Enjolras sat on a bench overlooking the ocean. Why couldn't he just have let things alone? Why did he have to ask? Why did he have to screw it all up? Why did he have to love her so much? Why hadn't he told her so when he'd had the chance? Why had he been such an idiotic dipshit? He sighed. Why had he been such a coward?

Flashback

Sometimes some things were so painfully obvious you didn't even realize them until suddenly you did and then you wondered how on earth you never realized them before. Enjolras was having one of those moments. He was washing the dishes at Eponine's place. Their friends had been over for a dinner party celebrating Cosette's birthday. At some point in the night, someone (probably himself) had brought up some new legislation and during a lively discussion where they were all exchanging views and the like, Eponine and Enjolras had started a rather heated debate. They were still arguing it now as they cleaned the kitchen and at the same time Enjolras realized he was losing the argument he realized something else.

He really loved this girl. He loved how passionate she was, how intelligent and witty she was, how determined she was. She was brilliant and amazing and it just hit him that he was completely content to spend the rest of his life with her having political arguments while washing the dishes. Her voice took him from his thoughts. "C'mon, Enj," she was saying. "You can argue any which way you like and I'll still win this. Admit it."

"I love you," he blurted out instead.

She raised her eyebrows, a little taken aback by his sudden declaration. "Are you trying to distract me from this? Because it's not going to work," she laughed.

"No, Eponine," he turned from the sink, taking her face in his hands, despite the fact that they were dripping wet. "I love you," he repeated, solemnly.

She frowned, a little confused. "Ok? I love you, too. Are you telling me this for a reason? It's a little bit random," she said. Not that she minded, she just wondered what had brought on this odd bout of affection. She didn't have time to wonder long though for he was suddenly kissing her for all he was worth. After a moment's surprise, she responded with equal passion. The kitchen did not get finished that night.

The next day on his way to work, Enjolras was still basking in the feeling of being young and madly in love. As he drove, his thoughts were almost exclusively made up of Eponine. He loved her so much. He just wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and – his happy thoughts screeched to a halt. The rest of his life with her. The rest of his life. In all human probability that would be a pretty long time. Not that that was what scared him. No. What scared him was that she might think it was a pretty long time, too. Maybe too long. What if she – ? He gulped, not wanting to finish the question. But he needed to know the answer. He had to find out. He was scared to ask though but the not knowing would kill him.

By the time he pulled into the parking lot, his thoughts were a swirling mess of nerves. He tried to take a few calming breaths but that didn't help. He had a big presentation today. He needed to focus. He remembered his old college tactic of dealing with nerves and stress. Just put it all into something else. He nodded to himself. Work was what he needed to focus on. The other thing could be put aside for a few hours. Just until he got through this work day. He'd think about it all later.

Enjolras continued to mentally berate himself as he sat on the bench. Well, at least he'd finally found out. She didn't love him. Couldn't love him. He cringed. What was he supposed to do now? He hadn't really had any plans not involving Eponine. One thing was certain. He couldn't stay in California. It would be too painful. He'd have to start looking for work elsewhere. Back in New York maybe, although that still had all the bittersweet memories of her too. Maybe he'd just travel for a bit. Seeing new places might refresh him. What if he just became a listless degenerate drunk like Grantaire? Well, except without the drunk part. He'd never been fond of drinking. Maybe he'd just become a social recluse, like an old cat lady. Well, except without the cat part because he didn't like them. And without the lady part obviously. What the hell was he even thinking about? He was going crazy. Did heartbreak do that to people? Make them go crazy. Like just now, he thought he'd heard Eponine calling him. But that was ridiculous. She was probably shut up in her room avoiding him. Tomorrow would certainly be awkward as hell. Oh, there it was again. He swore it sounded just like her. Maybe he really was going crazy. "Enjolras!" Ok, no wait, it was definitely getting closer. "Enjolras!" He turned around on and saw her running up the path towards him.

She halted by the bench, panting slightly. Her hair had slipped out of its fancy up-do and hung in loose curls down her back. She was still in her formal dress. He gaped at her, trying to get his brain to formulate something to say other than how beautiful she looked. "Hi," he managed to get out.

"Hi," she gasped, still short of breath.

"Um, what are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I, uh, just had to tell you that back there. In the hotel. What I said. Complete bullshit," she paused and finally managed to catch her breath. "What I said, well,I didn't really mean it. I was just afraid that if we started anything again then we'd make the same mistakes again and I would lose you again and I couldn't do that. Basically, I was too much of a coward to say yes and – "

"Eponine, stop," he had finally found his voice. "Don't say that."

"Say what?"

"That you're a coward. You're not. I am. Ok? I'm the one who couldn't man up and admit how much I loved you. I was the one who was too scared to take the risk and just kept putting it off."

"What – what are you talking about?" Eponine frowned.

