I don't own "1999" by Prince or "Fire it Up" by Busta Rhymes.

I own nothing.

The Borgias S3E9

Borgianachronistics-New Perspective, Different Day

Rome.

Micheletto, devastated by the betrayal of his fine boy-toy, says goodbye the only way he knows how.

"Oh, you shouldn't have," says Pascal, touched by the word scrawled in chalk on the wooden planks at his feet.

"That message is not for you, boy," Micheletto tells him quietly.

"Oh," says Pascal, crestfallen.

Micheletto takes a knife and cuts deep slits along the length the veins in both of Pascal's arms; Pascal holds his arms up and anoints Micheletto as the drops fall over his eyes; he holds the dying man lovingly in his arms.

"Tears of blood..." moans Pascal.

"Yes."

"You've killed so many," Pascal says as his life ebbs away.

"But none like you, boy," Micheletto manages.

"This scene...should have so been in the...last episode..." Pascal says with his last breath.

Micheletto can only nod his agreement through his own tears.

Naples. Festival of Bacchus.

Lucrezia works the hell out of her confinement and parties with her captor, King Frederigo.

"Fifteen-Hundred, Zero-Zero! Party over—oops! Outta Time!" sings the King as everyone joins in, "so tonight we're gonna party like it's 1499!"

"Isn't it actually 1501?" asks one confused whore of another.

"No, I thought it was 1492..." replies her friend, who is happily sandwiched between a nobleman and a cardinal.

"No, that was Season One—get your head out of your ass, already," says yet another as she stealthily taints the wine in the main cask with the sleeping potion given to Lucrezia from the forest witch; she looks over at Lucrezia when the deed is done and both women smile at each other.

"Her head is not up her ass—it's up mine," laughs the cardinal as he directs his whore's attention back to task.

"Have some more wine, Cardinal," says the whore at the cask as she hands him a fresh goblet.

Later that night Lucrezia escapes with her family in tow.

Rome.

Cesare goes to Micheletto's lair and finds the dead spy. He looks at his new posse, the Sons of Rome, knowing that Micheletto cannot be replaced and disgustedly tells them as much. They grumble collectively but dare not say anything as they follow Cesare out.

The Vatican.

Rodrigo and Vannozza meet and talk about how much they miss the kids.

Road back to Rome.

Cesare and Lucrezia cross paths in the night as he heads for Naples and her carriage screeches to halt en route to Rome. They run to each other and enjoy a happy reunion that quickly turns into a total "Get-A-Room-Already" moment right in front of her husband, Prospero Colonna and Vitelezzo Vitelli. Alfonso watches them stupidly from atop his horse, trying to deny what he's seeing. Prospero Colonna viciously begins to call time.

"Five minutes..."

Alfonso shoots daggers at the man with his eyes, visible even in the dark.

"Ten minutes..."

"Damn!" exclaims Vitelli.

"Enough," hisses Alfonso at them.

"Don't tell us—tell them," Colonna shoots back at him.

The Vatican.

Rodrigo and Mattai the Hebrew cement their tax-exemption deal and hatch the gunpowder plot—to buy up all the sulfur and confound-and control-the warring factions; then Rodrigo tells Mattai to look less Jewish—only for the sake of safety.

"There's a woman—Australian, real bitchy—but she works miracles with her scissors," Rodrigo tells him as he fluffs the man's hair and assesses the improvements that can be made. Mattai leaves and stops at a little shop on the way home—because living tax-free is totally worth a little Fantastic Sam's chair-time.

Lucrezia is home and feeling out of sorts but Cesare cheers her up and makes her laugh.

"The baby is going to need a bigger cot, my love. Giovanni, too," he whispers sweetly in her ear.

Alfonso watches them with jealous, suspicious eyes. Cesare leaves and when Lucrezia comes to him he asks her what was so fucking funny.

"Nothing, my love. It's just that you make me smile."

"Really? What about me makes you smile?"

"Uh...you're the light of my life! Yeah, that's it."

"You expect me to believe that, do you?"

"Till death do us part, dude." She gives him a look.

Alfonso finds that he is less than comforted by her easy words; he gets in the bed and weeps softly to himself.

The sulfur mine at Solfatara Caldera.

Mattai buys all the sulfur.

Orsini Palace.

Cesare and Lucrezia have a moment alone as he shows her the new hiding place for her and her family—Orsini Palace.

"I will have you safe—and where I can come make love to you when I please, away from prying eyes."

"And what of my husband?"

"Fuck him."

"But I don't want to..."

"Of course, you don't, that's not what I mean."

"But you said..."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm tired, Cesare...on the way here all I could think about was you—now we're together and my body burns for yours..."

"As does mine, my love..."

"Yeah, about that..."

"What?"

"You're burning body..."

"What?"

"You have been to the doctor, yes?" she asks him with a concerned tone.

"Lucrezia! You've been watching the other 'Borgia' show, haven't you?"

"I had to do something on the ride back..." she says in her defense.

"Please keep it straight—nowhere in our script have the words 'French Disease' ever been written—damn it!"

"I'm sorry, please forgive me. I'm also worried about Alfonso—what if he rides back to Naples?"

"I'll spank him and put him in the corner," he assures her as he nuzzles her nose with his own.

