive and so today. She was like a mother to me too and so when I come home late from work and you're standing at the stove stirring the hot chocolate slowly, it always makes me smile and think about when we were little and she would fuss over us. She always made me feel at home at your place and it just brigs back all that love and warmth. I don't know. That all sounds really cheesy but I think it helps," Blaine finished.

"It's not cheesy," Kurt stated, looking at his friend in awe. His mother would always be the most important person in his life and hearing Blaine speak of her in such high regard was one of the most wonderful, overwhelming feelings. "It's incredibly sweet. I had no idea you cared that much."

Blaine simply shrugged but the flush the crawled up his cheeks gave him away. That flush was like so many others Kurt had seen over the years and although they always brought forth that question in Kurt's head, he had promptly brushed it away. Today was going to be different though. He had grounds to pursue it now and in a way, that question had been draining him for all these years and now, whether he get a yes or a no, he would be able to find solace in the finality of the answer. He just needed to figure out how to ask it.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Kurt asked.

Blaine just looked at him for a moment. He seemed to be gaging how exactly to answer, weighing the consequences of the truth and the lie. "I thought about it," Blaine began after taking a steadying breath. "A lot actually. But, I was just afraid of your reaction. You just always got so much flack at school about it that I thought you might be mad or something that, you know, I was kinda getting by scott free and yet I was the one who was actually gay. Or I thought you might not want to hang out with me because it could make it worse. I don't know. And then in college, there was the whole Sebastian thing that I was mortified of and it just seemed like it had been too long that it would've seemed like I had been lying and I didn't want you to be mad at me."

"Didn't it ever cross your mind that I might be gay too? Especially in high school."

"Yes," Blaine laughed, looking back out at the lake. "God with the clothes and the musicals, it was hard not to but you never brought it up and I didn't want to turn into all of jocks at school and start accusing you or stereotyping."

"Well, that was very noble of you," Kurt said with a smile. "I-I uh, knew there was a reason I thought of you as my knight in shining armour," he said with flushed cheeks, biting his lip in anticipation for Blaine's response. He didn't think he could make it more obvious without just coming out and telling Blaine he was in love with him which was something he really did not want to do.

"Kurt," was all Blaine said as he turned back to look at him, his golden eyes a striking sight of both soft and intense at the same time. The true tell though was the way they flicked down to where Kurt's teeth were dug into his bottom lip.

Kurt's own eyes flicked down to Blaine's lips when his tongue darted out and swept over the plump, pink skin. When he met Blaine's eyes again they seemed to be asking the question he had been trying to get out and his body had tensed as if he was just waiting an affirmative answer. Kurt gave him a slight, almost reflexive nod and as he saw Blaine lean in, he let his eyes slip closed and let Blaine bring their lips together in a kiss he had waited his entire life for.

It was soft and sweet and Kurt's heart fluttered at the way Blaine's nose brushed lightly against his. He could feel the light stubble on Blaine's cheek as he caressed it with his thumb and just the warmth of his body which was so close. There was almost too much to process but the overwhelming quality was one of joy and so Kurt was happy to drown in it and just let it happen. Even as he felt himself running out of air he kept his lips on Blaine's preferring the life they gave to him over that of oxygen.

Blaine was eventually the one to part them but even he remained close as he spoke, resting his forehead against Kurt's. "We should get back. Pay our respects."

"I thought we were," Kurt responded breathlessly, eagerly accepting Blaine's lips again as the other boy leaned in again, this time with his entire body, pushing Kurt back into the sand and crawling on top him.

A/N: And there you have it! I will admit that this isn't my favorite ending but I feel like there wasn't a real good way the wrap this up b/c obviously this is going to be something that both of them will be dealing with for a long time to come. And like I said I kinda wanted to leave it with ch 5. But anyways, for the handful of people that were actually reading this, I really, really hope you liked it. I really enjoyed writing it and I think I learned the most from writing this than any of my other stuff. Let me know what you thought!
-Katie