Enjolras blinked rapidly, seeming to hesitate but he sighed heavily and started talking again. "Eponine, some months ago, before this whole catastrophe happened, I had this sudden…epiphany, I guess. I realized that I loved you. I mean, I always thought I loved you but suddenly I knew it. Like I realized just how much I loved you. And I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I just was too scared to find out if you felt the same way and kept meaning to do it and knew I had to do it I just was too scared. I hid behind my work, thought it could be some sort of stress reliever. But then when you told me about applying to a job in California it hit home that I had to just man up and do it and forget about the what ifs but by that time it was too late."

"Too late?" Eponine echoed. "To do what? What are you talking about?"

He turned and looked out across the ocean. "The night you left, the night of your birthday, well, I was…I was," Enjolras took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "I was going to propose to you." He heard her gasp but he pressed on, talking faster and faster like he couldn't stop. "I'm serious. You are the most incredible person I've met. Your passion and your brilliance inspire me. You have supported me in everything, even when I've been an absolute jerk. I don't care how cheesy or cliché or whatever this sounds. It's the truth. You make me a better person. And I didn't know how much a part of my life you were until you weren't." He turned to look at her again.

She was staring at him, her face a palette of emotions, each one fighting for dominance. Anger won out in the end. Anger tinged with hurt. "Do you mean to tell me that the reason you ignored me and paid zero attention to anything going on around you was because you wanted to fucking marry me?! Do you understand how absolutely and incredibly stupid that is? I cannot believe you. You really are an asshole!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry," he said, for what felt like the millionth time. "I screwed up."

"Damn right you did, buddy. Do you know what misery I was in because of you? See, the whole time you were hiding behind your work I thought that the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with didn't give a rat's ass about me."

Enjolras winced. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "If I could go back and change it all I would. I would do anything to fix this. But I feel like everything I try just crashes and burns. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm completely lost. I keep trying to find the way but every time I try I just end up screwing up even more. It's like this endless circle of failure." His voice broke with emotion. "I don't know how to fix this but I can't stop until I do."

Eponine's anger dissolved, her expression turning to something softer, sadder. She reached out, gently touching his arm. He didn't turn to look at her. "Hey," she said, softly. "Hey, look at me." His eyes flicked towards her, making contact for a second but then he looked away again. She could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to fall. "Enjolras, you wanna know why I fell in love with you?" He didn't say anything so she continued. "It's because you have passion. You have this determination and this intensity that I've never seen in anyone before. And when you truly believe in something, you never ever give up on it. You can be stubborn as hell but it's what first made me fall in love with you." She moved so that she was cupping his chin, forcing him to look at her. "And it's why I never stopped."

He frowned, a small hint of hope coming into his eyes. "Never stopped?"

She nodded. "When I broke up with you, I thought I hated you. I realized I didn't and that the reason I was so hurt was because I loved you so much. And then you came to California. Like some damn chick-flick fairy tale prince, you followed me. You did everything in your power to fix things between us and it worked because I forgave you, whether I wanted to or not. Every thing you did reminded me why I had first fallen for you. It took me a while but I realized that I had actually never stopped loving you. I was just too scared to admit it."

"So…you're saying…you…" he trailed off, not daring to finish.

"Yes. Yes, that's what I'm saying," she smiled. "I didn't come running out here after you for nothing."

He let out a breathy laugh, trying to blink away tears. "I – I don't know – I can't – I ," he stammered, trying to string together a sentence.

"Speech doesn't seem to be your strong point right now," she commented, dryly. He shook his head, hopelessly. "Maybe try sign language or something," she teased. He laughed, stepping near her and pulling her into a kiss. Her arms automatically came up around his neck and his own wrapped tightly around her like he didn't dare let go. They stayed like that, their worlds contracted to exist of nothing more than each other. They finally broke apart, his forehead resting on hers. They were both grinning. "Damn sexiest sign language I've ever seen," she whispered. He chuckled, leaning back down and claiming her lips.

"Hey," he broke away.

"What?" she murmured.

"Does this mean I'm not an asshole anymore?" he asked. She arched an eyebrow and shook her head. "Yeah, but I found a way to fix things."

"Yeah, but you got lost plenty enough times to still be an asshole," she said. "You're just a smart one, I guess."

He shook his head, sighing dramatically. "There's just no pleasing some people."

She rolled her eyes and rose up on tiptoe to kiss him quickly. "Hey Enj."

"Yeah?"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I love you."

He smiled. "I love you, too."

A/N: HEY! Sorry this took so long but Thanksgiving and then finals and eeek it was all crazy. Plus I rewrote this a million times cuz I really wanted to get it right so hopefully I did. We're nearing the finish line. Just a few more chapters. Let me know what y'alls think. Stay wonderful (and warm)! And in case I don't post another chapter before...MERRY CHRISTMAS!