"He could be trouble, Cesare—cause a scandal—if he implies that we often hug way too long, occasionally fall on top of each other joined at the tongue and, you know, make love."

"We're family, we love each other," he says to her before they join tongues; "we're Spanish," he says after their lips part; "we show our affection," he undoes his trousers, turns her away from him and lifts her skirt. "Where's the scandal?" he asks after he's bent her over and sinks his steel into her.

The Vatican.

Unknown to Cesare, Mattai the Hebrew has secured the gunpowder safely in a warehouse for Pope Alexander. When he goes to his father with his concerns about Caterina he doesn't understand why his father doesn't give a flying fuck.

"Father, why don't you give a flying fuck about this wretched situation? Caterina has gone full-tilt boogie."

"Cesare, don't worry," says Rodrigo as he sits in bed reading a book.

"Don't worry? Let me at least survey the army and our munitions?"

"Sure, go ahead," Rodrigo suppresses a chuckle.

Forli Castle.

Rufio informs Caterina of the gunpowder shortage. "It must be Cesare Borgia, my lady."

"Cesare is not that smart," she tells him with smug confidence.

Rome.

The Vatican.

Cesare learns of the gunpowder shortage from Vitelli and Colonna. "It must be Caterina Sforza, my Lord," says Vitelli.

"Caterina is not that smart." Cesare sends Prospero Colonna out to spy.

Orsini Palace.

That same night Lucrezia meets her new landlord.

That next day...

Lucrezia goes grocery shopping...

Vatican City.

Colonna follows the trail of the golden gunpowder through the streets of Rome...

Cesare surveys his troops and arms and finds Alfonso at sword practice. Alfonso accuses Cesare of being all up in his marriage bed, as rumors imply, even though secretly it's a threesome he wouldn't really mind being a part of. Cesare has a sword fight with Alfonso and beats his hairy ass, then has some soldiers cart a bigger cot into the room. "You're not in the bed at all—tell everyone that, bitch," Cesare says as he marches away from the crying lad.

That night Prospero Colonna finds the warehouse where the sulfur is being stored; Mattai the Hebrew finds his spying ass and tells him to bug the fuck off. Prospero accuses him of being Hebrew; Mattai denies it.

"Am not."

"Are, too...the script, dude—your name is 'Mattai the Hebrew'."

"Do you see my hair? This hot, neatly trimmed beard? I mean, check my shit, man," Mattai holds his arms out and does a cool little 360 then slams the door in Colonna's face.

Colonna goes to Baglioni, then, and suggests betraying Cesare, to which Baglioni replies, "Ixnay, dude—I love my life more than I hate Borgia."

The home of Vannozza dei Cattanei.

Lucrezia visits with her mother and they talk. "The shit is about to hit the fan, mother, and I want to get the fuck out of here."

"Calm yourself, daughter, you're a Borgia—whenever you find yourself near a fan, simply sit behind it."

Near the Gates of Rome.

Later that night Prospero is betrayed to Cesare; he tries to flee and is cornered in the warehouse where the angry Spaniard proceeds to grill him about who owns the sulfur.

"Sforza...Caterina Sforza," Colonna pulls her name desperately out of his ass; Cesare hits him with logic.

"Why would she store her shit in Rome, dude? Who owns it, Colonna?" he demands roughly, "Naples? France? Who?" Mattai makes himself known.

"I brought it here—I know who owns the sulfur."

Cesare looks back at the frightened Roman with no mercy in his eyes; he pushes Colonna out of the warehouse—but not before he rolls his ass generously in a pile of gunpowder then takes a torch from a nearby wall.

"You can't do this..." Baglioni tells Cesare.

"Anyone that doesn't want to see this—feel free to leave," Cesare tells them coldly. Baglioni walks away; the others stay while Colonna is subdued, awaiting his fate—Cesare lights the man on fire. They all watch as Colonna runs away, screaming in agony. "Go home now—and let this be a lesson to anyone who would dare to betray me," says Cesare to the rest before he turns and walks away, singing to music that has just started to play from out of nowhere; Cesare's curly locks begin to bounce and sway in time to the music; he throws his hands up then does a sexy little, subdued and too-cool-for-school Dougie as he dances over to Mattai, who has watched the whole ordeal in stunned awe.

"What ya'll wanna do
Don't you know we always coming through
Me and my crew
Lemme hear you say fire it up..."

He pivots around in time to the music and looks at them...

"Fire it up!" they return in chorus to him. The only one not singing is Vitelezzo Vitelli, who realizes suddenly that he and Colonna share the unfortunate experience of having witnessed Cesare and Lucrezia being more than familial on the road home that fateful night. He quickly joins in the song as Cesare casts a long knowing gaze at him.

"Say fire it up..."

"Fire it up!"

The other Sons of Rome sing and dance spiritedly as they go, and their voices soon fade away in the distance.

"Now that's an act that should go on the road!" says Mattai with an impressed nod of his head.

The music stops and Cesare with it; he looks Mattai dead in his eyes and replies soberly, "Oh, I promise you—it is."

Mattai gulps loudly. "Uh, there's a man you need to meet, Cesare." the Hebrew informs him of the strategy behind the plot but does not reveal a name.

"Take me to him," Cesare commands him.

A/N: As for the stunning end of this episode, I could never do it justice—for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, well...you just have to see for yourself.